Aruna and Rebecca Pt. 04

When I got into Lilly's car to go home she was mad at me and I didn't understood why. Her eyes shot fire and she shook her head while I fastened my seat belt. "What?" I asked.

"Oh, so it still works after all!" She said as she put the keys in the contact.

I looked at her, still not getting it. "Your voice, stupid! You didn't say a damn word the whole night!"

I pulled my shoulders up and stared out of the window. "I didn't feel like it."

Lilly didn't respond, but she drove faster and faster until we arrived back at my place, less than 15 minutes later. When she parked and I wanted to get out she grabbed my arm and held me in place.

"You are not going to like what I am about to say, but stop this Aruna. Just. Stop. I didn't say what others are thinking and saying behind your back for a while now because you are my best friend and I love you, but you were only together for two weeks. Snap out of it. Stop the self pitying and start living again. You can't lock yourself up in your apartment forever like it is a tower and you the princess who awaits rescuing. Tonight I thought I finally got a bit of the old Aruna back, but then you never even opened your mouth to anyone. Do you know how hard it is to help someone who doesn't want to be helped? Please, I know she meant a lot to you, but I only want my best friend back."

"First my parents, then Frank and the others at work, now you,... People should stop pushing me so hard dammit!" I fumed.

"God damn, move on already!" Lilly shouted in my face. "I hate to say it but she obviously did, otherwise she would have written, phoned or emailed you by now!"

Ouch, that hurt.

"Fuck you Lilly! Mind your own business!" I yelled before I got out of the car. I slammed the door of my apartment building shut with as much force as I had in me.

The week that followed was one of the worst in my life. I could not imagine a life without Rebecca, but I had managed to make it even worse by alienating everybody else who I cared about. I should have done something to make amends, but a big part of me was really disappointed in all of them, and far too stubborn to lift even a finger to pick up a phone.

Chapter 19

And then came the day that I finally got word from her.

I was about to go to work, and quickly grabbed my mail of out the box on my way out. It was a very normal looking letter. Until I took a closer look I thought it was a bill. It was white and had the same size as the other letters, but the stamps gave it away, and then I noticed the curly handwriting.

My heart stopped and did a sprint at the same time. It was Rebecca's.

I would love to say I ripped it open immediately, but at first I could only stare at it. I sought support of the nearest wall, and then I opened it.

"My dearest Runy,

Let me begin by simply telling you that I miss you very, very much. I am only half a person without you and it hurts every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

I know that now that I live so far away we can never be what we were again, or become what we were meant to be, but I think about you all the time. Everywhere I go I see stuff I want to share with you and knowing that I will never see or hear or touch or smell or taste you again breaks my heart. We were only really together for a few short weeks, but you should know that you will always be very special to me.

The reason I write this letter is also why it is so late. Igor told me about the hard time you are having with it too, and asked me a few times already if I would please call you or write you or show any other sign of life so that you would feel a bit better, but I couldn't so far. I really hope you can forgive me. You see, I have to ask you something and it is the hardest thing ever. I want to ask you to let me go if you haven't already. Get over me and start again with someone else. You are an amazing person and you should be happy. You deserve nothing less.

Do not worry about me. I live with family of Igor in Moscow now and with time I will get on my own two feet again, as I always do.

All the love I can send in a simple envelope, and to last a lifetime,

yours forever,

Rebecca."

I sagged to the ground. I didn't want to let go, I wanted her back dammit! Even the suggestion made me so sad I couldn't breathe. But what could I do other than going after her to Russia?

Smiling my first real smile in months, I ran back upstairs. Wouldn't that be a surprise! There was a return address on the envelope, so now I finally could!

I bursted in my apartment, flipped open my phone, ordered a cab to the airport and started to throw a few extra essentials in my handbag. Toothpaste, toothbrush, hairbrush, the book I was reading, credit card, passport,...

My heart was thrumming in my ears. I was really doing this, I couldn't believe it. I was going to see her again! My grin must have been enormous.

Waiting for that taxi was like waiting for an ambulance. Every second was one too many, and 10 minutes felt like 10 hours. When it finally stopped in front of my building I practically dived in.

"The airport, as quick as you can!"

When we arrived I pushed a 50 note in the drivers hand and sped off to the nearest ticket desk.

"When is the first plane to Moscow? I need a ticket for it!" I blurted out to the fat lady behind it.

She sighed and checked her computer. " It leaves in 5 hours." She said monotone, not even looking at me. " Do you want a first class, business class or coach ticket?"

That was the first time the state of my bank account popped into my head. "Oh dear god, let me have enough." I prayed silently. "Coach." I answered.

It could not go fast enough now. I simply had to see her again, and no airport people would stop me. Not even if they had questions like why I didn't have any luggage, or why I bought my ticket only 5 hours before the plane would leave, or why I was such a nervous wreck, which they all asked.

The letter Rebecca sent me was becoming more and more crumpled, but I didn't care. I must have read it at least a 100 times since I opened it. I started to realize there was a slight possibility that she didn't even want to see me, but I had to lunge for it anyway. Otherwise I would regret it for the rest of my life. So I sat there, in the departure hall at gate 27, waiting, dreaming, fretting, brooding, worrying, one large lump of nerves, with a big brick of what-the-fuck-am-I-doing in my stomach, while more and more people started to arrive to finally board the plane.

When I found my seat and clicked the seat belt closed for lift off I still could not believe I was going to be in Moscow in less than a day.

Everything felt surreal, and a thousands what-ifs raged through me. What if she didn't want to see me? What if I could not find her? What if I could find her? What if seeing each other would break our hearts even more? What if she didn't want me back? What if she did want me back as much as I wanted her and we started a relationship again? How would we do that? Make it a long distance thing? What if I could not let her go anymore afterwards? What should I say to her? Would she still look the same? What if it was all simply too good to be true? What if it was only a postal address, a locker in a bank somewhere?

I tried to read my book, and when that failed, I tried to sleep to kill some time, but that flight seemed to last forever.

Chapter 20

The first thing that I noticed when we landed was the cold. I know, so cliche, but I only had a light jacket with me and one of the many neon signs said minus 18. It was one of the few that I could read. Here and there were English translations under the russian signs to help tourists get to their right destinations, but all those unfamiliar letters around me felt really disorientating, like being stranded on another planet.

I could not stop to stare at the many differences of this place compared to where I came from though. I had to get a taxi, and quick.

I followed the signs with a yellow taxi on them and came to an exit of the airport with at least a hundred if not more cabs lined up next to each other. Lada's, Volga's, and many, many other soviet rustbuckets, all in various colours or combination of colours and states of decay. Often only recognisable as a taxi by the little sign on the roof. I had never seen so many together in my life. For a while I just stood there, watching how other people were being picked up and dropped of.

"Hey miss! Where you need go?" one of them shouted at me. "I make you price, I bring you?"

The car looked like it's better days had long been gone: rusty doors, one welded completely shut, a taped rear window, scratches and dents everywhere, but it was one of the only ones in yellow with the famous black checkerboard pattern at the sides, so I trusted it a little more than the others.

I walked up to him and showed him the letter. "Yes please. I need to go to this address."

"Hmm, for that adress, 3000 rubles." he said.

"I have no Russian money to pay you." I stated. "And that is way to much." I took my wallet out of my purse and checked what I had left. A bill of 50 and some change. "I can give you 30 euro's."

"100." he countered. "We stop by bank if need."

"No banks. If you won't take 30 I go to one of the other taxi's." I said.

"50. No lower. I have 6 kids."

Stupid me, he saw my money of course. Feeling that he would not budge further, I stuck my hand out. "Deal."

He shook it and then I finally got in the car.

The inside was at least as worn out as the outside: a torn backseat, yellow air-freshener dangling from a cracked mirror, and the loudest, most tormented engine I have ever heard. It was an adventure on it's own, so when the car stopped at the rear entrance of a restaurant, and he told me we were there, I took a relieved breath.

I handed over the money, we thanked each other, and then I stepped out, into the cold again.

Chapter 21

I squeezed the letter in my hand, took a deep breath to calm myself, without effect, and started to look for the entrance of the restaurant. I found it behind the corner.

The restaurant was not that big, but it was very busy, and cosy. Right before me a big group of people had arrived and they were only just taking their seats. It was nice and warm inside and my fingers started to tingle immediatly from the warmth after the freezing cold outside.

In the back stood a bar with a bartender and behind him two big doors to what I guessed was the kitchen. The bartender was watching the croud with a little smile on his face, and looked friendly enough, so I went to him and took place on one of the barstools.

"Hello sir, do you know a Rebecca? I am looking for her and I have only this address."

He looked a bit surprised to see me, maybe he hadn't seen me enter. He said something I didn't understood.

"Sorry sir, I don't understand you."

"No Russian?" He asked.

I shook my head and asked again. "Is Rebecca here?" I made a sweeping gesture, meaning the whole restaurant.

He finally seemed to understand. "No."

My heart sank.

"But later she here. You wait. Friend?"

I nodded again and smiled. My fingers thrummed the bar nervously.

He placed a glass with something yellow inside in front of me. "Here. You need."

I shook my head and showed my wallet. "No money."

He pushed it a bit further at me and smiled. "No bad. Rebecca your friend, she pay for you."

I took the glass and sipped it slowly while I looked around and joined the bartender in his session of people watching. "Thank you sir."

The group of people who came in right before me all sat down now and were getting menu's and ordering their drinks. An old lady a few tables further was feeding her little dog scraps from her plate under the table. And by the window in the corner I spotted a grand piano. My heart skipped a beat. I hadn't played since Rebecca vanished out of my life.

Without even realising what I was doing I put my glass down and walked up to it. I stroked my fingers over the ivory keys and felt the familiar tingly rush coming over me. Oh how I regretted not playing for so long. I could have really helped me but I guess playing reminded me of her now, it reminded me about those lessons we did togheter.

I took a chair from a nearby empty table, placed it in front of the piano, closed my eyes and started playing. Soon my surroundings dissapeared from me. Time and place lost all it's meaning. Just me and the piano. I played and played and played.

I had been in such a deep pit the last couple of months and could hardly believe I was able to take this away from myself for such a long period. Coming to Russia was already a win situation. Even if she didn't want me back, I got this part of myself back. Nobody was ever taking that away from me again, not even me.

While I thought of her I heard the music changing. All the hope I felt now, but also all the pain, the frustration, worry, anger, powerlesness over the situation and love I had came out.

Only when I felt something wet dripping on my hands I quit. Water?

I sniffed. No, tears. I landed back on earth and wiped my face on my sleeve. It was dead silent behind me. Shit, how embarrasing.

I took a deep breath and turned around slowly. What I feared as I heard the silence was true. Everyone listening and staring at me.

And then I noticed who sat at the nearest table. Rebecca. My Rebecca.

We made eye contact and stood up at the same time. We met halfway the table and the piano and fell into each others arms.

"You are real! I can't believe you came!" She cried. I felt her tears in my neck and only now realised she was crying too. Then the words sank in.

"Of course I am real and of course I came! As soon as I knew where to go! Don't you ever ask me to let you go again!" I laughed and cried at the same time.

We broke loose out of our hug and stood there for a while, holding hands, looking at each other.

"Come on, we need to catch up." She eventually said. "Let's go to my kitchen."

We walked back to the bar, where she introduced me to the owner of the restaurant, the bartender, and then went through the double doors.

Inside the kitchen she picked me up and put me on one of the counters. "My Runy!" She wispered.

I couldn't speak anymore. I never thought I would be called that again. I flung my arms around her and simply kissed her.

Her lips and mouth and everyrthing else was the same as I remembered and more. We could not let go of each other. I could not believe that one of the things I worried about on my way here was that it would hurt us both extra bad if we had to let each other go after this. I was never going to let her go again, unless she sent me away. Even if it meant living under a bridge or never going back home again, or both.

I pulled her even closer to me and slid my hand under her blouse via her neck. Her shoulders still were that same magical mix of muscular but soft. And that red hair! And her scent! I wanted to bury myself in it.

Her cold hands traveled under my own jacket and I immediately got goosebumps everywhere, although I never felt more hot or turned on in my life. I didn't dare to close my eyes out of fear that she would dissapear and it would all be a dream so we stared into each others eyes while we kissed. It made it all the more intense.

We were so lost in each other that we didn't hear the flapdoors of the kitchen going open and closed.

"Ahem!"

We froze midkiss. Oh no, busted. Again.

We broke loose out of our kiss, but Rebecca did not let me go.

It was the bartender/owner, and one of the waiters. They talked a few sentences with Rebecca and then they both shook my hand politely.

I jumped of the counter with a red face. "Sorry to sit on your counter sir."

Rebecca laughed and translated. Then they both laughed too.

"Runy, this is my boss, Aleksei, who you already met, and my best friend and one of the waiters here, Michel."

I shook their hands, still blushing, while Rebecca introduced me to them.

They laughed some more, but then suddenly it was all business again. Aleksei klapped in his hands and ordered something in the lines of 'right, and now back to work!' because immediately after Rebecca grabbed an apron from a hook near the door and put it on.

"I have to work baby." she said sheepishly. "The restaurant is filling up and I am the chef. I cat be replaced this soon. Aleksei asked me to ask you if you wanted to play some more on the piano, but will you please stay here and help me? It's only a room away, but..."

I kissed her hand and grabbed another apron. "Don't worry love, after all I have been through today, I am not leaving you so easily, not even to play piano next door. "

She radiated a smile. "You can play for Aleksei and the customers another time, right? With a bit of luck it is not such a long shift tonight so we can go home soon."

"I still suck at cooking though."I admitted. "I lived off bread, instant soups and take aways in your absence."

"A very healthy diet." She winked.

I stuck my tongue out in reply. "Just give me a simple job and I will let you do the rest and stay out of your hair, ok? For now."

She looked around and gave me a bag of carrots, a knife and a chopping board. "Can you chop these in slices for me? They're for tommorow's mise-en-place."

"The mise-en-what?" I asked.

"Tommorow's preparations." she explained.

I took to a corner of the room, and started slicing while I watched her do her business. It still amazed me how much she was in her element in a kitchen. She did everything at the same time. Stirring in a pot, putting another on the fire, baking meat in 3 frying pans, humming, out of tune I must say, glancing at me once in a while, filling up plates, sticking up new orders to the carrousel,...

Now and then Michel popped in to take the full plates away and bring empty plates back, so when my carrots were all sliced and in a neat pile in a bowl with some plastic foil over them, I started doing the dishes.

We worked in concentrated silence. I think we just had too much to say to each other for meaningfull conversation right now. It would come when we were alone, later, when we had nothing to do and a little more privacy.

After a while I heard rather than felt my stomach growl. The kitchen was filled with delicious smells and I realised I hadn't eaten since that morning at home. I was far too nervous for the food at the plane, and it had looked and smelled rather disgusting anyway.

Rebecca looked over with a smile on her face and broke the silence. "Are you getting hungry?"

"I guess. I haven't eaten in a while."

She grabbed a plate out of the shelf and loaded it with a bit of everything. Three kinds of meat I could not name, a whole range of vegetables, rice, fried potatoes and mashed potatoes, and in a bowl in the middle some soup.

"Start with the soup Runy, and tell me if you recognise it."

I recognised it without even tasting it. It was the same soup she made that first time togheter.

I took a spoonfull and closed my eyes. "It is even better than in my memory."

My stomach growled again and she put her hand on it, which immediately gave me butterflies. "When exactly was the last time you ate?" she asked.

"Right before I got your letter." I admitted. "A day ago? I dont know how many hours it has been. A slice of bread and an apple. The food in the plane looked to disgusting for words so I only drank water and fruit juice on my way here."

"You left as soon as you had my letter?" she asked softly.

I nodded and stroked the sides of her face while I chewed on a piece of bell pepper. "You should have written earlier baby. Why didn't you wrote earlier? I was so worried, and hurt, and I missed you so terribly bad. I can't live without you, everything went to shit. I didn't function anymore, I messed everything up."