Aunty Catches Me on the Rebound

"Perfectly reasonable, yes it's always been with a condom, I assume you think I should go for tests?"

Beth sighed, "Would you?"

"No worries," I looked on the internet and phoned for an appointment at the local clinic for the following day. "Eezy peezy."

"Thanks Terry, I didn't expect it to be that easy, thanks."

Later I found Dad and Aunty Annie in the middle of a slightly heated chat about me, I joined in and basically promised to break it off until at least after the test results. A week later I received a letter but instead of the results I was asked to return for tests due to some sort of error.

I felt very nervous waiting a further two weeks for the results to arrive but the relief reading the negative results was an absolute joy, as were the hugs from Aunty Annie and Beth, others reactions were much more neutral but the one which really tugged at my heart was Dad who told me to grow up and find a nice girl to marry, I shouted "You mean just like Freddy!" and stormed off to get drunk.

Beth walked into the pub as I was finishing my first drink and joined me for my second. "Terry I need you to think very hard, why do you think I am not trying to stop you sleep with Mum?"

I thought hard, "No idea, jealousy maybe."

"No don't be daft, think hard about the family features, Mum, your Dad, Charles, Edward, what do they look like?"

"Peas in a pod, and your point?"

What do your sister, me, Barry, Freddy, Denise have in common?"

I laughed a little, "Family nose."

"And all our children?"

"Oh yes the family nose, ha ha. I reckon I'm the lucky one there, got Mums nose through and through."

"And how about the families brown hair?"

"What about it?"

"Oh come on Terry think, every single one of us has brown hair, verging on ginger, you're Mums blonde, nearly white in the summer. Where do you think your colour has come from? Ginger plus blond does not equal black!"

Someone dropped a metal tray "Shit that was a loud penny dropping. What the fuck are we saying here?"

"Do you know your blood group?"

"B."

"Mum's group A, I think they all are, do you know your Mums?"

I picked up my phone "Mum what blood group are you? it's O," looking at Beth, "do you know Dads group," looking at Beth, "it's A. I'll be home soon, we need to talk... well I think there is something to talk about, see you in a few minutes." I cancelled the call and the tears streamed down my face.

Beth hugged me hard and I heard Beth on the phone over my shoulder, "Uncle Edward, I'm with Terry, I need to ask someone a delicate question... is it that obvious... thanks we'll be home soon."

Beth wiped my eyes with a tissue "Come on Telly, we've got some things to sort out."

*****

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