Anna Karenina

Alex sat back down in a different chair and said, "That has nothing to do with it. I don't care about age at all. I've enjoyed spending time with you, too. I just didn't want you to feel like you had to do something in return for me doing something I really enjoyed."

"I guess that was just my way of saying I had a very nice time. I just thought it might be nice to be able to talk a little more. You're a most unusual and interesting young man, Alex."

There was that smile again.

"Honestly? I'd like that very much. Maybe I was the one trying to give you an excuse not to feel obligated to spend time with me just for being helpful."

"Let me start over," she said. "I enjoy talking with you, Alex. Would you like to continue our conversation over a cup of coffee?"

He smiled then said, "Yes. I'd like that very much."

"Well...so would I!" she said reaching for her coat.

"But if you and I are going somewhere together, then you'll have to let me help you with that," he said coming around to her side.

"Oh. Okay. I think that's a very reasonable request." She held out an arm as he slipped on her coat. She thanked him sincerely then buttoned it before trying to pick up her books.

"Uh-uh. Sorry," Alex said reaching around her but not in a rude way. "I'll get those."

Karen only smiled when he opened the library door for her by backing into it and waiting. She was wondering how he could possibly pull off something similar with her car door and yet he did just that with a balancing act of epic proportions.

"Did you want to ride with me or follow me?" she asked once she was in the driver's seat.

"I rode my bike," he said sheepishly. "What can I say? It's invigorating."

His smile made her laugh.

"Well...then get in!" she said as he walked around to the other side.

The Seattle area had more Starbucks coffee shops per block than anywhere on earth, but Karen suggested a place called Seattle Coffee Works.

"Is that okay with you?" she asked.

"I'm not much of a coffee drinker so anywhere is fine with me. That sounds great."

It was a couple of miles to the west on Pike Street near the famous market, and the location was perfect as it afforded an amazing view of Puget Sound.

"I love coming here and just looking out at the water while I'm sipping coffee, and of course, reading a book."

There were quite a few people there and Alex thought twice before speaking then said it anyway. "I don't do so well with people around."

"Oh, I'm sorry. We can go somewhere else if you'd like."

"No, I don't mind people, per se," he said clarifying her latest misunderstanding. "I just can't read in a public place where people are talking." He saw the look on her face then explained. "I have friends who study with their music on—loud—but I have to have total silence in order to concentrate. But since we're just talking..." He paused then said, "We are just talking, right?"

"Oh, definitely. No, I wouldn't bring you here to read," she said. "Especially now that know you need your Fortress of Solitude."

"Sorry. I just can't feel the meaning of the words unless it's quiet. Maybe that sounds strange, but that's how my brain—such as it is—works."

"No need to apologize," Karen said. "Now I know one more thing about you."

She ordered two cups after insisting she pay. Alex added cream and sugar and Karen watched with great interest as he kept pouring. "Are you having some mocha flavoring with your cream and sugar?" she teased.

Alex laughed and told her, "I really don't drink much coffee. I guess my age is showing again, huh?"

Now Karen laughed then said, "You have no age to show, Alex. Unlike me, of course." She made a kind of face indicating she felt old or was feeling her age or something along those lines.

"I meant what I said earlier, you know," he told her as they looked for an empty table.

"Concerning?" she asked as he helped her with her coat again once they found their spot.

"You look incredible. So whatever you're thinking about your age or how it's showing, trust me, it's not."

She didn't laugh this time. She didn't even smile. She just looked at him and said, "Thank you, Alex."

He sat down across from her then asked, "So what's your favorite book?"

"Fiction or non?" she asked taking a sip of her strong, black coffee.

"Either."

For the next hour, they talked non-stop about books they'd read and loved and how they made them feel. Karen's passion was so real Alex could feel it. When she spoke of books he'd read; when she described a particular love affair, he was living it with her.

He was unaware she was feeling the very same thing when he poured out his heart starting with the way he'd tried to explain Love Story. "She not only didn't get it, she'd never heard of the book or watched the movie."

"How sad," Karen said. "I found myself alternating between being him and her. One moment I'm Ali McGraw desperately wanting to assure him I'll be okay and so will he and then I'm Ryan O'Neal and dying inside knowing the woman I love is near death. I cried when I read the book and when I watched the movie."

Alex looked around as though someone he knew might possibly be there.

"Don't tell anyone, but so did I," he told her smiling that sheepish smile again.

"Really?" she asked not so much doubting his word as being amazed that he had.

"Yes, really. I didn't read the book until after my mom died, and when I read it and later when I watched the movie, I remembered her laying there in that hospital bed telling me how everything would be all right. Except that I knew it wouldn't be. At least not with me anyway."

He realized he hadn't been looking at her as he spoke. "Sorry," he said. "I got caught up in my own memories."

Karen felt a lump in her throat when she saw a tear in his eye. She reached out for his hand and put hers on it. "You're gonna make me cry," she said.

"No, don't be sad. I rarely ever think about it anymore and when I do—when I actually see her in my mind's eye laying there so frail and small..."

Alex blinked several times then said, "It means a lot that you understand how I feel. I wish you didn't, though. I mean, I'm very sad you had to lose someone you loved in order to understand but..."

"I do understand, Alex," she assured him. "And while it hurts to see you so sad, I love that you're not ashamed to show how you feel." She still had her hand on his as she shared something personal. "I was out of town the night of...the fire. My husband and I had been arguing a lot the last few months before...you know."

Alex now saw a tear welling up in her eyes. "I'd suspected he might have been having an affair. There were little clues here and there and he was gone far more than he needed to be. Working late, taking business trips. The most telling thing was that he started smoking again—something he hadn't done since before I married him. And the woman I suspected just happened to smoke. Anyway, I...I was just so hurt and I wanted to know the truth. I started pressuring him more and more and that night I was really upset. He started drinking heavily and I got so disgusted, I left. I went to a motel and sat there and just cried. And I think the insurance company still feels I was connected in some way even though his mattress caught on fire from a lit cigarette after he passed out drunk."

"And now you feel horribly guilty as though it was your fault," Alex said very quietly.

"Yes. How did you..." She looked at him for several seconds then said, "That is... You are so...intuitive. I don't think most men of any age would have grasped that without me saying so directly."

"Intuitive? Maybe," he told her. "I just try and listen and put myself in the other person's place. I know I'd feel guilty even though it wasn't my fault. So it wasn't much of a stretch to assume you would, too."

His hand was now on top of hers and Karen realized she was the one being comforted.

"If only I were 18 again or you were..."

"Thirty?" Alex offered knowing he was being nice.

Karen slowly moved her hand away then said, "Well, even that would be nice. Maybe if I was only thirty again. How about that?"

"You do know you're beautiful, right?" Alex said yet again.

"Then why do I feel so old and all alone and...hopeless?" she said in that wistful way.

"Could it be because you've suffered a huge loss? That you're unnecessarily bearing the burden of guilt for it? Might it be because the insurance company is piling on and adding to those feelings?"

Karen managed a small smile then said, "Are you sure you're not a trained psychologist?"

Alex laughed and told her, "Um...pretty sure."

"I should probably get you back to the library so you can get exhilarated on your ride home in this freezing weather," she said unable to not smile at him. "Alex? Thank you for...everything. For listening and for being so insightful and understanding. It means a lot to me. More than I can put into words."

"It's okay. I can feel exactly what you're trying to say, Karen. And my thanks to you, too. It's funny, you know. I was just thinking last night how great it would be to meet someone who really understood how I feel. About literature, about...love. And then you showed up."

"It's terrible, isn't it?"

"Pardon?" he said thoroughly confused a little bit hurt.

"No. No, not like that. Oh, Alex, that's not what I meant at all. I meant that you got your wish, but...with the wrong person. You were thinking of someone who really 'got you' and who was also young and beautiful. And instead...you got me." She smiled at him, but her smile was sad this time.

"Youth is relative but beauty is not," he told her. He seemed to be boring a hole into her soul or something and Karen felt both uneasy and...unsettled. "I hardly think you're old and I definitely know you're beautiful." He smiled at her but never stopped staring as he added, "Inside and out." There was another pause where Karen was unable to speak so Alex continued talking. "I'm actually glad you were the one Fate or Destiny or the Universe brought along."

"You are?" she fought herself barely able to say.

"I am," he told her. "Because now that I know you a little better, I'd say you're pretty much perfect."

Karen could no longer hold his stare. She looked away and felt another tear forming in her eye.

"Am I the cause of those tears?" Alex asked quietly as he reached out for her hand this time.

Karen shook her head very slightly then said just above a whisper, "No." She blinked several times then forced herself to look at him again. "I was thinking just this week myself how much I'd love to meet someone who really understood me; someone who...got me...and someone who would tell me honestly he thinks I'm still beautiful."

"And you did," he told her.

"But Alex. We're just such..."

"Kindred souls?" he said finishing her sentence.

"You see! You just did it again."

"I'm glad," he said. "Or I would be if I knew I'd done something to make you happy."

There was that smile of his again. So young, so handsome, so...soulful.

"You made me feel good about myself again. You've done that several times already today." Now she smiled then said, "Were it not for Anna Karenina I wouldn't have spoken to you."

"Slava bogoo," he said trying to say 'thank God' in Russian as he'd read in one of Tolstoy's books.

"Thank God," she repeated in English. "Yes. Maybe so."

She sat there just looking at his handsome face again as he held her hand. She allowed herself to return the simple touches of his fingers on hers and wished things were different. Just another five years would change everything. But that was not the case and the reality was she was 34 and he was 18.

"You ready?" she asked again gently withdrawing her hand.

"I don't think I took two sips," he admitted. "Sorry to waste your money."

She smiled happily then said, "It was money well spent. You are a very special person, Alex Voss."

"Hmmm. How is it you know my name?" he asked. "You are not being Russian spy are you?" he said trying his best to imitate a Russian accent.

Karen laughed so hard she had to cover her mouth.

"You sound like Boris on Bullwinkle." He gave her a confused look so she said, "You know, Boris and Natasha on the Bullwinkle cartoon. No?"

"Mmmm. Sorry. No. I'm drawing a blank on that one." He smiled then told her, "Yeah, that must have been before my time. Like back when the Soviet Union existed. You know, when you were my age."

Karen sat up straight and feigned sounding indignant. "Why...how dare you say that! I'll have you know I was nowhere near your age when the Soviet empire collapsed!"

"Oh, whew. Because I was...let's see...yeah, I'd have been about...minus seven then."

"Oh, my God! I better get you home before someone calls child protective services." She stood up and said, "Minus seven. Ha!"

She went to grab her coat again and he wagged a finger way. "Uh-uh. No touchy."

He came around and helped with it then whispered in her ear, "You really are beautiful, Karen."

She didn't turn around as she buttoned her coat. She didn't because she was afraid to. Her heart was pounding and her fingers were having a hard time with the buttons. She got one of them done and stopped. Without looking at Alex, she grabbed her cup and walked it to the trash. She still didn't look at him when she got back to him.

She just said, "Okay. Let's get going, shall we?"

They didn't say a word on the way back. Karen finally got her heart rate down after several minutes on the road, but it went back into overdrive when she pulled into the library's deserted parking lot.

She'd debated asking the entire way back and against her better judgment she said, "What plans do you have for tonight?"

"Oh, my dad and I always have dinner together. It's pretty basic, but it's a tradition. How about you?"

"I have a sister...an older sister." Karen couldn't help but smile. "I'm going over to her place to have dinner with her and her husband and their two kids."

"I'm glad you have family and somewhere to go," Alex told her. He thanked her for the coffee and the great conversation then went to open his door.

"Alex?" she said reaching for his arm.

He turned toward and waited.

"Um...I was wondering. If...well, if you and your dad finish early would you maybe like to...I dunno...come over and have dessert or maybe just talk some more?"

Her eyebrows were raised high telling Alex she very much hoped he'd say 'yes.'

"Considering we usually buy a bucket of KFC chicken—with mashed potatoes and gravy, too, of course..."

Karen laughed again but this time it was a nervous laughter.

"We're usually done by 7:30," he said finishing his thought. "I could save you a drumstick."

Her laughter was much too loud for the amount of humor but Alex had to laugh, too.

"Alex? I haven't enjoyed myself this much in a very long time. I know...I'm painfully aware how much older I am than you...but I really, truly enjoy talking with you." She was looking down at the gearshift then looked up at him. "I have the Love Story DVD if you might care to watch it again with me?"

She immediately asked herself, "What is wrong with you?" even as her heart was hammering out of her chest.

"I don't know. Two criers watching the same movie? Do you have plenty of tissues?"

Karen laughed a laugh of relief and said, "I do. And if we run out, I have towels so..."

"Okay. Then...I'd like that. What time should I stop by and where should I do the stopping?"

"I can excuse myself by 8:30 and be home by 9 o'clock if that's okay for you?"

"Oh, are you giving up family time for this?" he said with genuine concern. "I don't want to take you away from your family. I mean, it is Christmas Eve."

"I love my sister and my nieces. A lot. But we seen to have very little in common anymore other than being related. And between you and me? Her husband is a football fanatic and after dinner he always has some game on so loud we can barely talk. And he never shuts up with the yelling and the hollering at the umpire guys and..."

Alex laughed and Karen stopped talking.

"What's so funny?" she said.

"Nothing," he told her.

"No, it's something," she said giving him the eye. "Come on, say it."

"Well, they're called referees in football. Baseball has the umpires." He raised his hands in pretend as though he was about to 'get it.'

Karen just laughed and said, "You see, I can't even get upset with you."

Alex stopped smiling then looked right at her. "I'm glad. I don't ever want to upset you. I...I think you're pretty amazing, Karen..."

"Van Gelder," she told him. "It was Finney growing up."

"So where do you live Karen...Finney-Van Gelder?"

She gave him her address which he jotted down on his bookmark.

"You do have a car, right?" she asked as she glanced over at his bike.

"I do or I can borrow my dad's. He never goes anywhere on Christmas Eve. He rarely drinks, but he'll have several tonight so yes, I won't have to peddle my ass around town."

Karen laughed harder than she had yet, mostly out of relief that he'd said he'd be coming over.

"Okay, good to know. Well, be careful um...peddling your you-know-what home, okay?"

She laughed again and Alex joined in.

He opened the door, got out, then looked back in. "You're even more beautiful when you smile," he said. Before she could answer he said, "See you at 9?" He closed the door and waved before turning around and heading toward his bike.

It really was very cold outside, but Karen couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so warm and so...happy in a very long time. She sat there and basked in those feelings for several minutes before heading home.

It was almost the end of dinner at Karen's sister's when she was asked if she was seeing anyone yet.

"Oh, no. I'm not seeing anyone. But I did have the most interesting day today."

"Oh?" her sister said as she took a final sip of wine.

"Yeah. And the crazy thing about it was he was a high school student."

"A high school student? What could you possibly talk about with some kid in high school?"

"Well, when I walked up—to the library—you know, to check out some books since all mine were destroyed—he's standing there reading Anna Karenina."

Karen's brother-in-law suddenly piped up sounding like a modern-day Archie Bunker.

"Oh, for Christ's sake! Don't start in talkin' about some dead Russian poet again!"

Before she could respond, her sister said, "Why don't you go take your beer and go watch the game? Alone."

Their daughters looked back and forth wondering why everyone was so mad before their mother said, "We're just having some Christmas Eve fun! Daddy's gonna hang out with all his friends now—right? Daddy." she said giving him the death stare.

"Ah, the hell with you both!" he snorted as he grabbed his beer and left.

"Okay, now that the Grinch is gone, you were saying?"

Karen tried to explain not only what had happened but how it made her feel.

"How did it make you feel?" her sister asked.

Karen sighed then said, "I don't know, really. Um...alive maybe?"

"Well, I for one am glad you had a break from all the stress. Lord knows how awful things have been since the fire. Any word from the insurance company? Are they really still looking at you as having something to do with what happened?"

"Because of the life insurance policy, they think I may have had motive."

"But the life insurance people already paid. I don't get it."

"You and me both. The good news is they paid. The bad news is I've spent a huge chunk of that money renting a furnished apartment. I'll get reimbursed if the homeowner's policy every gets paid off, but I could end up bankrupt by then."

"My heavenly days! What a nightmare!" her sister said. "Anyway, the way I see it, if you had a nice time with this kid, that's wonderful."