At Long Last: Gwen Ch. 03

Gwen was groaning and appeared still rigid. I climbed beside her and rolled her onto my chest and wrapped my arms around her.

She didn't move for at least five minutes and then she wearily lifted her head and asked me, "What was that?"

I said, "That's how I tell you I love you Princess."

"What did you say?" she asked.

I said, "That how I tell you I love you Princess."

Gwen started crying and gripped me so tightly I realized she had strength I didn't know she had.

After she cried herself out she looked at me guiltily and I said, "Yeah, I know, you have to pee."

Gwen laughed and nodded her head "Yes."

I added, "And you need me to carry you, too."

She erupted into laughter and said, "Yes."

I got out from under her, picked her up and carried her to the potty and set her on it and she gripped my leg with an almost death grip. When she finished, she stood up wearily and held on to me for a moment.

She asked me to take her to the bed and to lie with her.

I picked her up again and laid her on the bed, pulled some covers over her and got into bed beside her.

She slowly, even painfully, climbed on top of me, and put her head on my chest.

"I have a question," I said.

"OK," she said.

"Why do you yell at me so much?"

Gwen was seized with a laughing fit.

I waited . When she stopped laughing, she said, "Because it's fun and you don't get upset and I love the puzzled look you give me when I do it. But, most of all, it's because, like everything else, you just let me do it."

I thought for a long time about that answer and finally said, "You know, there's no way I can even respond to that."

"She said, "I know. That's the fun of it. I simply get away with murder with you and you just look at me."

"Is that good?"

"It's very good."

"Ok, but why do I do that?"

"Oh Old Man, you're being so dense again. Why you do it is because you know I adore you. I love you madly. You look at me and make me wet. You smile at me and I want to crawl inside you so I can be closer to you."

I said nothing, but just thought.

Gwen lifted her head and looked at me with that devilish grin of hers and said, "Stop thinking about it."

"Why in the world would I stop thinking about it?"

"Oh, Old Man. You are so dense! Will...do you remember when you passed your Ph.D. orals what your advisor said to you?"

"Geez, that was a while ago."

"Think about it!" Gwen urged.

I thought and thought and then said, "OK, he said, 'Welcome to the Life of the Mind.'"

"That's right. And that was the silliest phrase ever uttered to you because you had lived the life of the mind since you were a child. You live in your mind. Concepts, ideas, data, systems are the food that fuels your life. I'm none of those things. I don't fit your reasoning. I'll never fit your logic. You'll never fit me to your logic. I can't be reduced to an 'if, then, else" logic statement. Just leave it alone and enjoy it."

I said nothing for a long while and then finally, "I don't understand."

Gwen kissed me.

"OK, let's make it simple. How many girlfriends did you have before me?"

"Are you my girlfriend?"

"No, you idiot. I'm a lot more than that. Answer my question."

"I never had a girlfriend."

"That's what I thought. But, I popped into your life and you let me in. You let me into your heart, you let me into your mind, you let me go anywhere I wanted to go and you let me do whatever I wanted to do."

"Why did I do that?"

"You did that because you never had a choice. It wasn't logical. It was chemical. You couldn't control it. You simply fell apart when you looked at me and you fell in love with me the first day you met me and today you finally articulated it. It isn't logic with us you big, exasperating idiot!"

"Are you angry with me?"

Gwen didn't answer. Instead she pounded her forehead into my chest and then lifted her head and looked at me and said, "It's like the ta-tas, Will. Just leave it alone and do what I tell you."

"May I ask another question?"

"Oh, God help me. Yes, go ahead."

"OK, why do you keep saying I have a fire hose for a cock?"

Gwen erupted into laughter and simply looked at me with an amazed look.

"Well?"

"Oh, you dense Old Man. A fire hose is long and thick. It means you have a big cock."

"Ohhhhh. That's good, right?"

"No, you big idiot. It's not good. For me, it's wonderful."

"Well, then I'm happy I have a fire hose."

Gwen asked, "Where are you taking me for dinner tonight?"

I thought about that for a moment and said, "I distinctly remember you saying that you were going to cook a great meal tonight because of Ivan's distinguished service to Anastasia."

Gwen got that devilish grin on her face and said, "I lied."

"Oh. Well, we'll go wherever you want to go."

Gwen asked, "Why do you always say we'll go wherever I want to go."

"Well, you care and I don't."

Gwen smiled and said, "I think I picked the goofiest man alive to fall in love with."

"Don't end you sentences in prepositions."

"OK, I think I picked the goofiest man alive with whom to fall in love."

"Much better."

Gwen went to get up and she grimaced and laid back down. She followed that with, "I'm impossibly sore, Will. What's wrong with me."

"I'm sorry, Princess. When I licked you, you went absolutely rigid and I think you strained all the major muscles in your body."

Gwen smiled at me. "OK. That was the greatest orgasm of my life. It was worth some sore muscles."

She got up very slowly and very stiffly and I said, "Let's get in the shower and get some warm water on you."

She gave an affirmative nod.

We showered and dried off and Gwen said, "I'm so happy."

"Why's that," I asked.

"Never mind, Old Man. Let's go eat. You violated my body so many times this evening I'm famished."

On our way to the meal, Gwen pointed out that our evening had begun talking about her departmental chair and she saw, just before Atlas scratched her, that her chair was possibly about to violate the separation of church and state clause of the Constitution.

I nodded.

She sat quietly in the car until we reached the restaurant and we entered, were seated, and ordered.

Finally, Gwen spoke. "If Gearhart behaves as we suspect, this will get messy."

I asked, "How so?"

"We'll have to hire legal expertise to represent us. Whatever we do, it will be expensive and messy."

"Well, we'll see, but I doubt we'll have to go that route at all."

"Why not?" was Gwen's question.

"I'm thinking."

"Oh, good. The world will now stop spinning while the Old Man thinks," was Gwen's sarcastic response.

"Yes", I concluded, "don't worry about attorneys."

"Tell me why."

"You've never read my curriculum vitae have you?" I asked Gwen.

Gwen gave me one of her patented looks and asked, "Isn't it enough that I suck your cock? Do I have to read your damn resume, too?"

"Just go read it when we get home. You'll find it instructive."

Gwen went into her sassy singsong voice, "You'll find it instructive, you'll find it instructive, you'll find it instructive. The great scholar has intoned, you'll find it instructive."

I laughed. "Well, wasn't it just the other evening that I heard you going on about how the 'discovery method' was such an effective way of teaching and helping students learn for themselves? Think of it that way. You'll make a discovery and it will be clear to you."

"Will, I am not an undergraduate student. Now, what are you talking about?

"You just ended a sentence with a preposition, again."

Gwen looked skyward and said, "Lord, give me the strength not to kill this idiot."

"All right, calm down Princess. I'm on the Managing Council of the AAUP?"

Gwen sat back in her seat for a moment and then said, "Oh my God!" She stared off into space for a moment and said, "You'll threaten censure and the administration will fall on him like a building."

Then Gwen asked, "Why have you never told me you were a mucky-muck with the AAUP?"

"Well, it just never came up."

Gwen made some sound like a bear growling and she said, "I don't ever want to hear that phrase again! The last time you said that you nearly put me into cardiac arrest with your stupid comment about being on sabbatical."

"Why are you yelling at me again?"

"Because you're an idiot. Buy me dessert."

"Wow! You are going to eat dessert?"

"Yes, I'm celebrating a big day in my life."

I had to ask, "Really, what happened?"

Gwen sighed, "This big dumb Sasquatch fellow with whom I sleep finally got around to telling me he loved me."

"Ohhhhhhhhhh."

Gwen ordered the most obscene thing on the menu and, of course, couldn't finish it and I had to help her with it. It was disgustingly good.

We went home and I sat and read with Gwen on my lap reading and mapping out lesson plans. After a few hours Gwen got up and made me a cup of coffee. As I sipped my coffee, Gwen squeezed Ivan sand said, "I'm going to sleep, Old Man. I'm worn out. Don't stay up too late."

I joined the little Princess an hour later and we slept through the night. Upon awakening the next morning I made coffee and brought a cup to Gwen who was struggling to get out of bed. She complained that she was really stiff and sore. Amidst her groaning she explained that she was in no shape for any screwing this morning and, of course, it was all my fault because I'd induced such a violent orgasm the previous afternoon. In fact, she was so sore she sent me off to the YMCA by myself and she stayed home to soak in a hot bath in an effort to loosen her sore muscles.

By the time I returned from the Y, Gwen had departed and I made a cup of coffee and sat down to write. I had a quiet, productive day interrupted by only the cats who took turns visiting my lap during the day.

Gwen returned home around four o'clock and asked about my day which I described as productive. She asked if I was at a stopping place and I said, "Sure."

She pulled me to the big chair and curled up in my lap and unfolded the biographical sketch of Gearhart she had picked up from the public affairs office. She handed it to me to read and it was a joke. About one-third of it described Gearhart's inconsequential contributions to the University and two-thirds of it described his activities at the First Church of Fundamentalism, Wacko.

Gwen looked at me and raised her eyebrows and asked, "Is this for real?"

I just shook my head and said, "It doesn't seem possible. Well, we'll keep the appointment and we'll see the idiot."

"Yes," Gwen said, "but won't this be our word against his?"

"No, I answered. "I'll have on a suit coat or sport coat with a tape recorder in each pocket."

"Why two recorders?" was Gwen's question.

"Simple redundancy," I said. "It's unlikely that both would fail at the same time."

Gwen gave me one of her Mona Lisa looks and while I was wondering what she was thinking she said, "You know, Old Man¸ in fairness, I should say that while you're a complete idiot with me, you're scary smart the rest of the time."

"Am I supposed to respond to that?"

"No," and she kissed me.

Our weekend followed our now normal pattern although we did intersperse it with a few more sessions of exuberant sex than normal. After one of them, Gwen asked me, "Old Man, why have you never, in our entire relationship, initiated our love making?"

I responded simply, "I don't know how. It's a complete mystery to me."

Gwen studied me for a long time and then said, "Pick me up."

I did and she looked in my eyes and said, "You are the most precious thing, Old Man. Is it any wonder I thank God for you every day." And then she simply stared for the longest time into my face before gently saying, "Put me down."

As always, Gwen confused me. Gwen also told me that the upcoming weekend was an important one because she had arranged for her son to meet me and, while Barb would be here, she admitted she was very nervous.

Gwen reminded me that Charles wasn't at all like Barb. She reminded me that he could be thoughtful, but sometimes he was too much like his father and a smart-mouth who over-estimated his own importance. However, as she herself pointed out, we had this meeting with her meddling chairperson on the immediate horizon.

Our meeting with Gearhart was scheduled for two-thirty in the afternoon on Wednesday. We arrived a few minutes early and the moron kept us waiting for fifteen minutes. We were both amused at this transparent effort to impress us with his importance. I was relaxed although Gwen wasn't. As we waited, I reflected on Gwen's public and private personas. In public she was very reserved and quiet, while at home, with me, she was outgoing and sometimes even chatty.

Finally, we were summoned to the great man's office and he was well prepared with quite a deductive argument. He explained the inherent conservatism of the community in great detail and then the conservative tendencies of the campus community and he expressed great concern about Gwen's untenured status and how a living arrangement could jeopardize her chances for tenure and promotion and he assured us that he valued Gwen's contribution to the department greatly, and as the chairperson, it was his responsibility to shepherd his young professors through the turbulent waters of the tenure decision. He was well-pleased with his presentation and sat back and looked at us benignly.

We all sat there looking at each other and he eventually grew uncomfortable. Gwen looked at me questioningly. I finally spread my arms and asked, "What's the point?"

It was apparent that he thought I was pretty dense and so he finally expressed it as follows. "Professor David, the point is that your living together in an unmarried state is quite contrary to the norms of this town community and campus community. We are a Christian nation, a Christian community, and I daresay, a campus of overwhelmingly Christian orientation. Your living with Ms. Davis is quite contrary to our norms of behavior. If she is to have a future here, your living arrangement should be terminated."

He leaned back in his chair and looked at me very sternly. "That, Sir, is the point. Is it clear to you now?"

I stared a long time at the idiot and finally said, "Let me check."

As he stared, incredulously, at me, I retrieved a tape recorder, stopped the recording, rewound it, and played it back in its entirety.

We all listened to the tape and then I said¸ "Here's what's clear. First, you better read all of our country's founding documents and you'll discover that Christ is never mentioned in them so your Christian foundation argument couldn't be more erroneous."

"Second, you just stepped into a quagmire. I am taking both your note to Dr. Davis, and this tape to your chief academic officer and, as a one royally ticked off officer of the American Association of University Professors, I am going to give her the option of firing you or having the campus censured for your violation of the separation of church and state and stepping on the rights of Dr. Davis."

To my knowledge my outburst was greeted with complete silence in the room, but I heard Gwen make some kind of strangled noise and in some kind of strangled voice, say "Excuse me" and she headed for the door.

She closed the door behind her, but we still heard her laughing hysterically as she raced out of Gearhart's office and down the hall.

I was completely confused by Gwen's behavior so I stood up and left his office. His secretary was sitting there was an amazed look on her face and her mouth wide open.

I looked down the hall in both directions and spotted Gwen to the left with her body shaking. As I walked to her I was relieved to see that she was still laughing hysterically. I stood there and the very proper Dr. Davis shocked me by morphing into the little Princess. She asked me to pick her up. I did and she wrapped her arms around my neck and simply laughed some more. I held her and waited for some sanity to be restored.

Gwen tried to explain why she was laughing, but every time she started to explain herself, her effort terminated in her losing any semblance of composure and disintegrating into helpless laughter. Finally, she gasped, "Put me down and let's walk."

I put her down and we walked, hand in hand, outside and across the campus. Eventually, she took a deep breath and said, "I'm OK now."

Gwen took a deep breath and said, "Thank heavens you're hearing isn't what it used to be because, when you were reading him the riot act, you got as far as 'violation of church and state' and he wet his pants. I heard it and when I saw the puddle forming under his desk I lost my mind and had to leave."

I really got a huge kick out of that because I really did loathe the little insect.

I suggested that we go get a cup of coffee because I had to call the AAUP. Gwen took me to the Student Union and got me a cup of coffee while I called the AAUP headquarters and played them the tape which they recorded. I told the staff person with whom I was speaking to alert any and all staff that I was heading next to the Provost's Office and, if admitted directly, someone from the Office was sure to call to confirm my legitimacy. I was assured that it would be handled promptly.

I finished my coffee and asked Gwen to walk us to the Provost's Office.

Gwen guided me across the campus to the administration building and we went upstairs to the Office of the Provost, walked in, and introduced ourselves to the Provost's secretary. I asked for an appointment with the Provost and the secretary frowned and asked, "May I ask the nature of your request?"

"Surely," I said. "We wish to discuss the possible censure of this campus by the AAUP."

The secretary snapped back in her chair and said, "Wait here, please," and she left her chair in a hurry and rushed into the Provost's office.

The secretary emerged from the office and asked, "Will you wait here? The Provost can see you shortly."

I responded, "Surely. And have the campus attorney present, too, if she or he is around."

The secretary said, "Counsel is being summoned as we speak."

We sat and Gwen said, "I have to pee."

I cracked up and said, "Well, go now, because this isn't going to be a short meeting."

Gwen rushed off and in a few minutes, Gwen returned in time for us to be welcomed by the Provost, Dr. Kathleen Bowen, and the attorney, Mr. Robert Wick.

We sat down and the Provost kindly said, "I know you by reputation Dr. David, but I'm not familiar with Dr. Davis."

Gwen succinctly explained to the Provost who she was and the Provost expressed her pleasure to meet her.

The Provost turned to me and asked, "And, about what is the AAUP concerned?

"Let me begin, Dr. Bowen, on a note of full disclosure. I am on sabbatical this semester writing a book and residing with Gwen where we are conjugal partners. Additionally, I find myself acting as an unofficial mentor given that none has been assigned by her department. Finally, I am here as an officer of the AAUP to report a grievance and to seek relief from that grievance."

Wick intervened and indicated that it would be judicious of his Office to confirm both my identity with the AAUP and my official presence in the Provost's Office.

I handed him the AAUP phone number and said¸ "Be my guest."

Wick left the office and I glanced over at Gwen to reassure her and found her looking at me wide-eyed. I smiled and winked at her, but saw no response from her.

The Provost said, "In the interest of time, let me presume that you are who you say you are Dr. David. What evidence do you have to share with me?"

I handed her Gearhart's note to Gwen and she read it and it was apparent that she should not play poker. Her face stiffened into something looking like stone.

"Is there anything else?" she asked.