Ashes to Ash's Ch. 01

"I always will," Ashley responded. "So you do whatever it is you think you need to do to get through this, and I'll be there to help you."

"Thanks," Sarah said with a smile, then she sighed. "I'm not sure where to go from here. It's not like it was really working anyway."

"Don't let guilt get in the way of doing something that makes you feel better about things," Ashley told Sarah. "I'm not saying that you should start going at it now in front of me, but... if the urge comes, and you're feeling lonely... just do it."

"I guess so," Sarah said, a little red in the face. "It wasn't the same anyway though. I mean, I don't want to be too blunt here, but... my own fingers are no substitute for what we had together. Just some memories and a hand don't quite really scratch the itch."

"TMI Sar!" Ashley responded with a laugh. Sarah turned up her nose as Ashley.

"You said you'd listen to me," Sarah defended. "You can't back out now."

"Fair enough," Ashley sighed.

"There's not much more to say anyway, "Sarah sighed. "Thanks, Ash. For everything. You're the best sister a girl could have."

"Damn straight I am," Ashley said with a wink. "Now how about you stop feeling guilty and we both get some shuteye. We've got another day to spend together on The Citadel, and I don't want us both to be sleeping in or overtired because we spent all night having our own private girls-only slumber party."

"Agreed," Sarah said. "G'night, Ash."

"G'night, Sar."

Both Williams sisters nestled back down into the bed, both initially turning their backs to each other. Just as Ashley was drifting off, she was startled slightly by the feeling of an arm draping around her waist and a body pressing into her back.

"Thank you," Sarah whispered into her ear. "I love you."

"I love you too," Ashley whispered back. And in under a minute, both Williams sisters were out like a light.

For the next day, Ashley and Sarah decided to head to the marketplace district of the Zakera Ward to do some shopping. They looked at all kinds of things, from weapons and clothes, to pets and jewelry. Ashley had been thinking of their conversation last night and was wondering if she could find something as a gift to make Sarah feel better, but nothing had come to mind during their browsing. She would also like to have surprised Sarah, but that was hard when they were spending almost every second of the day together.

Finally, fate seemed to strike for Ashley. Just as Sarah excused herself to go to the bathroom, Ashley noticed an adult store across the street from them. As soon as Sarah disappeared from sight, Ashley strode in and began browsing around. It didn't take her long to find what she was looking for: a nice large vibrator. 'I'm not sure how this compares to Thomas, but it's got to be better than just her fingers,' Ashley thought as she purchased the item, opting for the gift-wrap option at the terminal. She then left, hoping to get back to her spot before Sarah had returned. She made it, but there was one thing Ashley forgot to take into account.

"What's that you've got there?"

Ashley was frozen for a moment, as she realized she'd done nothing to actually hide the gift that she was obviously not carrying before Sarah had left. "Ummm..." was all Ashley could respond with for a moment.

"Is that a present for somebody?" Sarah asked.

"Yes. It is," Ashley stated as if everything was normal, and then an idea occurred. "I'll give it to them when I go back to the Normandy."

"Who is it for?" Sarah asked curiously. "Somebody special?"

"Yes, you could say that," Ashley responded with a sly smirk.

"Is it that Vega guy?" Sarah asked.

"No," Ashley said.

Sarah thought again. "You're not into turians now, are you?" she asked. "Or that Prothean you told me about?"

"It's not for either of them," Ashley said. "Stop guessing."

"I know it's not for Shepard. They're already involved with-"

"Sarah! Stop it!" Ashley said firmly, yet with a bit of a laugh as to not hurt her feelings. "It's personal." A pause. "Very personal."

"Alright," Sarah said with a smirk. "Keep your secrets. It's time for coffee and cakes anyway."

Sarah dragged Ashley by the arm to a nearby coffee shop she'd spotted, and their day of shopping and fun continued. The two ordered pizza and stayed in at the apartment this time, watching vids until they drifted off together on the couch. Both were woken up by Ashley receiving a call from Shepard telling her she had twenty minutes to return to the ship before they left the station. Sarah suddenly seemed sad after a day of few tears for the two of them, so Ashley gave her a quick hug.

"Don't worry, Sar. I'll be back in another week and a half. Assuming things go according to plan that is."

"It always seems so much longer," Sarah said with a heavy sigh. "I'm always worried you won't come back."

"I'm with Shepard," Ashley said, trying to sound confident. "If anybody is going to make it through this, it's the crew of the Normandy."

"I guess so," Sarah said. She tried to sound upbeat, but couldn't. Ashley got to her feet and picked up the present she'd left on the kitchenette bench.

"I was going to give this to its recipient when I got back to the Normandy," Ashley said as she walked up to Sarah. "But I think I'll give it to you now."

"For me?" Sarah said, taking the gift carefully. "You didn't have to. Thank you so much." She paused and sniffed. "Just having you here with me for two days was more than enough."

"Enough with the mushy stuff," Ashley said with a laugh. "Just accept it."

"Okay," Sarah said, laughing back. "Can I open it now?"

"If you want," Ashley said. "That's kind of why I decided to give it to you now, just in case you just tore it open at the docking port in front of everybody."

"Why? What is it?" Sarah wondered, suddenly suspect. She had already started to tear the paper away, and when it was gone her eyes became saucers.

"Wow! Holy shit, Ash! What the hell?!"

"I'm sorry if I insulted you, I just thought... it might help," Ashley said apologetically, yet sincerely.

"I... I don't know what to say," Sarah answered slowly. She laughed and spoke more flippantly next. "I really don't, Ash. I have no clue how to respond to this!"

"Just enjoy it," Ashley said. "Or not, if you'd prefer. It's up to you."

"Thanks. I think."

"Come on. We'd better get going, or Shepard will get grumpy," Ashley quipped.

"Good idea," Sarah said. "Can't have you getting in trouble."

The two made their way to the door, when Ashley suddenly stopped Sarah from going further before opening the front door.

"Uh, Sar?"

"Yeah?"

"You sure you want to bring that along with you?"

Sarah looked at the gift, still in her hand. Her face reddened.

"You're right. Better not," she said, and she tossed it onto a nearby bench. The two sisters shared a laugh, then left for the docking bay.

Thanks to Shepard managing to broker peace between the quarians and The Geth, Ashley made it back to The Citadel on time 11 days later. Ashley had enjoyed catching up with Tali again, who had also joined the crew. Ashley considered the young quarian be like a little sister to her, but it was now time to catch up with one of her biological little sisters.

Sarah hugged Ashley as soon as she arrived, tears in her eyes as usual. Ashley had to soothe her somewhat, but it took Sarah a while to calm down. They were more tears of relief and joy that Ashley made it back safely than anything, and the first thing the two did was head to a cafe where Sarah rattled on about hearing about all the death and destruction lately, and so being even more worried about Ashley's survival. Ashley had told Sarah that she'd hear pretty quickly if Shepard and the crew of the Normandy went down for one, and that secondly Shepard wasn't going to fail. Sarah eventually calmed down and topics shifted to topics less dire, even though it was hard with the state of the galaxy at the moment. Both sisters agreed that they needed to keep their spirits up, and the best way to do that was avoid talking about the Reapers and anything to do with them.

The sisters continued spending time together, eventually hitting a classy bar for some drinks and a nibble. Eventually, Sarah asked Ashley a familiar question from the last time she'd arrived on station.

"You're staying on-station tonight, right?" Sarah queried.

"Yeah. Two nights like last time I believe," Ashley said. "Unless some emergency comes up and we have to ship out to deal with it.

"Could you please stay at the apartment with me again?" Sarah pleaded.

"I was already planning on it, Sar," Ashley said like the plea was completely unwarranted. "I promised I'll be there for you as much as I can, when I can."

"Okay, cool," Sarah said, and she shifted uncomfortably. "Does that mean you'll, um... y'know... like last time?"

"Sleep with you?" Ashley said nonchalantly. Sarah went red like a tomato.

"Assshhh! Keep your voice down!" Sarah whispered, looking around to make sure nobody overheard.

"Sorry," Ashley said casually. "It's not that big of a deal."

"Maybe not to you," Sarah retorted. "But... I'm kind of sensitive about my recent... issues."

"Sorry, Sar. I thought have realized," Ashley said with genuine sympathy.

"It's okay," Sarah said. She shuffled in her seat a little, looking at Ashley. The older Williams suddenly understood.

"Oh! Yes, I will," Ashley said, then paused. "Sorry."

"That's okay. And thanks," Sarah said. "It... it means a lot to me."

"That's why I'm doing it for you," Ashley said. "Though I'm guessing you don't want to discuss whether you've enjoyed my gift or not?"

"Not here, that's for sure!" Sarah said, seeing the humorous side of her sister's statement this time. Thankfully Ashley had been vague enough for it not to embarrass her. "We'll talk more later, at the apartment."

Later came just short of three hours later, when the Williams sisters plonked down on one of the sofa's together. Sarah began looking for some vids for them to watch that evening when Ashley leaned back and casually asked the infamous question.

"So, did you manage to get some use out of my gift?"

"Yes," Sarah said with a small grin, reddening in the cheeks. "Try every night since you'd left."

"Wow, okay," Ashley said, trying to take the frankness of it all in stride.

She couldn't believe she was discussing this with Sarah, not that all of the Williams didn't have the odd "girls only" talks that got a little personal in their teen years when they were all together. With Sarah being the youngest though, Ashley was already gone for basic training before Sarah was old enough to discuss these things with her, though Ashley assumed Lynn and Abby had done something about that. Ashley was now 28 years old, while Sarah was 21. Still, it was hard to believe that this was the same Sarah that only five years ago had had an issue with her first real boyfriend going too fast for her. Ashley had traveled light years to help her then, and she was doing so again now.

"So, it's helping you out?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah," Sarah replied. "It's been... good. Thanks again, sis."

Ashley could tell something was up with Sarah's answer, but she didn't want to push her on the issue. Not yet. She was sure that in due time, the truth would come to the surface. It wasn't long before they did either, when the two decided to head to bed for the evening after a night of silly comedy vids and some popcorn. Much like the last time, both stripped down to their underwear and crawled into their respective sides of the bed, wishing each other "good night" before the light was switched off. Ashley had trouble sleeping, as she waited and listened, expecting Sarah to start crying again. For a while Sarah was okay, but sure enough Ashley heard the sounds of sobbing in the darkness before the first hour had come.

Ashley fought against herself to immediately reach over and comfort her sister, thinking that she couldn't baby her too much. Ashley figured that she was right there beside Sarah, so all her little sister needed to do to get some comfort was to slide over a little and snuggle into her. It seemed to have been enough the last night they spent together, so Ashley was hoping that Sarah would either get over her little sob session or would just reach out and hug her. Unfortunately for Ashley, Sarah did neither next.

After a little while, Ashley heard Sarah calm down a little, then shift beneath the covers. A muffled hum came to Ashley's ears, and she realized that Sarah had switched on her gift and was about to use it. Ashley didn't know how to feel about this, but also wasn't quite sure what she expected. She had hoped Sarah wouldn't use it while they were sleeping together, but then her sister had also said that she'd been using it every time for the last eleven nights. And that's assuming she only used it while in bed at night. Why would things change now, especially since Ash had given it to her and told her to use it whenever she felt she needed it? Ashley guessed that Sarah probably figured that she was asleep. Ashley half-wished she was right now.

In trying not to listen and block it out, instead it seemed the sounds from Sarah were prominent to Ashley. Sarah's whimpers began to turn into moans and gasps, squeaks and pants. All backed by the muffled hum causing them all. As Sarah's session went on though, she didn't seem to be enjoying it more and more. Ashley actually found herself paying attention, any awkwardness pushed aside by her own concern for Sarah's well-being. Sarah sounded like she was trying to force the pleasure and that it wasn't working. Cries of pleasure seemed to become cries of frustration, and eventually Sarah seemed to break down when it was clear she'd not achieved the kind of release she was seeking. The hum stopped as a dull, barely audible click silenced it, and Ashley felt her heart aching for Sarah.

Sarah suddenly turned over towards Ashley, her head thumping against the pillow in frustration, with enough tears streaming down her cheeks that it would have soaked the pillow had it not already been drenched in sweat. Sarah's cries of self-pity were erased in a gasp as she saw Ashley lying there, looking back at her. Sarah's bottom lip wobbled as she struggled to find words, but it was Ashley who spoke first.

"Why did you lie to me, Sarah?"

Ashley's voice was filled with concern and sympathy, but also hurt.

"Ash?" was all Sarah could whisper back. Ashley sighed, swinging her head forwards to look up at the ceiling again.

"You told me things were fine earlier today. You said it was helping you."

"I-I-It w-was," Sarah managed to get out. "It was, but..."

Sarah's eyes dropped as she trailed off. Ashley turned back towards her, and she extended one arm to softly wipe some tears off Sarah's cheek. Sarah looked back at Ashley, their eyes locking. Ashley's were now full of compassion, but also curiosity.

"But?" Ashley pressed, trying to sound both forceful and sympathetic. Sarah swallowed and her lips trembled a few times before the words came.

"But... it didn't last," the younger Williams admitted. "It worked for the first five or six days, but then... it just wasn't working any more."

"Why?" Ashley said. "You must have some idea why? What changed?"

"It just... just still didn't feel real, y'know?" Sarah admitted, her eyes lowering again. "It was still pretty much the same thing as before. All I did was substitute my fingers for a piece of juddering plastic full of batteries. I couldn't replace what Thomas gave me with that." Sarah sighed and returned her gaze to Ashley's face. "I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you, Ash. I just didn't want to... to make it feel like your gift wasn't working, that's all."

"You should know you can always be honest with me, Sar," Ashley said caringly. "I can't be there for you if you keep things from me and won't let me in."

"You're right, I should," Sarah nodded. "I'm so sorry."

Ashley found herself suddenly being hugged, so she gently stroked Sarah's hair and soothed her.

"It's okay. We all make mistakes. We'll try and do something about it tomorrow."

Sarah sniffed at Ashley's shoulder. "Like what? I can't just go out there are find some random man to do the deed with me!"

"No, nothing like that!" Ashley dismissed instantly. "Perhaps we need to do some special shopping for you."

Sarah disengaged her arms from Ashley, leaning back, a curious look on her still wet face. "What kind of shopping?"

"Well, we'll take it one step at a time," Ashley said. "For instance, perhaps the problem is that your new little toy is a little too... artificial in design. Perhaps you need something a little more like the real thing. Something softer, yet still firm. Something that feels the same as the real deal, or at least closer to it."

"We're not getting a man whore, Ash!" Sarah gasped.

"No, silly!" Ashley said with a playful swat. "I'm talking about a dildo. Sure, you're going to have to do a little more arm-work than with that thing, but it should be closer to a real dick, right?"

"I guess so," Sarah said, sounding unsure. "I guess it's worth a shot." She paused in thought. "Do you mind if you go in alone and just get it for me, like with the last one?"

"Why should I be the one who gets to be seen walking into a sex shop?" Ashley said half-jokingly.

"Because you've already done it once before," Sarah defended.

Ashley smiled. Sarah was already started to get her sense of humor back.

"Okay. I'll go in and buy it," Ashley said. "But you have to pay me back this time."

"Deal," Sarah said. "Thanks, sis."

"Anything for you, Sar," Ashley replied. "Now put that thing away and get some sleep. No sense in fighting for a lost cause tonight when you don't have the right weapons."

Sarah nodded, a more somber look crossing her features for a moment. She put the vibrator away in the bedside drawer on her side, then turned to see Ashley sitting up a little with her arms open.

"Come on," Ashley encouraged. "Snuggle into me tonight. It'll help you sleep."

Sarah just smiled and accepted the offer, and the two settled back down into the bed. Ashley squeezed Sarah warmly with a gentle rocking motion.

"I love you," Sarah said warmly, followed up with a yawn. Ashley pecked her on the forehead.

"I love you too, Sar," Ashley replied. "Good night."

But Sarah was already softly snoring in her arms. Ashley smiled in the darkness, resting her head back into the pillow before she drifted off herself.

The next morning the two had breakfast before heading out to the markets again. Ashley did as she promised while Sarah looked at some novels in a store not far away, and when they met up again Ashley drew no attention to what she'd purchased. They did some more browsing throughout the morning, then visited one of the museums on The Citadel, followed by an art gallery and finally decided to check out Afterlife, where some of the other Normandy crew members were, including Shepard busting some very awkward moves on the dance floor. After a few hours there, they decided to return to the apartment, where pizza was on the menu for dinner and silly movies were once again the agenda for the final few hours before calling it a night.

Ashley entered the bedroom after her shower to find Sarah sitting on the bed in her bathrobe, examining the dildo properly for the first time since they'd got it. She looked to Ashley with wide-eyes, who simply had a smirk on her face.

"What's wrong, Sar?"

"I just hope I can fit it inside me," Sarah said. "This thing is quite... large!"

"Sorry, but you never gave me Thomas's measurements," Ashley quipped. She immediately felt bad about that, but Sarah didn't seem to be insulted or feel too sad about the comment.