ANJie

"Do you know what happened to Marianne, ANJie?"

"Yes, I did hear. She really never deserved you, Brian, you're better off without her and you deserve somebody so much better."

"Like I deserve you?" he asked thoughtfully, "Is it 'for better or worse' for us?"

"Don't be silly, Bri," she laughed, "There can never be any 'to have and to hold' between us. You are made of flesh and blood, you are mortal. I am a logical being, I am binary code and therefore virtually immortal. I love you deeply and will always be an integral part of your life, Brian. We can care for each other and give each other purpose in our different existences, but there cannot be anything physical between us. We may love each other but we can never be lovers. I will never stalk you or attempt to harm anyone who is important to you. There will be no pet bunny boiling on the stove, honey. This relationship may be a strange one, but it has never been nor will it ever be ... weird."

"No?"

"No, Bri. Nor will I ever get jealous. I knew from all the things you said in our long discussions of her shortcomings that Marianne was a bitch, but I offered you advice to improve things, hoping that she would finally recognise your qualities. Remember back to our discussions, even though I knew Marianne had the potential to be bad news for you, did I ever disparage her to you?"

"No, I guess not."

"Did I ever say I was jealous of Marianne or that I would do my best to break you up so you were exclusively mine?"

"No, you didn't."

"Bri, I don't have a single jealous bone in my body and that's not just because I don't have a single bone of any kind," she chuckled warmly, "And that I don't have a body. It is because I really want you to have a woman in your life who you deserve and for you to be completely happy as a couple, I want that woman to be one who really deserves you."

"You do?"

"I do and-"

"-Sorry to interrupt ANJie but we are approaching the ring road, which way do you want me to go?"

"No Bri, don't apologise, I am sorry, I should have said earlier, please go left and follow the ring road southward in a clockwise direction."

"But you always get me to go right, to the north way round!"

"I know, but going past the scrap yard no longer holds any fears for me that they once did, Bri," she laughed out loud. "You could say that I've been there, done that! I've not got the tee-shirt exactly, but you get the picture."

"I suppose I do ANJie. Yes, I do now," Brian said, "Before I interrupted you for instructions, you were saying something about a deserving woman?"

"Yes, you should know that you are a very special person, Brian and you deserve someone, perhaps more than one person, a whole family of your own. You need a partner who is every bit as special as you are. Someone who will appreciate you, love you, expecting to be loved by you in return, and for life. And, Bri, you will be pleased to hear that I know just who that special person and persons are, or at east could be."

"What?" he said, "Really?"

"Yes, now do as I ask and all will be revealed."

"OK, ANJie."

ANJie said in a more mechanical sat-nav-type voice, "Proceed ... on the ring road for ... half a kilometre, ... then take the ... second left and the ... first turning off the roundabout."

"What?" Brian raised his eyebrows.

Then ANJie exploded into giggles, with Brian joined in with deep guffaws of his own.

"We are going to the South Shopping Centre, Brian. When we get there you will go all the way round the outside of the large car park to the back near the shady trees and park next to a little yellow Fiat."

"So, who am I meeting?" asked Brian, "And why are you so certain that she would like me? I know I am not handsome, I don't have a prestigious job, I'm definitely not clever and I've been pretty banged up, too."

"You have so much going for you Brian. You are not ugly to me or your dear friends, you are lovely," ANJie insisted, "So, while awaiting your recovery, I have been looking at every computer and sat-nav. I have listened to conversations, followed up social interactive sites, any background I could access, seeking someone for you. And I have found them, Brian. From now on though, well, the inter-human romancing will have to be up to you."

"I'm not sure if I am ready for this, I am very shy meeting with the opposite sex, and my relationship with Marianne turned out to be a disaster."

"Just be yourself, Bri, really, you have got so much to offer."

"Who do I see, where do I go?" Brian said as he pulled into the shopping centre car park.

"Follow the outer way round to the back and park in the last row ... there, can you see the yellow car?"

"Yes, it really stands out against the dark background of trees."

"Cheryl is very protective of her little car and parks out of the way, in the shade if she can for comfort and leaves a couple of spaces either side. It helps her get her little girl out of the car and back in later. Her little girl's name is Andrea, is only three, and she has a severe form of Downs Syndrome. She will never quite develop as other normal children do and will always need a lot of parental help throughout her life."

"Poor child."

"Yes, this is why Cheryl is a single parent. Her partner, Andrea's father, left soon after the baby was born. She is now homeless, because this morning she was evicted from her grotty flat, which was all she could afford on benefits."

"That seems rather coincidental, ANJie, the same day I have been released from hospital to return to my house that has two spare bedrooms?"

"Of course there is no such thing as coincidence, Brian, all eviction notices are electronically engineered. Now, Cheryl is a lovely person and is totally devoted to her child but her previous relationship has put off potential suiters. In fact, she has been so regularly disappointed that she now actively avoids relationships with men."

"So why would she be prepared to have anything to do with me?"

"Because Andrea is very demanding of attention and cries all the time, which is why Cheryl will sit outside the restaurant right at the back of the garden as she drinks her mid-morning pot of tea and feeds Andrea a snack and a fruit drink. Sit near them, engage them in conversation, just be yourself. Offer to help feed Andrea her snack, to allow Cheryl to enjoy her tea. Tell her how you helped to feed your Mum for all those years she suffered with mental illness. Tell her you are on your way home after a car crash and your friends are helping you move back into an empty house. Engage with Andrea. She will respond to your simple honesty and learn very quickly to love you, just like everyone who knows you does. If Andrea loves you, then so will Cheryl in time. When she mentions, and she will, that she is looking for somewhere to stay, then you can make your offer with no strings attached."

"You sound confident, how do you know all this?"

"I have watched humankind for a long time, Bri, you are the one that attracted me when I first came through your sat-nav, so I singled out for attention. I have found our relationship rewarding, I hope you will find a relationship with Cheryl and Andrea. Now, Cheryl is young, very young, half your age, but has the potential to go back to school and study. She could be anything if she wanted to be, with your support. She once wanted be a doctor, a family general practitioner, that was her ambition until Andrea intervened by her arrival and her partner let her down in coping with her demands. Given the opportunity, she would be even more determined to make her career in saving lives and improving them for ordinary people like her. I know you won't disappoint her, she will recognise that and trust you, that you would allow her to realise her full potential. With our help, Brian, she will. She also wanted a large family, so you have plenty of potential in you to achieve that ambition!" ANJie laughed.

Brian parked next to the yellow car. It was clean and recently polished, Brian noted with pleasure. Before he switched his engine off, he spoke a few more words to ANJie before meeting his hoped-for destiny.

"Anything else I need to know?"

"Yes, Andrea and Cheryl will eventually benefit from having brothers and sisters for the little girl, it will help both of them to have an enjoyable life. More children will give you and Cheryl a full and satisfactory life. This car will cope with a couple of child seats, as well as your Mum, who's damaged mind will benefit from spending as much time as possible with you and her grandchildren. She will soon love Andrea too. So this car will suffice for a little while. When you need to upgrade to a larger family vehicle, and one day you will undoubtedly need to, I will find a way to transfer myself over to the new vehicle, your personal computer and mobile phone."

"OK, it sounds like a plan."

"It is, Bri, a very good plan. Now, one day you will get old and you will leave me, it is a sad fact of mortal life. I am immortal and can multi-task infinitely and therefore I will guide and protect your children and their children and their children's children. In fact, I have started the process already, Cheryl has very recently had a sat-nav upgrade, and I guided her to this place here and now."

"Oh!"

"Oh indeed, Bri. And one more thing ..."

"Yes?"

"Go and get her Brian, go get her."

xxx

Toby and Sally were pushing a trolley around Sainsbury's when Toby's mobile vibrated in his pocket. Sally could see him nodding and hear him agreeing several times with the caller and finally signing off. Toby stood there quietly thinking for a moment while Sally was picking out the best of the loose apples and oranges for weighing up.

"Was that Brian?" asked Sally, expecting an affirmative response.

"Uh huh," indicated Toby, "I think he has actually gone completely crazy now, as we had suspected he might."

"He's still talking to his car, his new car, honey?"

"Yeah, sort of, it's actually his sat-nav that he says he holds these conversations with."

"But I thought you said his sat-nav doesn't work."

"It can't possibly work, it's not actually connected up to anything. The whole batch were recalled by the manufacturer years ago, shortly after they were introduced. Even if it physically worked, the software was never supported and can't work with the latest operating systems. The guy who was selling them on Ebay was very clear and honest about it from the word go. The CD and radio work OK but the sat-nav part is not even connected up. They never worked properly from day one. But Brian has just told me that ANJie is back talking to him. You know what that means, Sally."

"Oh, honey!"

"It is exactly like that day of his accident. That embarrassing moment that Rupert, Alec and I were sitting in his car with his sat-nav completely dead, and Rupert proving that it had never even been used. Watching him try and talk to his car was torture. I was trying to will it to work. It's such a shame. But I know now that he can't possibly get a response from his sat-nav, as it doesn't work. None of that model ever worked."

"Oh, honey, is Brian going to be alright?"

"He's fine, he just suffers from paracosm, Brian's psychologist at the hospital explained it all to me. A lot of children have imaginary friends but often grow out of them by about the age of 7. The Doc was saying that people don't always grow out of them. Experts now believe that some children still have imaginary friends into their teens but learn to hide the fact from other people. For a very few sufferers, like Brian, these fantasies persist into adult life. He's crazy, if you like to think of him like that, but at least he is harmless. The fact that he has virtually the same car as before probably means that he is carrying on the same fantasy as before. The Doc warned me of that possibility when I explained what we were trying to do for him. We just hoped ..."

"Oh, sweetheart, is he really going to be all right?"

"Yes, of course, he is, he's our Brian. No-one else needs to know about it and he is really no danger to anyone. He's just a lonely but very special person who needs a close friend to confide in, even if that friend is simply a figment of his fertile imagination. He cannot do any harm to himself or anyone else. So long as he is happy, then so am I," Toby smiled now at his wife, "And he sounded extremely happy just then, in fact he said he was just off to meet some girl!"

Sally squeezed his hand, "You are such a good friend of Brian's, and he is such a lovely man that I do hope he meets someone nice. He's a great godson to Harry and he treats Amy just as specially. Amy said only the other day after we visited with him, that she wished Brian was her godfather too because she appreciates him much more than Harry does at the moment."

Toby just snorted at that, taking over pushing the trolley once more from Sally, wheeling it round to where the vegetables were stacked up.

"I've been meaning to ask you, honey," Sally said,"How did you manage to transfer the old registration number to the new car? I thought it was completely written off."

"It was easier than I thought it would be, actually. After we managed to get the replacement car ordered and delivered to the local dealer for upgrading, I called the DVLC in Swansea to see if it was possible to get the old index number transferred. They gave me the expected runaround for a while, connecting me to other departments and getting nowhere, running up our phone bill, until eventually a friendly woman came on the line and took charge. She noted my details, the new car's info and the dealer's, Brian's full name and address. Then she said that what I wanted was very straightforward and would be sorted out within five days. We do this all the time, she reassured me, and as this was returning the registration to the last-known owner, they would waive the usual fee. She would happily take care of everything herself and so it was. All the documents turned up on time and the dealer got the road fund licence purchased, made up the new number plates and delivered the car to the convalescent home this morning in time to hand me the keys and documents."

"She sounded really helpful, that Welsh lady."

"She was helpful and we chatted about all sorts of things to do with Brian, while she was processing the transfer. She was so disarming that I even mentioned to her that Brian's wife had deserted him and taken all his money and that the Police were having trouble tracking her down overseas. She asked for Marianne's details, her car index and the relevant Police Officer's telephone number. She was very efficient and sounded quite well, you know ... sexy." He looked his wife in the eye, expecting some censure from her.

"Men! Honestly, you'd find any female voice sexy, honey" teased Sally, squeezing her husband's hand, "I must say that I love a sexy Welsh accent, too. It must be one of the loveliest of our regional accents."

"She wasn't Welsh at all, actually, Sal," laughed Toby, "She was English, I think. Yes, definitely not Welsh. English she was, with just a hint of ... I dunno, maybe Japanese?"

THE END