Auction Block, Halloween Style

Ignoring her fast cooling cup of coffee, a pouty lipped Jodi scowled skeptically as she eyed her cell's send button. Her scowl didn't stick, morphing instead in to a self-satisfied smirk as first she cleared, and then reentered, this time in all capitals. Then, with a growling "Grrr" hissing through her lips, she punched in a trio of explanation marks. Satisfied, but with a menacing growl rumbling in her throat, she jammed a thumb down on her cell's glowing send button.

Across town the time was the same; but there, it was a lazy Friday afternoon on All Hallows' Eve. Having sent his secretary home early, Alex sat alone in his office, not exactly working hard, not working at all in fact. He pondered the possibilities, which explained his regret filled sigh as he half-heartedly damned his self-imposed rule against partying with the help. Chuckling, it occurred to him that just maybe he should have gone in to business with his ex-college roommate Brian. It figures, he thought. After all, he assured himself for maybe the umpteenth time, just why wouldn't a guy whose college nickname was Horn dog wind up owning a trio of Adult boutiques? Grinning as he shook his head, he reminded himself that after all, they were classy upscale sex stores designed with the ladies and couples in mind. Ah well, at least he's discrete, he thought. Anyway, the horndog isn't gauche enough to brag. Still, he mused, the lucky fucker is damn quick to take advantage of that handy little boss with privileges environment. I mean, there's that damn near perpetual turnover of eager coeds willing to expand their sexual horizons. But then Alex could afford to be charitable; because as he knew from firsthand experience, Brian wasn't greedy. It didn't happen every day; but, it did happen. Brian liked to take an adventurous coed home to share with his wife Jackie. Alex had heard the stories, even if he hadn't kept count. But, he could easily have counted off the times he had joined Jodi, hooking up with Brian, Jackie, and company in a wicked little debauch.

It only took a shake of Alex's head to bounce the distracting memories of past debauches from his mind. After all, for Alex there was the commendably brazen Halloween costume his usually shy secretary had unexpectedly shown up in. Her gruesomely zombified, but revealing black Playboy Bunny costume left him tripping over his tongue. His low wolf whistle expressive, he couldn't quite shake loose the image of her body hugging bodysuit's fluffy black tail twitching above her nearly bare rear as she made her stagy hip-swinging exit. "Fuck all those fantasies," Alex growled. "That's still more of her ass then I ever expected to see." Back in his head again, he considered. That nearly bare ass, ooh, and all that pushed up cleavage was sure as Hell easier on the eyes than those bloody bullet holes stitched across her forehead or that drooping, half-hacked off bloody bunny ear. Her black body hugging bunny suit had been slashed, bloody rents gaping, but Alex had hardly noticed. Fingers crossed, he had waited for her to bend over; sure that with any luck a pair of bare breasts would spill out. It hadn't happened, which Alex might grudgingly admit was a good thing. He knew he would have given in and invited her to Jackie and Brian's Halloween party, and never mind his own silly rules or that she had a boyfriend.

Never happen...but, Alex thought. So, with a massive shrug of his shoulders and a mighty sigh, he drop kicked his fantasies about taking a naked bunny bent over his desk to the sidelines, suddenly much more interested in picturing her standing naked on the auction block, bloody bunny ears drooping as he shouted out his bid. After all, it was the sort of fantasy auction an erotically inspired Jackie was capable of cooking up, and Alex knew it. Besides, he fervently hoped, wasn't that just what that trouble making invitation hinted at? Just the possibility had him whooping giddily as he kicked his high backed executive chair in to a spin.

Another kick, another spin, and Alex sighed a resigned "Ah well, c'est la vie." He sighed again, unaware that across town his frustrated wife was scowling down at her cell, alone in their kitchen, gritting her teeth and growling over Jackie and Brian's mysterious Halloween party invitation. Not getting it, and knowing how much she was looking forward to it, a perplexed Alex would have been left wondering what the big freaking deal was anyway. Like Jodi, he was looking forward to their friend's party, which doesn't mean he got it. He did know that invite was driving his wife bat shit crazy. Other than that, he was clueless. So, when his cell's rumbling base purr signaled a text from Jodi, mouthing a silent "Oh-O" he reached for it. Oh yeah, big surprise, he thought as he read "THE BITCH STILL WON'T TELL ME ANYTHING!!!"

Sputtering with laughter, an exasperated Alex cut loose with a whooped "Holy shit, bitch...really?" Ooh, that does it, he thought, convinced that Jackie's puzzling invitation had finally driven his wife completely nuts. What he didn't get was why she seemed determined to take him along for the ride. Except of course, he did. And, it didn't matter that Jackie's husband Brian was every bit as clueless as he was. Jodi hadn't been able to let it go, sure her husband's long time buddy just had to have spilled his guts.

Bummer, Alex thought with a shrug. Brian doesn't know diddly-squat about whatever the Hell his zip-lipped wife is up to. He was right, and right too about Jodi not buying it. And, he also had it right when he guessed that despite lunch, and he figured several glasses of wine, Jodi's numero uno gal pal had managed to keep her lips zipped.

Leaning back, and kicking his chair in to another spin, Alex's mind began to wander. This time, it was Jackie playing center stage. Only, it wasn't a naked zip-lipped Jackie his mind's eye flashed on, anything but. Why fantasize after all, when he had memories to fall back on, like the one playing on his mind's big screen, Jackie down on her knees, naked as she stared up in to his eyes, her fantastically talented, All-Star tongue busily doing its thing. But, not even a brain-rattling shake of his head, or the fleeting thought that he was sounding like Sgt. Schultz of Hogan's Heroes infamy stopped the rising swell in his slacks. Still, despite the loss of blood to his brain he tapped out "I know nothing." And, like any good instigator, deliberately adding fuel to the fire he punched a thumb down on the send button.

Grinning, Alex let the arousing kaleidoscope of erotic memories flow, turning his swelling erection in to a bulging ridge of rock hard cock. Asking himself, Oh God, where is that gruesome zombified bunny when I need her? He groaned, groaning again as he told himself, yeah, well that's what I get for fantasizing about my buddy's wife. Yeah right, like as if I'm the only guy who ever popped wood just thinking about Brian's hot, and oh God lets tell it like it is, his smoking hot, shamelessly uninhibited wife. Hot damn, he thought, huffing out a sigh as he gripped his chairs arms. Yeah, and just who the fuck wouldn't jump at a chance to help that woman limber -up that wicked -wicked tongue of her's? It was just a thought; but still, it was wholly rhetorical. As far as Alex was concerned anyway, it was any guy still capable of getting it up and any woman open minded enough to enjoy a multi-orgasmic libido. And, he would eagerly have insisted, just ask Jodi, or Brian, or anyone lucky enough to have garnered firsthand knowledge. It sure wasn't guilt that had Alex telling himself, yeah, Jodi too. Those two are like peas in a pod, drop dead sexy, cute, cuddly, and they're both damn near perpetually horny. Yeah and even better, there both allergic to the word no, and damn near pathologically unable to turn down anything even remotely resembling a sexual dare. He wouldn't have gotten an argument from either one of them either, and he knew it. Hell, just ask either of them, he thought, knowing they would enthusiastically admit to a list of sexual conquests, a long, long list. No one was going to mistake them for angels; after all, they lacked the requisite halos. But then, there weren't any horns, just a pair of bewitchingly cute tails.

Alex hadn't talked to Brian since Monday, and Monday had been football at My Shrink, a neighborhood bar that really wasn't much more than an old-school dive bar with better than average bar food, a well-used pool table and a couple of big screen TV's. And, the fact that Guy, the bar's owner was a favorite fuck-buddy of Jodi's hardly mattered at all. Actually, Guy and Alex got along surprisingly well; having on what Alex figured was a double handful of times hooked-up to tag-team Jodi. Brian and Jackie liked to party with the guy too; especially Jackie who as a grinning Alex knew had a thing for big guys, particularly big guys with big dicks. But, that Monday it had been the boys, football, several pitchers of Sierra Nevada, and a heaping platter of fiery Buffalo wings. Alex would have sworn Brian's buying had nothing at all to do with his having volunteered to help him with a carpentry project on Saturday. Jodi and a couple of their gal-pals were already on tap for a blitzkrieg session of Halloween Haunt decorating, while the boys were expected to do their bit out in Brian's workshop. Brian had explained that they were going to knock together a stage. "Really, and just what the fuck is that all about," Alex had asked.

"Don't know," Brian apologetically replied, insisting "Jackie won't tell me anything; but, it's got to have something to do with whatever that auction of her's is about."

Saturday morning, Jodi and Alex made the short drive to Jackie and Brian's. In Alex's opinion the drive wasn't anywhere near short enough. Still, he did get one thing right when he tried to placate his monumentally irked wife. "Seriously babe, whatever Jackie has planned," he told her. "You know it's going to be fun, right?"

On that point, assuming of course that Jodi had been in the listening mood, she might even have agreed. Except, Jodi couldn't let it go, convinced that Jackie's glossy orange and black trouble making invite might just as well have come decorated with a big glossy question mark instead of all the usual run of cliché Halloween imagery. But, she had been the one to rip open the irksome thing. So, even before Alex laid eyes on it, Jodi had bounced a barrage of questions off him. "Seriously, what's she thinking," she had asked, and maybe it had been more of a demand. Anyway, she didn't wait for an answer; just swatted Alex's shoulder with Jackie's infuriatingly cryptic summons, her voice dripping scorn as she sarcastically asked "Yeah-yeah, I know the nasty minded little sneak always has a surprise planned; so WTF, why is she reminding us that not everyone there is going to be a swinger?"

Laughing as he sidestepped another swipe, Alex yanked the weaponized invitation out of Jodi's hand. "Beats me, nothing new there anyway," he got out, ignoring Jodi's warning growl as he less than helpfully suggested "Besides, it's, well sort of a tradition isn't it?" It was, not that Alex's declaration made much of an impression on Jodi. Still, it was true. However they liked to party, their crowd, a definite free-wheeling gang of crazies mixed well together.

Jodi stamped an impatient foot, scowling as she fired off a snappy "Fine, forget that." Then, sarcasm flowing like venom, she asked "Uh-huh, and what's that BS about no sex before the witching hour, huh smarty? I just bet it's got something to do with that stupid auction. Yeah, and just what's an erotic auction anyway?"

Still not even half-way there; from the passenger seat a still fuming Jodi continued to pitch a bitch. "No shit Alex, I think the silly bitch has lost her freaking mind," she uncharitably insisted. And, it wouldn't have mattered, not that Alex even thought about interrupting. After all, Jodi was on a roll. "Ok, so fine I get it," she insisted. "Fine, so we're all supposed to bring groceries for the Homeless Families Shelter. And OK, I suppose that's where that fifty dollar cover charge is going. Plus, I just bet that auction has something to do with raising money too." Alex snuck in an eye roll, knowing better than to interrupt as an affronted Jodi indignantly growled "Yeah and I just bet she's going to try charging us for violating that silly no-sex rule."

"Whoa there sweet thing," Alex interjected, only his grip on the wheel preventing him from cringing back under Jodie's ferocious glare. "Like chill already. It's Jackie, and she sure as Hell isn't going to do anything that doesn't meet her definition of fun, which for damn sure means plenty of the hot and nasty."

"Yeah smarty, well you're not going to be able to sneak off, not with that silly no-sex prohibition thing," Jodi fired back. Then, with sarcasm dripping from every word, she added a half-snarled "No wait, maybe that big dick of yours is only going to drain your wallet. No big deal; after all, it's for charity now isn't it?" Alex knew he shouldn't have chuckled when Jodi shrieked "No way, oh my freaking God she wouldn't dare make us girls pay too would she?" But he did, so he certainly wasn't expecting either calm or Jodi's look of perplexed concentration. It didn't last, and with a nod and a dismissive little snort, Jodi said "Well, I suppose it explains her having remained so damn zip-lipped."

Alex wisely let the conversation die there, shrugging as he considered. OK, so it's for charity; fine, but I just bet the Shelter never finds out where it's windfall came from. Huh, he wondered amusedly, it's going to get expensive, wonder if Jackie's going to take checks? And not wanting to set his quietly sulking wife off, Alex kept his thoughts to himself.

Escaping the hen-party going on in the house, where Jackie, Jodi, and a couple of their gal pals were boisterously turning the house in to a Halloween haunt, Alex beat feat for the garage. Brian was there, looking serious in his carpenter's overalls as he industriously studied what from Alex's point of view didn't much look like any sort of stage, small or otherwise. But, after reducing a six-pack of cold beers to a four-pack they got busy, measuring, sawing, and pounding in nails. And, somewhat to Alex's surprise, in no time at all they had banged together a small stage. The subject of that worrisome auction never came up, which didn't bother Alex one little bit. He did wonder if Brian was playing dumb, pretty near certain his buddy was just as clueless as he was.

Mission accomplished, one at a time they carried the stage's two sections inside. There, following orders barked by Jackie, they set them up in the den. Planning on a speedy retreat to the safety of the garage they quickly tacked a covering of carpet in place. No such luck, heading them off, Jackie moved in to inspect their handiwork. "Fine," she snarled. "Uh-huh, only where am I supposed to put the freaking cash register?"

"Chill baby," Brian, in Alex's opinion bravely suggested. "We're on it."

They sidled towards the door, hoping to make it to the garage. No such luck, Jackie wasn't having any of it, growling as she cracked a well-aimed swat off Brian's retreating backside. They kept going, more or less impervious to Jackie's barked "Brian darling, you told me you had it covered," a little more worried about her menacing "So?"

Back in the garage, Brian pointed to a far corner where a rickety looking something stood. "Seriously dude, "Alex queried.

"Like bite me already," Brian suggested, before explaining "Come on, it's only half finished. Yup, and when we're through with it, trust me good buddy, it's going to be a super-duper combo cash register stand and bench."

"Sure, if you say so," Alex replied doubtfully. But, he was chuckling as he said "So OK, fuck it, let's get it done then."

Four beers became two, before they got around to adding a bit of decorative molding and padded the bench with a bit of leftover carpet. And even Alex had to grudgingly admit "Well, it's not going to win any prizes; but what the fuck, it should get the job done."

Anticipating the wrath of a displeased Jackie they manned-up and delivered it. When she didn't so much as grumble, only point and order "Up there," they quickly moved it in to position. They lingered, watching from the doorway as the girls scurry to decorate it. Alex, who wasn't about to do anything as dangerous as ask Jackie, dared a whispered "Dude, does she seriously think she needs a freaking cash register?"

"Who the fuck knows, but I'd guess it's for that stupid auction. Fuck dude, she'll probably need it to make change," Brian said snarkily. "But hey, she found one on Craigslist no less. How'd you miss it? No shit, it was sitting right there on my workbench."

Safely ensconced back in the garage, Brian pointed to Jackie's find. Alex gaped at a hulking, antique crank operated monstrosity. "Come on, fuck Craigslist, she had to have stolen that beast from a freaking museum," he challenged.

"You think so huh? Well check this out," Brian replied, laughing as he demonstrated. He punched a couple of brass keys, turned the crank, and out popped the cash drawer with an unmistakable cha-ching. Then, while polishing off that six-pack, they made a half-hearted attempt at polishing up Jackie's find. Properly fortified, Brian carried it in to the den. There, he very carefully hoisted the eyesore in to place, earning a "Thank you honey," from a beaming Jackie.

Not about to push their luck, they began a strategic retreat. It was a terrific plan; but of course, it was doomed. They hadn't even made it out of the den, before this ear-piercing scream slammed the brakes on their escape. Spinning around, Alex cut-loose with a startled "What the fuck?"

Up on that improvised stage A jubilant Jackie whooped "Oh Hell yes, that's going to get their attention alright," her fist already slamming back down on the big orange button jutting from the top of a tiny black box. And, a second ear-piercing wail didn't quite manage to drown out her exultant cackle.

Holy shit," Alex yelped. That damn thing could raise the dead." And really, to Alex the unnerving shriek did sound an awful lot like a woman screaming in Hell's own horror. But, the guys were laughing, running for it, Brian pushing Alex along ahead of him. Hoping to escape the thing's ear-assaulting shrieks they piled in to the garage. They slammed the door, and almost muffled the amplified shriek's coming from Jackie's attention getter. They didn't know it then of course; but before long, like Pavlov's dogs they would learn to eagerly anticipate its shrieking.

Alex leaned in, careful as he wedged a sixth and final bag of groceries in to the trunk. From behind him came a purry "Nice, but gosh honey, I sure don't remember Spock having such a hunky set of buns."

"You're out of character," Alex replied with a chuckle. "That kind of talk will have you down on your knees in front of Father Phil, and it won't be absolution he's giving you either."

"Uh-huh, well darling that's assuming your buddy comes dressed like a Priest again," Jodi answered behind a grin Alex missed.

"Yeah, well it got him a couple of blowjobs last year; so, I'm betting Priest," Alex said while turning to face the Nun he was sure could easily set Nunhood back a century or two. "And, I'm just saying, but there isn't anything that guy wants more than you down on your knees."

"Well actually, what the skinny perv wants is me on all fours. Really Alex, the silly fool's whispered it in my ear, like maybe half a hundred times," an almost exasperated Jodi explained. Sidetracked, a grinning Alex almost missed the mischievous snicker creeping in to his wife's voice as she almost purred "Ooh, and tonight he just might get the chance."