Aruna and Rebecca Pt. 04

I saw a tear form and glide down her cheek and felt immediately guilty for what I said and how it must have made her feel. But it was the first time we talked at all about our time apart and I had so many questions, and so much to tell. It suddenly looked rather daunting. How to handle it without hurting her further? It was not her fault, we were both victims here. And yet a part of me was angry at her too, wanted to hurt her the way she hurted me by playing dead to the world.

I spooned another mouthful of the food in my mouth as we were both silent for a few seconds. Then when my mouth was empty again we spoke at the same time.

"I am so sorry for what I did to you Runy. I should have written much earlier.. I am so terribly sorry."

"What the hell happened to you?"

Rebecca looked at the floor, clearly ashamed. "I was illegal. Immigrations found out where I lived and raided my apartment. Apparently they thought I was living there and subletting it to 8 other illegal immigrants. They took everything away from me right in the beginning so I could not contact anybody or supposedly warn anyone. They treated me fairly ok overall, but even long after they arrested me they kept interrogating me about all these other people which I didn't know. And then when they finally believed I didn't know them and I had lived there alone they put me on a plane and sent me back to Moscow. I tried everything to get them to bring me back to my apartment one last time, to say goodbye to you and explain, but they would not let me. I told them I had a cat, and they said they would send animal welfare over. I told them I had valuable stuff in that apartment and they simply told me it would all be sold in auction or thrown away. I told them I had to tell people that immigrations had me or they would start looking for me and be angry at me, but they only laughed and told me that was what I deserved."

"But why didn't you phone me as soon as you landed?" I asked while I wiped her tears away with my thumb and lifted her head so I could see her face. "Or emailed me or even facebooked me?"

"I am not proud of that." She whispered. "I was so angry at myself and I wanted you to be angry at me too. Losing you was the worst I have ever been through, and it was all my own fault. Then three days later I heard from Igor what you were going through, that you were a wreck too, and I told myself I didn't deserve you and forbade myself from contacting you so you could get over me faster. I didn't want to hurt you, I only wanted it to be over sooner for you. I wanted you to be angry at me. I wanted you to stop loving me."

She sobbed and I pulled her to me. "I am so sorry Runy. I tried to protect you and only made it worse. I should have done it differently. I am so sorry. It is all my fault and I am so, so sorry." She made my shoulder wet with her tears.

"I could never stop loving you Rebecca." I whispered in her ear. "Never. Not even if I tried. I am still angry, furious even, but not at you, not anymore, now I know what happened and why you did what you did."

I pulled her a bit away so she could see my face as I told her the truth. "You see, this is not your fault. That day when I came home from work and you weren't there, I found a postcard in my mailbox. It had a police car on it and a kiss from Nicky on the back. She ratted you out.

"She didn't want us to be together." Rebecca said. "That piece of ..."

I nodded and kissed her forehead. "She is a jealous bitch and someday she is going to get what she deserves for it."

Rebecca was crying but as I said that she laughed through the tears. "I am so happy you are here."

At that moment Michel came into the kitchen again. He said something, but when he saw us standing there, and the emotional messes we were, he sighed. He threw his hands in the air and strung another few sentences together of which I understood absolutely nothing.

Rebecca let me go and hugged him instead. Then she turned back to me and grabbed my hand. "He is taking over the kitchen. Let's go home."

She pulled me with her and I followed her willingly. Michel winked at me when we got out. He said something, but I could only smile in reply. Language was going to become a problem.