ASMTD Ch. 09

"Great."

"Yeah."

She dresses as we talk, the scrape of a zipper and the rustle of cotton filtering through the line. "So not what I was hoping your call would be about."

"Why else would I call you in the middle of the night?"

"Pregnancy scare."

I snort and cast a look over my shoulder. Leo's still in bed, but his laptop is on his thighs and his fingers are flying over the keys. "No worries there."

"Not having sex or did he leave?"

"I'm on my period."

"Oh. Yeah that would do it."

There's a jingle of keys before a door shuts softly with a click. "So what have you been up to?"

"Farm stuff."

"Join Farmers Meet yet? I hear it's the premier dating site for people in the middle of nowhere with a passion for planting crops and milking cows."

"Punch yourself for me, please." She laughs tiredly as a car door slams and an engine purrs to life. "Give me a second to go hands free."

It's a few moments before her voice comes back, this time from a slight distance. "I did run into an old classmate."

My brows shoot to my hairline. "Really?"

"Yeah. We were in fifth grade together."

"Did she come to the farm to apple pick or something?"

"Actually, he's working with me for the summer."

"Oh."

"Don't say 'oh' like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you're about to ship us and make it a thing."

"Em, I don't even know this dude's name. How can I ship anything?"

"His name's Samson."

"Samson and Em sitting in a tree—"

"You are so getting it when you come back," she promises. "Just wait."

I laugh, but it's forced; Kate still heavy on my mind. "So is he hot?"

"Define hot?"

"Would you fuck him?"

"Probably," she answers nonchalantly. "One hundred percent when he takes his shirt off while riding the tractor."

"You've got to take a picture of that and send it to me."

"I'm sure Leo would love that," she snickers. "Speaking of which, how is Mr. Finland?"

"Still from Finland, surprisingly enough."

"Anything new on the relationship homefront?"

"Yup."

"Okay. You going to tell me?"

I look over my shoulder again to make sure Leo's not paying attention. He's not, completely focused on whatever site he's working on. "Remember that poem Zora wrote about Nick?"

"Ugh, how could I forget. Such a freakin' sappy thing about how much she loved him and how he was her world and how she'd die for him."

"Yeah, I'm about four notches below that."

There's a long pause, but the tires treading on the road let me know she's still there. "So you love him?"

"Yup."

"Does he know?"

"Nope."

"And are you going to tell him?"

"Maybe."

"Well aren't you just Little Miss Talkative." Her voice drops flat, "I'm going to need more than one word answers, Rai. Why don't you give me some sapiosexual analogy?"

"Not right now."

"Because he's in the room?" she guesses.

"Uh-huh. Well, that and I'm still worried about Kate."

She sighs. "Yeah. Me too. Do you know what's going on with her?"

"No clue. But did you notice how much she started to drink in Ireland?"

"Towards the end? Yeah. I just—I don't know. Thought it was normal? I mean, she didn't drink before this. Maybe she's just going a little wild."

"There's wild and then there's stupid."

"True." There's a long pause again before she says, "I'm going to blast some music to keep myself awake. I'll text you when I get to her place."

"Okay. Bye."

The phone's overheating, trying to make bacon out of my cheek. Moving back into the room, I crawl into bed and lay my head on Leo's shoulder, looking at a page of different colored code. "Why's it look like a rainbow?"

His fingers still before continuing. "To help me see what each element is and spot the errors. When it's white that means there's a break in the code."

"There's no white."

Leo chuckles, the screen shaking with his movements. "I'm pretty good at my job." He saves the file and shuts his laptop, turning toward me. "Everything okay?"

I look up at him from my place on his shoulder. "Not sure. Em's going to see Kate, but we think it's deeper than just drinking."

"Alcoholism?"

I shudder. "Hope not. But . . . I don't know. She doesn't act like this. I mean, I only knew her a couple months before the trip, but I'd seen her around the program since she's also apart of the Collective. She never struck me as an alcoholic."

"You're acquainted with the symptoms?"

"My mom's brother is an alcoholic," I shrug, pushing off him. "He's been sober for five years, but I still remember the signs. If I was there I could get a better picture."

Sighing, I sink down into the bed and think about all the things I have to do. The intervention I'll probably need to set up when I get back. The job I'll need to find. The sit down father-daughter kumbaya I'll have to make time for.

Leo's phone rings while I'm deep in thought and we share a look. "Ten bucks says your house burned down," I snicker.

He nips my shoulder in punishment before answering the phone. Helmi's voice filters through, soft and hesitant. Leo's moves out of the bed and snatches a towel to wrap around his waist and he goes to the balcony.

Almost three days of perfect bliss (besides the being on my period thing and getting over food poisoning). It's about time things fell to shit. Maybe that's the pessimist in me or the realist, but there are few perfect days in life. When you have them, you imprint the little suckers on your memory forever. I'll never forget strolling the streets of Florence hand-in-hand with Leo, seeing the Piazzale Michelangelo and quietly moving around the Florence Cathedral. Those are memories I'll forever keep close to my heart.

"Rai?" Leo's voice is tentative, posture awkward as he leans against the balcony door jamb. It's the first time I've seen him look so unsure, so nervous.

Scooting over on the bed, I pat the space beside me. "Yeah?"

He pushes himself away and sits down next to me, but doesn't lean back and relax. "Helmi and Antonia are in Paris."

"Oh. I thought they were in Barcelona visiting family?"

"They were, but it's hard for her to take as much time as I do off work."

"Ah, you're the exception."

His smile doesn't reach his eyes. "Helmi wants to meet you. Spend the day together in Paris."

Of all the things I expected him to say, this was at the bottom of the list next to 'I used to be a mime in a past life.' Why I'm so shocked, I don't know. It's not like Leo doesn't have a great relationship with his daughter, and has told me time and again how much I'd love her. But I brushed it off because she was in Barcelona and that wasn't on my list of backpacking places. Even when he said Antonia worked in Paris, I shrugged off the feeling that we'd meet.

Looking back at Leo, I finally understand why he is nervous. It isn't about Helmi meeting me, but about me being willing to meet his daughter. Time and again, I slapped barriers between us. No talk about family. No talk about the real world. No more life shattering secrets because this isn't permanent. But I broke my imaginary rule by talking about my father, worrying with Leo about my friend.

"Rai?" Leo asks again, reaching for my hand. "I'm not going to force you to meet my daughter and I won't beg. This has to be your choice, but you know what I want."

I do. Leo always wants more, never a man to settle for a slice of the pie—he'll devour all or it or nothing. He's different with me though, letting me find my own footing and pace, content to stay beside me.

He wants something simple: a day with his daughter and the woman he's... backpacking through Europe with. I know I'm not that, but admitting what I could be to him makes my heart ache. My feelings are my own, and I'm not going to try and force them on Leo.

"Sure," I say finally, the word heavy and strange on my tongue. "I'd love to spend the day with Helmi."

The smile that lights up his face is blinding, devastating. What the hell am I doing? Something a lovesick fool would do.