Are You a Great Anal Lover?

As everyone knows, the acceptance of anal sex in popular culture is exploding. I read a restaurant review last week that compared eating a certain dish to having anal sex. Imagine that being printed twenty years ago. Surveys of college women who are sexually active reveal that 24% of them have anal sex at least twice a month. Guess why. Because it feels so good. At this rate, a generation from now we'll be back to the ancient Greek standard that their pottery seems to reveal: vaginal intercourse for procreation, anal for pleasure. Guys, however, better get with the real message about anal sex and women, not the one peddled by the porn industry. Great anal sex relies totally on your appreciation of the fact that you've been invited into the most intimate spot in a woman's body and that you're expected to work in a partnership with her to create a truly pleasurable experience for BOTH of you. This isn't about you're dominating your partner, it's about your making love WITH her. To add to the cause, I've constructed the following quiz which is designed to give you a general idea of how accomplished you are as an anal lover by evaluating your own knowledge of female anatomy and your ability to apply that knowledge. Most importantly, it asks you about your commitment to being a pleasure giver, not taker. I've answered each question as honestly as I could to give you an idea of how to respond to the quiz.

#1 As painless penetration as possible of your partner's hole should be gold standard for any great anal lover. If you are starting out, how often do you lube her hole and your dick? Score yourself on a scale of never (1) to all the time(10). If you are experienced, score yourself on the basis of how often you actually use lube: all the time (1) to only when necessary (10).

Jim: Anticipation of the pleasure to come and preliminary rimming have made lube unnecessary except for spontaneous, unplanned occasions. I gave myself a 10 on this. As a newbie, I would have given myself about a 3.

#2 How often do you rim your partner? Score yourself on a scale of never (1) to whenever asked to (10).

Jim: A no-brainer for me. It seems as if I was born knowing how to rim and how much pleasure that gives a woman. Celeste would tell you that her favorite orgasm occurs when I rim her as she is stroking her clit. 10

#3 Do you know exactly where your partner's g-spot is and how to push against it when you have your penis in her ass? Score yourself on a scale of haven't got a clue (1) to absolutely (10).

Jim: Very uneven. Sometimes I'm spot on and sometimes I can't find it at all. Go figure. 6

#4 As your partner's orgasm approaches, whose fingers are stroking her clit? Score yourself on a scale of always mine (1) to whoever's she wants (10).

Jim: I never touch Celeste's clit. She always want to control the pace and intensity of her orgasm and not have these things dictated to her by even a devoted lover. If you think about it, her desire makes perfect sense. Occasionally, I do more her hand towards her clit when I feel the first signs of an approaching orgasm. 10

#5 There is a powerful contraction of your partner's sphincters on the shaft of your penis that occurs as an anal sex orgasm begins. It's intensity is one of the best tests of how you have performed in stimulating her body. What is the average sensation you experience? Score yourself on a scale of don't feel a thing or don't notice a thing (1) to I'm still tender the next day (10),

Jim: It's all over the scale, so I gave myself a 6.

#6 Although an orgasm itself lasts only a few seconds, the contractions that follow can last much longer, depending on the power of the orgasm itself. On a scale of a few seconds (1) to more than two minutes (10), what is the average length of time your partner experiences contractions after her orgasm?

Jim: This is a difficult question to answer. One of the few real drawbacks to anal sex is that the physical experience can be too intense. This leaves Celeste with her body shaking, gasping for air, and in a state of agitation that makes an answer impossible. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. Most of the time, Celeste's contractions last more than a minute. I gave myself an 8.

#7 On a scale of never (1) to always (10), how often does your partner ejaculate and/or leave a wet spot in the bed after anal sex?

Jim: Celeste ejaculates about half the time, so I gave myself a 5.

#8 On a scale of doesn't exist (1) to overwhelming (10) how intense is your partner's expressed desire that you have an orgasm during anal sex, either in her ass, mouth, or through masturbation? If anyone asks why vagina is not on this list, that person and his partner are IDIOTS, asking for all sorts of very serious health problems.

Jim: This is frequently a frustration for Celeste, who wants to feel those warm squirts in her ass after her orgasm(s), even if she is not fully "with it.". I often get so caught up in giving pleasure that I don't cum at all. In my defense, if I tried to match Celeste orgasm for orgasm, I'd have been carted off to the rubber room years ago. 4

#9 Assuming that you have allowed time for this and your partner wants to, how often does she"float" into the trance-like state or fall asleep after anal sex? Score yourself on a scale of never (1) to always (10)

Jim: Not always, but most of the time. 8

#10 How often does your partner initiate an either a verbal or non-verbal invitation to anal sex? Score yourself on a scale of never (1) to several times a week (10).

Jim: Happens all the time. 10

Your results. Great anal sex is very complex and multifaceted. I'd say that any score over 60 was good, over 80 very good, and over 90 suspect. Being as honest as I could be, I came up with a score of 77 for myself--pretty good, but Celeste and I have been practicing for a long time. What is most useful, it to have your partner take the quiz not knowing what your results were and then compare what you think of yourself as an anal lover and what she thinks of you.. When Celeste "graded" me, her was 79 and there were no big differences by category. She, incidentally, is thinking about preparing a similar quiz for women who think of themselves, or want to think of themselves, as great anal pleasure-givers to men. It's interesting to me to realize that if I had taken this quiz when I was twenty-five, I think I would have scored between 35 and 40.

Jim