At Last

This is the first smut I've ever written. I hope it's okay.

***

There are a thousand possible beginnings to the story of how this happened, and they're all swirling together at this moment. People tell stories of how they fell in love, how they knew that the person on their mind was the person they wanted to spend forever with, and that's something I could never quite wrap my head around. Because I've fallen in love with her a thousand times over, new sparks lighting as our friendship developed, and it's the culmination of those moments that led to where I am right now. Still half asleep, with her warm body slack with slumber by my side, I let my mind wander back. Trying to map everything out, from the very start.

***

The first spark came into being the day we met. It was a low-key introduction at a low-key gathering, a friend nodding from me to her and saying "Allie, Leah. Leah, Allie," leaving us to strike up a conversation that would possibly have been awkward under most circumstances. Instead, it was easy. Allie's dark eyes were welcoming, her smile genuine, and conversation flowed between us for the next hour. She was twenty, a year older than me; the cousin of the friend who had invited us and the rest of the group to hang out.

When the sun started to drop and people started to dissipate, Allie dug a pen out of her bag and took my hand, writing her full name on the back of my hand so that I could add her to Facebook. "It was really nice meeting you, Leah," she said, and though I didn't recognise it at the time, the first spark lit inside me at the sound of her voice saying my name for the first time. I turned my palm to give her hand a squeeze as I returned the sentiment, said goodbye, and while driving home, I kept taking my eyes off the road to glance at that hand. As if something had changed about it when it had touched hers. The words "Allie Chua" stood out in blue against my skin, and a little part of me never wanted to wash them off.

***

There was the hug she gave me the next time we'd met, when I became aware of the way her slender body felt in my arms. The way we'd met to go to a movie, but had become so absorbed in conversation that by the time we remembered our original intent, the movie had started twenty minutes ago. So we passed the next couple of hours learning about each other, and I was amazed at how easy it was for my thoughts to form words. I'm not always that great at that. With Allie, though, we shared stories of our pasts and hopes for our futures, and for the first time in so many years I felt someone. I could see someone's mind working in the same way as my own, someone who was on the same wavelength as I was, and for hours after we finally parted ways, I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

***

After six months of what had quickly become almost daily contact, Allie's twenty-first birthday came about. Speeches at twenty-firsts are often embarrassing, being held late enough in the night that the birthday person was slurring with alcohol; Allie, though, was barely drinking (possibly due to the number of fairly conservative relatives present), and spoke softly, but clearly. I loved listening to her family talking about what she was like when she was a kid, I loved seeing photos of her growing up into the beautiful young woman she was, I loved hearing her voice as she thanked the people who'd come to share this night with her. But the moment that sparked into my consciousness was when her thanks turned to her friends, when she finished with "and my gorgeous best friend, Leah".

People descended upon her when her speech ended, but somehow, I worked my way through the crowd to come face-to-face with her. As soon as her eyes met mine, her face split into a grin, and I grabbed her in a tight hug. She turned her head and reached up to place a peck on my cheek, and although it was winter, the room felt a little bit warmer.

***

The one day I can pinpoint is the day I became totally aware, consciously aware of my desire for her. It was the early hours of the morning, and though I'd been dozing for a couple of hours, I hadn't fallen into a deep sleep yet. Mostly awake, with my body feeling tight and warm, I let my fingers trail up my thighs. I was the comfortable, sleepy kind of aroused, and as I let a finger slide under the waistband of my underwear, the image that came into my mind was dark hair and dark eyes, and the small smooth hands I'd felt on my hand and arm and cheek so many times.

As one hand worked its way between my legs, the other slid underneath my T-shirt, the pad of my thumb finding my nipple and stroking it into hardness. Without any conscious thought, my mind was holding onto the image of Allie lying there beside me, her hands travelling across my body. Her almond-shaped eyes wide with desire.

A soft moan escaped me as my hips rocked up towards my hand and the tip of my finger finally slid across my clit. In my imagination, Allie's body was against mine, her lips and tongue warm against my neck and my collarbone, and my slow, languid movements gave way. My hips gave a jerk as I pictured Allie's hand taking the place of mine, and it seemed to take barely seconds until I was moaning into my pillow, riding the wave of one of the strongest orgasms I could remember.

In the days and weeks and months following, I would spend hours and hours thinking about that moment. But there was never any other conclusion I could come to than the obvious, the one that I knew was true. That I wanted her.

After that night, she became my most common visualisation. In my fantasies, I felt her hands and mouth on me. I uncovered her body, learning the parts of it that made her breath catch in her throat. In the real world, my heart started to beat harder when she hugged me, rested her chin on my shoulder, played with my fingers. My stomach gave a twitch the first time we went swimming together afterwards, although I'd seen her in a bikini so many times before that -- and had felt that familiar tug in my heart so many of those times. I hadn't fallen for her that night. I'd just realised something that had happened long ago.

***

This year is the first year I'm living out of home, in a tiny studio apartment that barely fits a double bed, small table and two chairs, and a beanbag. I moved out in January, with the help of my parents, but Allie insisted on coming to help out, and was the first one to throw her arms around me when I took my first step into my own place. My parents left first, and after we'd given up on unpacking boxes, Allie took my hand.

"I'm so proud of you, Leah."

I flushed. "It's not exceptional or anything. Like, I'm 22. Lots of people have moved out by now."

"Not me." I flinched internally at the look on Allie's face, immediately wishing to pull my words back. Allie has been living with her parents while she studies, and I know she's self-conscious about it.

"Sorry."

"It's okay." She opened her arms, and I stepped into them, relaxing into the embrace I'd come to know so well and crave so often. Lacking a sofa, I sat down in one of my dining chairs, Allie settling into my beanbag at my feet. Her head rested on my knee, and I brought my hand down to rest on her hair. Until Allie's dad came to pick her up, we didn't speak. Just sat. And the feeling of her gentle breath, her smooth hair under my hand, her warmth and her presence, became a part of my spirit.

***

Tonight, we'd been invited to a friend's party. We'd been eager, expecting a good night with some of our close friends; but it wasn't long before we were disappointed. The people we knew there were outnumbered by people we'd never met, who seemed more focused on the alcohol on the kitchen counter than on being in any way considerate towards the people they were talking over and bustling aside. With the kind of nonverbal communication honed over the course of years, Allie and I made the decision that the backyard was a much better place to be. On the way, I snagged a bottle of Baileys from the counter. Who wants to go home from a party sober?

"It's full of kids in there," was the first thing Allie said once we'd found a comfortable patch of grass, our backs to a tree trunk. "What's that all about?"

"Probably people from Matt's work." I was relieved to find the cap of the bottle open, and I took a long swig from the half-full bottle before passing it to Allie.

"I wish he'd kept it small. It would have been so much nicer if it was just everyone who knew each other." Allie gulped from the bottle, putting it on the ground between us, and I rested my hand on hers for a second before picking up the bottle again.

"Maybe some of the others will come outside in a bit. Get away from all the idiots."

"Probably." Allie leaned her head against my shoulder. "I like it right now though. Just us."

"Just us," I echo, taking another gulp from the bottle to distract myself from the stupid smile I can feel bubbling up. Allie grabbed my wrist, giggling.

"Hey, slow down with that. I've gotta have some too." Over the next twenty minutes or so, we kept passing the bottle back and forth. Eventually the bottle was empty, and I knocked it aside with an uncoordinated whack of my arm. Allie giggled, the sweetest sound I thought I'd ever heard, and flopped down onto the ground.

"You right?" I asked, reaching out to rest my hand on her shoulder.

"I'm good. Ground's just comfy."

"Ground's all hard. Come here," I said, giving her shoulder a little tug, and she shifted to rest her head in my lap. Just like that night in my apartment, I moved my hand to her hair, stroking it gently as the sounds of the party blurred in my ears. Allie was warm, and her breathing was deep and regular, and I languished in the feeling for a while before I realised that she was starting to doze off. Of course, the solution was to gently, gently slide my hand just under the hem of her shirt -- my heart leaping at the warmth of her skin -- and to wake her up. With tickles.

Allie shot into a sitting position, reaching to try and grab my wrists, as I tickled her stomach with one hand, and then both. We were both trying to tickle each other, and stop the other from tickling us, hands going everywhere, and eventually Allie had me straddled. I was still sitting cross-legged against the tree trunk, but Allie was on my lap, her hands pinning mine to the tree behind me. As our giggles subsided, I found myself very aware of her proximity. Her face a couple of inches from mine, her body tight against mine in places that were much warmer than they should have been, the way she was holding my hands -- keeping them in place... something I'd imagined, a few times, late at night when nobody could hear the sounds I made...

Like the sound that escaped me right then. I moaned.

-Shit, shit, shit-, my mind screamed. Way to give yourself away, Leah. A tipsy tickling match with your best friend shouldn't set you whimpering. Even if her hands were still warm and tight on my wrists, and her eyes were locked onto mine...

"Did you just..." asked Allie, her voice trailing off. I couldn't blame her for not finishing the sentence. My face burning hot, I ducked my head, avoiding her gaze. I felt her release one of my wrists, and waited for the other one to be set free. For the sound of her getting up and walking inside, without me. Instead, I felt a couple of fingers lifting my chin, and automatically, I raised my eyes. Her thumb gently stroked my chin as she raised my face to the level of hers, and combined with the look in her eyes, her touch sent fire through my veins. Her eyes were exactly as I'd pictured so many times -- wide, and questioning, and locked on mine. Then they were closing, and so were mine. From then, I was guided by instinct. There was only one thing in the world that I could do.

Even knowing it was coming, it still jolted my world off its axis.

Our first kiss was a bump of lips, too fast. But Allie's lips were cool and sweet against mine, and our second kiss was like she had touched every nerve of my body. Almost to my dismay, she released my hands from her grip, but almost before I realised it, her hands had slid down to the back of my neck, and I wrapped mine around her waist. Pulling her even closer, not knowing that had even been possible, but knowing that I couldn't handle any distance between us at that moment. Her lips parted against mine, and when her tongue met my own for the first time, she was the one to moan.

I drew away from the kiss, slowly and unwillingly, as though my lips would have to be torn to be separated from hers. I could feel how hot my face was, imagine the colour my cheeks must have been. Allie doesn't really blush, but I could feel her breath on my lips, and it was as ragged as my own. I slid a hand up her body, from her waist to her neck -- watching her eyes squeeze tight for an instant -- and then to her face, to cup her cheek. I ran my thumb across her lips.

Allie swirled her tongue in a gentle circle around the tip of my thumb, her eyes locked onto mine. And a second later, she swallowed my gasp, claiming my lips once more.

I have no idea how long we spent in that backyard, locked in each other's arms. But I remember every detail of what happened. The way her lips and tongue tasted of sweetness and alcohol. The warmth of her skin under my fingers, and the trails of fire her touch blazed through my veins. The way we ended up shifting positions, from sitting up to lying down, and the weight of her pushing me into the ground. That I never wanted anything to change, for the rest of my life. I wanted to be engulfed by her.

I slid a hand down Allie's back, finding the hem of her shirt, and creeping underneath it. She pulled out of the kiss and my heart skipped a beat, but instead of moving away, she ran her lips down my cheek and onto my neck. My whole body shuddered as her lips pressed right over my pulse. I ran my fingers slowly up the warm, smooth skin of her back, and was rewarded by a groan into my neck, an arching of her spine against me. Her teeth grazed my collarbone, and when I whimpered, she pulled the sensitive skin between her lips, her teeth. I could already tell I was going to bruise up, and I could not give a single fuck. All I cared about was that she not stop.

Allie's thigh slid between my own. Even through two layers of cloth, the pressure between my legs sent a throb all the way to my brain, my fingertips, the tips of my toes, and as my hips pushed up towards hers, I heard her breath catch against my neck. Her lips and tongue and teeth kept exploring my neck and collarbone, and my shaking hands kept stroking and rubbing her back under her shirt. I wondered if she could feel the rapid thumping of my heart.

As Allie's lips made their way back up my neck, and my hand worked its way further down her back, and my head was swimming with the feel of her...

My fucking phone!

Allie rolled off me, lying down on the ground beside me. "You better answer it," she said, between shallow breaths.

I pulled the phone from my pocket, frowning at the normally-appreciated name on the screen. "James."

"Maybe he's ready to give us a lift," Allie suggested, her eyes looking deeply into mine. "Back to your place."

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

"Hello?" I asked, bringing the phone to my ear.

"Hey, where are you?"

"Out the back." Despite the alcohol in my system, I pulled out something that would make sense without arousing suspicion. "Allie's pretty drunk. Just trying to get her some fresh air and everything." Allie nodded beside me, and I rested my spare hand on hers.

"Cool. I'm about to leave, with Jess and Liam. Did you want a lift home?"

"That'd be awesome." I swallow as the implications of what I'm about to say cross my mind. "Can you drop Allie at my place too? Probably better than her going back to her parents'."

"Yeah, good call. Meet me at the car? Do you need a hand with her?"

"Nah, I'm good. See ya in a minute." Allie turned her hand so that our palms were touching, and I threaded my fingers between hers. And as we get to our feet, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. This was my best friend. This was the most beautiful girl in the world. This was the girl who'd commanded my thoughts for years, and now I wore the marks of her teeth on my neck. This was real.

Holding Allie's hand in what I hoped looked like a supportive gesture to a friend who'd had far too much to drink, we weaved through the house to where we'd dropped our bags, and then out the front to where James stood, leaning against his car. The front passenger window was down, and Jess was chatting with him through it; Liam was in the back, leaning his head against a window.

"Need a hand?" asked James, catching sight of us. He opened the door, and I slid in.

"Come on, Allie. You take the window."

"Thanks." The slur in her voice was pretty convincing. James closed the door behind her once she was settled, and I fastened her seat belt, letting my fingers linger on her hip for a second or two longer than necessary. When James settled down in the driver's seat, he looked back at me. "All okay?"

"Yeah." I almost panicked as I saw his eyes move to my neck, spotted with hickeys and bite marks, but he didn't say anything. Just turned back to the wheel.

James dropped Jess off first, and between the party, her place, and mine, the drive was about twenty minutes long. Never in my life had twenty minutes felt that long before. I'd been imagining, craving, Allie's kisses for years, and now that I knew what they felt like, losing them felt like withdrawal. Allie's thigh was hot against mine, and her hand was resting on my knee. When nobody was paying attention to the backseat, she would trace little circles on my thigh. Knowing what it was like to kiss her, to touch her, and knowing that when the drive was finally over I'd be doing the same thing again -- and maybe going further... I shook my head to clear it. I was already spending the trip painfully aware of the embodiment of sexual tension sitting by my side. No need to exacerbate it.

Nobody talked much along the way. When James pulled up out the front of my apartment block, he cut the engine and asked if I needed a hand getting Allie inside. "I think she'll be okay," I said quickly. "She's steady enough."

"Take care of her." His eyes met mine in the rearview mirror, and I wasn't sure whether he winked or not. My cheeks flaming, I leaned over Allie to open her door, and let her spill out of the car.

"Thanks, man." I followed her out as fast as I could, slamming the door behind me, and waved. Allie grabbed my arm, still walking with her fake drunken stagger, which she kept until we were inside the building and out of sight.

Every nerve in my body wanted to kiss her then and there, but it was two in the morning, and we were still at risk of someone seeing us. We crept together to my door, and as I fumbled with my keys, Allie wrapped her arms around me from behind, breathing hot breath onto my ear. Even with shaking hands, I got the door open. And we were inside.

As soon as the door was shut and locked, Allie was pulling me towards the bed, and we landed on it in a tangle. Her mouth was finally on mine again. This time, we were lying side by side, arms tight around each other, and in the darkness of the room, I was aware of all the things I couldn't see. My breath, and hers, both coming in gasps between kisses. The beating of my heart, rapid and hard, like it was trying to pound through my chest. The softness of her body against mine, the swells of her breasts and slenderness of her waist. I needed to see her.

I broke our embrace, to the welcome -- beautiful -- sound of an urgent whimper, and reached for my lamp. With my room illuminated, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I stared urgently, savouring the sight in front of me as though she would disappear in a minute. "Fuck, you're beautiful."