AU Ch. 10

It was strange to me how disconnected she seemed from the two guys who were supposed to be her friends. On the way back, though, she was blasting some Usher CD. Who the hell is Usher? It wasn't my taste of music but I was willing to overlook it. I'm a guy. I think with my dick sometimes.

I realized she was too young for me, though, when she told me her idea of rock was some band called Red 5, or Maroon 5; some ridiculous number/color combination. 5 Marrons, I think it was. Anyway, she was singing off key about how some sissy boy didn't mind standing in the rain for some girl. I realized then in that terrible song that I wanted a girl who made me feel like that. I wanted a girl to love not a girl like Cassie who was alright for fucking and all but I wanted what Mark and Maddox had.

I let Cassie down gently.

It was the night of the Super Bowl, Maddox had a date and none of the other guys were around. I wasn't going to miss the Super Bowl, though. So I went to the store to pick up a few things and ended up bumping into Trissta. Apparently, she had some sort of baby appointment with Maddox and was staying in a hotel.

I could tell she seemed a bit lonely. So I did something smart for once and put the beer back on the shelf. She was pregnant, after all, and I ended up just getting some soda and asked her to come over and watch the game. I hate the Patriots and, as it turns out, she is a huge Eagles fan.

It blew my mind watching her screaming at the TV. I always thought she was hot. But sitting there in her McNabb jersey which was hiding her baby bump, I think that was when I fell for her.

Naturally, I had to ask Maddox if he was cool with it. He is a good guy and was happy for us. It is probably a pretty strange set up to have two divorced parents and their significant others get along so well, but for us it works. I think Trissta and I have really helped each other grow. And there is no way we would ever not want Maddox and Mark in our lives.

When Trissta had our little girl, something in her seemed to change. A mother look crept into those fierce eyes and I knew her earlier choice to not be in her daughter's life was instantly changed. In that moment, I knew what the Maroons were singing about. I wouldn't mind standing in the rain everyday if it meant I could be with her.

~*~*~*~

The little gold hoop felt heavy in my pocket. I remember the naked feeling when I first slipped my wedding band off of my finger. I couldn't let it go and instead I toyed with it, drowning my sorrows in alcohol. There would never be happiness in the world again. Trissta was gone and all I was left with was a failed marriage.

That was the night Mark walked into my life. From the moment I felt his lips on mine, I saw things clearly. Not even the alcohol induced haze could hide what I had been afraid to explore my whole life.

Mark and I have come through a lot. In the past years, I started a new teaching job. Mark graduated and is studying for the MCATs. And we welcomed our daughter into the world. We named our daughter Emily.

She spends just as much time with her mom and Todd as she does with me and Mark. She is a very lucky little girl to be so loved by four parents. There isn't any drama between us, which is best for Emily. Todd should have been with Trissta all along, and I wouldn't dream of standing in the way of that.

I'm at Gold again. It's strange how much has changed since the last time I was here. There is a ring in my pocket again, and it is weighing heavily on me. I asked Mark to meet me here so I could ask him to marry me.

I know it isn't legal yet, but I want to marry him anyway.

There is a familiar knot twisting in my stomach. The first time I took Mark home, he told me about his lover Noah, and how he died. He told me about taking Noah's last name and how Noah was the only guy to ever be inside of him. He told me this would never change.

I'm alright with that, but I worry that he won't want to marry me because of Noah. I love Mark with all that I am. I know that is cliché, but I truthfully cannot think of a stronger way to tell you how much I love him.

The ring I bought him has been sitting in my pocket for months. I've been afraid to leave it home for fear that he might find it. As much as I love Mark, it just never felt like the right time to ask him. He still cries, sometimes, over Noah and all I can do is hold him and let him be.

I know Mark doesn't like being held, but sometimes he just needs it. I would do anything for him. So today, I did something pretty stupid. I went and changed my last name to Langley. I don't want Mark to give up Noah. I'm just hoping he can find enough room in his heart for me, too.

I asked Mark to meet me here, and I'm praying it goes well. This finally feels like the right time and the right place to ask the man I love to marry me. I just hope I'm right.

~*~*~*~

I can still hear the ringing of the gun in my ears. I never made the connection that he was the kid from across the street. You know, the one where we weren't sure if he was a boy or a girl. Apparently, he tracked me down and had a stalker crush on me. I came to college for you, just like I promised, Noah.

I'm so sorry. I feel like I failed you. I promised we would get married and live together and we would have a forever together. I never meant to find someone else.

I should break it, and quickly. I'm a terrible person for letting it go on this long. I never meant to love him, but I do, Noah. I love Maddox and I don't want to love him. Every time I wake up next to him I feel like you slip away from me.

I love you, Noah Langley, I always have and I always will. I never thought there would be room in my heart for another. I'm a terrible person and I don't deserve either of you. I've come to love his family, his daughter and even his ex-wife and daughter.

I can't do this anymore, Noah. I can't keep leading him on knowing that I'm going to have to leave him. I promised you and I won't go back on that. I'll walk away. He will find someone new, I'm sure. Maddox is smart, kind, and beautiful.

I don't want to leave him. I love him, too, but I promised and I can't lose you, Noah. I just need a few more days. Just long enough to say goodbye.

~*~*~*~

Many people go to college expecting to find love. Mark was not one of those people. In fact, he promised to never find love again. He wanted to get his degree, fulfill a promise made, and feel close to his past. He had been pulling away recently from his lover. They had been together since freshman year of college. Mark had fallen hard and fast for Maddox Cotedivoux, his sexy chemistry teacher. He had used every excuse possible to keep away but in the end the magnetic pull was too strong to fight.

Mark had met the family, was involved in Maddox's daughter's life and they had been living together for years. Maddox had been the one to hold him up when his roommate killed himself. Maddox was the one waiting for him when he walked across the graduation stage. Maddox was the one sleeping in his bed, snoring.

He smiled a little and as the corners of his mouth drew up a knife drove deeper into his heart. He shouldn't have let this go on for so long. Mark brushed back some of his lover's hair and kissed his full lips. He knew Maddox had it in his head that they would be together forever. It was his own fault for leading him on.

Mark wiggled out of his jeans and sucked on his tongue stud. Maddox had been talking about things like marriage, and buying a house, and adopting siblings for Emily. Everything was so goddamn perfect.

This wasn't right. He didn't belong here. Mark touched the paw print over his heart, the one he had gotten for Noah. Being with Maddox, and being happy with Noah gone, was a betrayal. He had promised Noah a forever and a wedding. Mark struggled to swallow and walked over to his dresser to get a T-shirt. He even had his own furniture in Maddox's apartment. This had gone on way too long. Tomorrow, he silently promised. Tomorrow he would end things with Maddox. This time it would be for good. Not like all those times before. This time it would stick. He just needed one more night in those strong arms.

Mark felt pathetic. He needed Maddox to hold him and comfort him just so he could rip his heart out in the morning.

Maddox knew about Noah, but Mark still didn't feel right about having his tattoos visible. Especially when he was feeling so raw emotionally. Mark cursed under his breath when he realized his drawer was empty. He had neglected to do laundry that day. He bit his lip and considered going to bed shirtless.

No, that wouldn't be right. If tonight was his last night with Maddox then he was going to give Maddox his whole heart and mind even though it was only one more night. He opened Maddox's shirt drawer and started digging for a smaller shirt. There was one in particular he liked to wear, that was from when Maddox was in high school. It didn't fit him anymore but he kept it for sentimental reasons.

Mark's fingers grasped desperately for the favored blue shirt and instead ensnared a small box. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to reconcile why the odd box was buried amongst clothing. When he pulled it out and looked at it, Mark forgot to breathe.

He forgot to breathe, think, he forgot how to stand. His legs shook and he grabbed the dresser so he wouldn't make a loud sound as he was going down. It was a ring, an engagement ring. Mark's body felt cold as tears streamed down his face. It was a beautiful white gold ring, with the chemical symbol for gold engraved into it.

They had met at a bar called Gold and had fallen for each other while Maddox was his chemistry teacher.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," he whispered, not sure if he was apologizing to Noah for letting things get this far or to Maddox for leading him on so long.

Mark sat there for an hour, though he only knew that when he looked over at the digital green numbers on Maddox's alarm clock. He tucked the ring back into the drawer and slipped into the bed.

Maddox rolled over and instinctually pulled Mark against his chest. He was still snoring softly as he nuzzled Mark's neck. Mark's eyes felt heavy and he settled into Maddox's arms. Maddox was holding his shattered pieces together. He never thought anyone but Noah would ever hold him, but he realized how badly he needed holding.

In that instant, all the pain Mark had been feeling came rushing out of him. He cried silently against Maddox's arm and his own pillow.

It hurts me deeply to watch him cry. I've been watching him for years now, hoping he would find love again. I love Mark. I will always love Mark. I know that what we had was real and, had the war not taken my life, we may have ended up together.

You can't look at what ifs, though. I was meant to love Mark, and I was meant to exit his life when I did. Mark was always meant for Maddox, and I wasn't going to let him throw that away. I waited for Mark to slip into a deep sleep where I could reach him.

I brought him to our tree. He was a little boy again as was I. After Valentine's Day, when we had been separated, we had only seen each other once. I chose this form because this was the part of our life paths that were meant to cross.

He ran to me and I forgot how small I was back then. After going to boot camp, I went through a growth spurt and would never again be smaller than him.

"I've missed you, Noah."

I smiled at him and hugged him tightly around the middle.

"I missed you, too, Mark. I have always wanted to see you end up happy."

Mark's chin rested on my head.

"I wanted us to end up together."

"I know, Mark, and we will be together again in heaven. That doesn't mean you shouldn't find love again. Maddox loves you and you love him. You were meant to be with him, Mark. You don't have to run anymore. Let somebody hold you, and love you, and love him back. I'm happy in heaven Mark and our love will always be in my heart but you need to move on. Your path was meant to lead you to Maddox. It was always Maddox."

Mark woke up the next morning with my words ringing in his ears. He felt a familiar pair of lips on his neck. His face was swollen from crying the night before but he felt at peace.

"Morning, beautiful," Maddox whispered, pressing his morning wood against Mark's warm body.

"I love you," Mark pressed back into his lover.

"I wanted to take you out to dinner tonight if you don't have anything else planned."

Mark smiled, his mind wandering to the box tucked safely between Maddox's shirts.

~*~*~*~

Mark's slender fingers tied a complicated trinity knot with his black silk tie. He couldn't stop smiling. Today would be the happiest day of his life. Today was the day he would become Mark Cotedivoux.

He had come a long way from Mark Jameson. Mark closed his eyes and touched the Noah paw print for comfort. Noah had given him the strength to love Maddox, the way they both needed. He felt a bit apprehensive. Becoming Mark Cotedivoux meant that he was losing a piece of Noah. He couldn't ask Maddox to take the name of his childhood love. Maddox knew about Noah, but that still would be asking too much. He took a deep breath and reassured himself that this was the right choice.

Mark and Maddox had planned this wedding for almost a year now. Trissta and Mark had grown close and she had helped him with a lot of the planning and helped him with the small details that he wouldn't have thought of on his own. She had helped him with picking things such as chargers. Mark still wasn't completely sure why the guests needed a plate under their plate but he took Trissta's word for it. He knew the wedding would be perfect.

Usually, same sex couples walked down separate aisles together and met at the altar. Trissta had been the one to suggest that she give Maddox away. It would symbolize a new chapter in everyone's life and for Trista, Todd, Mark and Maddox this made sense.

"You look pretty, Mark!" Emily cooed flinging herself at her father's soon to be husband.

"Handsome. Mark looks handsome." Trissta smiled warmly showing she clearly agreed. Motherhood had done her a world of good. She kissed Mark on the cheek, thinking to herself how perfect life felt. Things had really come full circle. "Ready?" she asked with an empathetic tilt of her head.

Mark lifted Emily and bumped out his hip to support her weight. "Yeah, I'm ready." He blew a raspberry on Emily's neck before handing her back to her mom. The next time he saw them, they would be walking Maddox down the aisle.

~*~*~*~

Todd watched Maddox pace back and forth.

"Relax."

"I can't relax. What if the name makes him angry?" Maddox felt sick. He had already gone through the process to legally change his last name to Langley but now that he was going to spring it on Mark he wasn't so sure it was a good idea.

"It won't, and if it does then you will have your first married fight and you can go change it." Todd rested his hands on Maddox's shoulders to stop the nervous pacing. "You guys have been together for five years. I don't think Mark is going anywhere."

Maddox took a deep breath and plunged his hand into his pocket handing the gold bands to Todd.

"Now, put on your jacket and let's get a move on. Trissta is going to have a cow if you are late."

Maddox laughed a little, knowing it was true. Everything had worked out perfectly. Todd was with Trissta and he was with Mark. They all adored Emily and had their lives on the right track. All that was left was to say, "I do".

~*~*~*~

Mark was the first to walk down the aisle. He smiled at the small group of friends shared between him and Maddox, and the large family that had taken them into their hearts. Becoming part of Maddox's family felt more right that any foster home he had ever been in. It felt more right then when he was still part of the Jameson family.

The music started, although it was not Here Comes the Bride. Rather, it was a classical violin tune that was easy to walk to. Emily was the first to walk down and she moved a little too quickly to be in time with the music. She tossed white petals as she went and slipped her tiny hand into Mark's as she had been instructed to do.

Todd was waiting on Maddox's side and he smiled warmly at Emily, knowing she was a bit nervous standing in front of all these people.

Maddox and Trissta came next.

Mark couldn't help the tears that welled up in his eyes. He couldn't look away from the beautiful man that was walking towards him. The beautiful man that would forever be his.

"Don't cry, Mark. Daddy loves you," Emily said in alarm as she pulled on Mark's arm to get his attention. This, of course, only made the tears fall for real.

"I know he loves me. These are happy tears."

The pastor started speaking when Maddox reached the end of the aisle. She had been asked to say specific things and hoped things went as Maddox hoped. "Who gives this man to be with this man?"

"I do," Trissta said. She pulled Maddox to her, giving him a strong hug and a kiss on his cheek. She smiled at her own soon to be husband, Todd, and went to go sit beside Maddox's mom, Rachel.

Mark couldn't stop staring into those deep blue pools of perfection. In Maddox's eyes, he saw all the love that he felt mirrored.

Maddox's heart had taken up practicing capoeira in his chest. The part with the name was coming up and he held his breath as the pastor said it.

"I now pronounce you Dr. and Mr. Langley you may kiss your new husband."

Mark heard Noah's last name and realized what Maddox had done. He had taken Langley as his name knowing Mark needed to hand onto even just a small piece of Noah.

His body moved on auto pilot. His lips crashed against Maddox's, claiming his lover as his new husband.

~*~*~*~

Maddox inserted the key into the door of their room at a cute bed and breakfast in Massachusetts. The lovers had decided to make their marriage legal for their honeymoon. The moment the heavy door made a click signifying it was closed, Mark's hands were on Maddox's broad chest.

"I love you," Mark murmured against Maddox's lips. He backed him up against the bed until the bed hit the back of Maddox's knees and caused him to fall on his back.

"I love you, too," came the breathy reply. Maddox's hands moved through Mark's hair. He scooted further onto the bed. He kicked off his shoes and used his toe to roll off his socks.

Mark followed. His lips hooked to Maddox's. He couldn't stop kissing him, and he was afraid that if he attempted to he would lose his nerve. He grabbed the hem of Maddox's jeans and pulled his hips up so he could grind again his lover's firm ass.

Maddox had only ever known what it was like to bottom for Mark and he moaned into Mark's mouth as the pierced tongue slipped between his lips. He pushed up with his heels, holding the position Mark had put him in.

As his button slipped from its hole and the zipper was pulled down Maddox felt cool air on his heated groin. He kept his hips up as Mark pulled jeans and boxers to his ankles. A needy sound of desperation escaped him as he lost the tongue he had been rubbing against with his own.

Maddox rolled his shirt over his head and watched as Mark's clothing was tossed in a heap on the floor. He didn't have time to admire the view for long as Mark's lips crashed against his again. The snake bite piercings bruising his own in their urgent desire to reunite.

Mark nestled between Maddox's legs in their familiar position. It didn't matter that they had done this a hundred times. Each time was always better than the one before. His breath hitched as he waited for Mark's skilled fingers to tease him and open his body up to the pleasurable invasion.