ASMTD Ch. 05

June 10

Tomorrow comes and goes with no word from Leo. It's not until six o'clock the following night that I start to get antsy.

"Rai," Em punches my shoulder as she shoots me a dirty look, "Stop staring at your freaking phone and try to socialize."

We're out at a Lebanese restaurant having one of our mandatory program dinners. We've had one other since we've been in Dublin and they are beyond painful. It's all polite inquiries from Joanna and Zayne about our writing and how we're enjoying Ireland and canned answers that omit the night clubs and constant drinking.

"So, Rai, how's your book coming?" Joanna asks around a mouthful of jasmine rice.

I covertly slide my phone to Em, hoping she'll understand that I'm addicted to the piece of technology and in desperate need of a sponsor. Girl has my back and slips it into her purse.

"Great. Except for the writers' block. I'm stuck on this one scene where my character Angeliq—I told you about her, right?—is going to this funeral-party-thing. Not sure how to construct the party."

"Because it's science fiction?"

"Mixed with mythology and culture norms. Still working out what a funeral looks like in the world I created."

"Hmm. Have you read the Night Huntress or Fever series? Both do a great job of creating their own world and mythos. Might be a good study guide."

"They're on my list," I say as I use my spoon to cut a large piece of lamb.

Joanna makes a sound of agreement before moving onto the next student. Not a second later I'm thinking about Leo and why he hasn't called or texted me, and what's wrong with me and what's wrong with him.

"So, poetry?" I force the words out and direct them at Em. "You write it."

"I do." She smirks. "Thank you for noticing after a year."

"Dude." I punch her arm. "How's it going? You're submitting to mags and contests right?"

"Yeah. Lots of time, energy, blood and sweat. You know the deal. But two places have already accepted me."

"That's amazing, Em!"

"With conditions." Her lips twist wryly as she rolls her eyes and says, "They want me to change them a little."

"I see. Are you struggling with literary integrity?"

"Yes and no. They're paying me, and you know I can always use more money, but I feel like if I change my work I'll be changing myself to fit someone else's mold."

"Probably wouldn't have to if you wrote that white man pain bullshit."

"Right!" she lowers her voice, and makes a frown. "My life is just so hard. My girlfriend dumped me and then I saw her favorite flower. Reminded me of this time she gave me a blow job. Now I'll never have that again. Let me just go kill myself." Her voice changes back to normal and she makes a popping sound, "And just like that you have a New York Times' Bestseller and winner of a fucking million awards."

We laugh and commiserate about how difficult it is to be women writers. For a second, I'm not thinking about anything but the difficulty of getting my stuff read, let alone published because my full name is Raiqah Muhammad Hussein. With a Moroccan father and white American mother, I'm interesting but not all that marketable for the masses.

The meal transitions from entree to dessert, all syrupy pastries that remind me of home. I'm struck by acute homesickness and fight off tears as I think of my father layering phyllo dough, crushing nuts, and mixing rose water with sugar. Ali Muhammad Hussein might be a lying, cheating bastard, but he is one hell of a baker.

"Back to the hostel?" Em asks hopefully as waiters and waitresses clear the table and everyone gathers their things.

I nod and sling my purse over my shoulder, instinctively reaching for the phone in my back pocket. It's not there. My whole world shuts down for a second before I realize I gave it to Em. Serious dependency issues I need to work on. "Yeah. I'm exhausted."

"Me too."

"Me three!" Kate joins in, popping up from behind and wrapping her arms around our necks. "What are we talking about?"

Em rolls her eyes. "Going back to the hostel. You in, or are you going to hit a club with the rest of them?"

Kate gnaws on her lower lip as she thinks. "Club. I've been in a shit mood because of you know who, and he's not going tonight. Might finally get some action."

"You already had action," I comment, shrugging off her arm and making my way to the door.

"Yeah, but that was tainted action."

"Only after the fact."

"The fact still happened."

"Okay. So, we'll see you when you get back?" I turn to her once we're on the sidewalk, half the group already moving across the street and toward Temple Bar.

"Yeah. Don't wait up!"

Em sidles up next to me as Kate dodges traffic and catches up with the other group. Bumping my hip, she asks, "Ready?"

I nod, reaching again for my phone to check the time. Funny how it's still not in my back pocket.

"Here." Em hands me the smartphone and rolls her eyes. "If I have to watch you reach for your pocket and then look stricken one more time, I'm going to hit something."

"You hit enough things. Pretty sure there's a bruise forming on my arm."

She punches me lightly and sticks her tongue out. "Well that should help it along."

"Heifer."

"Ho."

We trade joking insults as we make our way back to the hostel, Joanna and Zanye in front with Zora glued to her phone behind us. The night is quiet and cold, moisture from the rainfall this afternoon clinging to the air. After what seems like an eternity of walking, I check the time: 8:03PM and still no word from Leo. I give up the pretense of waiting for him to text, and write him a quick message.

Rai: We good? 8:04PM

Not expecting a direct answer, I slide the phone into my back pocket and turn to Em. "Ahh, life."

She casts me a sidelong glance as we briskly cross the sidewalk and beat the light by four seconds. "It's a bitch and then you die?"

"Yeah, that too."

"What else?"

"It's not fair."

"You mean like how it gives you a super hot Finnish dude to pop your cherry and then yanks him away?"

"Am I that obvious?"

She sighs dramatically and reaches for her back pocket before a look of horror crosses her face.

I punch her arm. "I do not act like that."

"Oh yeah you do." She stuffs her hands in her front pockets as we reach the hostel and climb the stairs up to the door. "But he was your best book."

"For now," I say demurely, playing coy though I feel anything but. "There are many libraries in the world with all types of books."

Barking out a laugh, Em opens the front door and casts me a look over her shoulder, "Just let me know when you find a skinny, red-haired book with washboard abs and a diploma."

***

Leo: Hope you're not sleeping. I've been swamped with work. One of our sites crashed and it's been damage control since the person in charge went on vacation yesterday. 11:19PM

Staring at the time stamp, I rub my eyes and suppress a yawn. The screen's overly bright in the dark room, mocking me for forgetting to put my phone on Do Not Disturb mode. Em grunts and rolls over, a feat in the tiny single bed.

Blinking away the sleep clouding my eyes, I try to compose a message.

Rai: Sleeping. Sorry :(that happened Sux. Don't worry we'll talk tomorrow maybe. If u have tme 11:32PM

Collapsing back onto the mattress, I punch the Do Not Disturb button and fall back into sleep, a little less restless than before.



June 12

Leo texts me sparingly, but he still texts. It's irregular and short, but it's something. And in the back of my mind I realize he's busy—I really do! He runs a company, he has a kid, he has other things I probably don't even know about, but I still can't help feeling irritated.

"You gonna finish that?" Kate asks, eyeing the half-eaten tiramisu on my plate. We're back at the Wooden Spoon indulging in baked goodies on one of our rare days off.

"Yes," I snap.

Hands held up in surrender, she draws back. "Whoa, girl. Come the hell down, you're acting worse than mm-mm."

"Who's that?" Zora asks suspiciously as Kate manages to swipe my tiramisu and give me an apologetic smile even as she eats it.

I have a mind to yell "It's you!" right in Zora's face, but I bite a hole in my cheek and remain silent. Em reaches over and places a hand on my bouncing knee, looking concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"PMS?"

"Nothing."

"That guy probably broke up with her," Zora supplies, hands skating across her phone as she messages Nick.

Bitch did not just say that runs across my mind, before I tilt my head and cast her a look I'm sure borders on murderous. Em squeezes my knee hard and draws my attention back to her. "Seriously, is it—What's his name?"

"Leo," I spit, even though I know I shouldn't be mad. I know that.

"Okay," she says slowly, sharing a glance with Kate that tells me the two think I'm off my rocker. "Did he do something or say something?"

"No."

"You have to give us more than one word answers if we're going to help you, Rai."

I swallow the growl inching up my throat and shoot daggers at my friends. "I don't need your—"

Blonde hair catches my eye out of the store front window of the Wooden Spoon. I shoot up in my seat as the man walks slowly by, talking to a shorter, dark haired man. It's Leo, looking frustrated and exhausted. His hair is high on his head in a messy bun, and there's a growing beard on his face to compliment the bags under his eyes.

Palming my phone, I send him a quick text, watching as he stops and reaches for his mobile. In an instant, his entire face changes, brightens, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. One handed, he moves his thumb across the screen's surface. My own phone buzzes in my hand.

Leo: Hey yourself. 12:13PM

Rai: What are u doing? 12:13PM

Leo: Talking with a colleague. Remember the one who went on vacation? I had him come here to set up a base of operations in my hotel room. 12:14PM

Rai: So you're in ur hotel room? 12:14PM

Leo: No. I was starting to feel like a gremlin. Getting some fresh air. 12:14PM

I stride through the cafe as I text.

Rai: Where? 12:14PM

The man beside him says something that Leo waves off as he looks around and types. He doesn't see me until I'm right in front of him, cell phone vibrating in my hand. My body is strung tight with the need to throw myself at him. Maybe Em is right and I am PMSing. No reason why I should be acting like some wife he left two years ago for war or riches or whatever men leave women for.

Leo blinks, once, twice as emotions skate across his face. Well, emotion isn't right. The man isn't an extrovert, doesn't wear what he's thinking like a cloak. And maybe that's why I'm nervous and tension tight. I think I know what Leo's thinking, feeling, but maybe I don't. The slight tilt of his lips, the lone crease between his brows, the imperceptible tilt of his head. I look closely and try to read the moves, assign attributes that might not exist

"Rai." With that one word, I forget about reading his face and focus on his voice. That's where his emotion is—always has been. Leo is vocal. All about words followed by actions followed by words.

"Leo," I return in the same tone.

We're a foot apart, staring straight into each other's eyes. He makes no move toward me, nor I toward him. It's fine. My name on his lips isn't meant for broad daylight on a street with his colleague next to him; his on mine is a promise of cool sheets in a hot room with bare, sweat slicked skin.

"Kuka hän on?" the man next to Leo asks, breaking the palpable tension between us.

Leo pulls his eyes away from mine, the corner of his lips curving down in the smallest of frowns. "This is Rai. She only speaks English."

"And Arabic," Em supplies from the left of me, bumping my shoulder. She raises a curious brow. "Hey."

There is so much more than 'hey' in her tone. I roll my eyes and nearly choke as Kate takes up my right and swings her arm around my neck. "Hey," Kate repeats in that not at all 'hey' tone.

"Emiel Wainio," Leo's colleague introduces himself with an outstretched hand. "It's very nice to meet you." His accent curves around the words, thicker than Leo's, more lyrical.

Taking his hand, I give him my own name, "Raiqah Muhammad Hussein."

"Arabic name?"

"Yes," I say, taking back my hand. "My father is Moroccan." Em bumps my hip and Kate yanks the arm around my neck. "And these lovely, non-violent ladies are my friends: Em and Kate."

Someone clears their throat behind us, before Zora sidesteps and comes between Leo and me. Her voice is overly chipper, "And I'm Zora. So you're the Leo we've heard so much about."

Em's already tugging Zora out of the way before I have to cut the bitch and go to jail for murder.

"It was great meeting you, Emiel. I'm sure you and Leo have work to do, so I won't take anymore of your time."

The other man nods, short brown hair staying perfectly in place despite the action. "Sorry, we do. But, tell me, what is your work, Raiqah? I assume you're in tech."

"She's not," Leo interrupts, firmly squashing any line of questioning Emiel has. "It was nice to see you again, Rai." And with that, he leaves, making me feel cold and unwanted. I watch as he goes, hands clasped behind his back, phone in his palm.

"That was awkward," Kate murmurs, turning back to the Wooden Spoon only to curse. "Dammit, someone stole our table. Looks like we have to get gelato now."

"I'm tired," Zora complains beside Em. "I want to go back to the hotel."

"Well go back then," Em snaps, the peacekeeper losing her patience.

Zora's expression phases between shock and hurt before she slinks off back in the way of the hostel.

"Now you've done it," Kate groans, turning me in yet another direction. "I'm going to have to hear about how she thinks we all hate her for the rest of the night. Em, you're supposed to be the one in control. The nice one."

"No, I'm just the one with a poker face," she growls, running a hand through her short hair as we weave across the street and down to the gelato bar. "You both need to brush up."

"I'll pass," I say as my cell vibrates in my backpocket. Can't even remember putting it back there. Ugh, Leo distracts me far too much.

Leo: My place. Tonight. 9. 12:21PM

"Who's that?" Em asks as a stupid grin breaks across my face.

"Mr. Finland Cherry Popper," Kate supplies, peaking over my shoulder. "Seems they got a 'date' tonight."

"Like a date date?" Em questions as I slide the phone back into my pocket and shoot Kate an eat shit and die glare. "Or a—" she drops her voice low and waggles her brows suggestively "—date?"

We all fall to giggles, laughing too loudly, tripping over each other's feet, and disturbing the relatively peaceful street in our search for gelato.

***

Date isn't the right word, I decide after Leo brings me to another orgasm. Booty call. This is a booty call. Not that I'm complaining. His bed is a million times better than the one I sleep on at the hostel. Wide and soft with a real mattress and fluffy pillows. Sex is just a bonus when compared to the sleeping arrangements.

"I think you like my bed more than me," Leo laughs, pulling out and moving toward the bathroom to clean up. He wanders back into the room with partially zipped jeans and turns on his computer. "Why don't you take a shower; I need to finish up a little more work."

Leveraging myself onto my elbows, I look over to him, leaning over his desk, one hand searching for something in the mass of files scattered over the surface. He finds a pair of glasses, small and rectangular, and slides them on before aggressively tapping the keyboard.

Here I am naked, exhausted, thoroughly sated, and the man doesn't even look like he broke a sweat. Doesn't look like he did anything more than watch TV before heading back to work. Reaching for the comforter half-on, half-off the bed, I tug it over myself. "If you have work, I can just leave." The words come awkward and unsure, the tone all wrong. I try again, more confident, more Boss Ass Bitch. I run this. "You're busy. I have class tomorrow. We should definitely do this again sometime. Just text me when you want to meet." I'm already out of bed, fastening my bra and slipping on my panties as I talk.

Strong arms wrap around my middle, crushing me back into a hard chest. Leo's nose trails the vein at my neck, nipping the hollow where my shoulder dips into my clavicle. "Did you know you smell like me, Rai? It's nice. But then you're going to wash it off, and all those little boys you hang around with are going to come sniffing around you." He bites hard into my shoulder, marking me. "You're not leaving until you sweat my scent."

"Territorial, much?" I breathe the words, feeling a shiver run through me. If the man ever gets out of the tech world, he could make a killing as a phone sex operator.

"You have no idea." He slaps my ass. "Now go take a shower. By the time you're done, I'll be ready for round two."

"What about work?"

"Work can wait."