Ægir’s Bride Ch. 12

No, he had never felt particularly close to his brothers. Mikael was barely walking when he had finally won the argument with Stig, convincing the man to take him with them on the next trip. The conditions had been harsh, as harsh as the man who set them. He was to do his work, pull his weight on the boat, not get into the adults way...and oh yes, he could not fall behind with the studies his mother sent for him. He had met them all and never once since then had Ægir's Captive been to sea without him.

As for Bjorn? At twelve, he had always thought of himself as more of a man than a child then. He had no time or patience for little red balls of smelly human mess that did nothing but cried and pooed. He left that to Mikael. Maybe the truth was that he was even jealous of the little shit, who had been claimed by the man whom he had always considered his father. Surrogate though that was. But now Stig had a son, a real son. Maybe it was the way that everything changed in his world after that bawling bundle messed it all up? He was not sure, he only knew that Bjorn especially he had resented.

But never more than now. Her. Because of her. He hated the way that she looked at 'pretty' boy. He especially hated those words that had haunted his dreams last night as he lay in the bed where he had first taken her. He had taken her first. Damn it, she was right...he had chosen her. But baby brother would never see that, never admit it. And the fact that she never looked like around him, never said those soft words to him...only made it worse. "Damn her," he cursed as he slipped inside.

They both stopped laughing as they looked up at him, "Don't let me disturb this meeting of the pussy whipped club. I'll just get my dinner and take it back up to the deck."

Mikael shook his head as he took both of their plates to the sink, "Don't worry. I will go up now. You stay and enjoy your dinner."

Sven looked at the glare in Bjorn's eyes. It was clear the idea was as appealing to his brother as it was to him. "No, I don't mind really. You two have much more to talk about and I don't want to intrude," he said as he spooned the stew into the bowl and turned to leave.

He paused in the doorway. "And don't fucking do that again. Either of you. I don't need or want your help to keep my sub in line. I can manage her just fine without you."

***

Mikael joined his eldest brother in the control room. He observed Sven's profile for a long moment. He had spent a whole fucking lifetime envying the man it seemed. Always trying to break out of his shadow. Whether it was being a better seaman so that his father and uncles would notice or his failed marriage, he had wanted to be different, more than his brother.

Perhaps for the first time though, he saw this man for what he was. Far more cut off from anyone or anything, except this boat, than he had ever been. If he had built defences around his heart after Greta, his brother's rivalled the Great Wall of China. No one had ever breached it either. If he had fortified his after all that his first wife had done, why had Sven? To his knowledge, no one had ever broken his brother's heart. No, the man had always specifically chosen women, subs, who would pose no real threat to it. Why?

"Why? Why were all your subs always married, Sven?"

His brother turned slowly from the sea to face him. Mikael knew it was a trick of the low light on the ship and the darkness into which the boat floated, but for a moment his brother's blue eyes shone too bright. As if...

His voice was rough when he spoke. "It just made things simpler. I knew that most of them would never even think about trading their cushy upper middle class lifestyles for the tiny bit of excitement that a rough fisherman could give them in the bedroom. So I never worried about them wanting anything more than I could give them."

"Still why? Why did you never want more? Someone to love, someone that loves you?" Mikael pushed and probed.

His brother stared back out to sea silently for so long that Mikael believed he had chosen to ignore the question, that it would remain a mystery. He began to check log books and instruments, ready to take over for the night. So when his brother's answer finally came it took him as much by surprise as the words themselves.

"What do I have to offer anyone honestly? This life? Look at how fucked up it is. We spend more time at sea than we do at home. Even though they need us, the whole fucking village is talking behind our backs. Hell, our own fucking family propositioned her on the very first day." Mikael especially did not want any reminder of their distant cousins and rivals. He had more than enough reason to hate Nils and his four brothers.

"If that isn't bad enough, all the fucking what-ifs that we deal with every damned time we go to sea. Hell, when your fucking birth is a reminder of those..." his brother shrugged as his voice trailed off even lower after a moment. "I guess when you are born an orphan, those things just seem more real."

Mikael shook his head after a moment, "An orphan? You have always been this family's fucking golden boy. Hell, ask baby brother what it is like growing up in your shadow. His own damned father always comparing him to Sven. I have spent most of my damned life just trying to step out of your shadow."

"But no more, big brother. You are the biggest fool of us all. Pushing her away. At least I had an excuse. After Greta...well considering everything she did. I had a reason for the walls I built. But you? You let a man that has been dead longer than you have been alive blind you to the fucking truth. Not just with her either...with us too. You never let us in. Even when we try. No wonder she wants to just give up."

He saw his brother's shoulders slump then as he turned away and walked towards the doorway. "Let her. It is probably for the best. That way if anything did..." He paused at the top of the steps. "At least this way, she won't waste any tears on me."

"You are wrong about that too, big brother. She would cry just as hard for you as she would for me or Bjorn." He chuckled sardonically, "Probably more because she would blame herself for never being able to reach you, never being able to make you happy, make you love her. But you see I know the fucking truth...you do. You love her just as much as we do. And that fucking scares the great Captain Ahab more than any whale ever could."

"You go, run and hide. Just like you have for a lifetime. But hear me now. We won't let you hurt her, keep pushing her away the way you have all of us. She deserves more than that."

He sighed, "You do too, big brother. You deserve the happiness she offers. Find a way...fight your way back to us. I know how fucking hard that is. I do, I promise. But I also know how fucking worth it, it really is. How worth it, she is."

Sven did not even bother turning back to face him as he stepped down, "Pussy whipped. She has both of you totally pussy whipped already. Well, I am not like you or your father. I won't let any woman have that power over me. Not ever."

"You think you are so much like him, don't you? More like him than his own son. Well, big brother maybe you are. Just as big a fool as the man, who died without ever really telling our mother how much she meant to him. You really want to be like that? Then you are a fucking fool."

Mikael turned back to look at the windshield as the wind drove huge drops of rain into it. Spattered them against it faster than the wipers could clear it away. This night he would be piloting more by the instruments than by sight. Maybe that was appropriate too. It was certainly the way that he would have to play this between them.

Protecting her and bringing his brother into the fold had never seemed more opposing forces than they did just then. He sighed and prayed to Vör, the goddess of wisdom, to help him navigate these seas that were far rougher than any other he had faced.

While he was at it, he might as well send one to his other favorite goddess, Freya. "Damn, baby brother, I have to give it to you on this one," he smiled as he guided their boat in the dark night and deep waters.

***

Kirsty reached for the box of tissues that Petrine had brought with her along with the laptop, ice cream and Monika. She had been right. The child knew the words to not only 'Sobbin' Women' but most of the other songs as well. She had a lovely voice too it seemed. She had even managed to untie one of the ropes and use it as a microphone of sorts.

She looked over at the small sleeping form at the foot of her too big bed. She had covered her in one of the extra quilts after the child had finally succumbed to exhaustion just after 'Lonesome Polecat.' She had no intention of moving the child tonight. Truth was that she was not as worried about waking her as she wanted the company. Musicals...she made a note to find and buy as many as she could. Beginning with her favorite, The Sound of Music. 'This are a few of my favorite things' was already beginning to drown out the rich, deep bass of Howard Keel singing 'When You're in Love.'

That was what had set the trail of tears lose with her. The final scene in the movie when he was finally united with his wife and new baby. After distancing himself from her, them, his own brothers. It hit just a bit too close to home actually.

That soft smile lit her mother-in-law's still beautiful face from within, "You see it too, don't you, sweetie?" She brushed a tear away, "I knew you would. Just give my son some more time...and patience. He will come around. It is just hard for men like that to admit it." She inhaled deeply and got that far-off sad look once more, "Sometimes a lifetime."

Kirsty reached for the woman's hand with her own and squeezed it gently. Rachel gave her a half smile, but it was the deep voice from the doorway as Olaf cleared his throat that drew both their attention, "Excuse me. I don't meant to interrupt anything." He laughed and those eyes twinkles from grey to silver just as his son's did. "Why am I lying? Hell, yes, I meant to interrupt. I am stealing my wife back for the rest of the night."

Rachel shook her head, "What makes you think you can break up girls' night, old man?"

He crossed the room with a look that though the face might be older, more lined, Kirsty recognized meant just one thing...business. He bent and whispered something in Rachel's ear and the woman nodded, dropped her green eyes and whispered, "Yes, Sir."

She lifted her face that once more shone from within with radiance, "I am calling it a night, dear. The Old Man made me an offer I cannot refuse. Do you need our help getting Monika back to her room?"

She shook her head, "No leave her. I would like the company."

Petrine smiled and squeezed her hand a bit more, "I understand. Well, we will leave you two for now then. Just think on the movie for a bit dear. I know it is not as easy to see, but he loves you too. I promise you he does."

"I promise," Kirsty issued another vow. The second in two days. Did Sven realize that his family had his back? Could he appreciate it if he knew? Probably not. But then again maybe that did not matter, not yet anyway. "Thank you."

The older couple slipped from the room leaving just the sleeping child and her thoughts to keep her company. Why was those thoughts occupied so completely by thoughts of him?

Her room...he had not been in her room. Not since that first night. Not as the one she chose. It had always been his cabin on the boat, his terms. Maybe when he got home, she would have to change that. She fell asleep in that huge bed which had welcomed dozens of brides over the centuries, where perhaps hundreds of babies had been born.

But it was a deep bass and strong alto duet of 'When You're in Love' to which she drifted off to slumber. She would not give up, she had come too far. She would find a way with him too. Her track record with seducing husbands was pretty good after all, two for two. And somehow he would be no different.