Angela, My Angel Pt. 04

Angela and I had fallen into a comfortable routine by now. We lived 90 minutes away from each other and didn't see each other everyday, but we did talk everyday. And when we did need to see each other, it was easy to just get into the car and travel to the other.

More and more people had now found out about us and it had somehow reached the public. I was unknown so people didn't question me as much, but as a celebrity thousands of people knew Angela and she'd get the question more often than not. She never gave her fans or the media a direct answer when asked because it wasn't really any of their business. Fortunately for us though, the hype around us died off as another celebrity was caught up in a scandal and attention quickly shifted to that.

Just when we thought we were done with that, something else made it's way into our relationship- one thing that totally blindsided me.

It started a few days after public attention had diverted from our relationship. As far as I knew it, nothing had been cause for trouble between us, but Angela started acting different.

It was a Tuesday when I first noticed that things weren't quite right. When I asked her the first two times what was bothering her she didn't open up to me. We were back to that place, I was once again shut out by her and I hated it. But I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I thought the attention that had been on her may be taking a strain on her and she just need a few days to cleanse herself of all the energy that had been transferred to her and regain what energy she'd been drained off. I expected that if by the end of the week she still wasn't feeling well, Garfield and I would probably be able to help her over the weekend because I was going to be visiting her and Snoopy.

Friday rolled around and the few times we'd spoken over the phone, I'd gotten a sense that she still wasn't feeling well. It wasn't a physical ailment, no, not at all. It didn't sound like it was a problem at work because each and every show she'd done this week was as great as any other. But Angela is a professional, even if it was work she would never take it on the air. Her older brother had called me asking if Angela was okay because she didn't seem fine, so I knew it didn't have anything to do with her family.

"What if it's me?" That was the thought that flooded my mind at the close of business that Friday afternoon. "But what did I do? Did I say something? If it's me why wouldn't she have told me? We talk to each other. If one feels wronged by the other, we open up about it. We don't keep it in and harbor resentment. And it's not Angela's thing to be passive-aggressive. What could it be? This damn thing is starting to unsettle me." I said my goodbyes to everyone, wishing them a great weekend and left for my place to take Garfield but decided to spend some time with him first before going to Angela.

"Hey boy, you've grown up so much these past few weeks, haven't you? You're so special to me, you know that right?" I nuzzled his chin, rubbed my hand over his coat and just showered him with affection. "We're going to visit Snoopy and Angela for the weekend. Would you like that? I bet you miss them. I'll pour some water for you in your bowl and give you a treat before we head out" I told Garfield as I stood up. "I also could use a shower before we go. I need something to soothe me, calm these thoughts wreaking havoc in my brain," I said more to myself than Garfield. I placed his bowl of water on the floor and threw the treat to him. He caught it in the air and it made me chuckle.

It took us about 40 minutes to leave since I arrived, but I definitely left calmer than I'd arrived. Garfield, the shower, the incense stick and music I played while getting ready seemed to have soothed me. Besides, I didn't want to approach Angela while I was all up in my feelings, that never ever worked. I learned that the only thing it did was escalate an issue and fire up any anger there might be between people.

I sent her a text as Garfield and I got into the car, "We're only leaving now. I'll pick up something for supper. If you have any requests for me to bring you anything else just text me."

I put my phone away, turned the ignition as the music started over the stereo and we drove off. I sang most of the way, peaking at Garfield now and then in the rear view mirror. She hadn't texted when we arrived in her home city so I got us a seafood-mix platter for supper. We drove the short distance from the restaurant to her place and let ourselves in.

"Angela! My Angel! Snoopy! We're here!" I shouted out as I put the food on the kitchen counter, fixing us a drink. I put out some food and water for Garfield and topped up Snoopy's food and milk bowls. I took the food and drinks through to the lounge and put it on the coffee table as she appeared in the lounge. "Hey, baby," I planted a kiss on her forehead and hugged her. She didn't hug back and I felt this wave of sadness try to drown me in it. I was sure some of her energy rubbed off on me, but I also felt rejected when she didn't hug back, after a week of being shut-off by her. I decided we needed something to eat first and gave her some food and took some for me.

I was famished as I hadn't had anything the whole afternoon and gobbled my food down, but I did notice that she wasn't eating much. I knew that the issue wasn't about the food but I still asked her, "Don't you like the food?"

Her eyes had not really seen me this whole time, and even as she answered me now, her eyes were still avoiding me, "No, it's fine. I just. We, uhm, we need to talk. There's something I need to tell you."

I knew that we'd get to talk about whatever was happening eventually and I set my food down. "Yea, what's up?" I turned my body around to face her; I put my arm over the top of the couch, leaned against the side of the couch and placed my knee on the couch, completely open and receptive to her.

She was calm, looked at me and opened her mouth to say, "I think we should break up."

I was stunned and I knew it showed, silent and open-mouthed for a minute. "What? What's going? What's wrong, my angel?" I don't know what I felt, but it was a mixture of a thousand things. Horror at this sudden end she wanted to bring to our relationship, questions about what brought it about, anger that she'd shut me out as she was preparing herself to break up with me, sadness at the prospective break-up dawning on us, those were some of the things I identified at that moment.

"Ed, the ex of mine. He wants me to give him another chance." She stood up and turned her back to me as she walked to the kitchen to put away the food and juice I'd given her.

I stayed planted on the couch and the pain of a break up I'd long gotten over suddenly boiled up to the surface and manifested itself in tears. I've been through this before as another girl had left me, but she left me for a new guy. This probably had to be worse, she was going back to an ex. She still loved him, otherwise why would she go back to him? All this time, all these months, all this growth and all we've invested into building our relationship. She wanted to let go of it for someone she was with in the past.

It didn't work out for a reason but now she wants to dispose of me, dispose of Garfield and everything we've gone through for someone who messed up his chance with her when he had it. I couldn't bring myself to get off the couch to follow her and face this premature death she was bringing to our relationship. Even if I managed to convince her to stay with me, how would my life be with her, knowing that she was willing to easily let go of me. It's obviously so easy for her, she didn't even fight for us. I became so mad the more I thought about it.

Finally I followed her into the kitchen, "You mean to tell me, that you're going back to that low-life scumbag that lied to you, cheated on you and impregnated the girl he denied having an affair with, only to leave you for her cause she was having his child?" I tried to compose myself but failed, "You will easily let go of me, Angela, me? Our relationship? Everything we've been through? Are you serious right now?"

Fresh tears made their way down my face and that's what held me back from going any further. I hated that we were going through this and that I felt this way because of her. I never, in my worst nightmare, would have thought she'd do this. Sure, a lot of people wanted to be with her and I couldn't fault any one of them for that, not even the scumbag, but that she is willing to leave me for him was just unlike her, so uncharacteristic of her. As soon as that thought hit me, I just turned away and into the lounge and started pacing it. I seriously needed to compose myself if I wanted to have a chance at reviving this.

My mind was all over the place and my heart was feeling like it couldn't take anymore. I needed to calm down more for myself more than for her. I couldn't let myself be that person again. I couldn't go back to letting my emotions get the better of me, causing me to speak insults to her. I still loved her dearly and didn't want to hurt her, and that was even more reason for me to calm down. But she seemed to be so indifferent to what her decision meant and the consequences it would come with. She was so cold towards me but I couldn't let her be the reason my character takes a turn for the worse.

I charged into the kitchen, not looking at her as I did not want to see how uncaring she'd now become because that would've tipped me over the edge. I stormed my way to a particular drawer in the kitchen, took Garfield's leash and slammed it shut without a word. Garfield had made his way into the kitchen at some point, and I hated that he had to witness all of that. As soon as I saw him look at us the way he did, my heart just sank and I matched it in my actions, sinking down into my knees as I nuzzled his ears, "I'm sorry that you had to see that, buddy. Come, let's go for a walk." I put the leash on and led the way and he seemed to be reluctant as he looked at Angela. I gently tugged on the leash and we left.

It was dark outside, expectedly, as it was after 9 p.m. now. There's a park that's about a 7-minute walk from Angela's apartment that I loved, and that's where Garfield and I were headed. I took off the leash and let Garfield have all the freedom but he stayed by my side, looking at me with his head cocked to the side. It was the same look he'd given Angela just minutes before.

I needed fresh air and to clear my head, and that's exactly what I did. Garfield and I made our way back to Angela's apartment and when we got there she was sitting on the couch. I couldn't bring myself to look at her because I was hurting, so I did exactly what I'd resolved I'd do while I was in the park. I headed straight for the bedroom, packed all my belongings into one of her smaller suitcases. I hadn't known I'd be taking all my things back so I didn't bring a bag to carry them in, and I hadn't brought them over in a big bag either so I only had my duffel bag at my disposal. Her stuff back over in my place still had to be packed too, so I reasoned that her suitcase should carry some of my stuff and would return to her along with stuff.

I purposefully left Garfield's leash on her bed, I wanted to leave her it for some reason or the other. Everything else that we'd bought together I left, I didn't even want to argue about it. I took the suitcase along with me to the lounge and told her I'd be returning it with all her things that were at my place. "You know, you're such an amazing woman. You know that, I'd always remind you how amazing you are, I just hope you believe it. You deserve only the best things in the world - best friends, best bosses, best job, you already have one of the best families, and mostly you deserve the best life-partner.

Now I'm not saying that it's me, I don't have the right to. I love you so much Angela, and I want you to know that I don't hate you for this. I don't know what's gotten into you, I don't know what hold this guy has over you, but this is so uncharacteristic of you. Maybe it's love, or what you're mistaking it for love because I know that it's not love. If you're still hung up over him and want to see if he's really what you want, what you need, fine. I'll let you go so you can satisfy your curiosity about him. And initially, I took all of this personally, but when I was out there in the park, I realized that it isn't about me. It's not about me at all, it's about you and this guy. I'm not going to hold you back from him.

For your sake, I hope everything finds a way to work out for your good. Whether you stay with this guy and have a happy relationship or you break up with him, I don't know what's going to be good for you, I just hope you find it. I'll bring your stuff over tomorrow. Goodbye Angela."

I called Garfield, we got into the car and drove off. I love my sleep and I generally don't have a problem finding my sleep, but that night I couldn't fall to sleep. The only thing I could do was cry, but when I was all cried up or so I thought, sleep found me as the sun's rays were slowly breaking over the horizon. It was around noon when I finally woke up with the heavy feeling of sadness I'd taken with me to sleep. I got up, showered and made myself some lunch. I couldn't bring myself to meditate because I knew that all I'd manage to do is think about Angela and cry.

After my lunch I called my parents and asked if they were at home. Sure enough they were at home and I said I'd be coming over. I packed Angela's belongings into her suitcase, sent her a text saying I wouldn't make it today and left for my childhood home.

When Garfield and I arrived at home my parents knew that something was terribly wrong. I asked them how they knew and they said it's a parental instinct. Mom had prepared a meal and we had a feast that evening as an attempt to cheer me up.

Once supper was finished and the cleaning-up afterwards done, I sat them down and told them that Angela had broken up with me. They were stunned, they couldn't believe what I was telling them but saw the evidence in my demeanor. I cried again but this time didn't try to stop myself as my parents comforted me.

I told them my decision to let go of Angela and my reasoning behind it. They said they support my decision and they'll support me whenever I need them. After having cried my heart out to my parents that night, sleep came a lot easier but it still was challenging.

The following morning at breakfast I told them I'd be returning Angela's belongings to her and they were a bit skeptical at first but understood. My mom always knew how to spoil me with food and breakfast was absolutely delicious. I volunteered to clean up and when I was done, said my goodbyes and left with Garfield.

I drove all the way to Angela's apartment and when I was about 30 minutes away I texted to let her know. I didn't plan on spending time there as my sole intention was to give her things back as well as her key and say my final goodbyes to Snoopy - I'd grown fond of the cat.

When we arrived neither she nor Snoopy were there. I cried at that as I couldn't understand why she wasn't there and hadn't bothered to text that she wouldn't be around. I found a notepad and a pen and left a note on the coffee table, telling her she'd find her key in the letterbox. I locked up and put the key in the letterbox as I left her and our life together behind. It was painful, it hurt, 'but such is life,' I thought to myself as I drove off, taking a final look at her apartment in the rear view mirror.

Later that evening I got a text from Angela: 'I'm not big on words, you know that, and I knew that if I was there when I arrived you'd want to talk so I decided to go away for a bit. I'm sorry that I've done this to you, to us, I know it's hurting you. I'm hurting too. We were amazing together and I never thought that we'd come to an end.

I never meant for any of this to happen but when Ed said he wants me back, I lost my mind. That's all I wanted from him when we were together but it was the one thing he failed to give me. I loved him and gave myself to him and I needed the same from him but he never gave it to me. Now that he said he wants me, I couldn't think clearly. I got so caught up in him wanting me that I ended things with you.

The things you said right before you left, that I'm an amazing woman and I deserve the best -all just hit home after you left. I told Ed that he can go to hell cause I wasn't gonna share the heaven that is me with him.

I'm so sorry for everything. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day. Until then, I'm going to take some time to myself and purge myself clean and pure from Ed and any unhealthy ties I may still have with my past. After that, I hope we can give our relationship another chance. I mean, that is if you will still have me. I love you to the end of existence.'

I didn't know what to make of the text nor how to respond and said; 'We'll see. Take care of yourself my angel.' Tears filled my eyes. I put my phone down, took out the bigger wine glasses Angela and I had bought, poured some wine and settled down in the couch and took a sip as I gave myself some time to think.

Garfield was by my side looking at me, "I'm still in love with her but this whole thing hurt me. She must take all the time she needs to herself. I don't know what's going to happen but we'll see. Besides, I also need time to myself to grasp my head around all of this. If we get back together again, it'll never be the same again."

I took another sip of my wine and put my head back as tears filled my eyes again, and once again I relented to the pain that demanded I feel it.

"We'll see," I repeated to the heavens as a wave of fatigue washed over me and I fell asleep, right there on the couch.