...And Then, I Met Her Mother

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Maybe because it was Halloween night that the mood was so uncomfortable. Maybe a full moon may have explained some of the strained feelings that we had between my future mother-in-law and her future son-in-law, but there wasn't a full moon. Maybe because the lights were turned down low for an eerie atmosphere for the trick or treaters that still came to the front door, but I had to look hard at Edna's face to discern if she was wearing a mask. I was frightened to see that she wasn't. Who was she to talk, when that was her real face, big nose, crooked mouth, bad teeth, and moles and all?

How could a woman so short, so overweight, so butt ugly, and so opposite in physical appearance, have a daughter that looked like Jayne? That was as much a mystery to me as why Jayne would want to be with me in the first place. Hopefully, maybe Jayne got her DNA from her deceased Dad, Theodore, but I discounted that, when I saw his photo hanging on the wall. He was a hairy, little man that resembled the elf, Dobby, from Harry Potter.

God help me. After meeting her Mom and seeing her Dad's photo, it suddenly occurred to me that maybe Jayne is the one hoping to better the DNA of her children by hooking up with someone like me. Suddenly, I somehow felt taller and better looking, especially when standing next to Edna.

Maybe her good looks skipped a generation and her grandparents were the ones responsible for her beauty, but I discounted that, too, when Jayne showed me family photos of her grandparents. Monstrous looking people, I said a silent pray for Saint Michael to protect me, while in her house and looking at her family photos. What was I getting myself into here with this strange family that now reminded me of the Addams family?

Looking from her mother to my fiancée, I wondered if Jayne had work done. Her mother had long, stringy, mousey brown hair that was nothing like her daughter's long, lush blonde hair. Having already had sex with Jayne, I knew she was a natural blonde. Maybe Jayne was wearing hair extensions, but having put my fingers through her hair enough times, while she was sucking my cock, I'd know if she had hair extensions. She didn't.

With her mother's big honk of a nose, wrinkled brow, bad skin, and a protruding chin that rivaled the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz, maybe Jayne had a few plastic surgery procedures. Perhaps, she had a nose job, Botox injections, a tummy tuck, or cheek and chin implants. Yet, after seeing all of her childhood photos, she looks the same now, as she looked than, only taller, shapelier, and more beautiful.

Shorter and more rotund, her mother, Edna, looked how Rosanne Barr used to look, only worse, and with a touch of Phyllis Diller and Ruth Buzzi thrown in the mix, along with a extra big dash of Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Oh, my God, Edna was as homely as Jayne was beautiful. With a face only a mother could love and a body only admired by a pig farmer, sharing Edna's concern, I was suddenly worried what our future children would look like her, too.

Would they look like Edna or would they look like Jayne? Should I take the chance and roll the dice to spend my life with Jayne knowing one day, when I wake up beside her in bed that she'll (gulp) look like her mother? God help me. Or her father? God help me. No! For the sake of my children, for the sake of my future generations, and for the sake of me, I had to somehow preserve my ancestral line by not taking a step backwards to the Neanderthal evolutionary stage.

Never considering myself much of a gambler or one known to throw caution to the wind, I decided to break off our engagement right then and there. Just as how I'm so proud now to be seen with my beautiful and shapely girlfriend, I'd be so embarrassed for anyone to see me with those monster babies that I'd, no doubt, have with Jayne. Children that should not be allowed out of the attic, the closet, or the basement, I imagined having to cage them up like wild animals for fear that they'd kill someone and eat their dead bodies.

With twins running on both sides of our families, after Edna showed me photos of her twin sons, Dwayne and Wayne, men who grew up to be even homelier than their baby photos and more horrible looking than her and Theodore combined, I pictured myself pushing a baby carriage with babies that were a cross between Edna, Theodore, Dwayne, and Wayne. God help me. Rather than go down that nightmarish road of having monstrous children, even if my sexy woman is an eleven on a scale of ten, I decided to end our engagement.

"The wedding is off!"

Being the insensitive, shallow man that I am and, no doubt, always will be, I didn't have the guts to tell Jayne how I felt in person about meeting her family and the reason why I was calling off the engagement. Instead, I asked her for her engagement ring back, a quarter carat rock that I saved for nearly a year to buy, on the pretense that I wanted to have it engraved. Then, when she called and texted me, I didn't return her phone calls, texts, and/or her ring.

"I don't understand, Charlie? Why aren't you returning my calls. I thought you loved me."

The message she left on my home phone made me feel bad, but not bad enough to return her call and give her an explanation, and certainly not bad enough to give her back her engagement ring and get back with her. We were done. After meeting her mother, there was just no way that I wanted Edna in my life, even if it meant breaking up with her daughter. I had to think of my future children.

A doomed venture in genetics, the impending marriage was off. As a couple, after meeting her mother, our life together was over, before it even began. Now, no doubt because of her freakish family, I knew why Jayne, as strikingly beautiful as she was, wasn't married.

Searching back on the Internet, it didn't take me long to find a new girlfriend, Rosemary, a sweet girl, but not as beautiful as Jayne. No one is as beautiful as Jayne. Yet, Rosemary has a good personality, a nice smile, and she can cook, where Jayne never learned how to cook for fear of breaking her nails.

Yet, even when I was with Rosemary in bed, I couldn't help myself from thinking of Jayne. Where Jayne was shapely, Rosemary was a bit stocky. Where Jayne was beautiful, Rosemary was, at best, average. Yet, my life turned for the better, when I met Rosemary's mother, Julie. It was then and there that I knew I had made the right decision to dump Jayne in favor of Rosemary.

"Oh, my God! Her mother was so very beautiful. What an absolute MILF!"

Rosemary's mother, a doctor, was as tall as Rosemary was short. She was as shapely as Rosemary was chubby. A cross between having the body of Angie Dickerson and the face of Katherine Zeta Jones, if Rosemary turned out to look anything like her mother later in life, I'd be a lucky and happy man. Then, when I met her father, Hank, a scientist, who looked like a carbon copy of Robert Redford in his prime, I was assured I had made the right decision. More importantly, I could only imagine the beautiful children we'd have. I could see our children being models, movie stars, and/or brain surgeons.

As fate has a way of spoiling my happiness, just when I thought my world was complete and perfect, I ran into Jayne flashing a two carat engagement ring, along with her new man. As tall as she was, he had shoulders wider than two of me. With a big smile as engaging as was his positive personality, he made me want to be his friend.

"Hi, Jayne," I said. "How are you?"

"Happy," she said coldly with a stare that made me feel as if I was floating on an iceberg.

"This is Rosemary, my fiancée," I said turning to look at Rosemary. When seeing the two women together, as if seeing Rosemary for the first time, she sure was no Jayne. Oh, my God, for the sake of my perceived children, I hope I hadn't made a terrible mistake.

Jayne gave her a look and I knew what she was thinking, without her verbalizing it. Why be with her, when you were with someone like me? Why have fatty hamburger, when you could have had tender filet mignon? Why have fried, dried out fish, when you could have feasted on succulent lobster for the rest of your life?

Difficult to stay positive at a time like this, difficult to know if I had made the right decision in cutting Jayne lose and setting her free in exchange for Rosemary, I felt better when I imagine a brood of children, as good looking and as intelligent as Rosemary's mother, Julie, and father, Hank.

"Why? Just answer me that, Charlie," she said. "I deserve to know why you called off our engagement."

"It wasn't you, Jayne," I said feeling so much like the cad that I was.

Only, I had to think of my future children. The decision that I had made now would affect generations later. A selfless act on my part to give up my dream, sexual fantasy woman for the sake of my children's children, for once, being so smart and selfless, I felt good about myself.

"What was it then? Why, Charlie? Why did you breakup with me? I don't understand. I thought you loved me."

"I did love you, Jayne," and still do, I wanted to say, after seeing her again and seeing how truly beautiful she is. "I assure you that it wasn't you."

"If it wasn't me, why then? I don't understand, Charlie."

"After I met your mother, saw a photo of your father, then saw photos of your identical twin brothers, Dwayne and Wayne, and more photos of your grandparents, well, I could only imagined our children looking like a mutated combination of Edna, Theodore, Dwayne, and Wayne. I'm sorry, Jayne, I really am, but I had to think of my children and my children's children. Knowing how it feels going through life looking like me, I couldn't bear having my children face the same fate, only worse, looking like your family."

Because she was so damn beautiful and because I still had strong feelings of love and sexual desire for her, unable to look at her, I looked away from her and looked down at my feet.

"I'm adopted, you moron," she said walking away.

Adopted? Adopted? Adopted! The word echoed through my mind endlessly. Feeling much like the fool that I was, I wish I had thought that she may have been adopted. Duh! How could I not have thought that she was adopted. I am a moron.

As if I was suddenly thrown in a tunnel at high speed, my vision narrowed. As if I was recklessly driving drunk at high speed in a car that didn't have an airbag, a seatbelt, or brakes, I was out of control and out of my mind. I watched my supermodel ex-girlfriend, the women I so loved, wanted, and desired leave for the sake of our children. Had I not found Rosemary, the hope for carbon copy of her mother, Julie, and her father, Hank, I would have been devastated.

Thankfully thinking how much my sons would look like their tall, handsome, intelligent grandfather, Hank, I took comfort and solace in the fact that my daughter would be as beautiful as her beautiful and intelligent grandmother, Julie. Better that I sacrifice now for the future of my children later. Better that I exchange Jayne for Rosemary knowing that in the long run, my decision will pay off in spades.

Then, I thought, what if, no, that's not possible, hardly probably, a definite long shot. Never much of a gambler, what would be the odds of that? Nonetheless, I needed to make sure. I needed to know. I needed to ask Rosemary the question.

"Rosemary," I said. "I know this may sound like an odd question and I apologize in advance for asking it, but is Julie your real mother?"

"My real mother? Yes. Of course, she's my only mother," said Rosemary with a sad smile.

Relieved that I had made the right decision, I took her hand in mine and kissed her.

"Good," I said satisfied that my children's heritage was preserved for the sake of my selfless sacrifice.

"I love her, as if she was my natural mother?"

"Natural mother?" Knowing immediately what she meant but not believing my ears, I had to be sure. I had to hear it from her lips. "What do you mean, natural mother?"

"Just as Jayne was, I was adopted, too," she said.

As if my brain had caught fire, as if there was an explosion inside my chest, as if I had just won a one hundred million dollar lottery but lost the ticket, it was then all that I had given up and missed out on for the sake of my children hit me in the way of a baseball bat to the back of my head. Now what? What now? What do I tell my children now? I imagined myself showing my children Jayne's photo.

"This is the woman you were supposed to look like, had I not lost my mind and dumped my supermodel girlfriend, Jayne, and married your mother, Rosemary."

As if my life was suddenly flushed down a drain, I imagined my babies looking exactly like Rosemary, short, not very good looking, and dumpy. I imagined the beautiful children that I may have had with Jayne, tall, beautiful, and well built. Not really caring about Rosemary, only wanting her for the children that I thought she could give me, I ran through the mall.

"Jayne! Jayne! Come back!" In the way that little Joey called after Alan Ladd in Shane, I ran through every store looking for her. "Jayne! Come back! I was only kidding! It was just a stupid Halloween joke, when I dumped you on Halloween! Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Jayne! I love you!"

*

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  • COMMENTS
7 Comments
gperry2843gperry2843over 11 years ago
Trick or Treat.

Great job of turning the screws.

oliviasoliviasover 12 years ago
Well written, but . . .

It goes on and on and on without going anywhere for a long time. It would probably be a good story at half the length. You keep beating us over the head with how different they are in appearance--forever--without getting around to delivering a story until I lost interest.

rodavrodavover 12 years ago
this is nice story

Another nice story. I always like beautiful tall women.

2275jr2275jrover 12 years ago
GETTING TO GETHER WAS A DREAM COME TRUE

another very erotic horny story. your stories are the best,

I never fail to get turned on with them. the writing is brilliant. a born writer you are so much talent

and then i met her mother. wow.

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