Atonement Ch. 04

"Hmm, what does that make me, I wonder?"

She raised her palm. "No need to apologize for not being able to see past your nose," she chided gently.

"I do not wish to abdicate, no, but even the prettiest flower only blooms for a short while. Mine is beginning to fade, while yours is only about to begin. That you cannot see it yourself is the largest pity of all."

Nina snarled, pounding her fist on the table. She didn't need anyone's pity.

A single cherry blossom fell from above and landed in her tea. She peered at the offending blossom with a grimace. Just so.

She sighed and stood, abandoning the frustrating conversation. Perhaps she had made the wrong decision in coming here. At least for the moment, she couldn't imagine spending more time under the older woman's tutelage.

"I shall think over your request," she replied, bowing, still not sure what she would do.

The administrator looked at her with that maddening, inscrutable gaze. "I'm sure you will make the right decision," she stated with finality, taking a bite out of her biscuit.

She waved the snack in the air. "Do come visit again soon," she stated. "Indoor flowers only bloom when given personal attention."

She gave Nina an intense stare. "Don't neglect your charge. Few are given a second chance in this lifetime. Please don't squander it."

Nina snorted, making her way back through the thick underbrush. She wasn't certain what the administrator was getting at, but it would inevitably turn out to be wise advice, of the kind you could only avail yourself of after the fact.

She saw no further cows hanging around as she navigated the maze of foliage on her exit. They were likely attending the administrator. She already regretted her outburst, her mind a diverse cloud of emotions she was unable to disentangle.

She did need to change, that was for certain, but how? How could she be a good keeper for a new cow when the old one still haunted her dreams?

Packing away the uncertainty, she picked up her pace. The old woman wasn't the only one she needed to visit before returning to work on her new cow.

***

Nina had gotten used to the smell of medical equipment over the years, but seeing someone she loved in a hospital bed brought back all the bad memories. The terror and pain involved was visceral, felt at a deep, indelible level.

Fortunately, this would not be like last time. The long, drawn out delay before the death of Ana had been incredibly heartbreaking, and she hoped never to experience that again. It didn't stop her past memories from coming back to haunt her, but she bottled them up inside, as she had done for many years. Time had helped; she no longer felt the loss as keenly, but it was still there, a scab just below the surface.

That was why she was so reluctant to get involved with another cow. After such a devastating loss, she feared that another would break her. She firmed her lips and put on a mask of concern. She was in complete control of her own emotions. She would not let them rule her. So why did she feel so fragile?

"Nice to see you're mending well," she grunted, stepping into her granddaughter's room.

Eve was resting comfortably in a white medical bed, the bruises on her face looking ghastly. Her left eye had swollen shut, yellows and blues decorating her skin.

The monitoring equipment she was hooked up to was beeping normally, as expected. Instead of sitting down at her granddaughter's bed side, she wandered over to look through the readings. She had always been more comfortable while keeping herself busy.

"Everything looks good here," she declared, relieved to see nothing out of the ordinary.

"Aren't you going to ask how I feel?" asked Eve, raising an eyebrow.

Nina sat in a wooden chair facing the bed and forced herself to focus on the here and now. "The doctors say you're on the mend," she declared. "I'm glad you're doing better."

She was proud her voice didn't waver, but it took an iron will to tamp down her emotions. She stared straight ahead, avoiding Eve's gaze.

"That was not a conversation starter," laughed Eve. "I almost feel like a sack of meat."

She paused, her mind working. She frowned, then her face softened. "It's this place, isn't it? Was it really that hard?"

The concern in her voice brought Nina up short, a pain welling up in her throat. "Yes," she admitted at last. "It really was that difficult. The most difficult thing I've ever had to experience."

She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. "I swore I would never do this again. Never."

She pressed her hands onto the sheets, feeling the living, breathing expanse of her granddaughter's body, convincing herself with the physical sensations that this wasn't another bad dream.

Eve shifted, pulling her arms out from between the sheets and wrapping her hands around her grandmother's. "I'm here," she declared firmly. "I'm not going anywhere."

Eve paused. "What am I doing? I'm the one who got beat up, you should be lavishing your concern over me." The chiding was gentle, a hint of laughter hidden behind her words.

Nina refused to be shamed. She was still working through her emotions and wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. She finally settled on righteous anger. It was easier to deal with than the pain.

She stroked her granddaughter's arm and looked at her intensely. "I need to know who did this to you," she declared. "This kind of assault should not be possible within the farm. Cows should not be able to attack their keepers."

Eve considered, looking up and biting her lip. "I remember I was calling for MU2. She had been taking her new injections well and I thought it would be a nice time for another milking session. The door chimed, so I pressed the interlock... and everything after that is hazy."

She cursed. "I didn't check the monitor, did I? I have no idea who actually came through that airlock, it could have been anyone in the room."

Nina could feel the rage inside her building. "In my experience, the only one who could do this to you is your own cow. None of the others have a strong enough bond to hate you."

Eve looked away, trailing her hands over her arms. "That doesn't feel right to me. MU2 is very docile. She has taken my milk multiple times without protest, and she has been eager to become my cow."

"Any cow can fall to milk madness. I should know," Nina replied calmly, though chaotic memories swirled right beneath the surface.

"I don't believe it," said Eve forcefully, blinking away tears. "MU2 would never do that to me." She wrung her hands.

"I didn't believe it myself," replied Nina, locking her emotions away. "Don't worry, I'll take care of it."

Eve rubbed her arms, looking small. "Bring her back to me," she said. "Bring her back."

"I will," declared Nina, not exactly lying to her. If she found MU2, she wasn't exactly going to be gentle.

Even if the cow hadn't done this to Eve, she certainly hadn't helped the situation. Leaving Eve alone without assistance was just as bad in her book.

She leaned over and pressed a kiss onto Eve's forehead. "Just rest," she said. "Let your mashim'be take care of everything."

Eve made a face at her. "That's what I'm afraid of. Just promise me you'll bring MU2 to me so that we can find out the truth."

Nina made a noncommittal sound, which could have been mistaken for some form of agreement. The reality was that someone was going to be punished for this assault, and at the moment she didn't much care who.

From her past experience, nobody got to escape the violence of milk madness. Nobody. Especially not her.

***

Her visit with Eve had done little to help her mood. She had hoped that seeing her granddaughter well and sound would have banished her past memories to the dumpster heap from whence they came, but her brain was not nearly that charitable.

Her chest was aching, swelling with new milk that she had been ignoring. She needed someone to blame. Someone to punish.

The door slid open, revealing MU4 struggling on the treadmill. Her thighs were slick with juice from the torture she had experienced at the hands of the sex harness. Her entire body was sweating, and she gasped, leaning forward against the frame of the machine.

Nina was curious. The cow had done as she had commanded. That was a surprise. Usually their first time the cow would step off the treadmill and spend the rest of the session working their breasts until the harness deigned to give them an orgasm.

MU4 was different. She had powered through it. Nina's eyes flared with interest. Just who was this cow she had started to bond with? She turned her hand over, seeing the circular symbol inked into her palm. It had gotten darker, indicating the bond was active and strengthening.

Was this truly her destiny? Did she dare believe the administrator and seize her future with this cow? She grunted. Hogwash. Nothing was further from the truth. She was old, past her prime. Not fit to be a Paired keeper.

Yet there was still a part of her that was not completely dead. A part that hoped for more, a glimmer of what could have been. She squashed it ruthlessly. Playing pretend was a good way to ruin both her life and that of this cow.

She would treat MU4 just like any other cow, training her to become a bull, as her athletic frame suggested. Anything outside of that wasn't in her purview. Perhaps, in time, this cow would find a better keeper to take care of her, someone other than a shriveled up prune.

Her first job was to get the cow cleaned up. She sighed and approached the sweating cow, pressing the switch on the wall to terminate the automated training. Fetching a rag, she ran her hands down and under the cow's privates, taking special care to clean around her legs.

She unstrapped the harness from the rear, letting it fall free with a jangle. The stimulation device built into the bottom of the leather underwear was soaked, and would require cleanup. The day staff would take care of the particulars. She set it into a large container sitting next to the door just for that purpose.

Returning to the cow, she ran the towel over her nether regions, taking special care to ensure all of her juices were mopped up. She then moved upwards, turning the towel inside out and patting her down to absorb the remaining sweat.

Throughout all this, MU4 said nothing, staring straight ahead and breathing hard, her hands resting on the treadmill's handholds. That was as expected.

She turned and gave Nina a penetrating gaze, which was not expected. The exercise had drained the majority of the energy from her body, leaving her breathless, as desired. However, she should still have been in a trance. Something had gone awry.

MU4 looked at her expectantly, face flushed. "Well?" she asked. "Aren't you going to feed me?" Her stomach gurgled. "I thought that's what keepers did for their cows."

Nina frowned. "Is everyone in your herd abnormal? In all of my many years of experience, I have never seen anything like this. I keep being blindsided with unexplained behavior."

She rubbed her hands together, noting idly that they looked more fleshed out, less bony than she had remembered. A sudden flash of insight tingled down her spine as MU4 studied her closely, the cow's mouth working as her eyes inevitably moved to view her chest area.

Her body was responding as it should. This was a natural response she should have expected. How could she have missed it? It was so obvious, even her aged brain should have noted the changes sooner.

Paired cows naturally adapted to their new environment when bonded to a new keeper. They became more docile and malleable, but only for their chosen keeper. It was something she had reminded new keepers about so often that it had become rote.

She just hadn't expected it to happen to her ever again. She had thought that she was out of that game. She had accepted her role as being a teacher and shepherd for new keepers, and had not aspired to anything greater. She had been comfortable with that choice.

Now all those choices had been tossed into the air, reshuffled in a sudden flurry of chaos. She didn't know what to believe any more. Her brain halted, confused. She began to say something, but stopped. What did she actually want to do?

MU4 approached her with confidence, resting a hand on Nina's shoulder. She brushed her other hand under Nina's jaw, lifting her face up to look at her cow better.

"I don't really understand it, but I'm feeling really attracted to you," she declared. "And I've never been attracted to a woman before. Never."

Nina started. "That's the pair bond talking," she said, her mouth running on autopilot. "The bond engenders feelings of tenderness and affection in order to strengthen the relationship between keeper and cow. Once Paired, a keeper couple can expect to feed her cow at least once daily as long as the bond exists."

MU4 grinned. "Only once daily? Does that mean it's time now?"

Her eyes were hooded, and she looked down, peering at Nina's covered chest. Nina sighed, unable to run away from the truth any longer. This cow needed to be fed, and she was the one who needed to do it. She could sort out the rest of her confused emotions later, but this couldn't wait.

"Help me get this body suit off," she declared.

MU4 nodded, but looked at her quizzically, clearing her throat. "Where, exactly, do I start? I've never worked with one of these before."

Nina let out a short chuckle. Yes, this certainly wasn't standard issue clothing in her world! "It's neck entry," she explained. "It's surprisingly easy to get into, but I usually have another keeper help me out when I need to take it off." She eyed the bulge of MU4's muscles. "With your physique we shouldn't have too many issues."

She turned, presenting the back of her neck to the cow. This level of trust wasn't something she would hand any other cow at MU4's level of conversion, but she had seen the Pair bond with her own eyes. MU4 would not hurt her. She had to believe that, or she was truly lost.

MU4 noticed her pause, and stepped up to hug her. "I'm not sure what's going on here," she declared, "but this feels so right, I'm not sure I even care. Rationally, I feel like I should be knocking you out and trying to escape, but all I want to do is hold you."

Nina stiffened, but softened as the cow continued to speak, surprised at how much her body naturally relaxed into the cow's grip. Her body already knew what her mind didn't - this cow wasn't going to betray her. Nothing bad would happen to her here.

"This is new territory for me as well," she admitted. "I'm used to being in complete control, but this bond is really messing with me."

She closed her eyes and enjoyed the touch of another for a few fleeting moments, then pulled away. "If we get too distracted now, we won't ever get to the feeding," she said in a strident tone.

Reaching around her neck, she pulled a loop of the latex material outwards, stretching open a gap on her right side over her shoulder. She let it go, allowing it to snap back into place. "I need you to hold this open for me," she commanded.

MU4 inserted her hand and pulled up on the material. "Thank you," said Nina, pursing her lips.

She was being a little hard on this cow, but it came from a deep seated discomfort that she was still processing. It had been decades since she had even had a glimmer of hope that something like this might happen to her. She needed time to adjust.

Even so, MU4 didn't deserve to be punished for her own insecurities. "Thank you, MU4," she said softly, pulling her arm towards her body.

The material turned inside out as she maneuvered her hand into the gap between her right side and the tight bodysuit. With a twist, she pushed her hand upwards, reaching out through the neck hole. Now came the difficult part, as she was bound into position.

The morbid thought rode through her mind that MU4 could simply run and leave her there, locked into her own clothing. "The material on my right needs to go over my shoulder, and we need to repeat the maneuver on my left side," she said sharply.

MU4 obliged, easily stretching the slick material over one shoulder and moving to her other side. Her fears not materializing, Nina worked on pulling her left arm inside the suit. That task accomplished, she shoved her other arm up, sliding the neck of the catsuit until it was below her shoulders. The hard part was done.

She sighed. Time to see what the Pair bond had wrought on her body. She pressed her thumbs underneath the bunched up material and shoved down, sliding it over her breasts. What she saw next made her heart skip a beat.

The impossible had become true. Her shriveled, wrinkled breasts had firmed up, swollen and filled with milk. There was less sag, and her wrinkled skin had filled out. She felt younger, too. Had she discovered the fountain of youth?

She laughed, long and hard, but it quickly turned into sobs. "This isn't happening," she breathed between tears. "I can't be producing. I just can't be!"

MU4 moved in front of her and frowned. "Let's not beat around the bush," she said. "I don't care what you say, you can't avoid reality. Milk is dribbling out of those teats. What are you going to do about it?" She put her hands on her hips.

"I can' t, I just don't know," replied Nina, the tears still flowing, breathing coming in short gasps.

She had only ever been this emotional before during her last Pairing, and that had ended in disaster. She tried to get a grip on herself, but she could feel whatever control she had remaining slipping.

MU4 looked her over. "Let's get that dress off you first, you're almost hyperventilating."

She reached for the rubbery fabric, tugging it down over her keeper's hips. "How old did you say you were?" she asked, admiring the alien's shapely thighs.

"Too old for this," Nina wheezed. The cow's calm voice was helping her to regain some control. "An alien lady never reveals her age."

"Well, if you were a human, I would say you don't look a day past forty," MU4 remarked, sliding the rubber bodysuit over her knees. "You're in remarkably good shape."

Nina realized it was true. Energy was welling up within her, and she felt as if she could run a marathon. If only her mental state wasn't so poor! She was feeling all out of sorts.

MU4 knelt on the tile floor and helped her to step out of the suit, carefully folding it and setting it on the side counter. "Now," she said, drinking her keeper in. "Can we start with the feeding?" Her eyes were fixed to Nina's breasts.

Nina bowed to the inevitable. Cows were sexual beasts, and could be very persistent until their needs were met. "Yes, of course," she said, a curious look on her face, seeing MU4 as if for the very first time.

There was hunger for more milk, yes, but there was also a genuine warmth that she hadn't expected to see. This cow deserved her respect, not her scorn. They were both laboring under very difficult circumstances.

Nina was more than a little confused. She had never been in this position before. Her first and only cow had always been meek, but nobody would mistake MU4 for anything other than assertive.

Despite her confusion, her body was responding to her cow's demands. Her breasts swelled and tingled, preparing to feed her new dependent.

She didn't even have the excuse that she was feeling tired. She actually wanted this, and she hadn't wanted anything in decades.

A sudden thought stuck in her mind, an image that she couldn't banish. She was getting aroused. Fuck, this was a terrible idea, but the tingling in her nethers fanned the flames. She just hoped she wouldn't regret this later.

"MU4," she said decisively. "We need to get you outfitted properly to be fed."

She walked to the cabinet on the wall, and pulled out a drawer, rummaging inside. "This is highly irregular. I should report myself for doing this," she muttered.