tagHumor & SatireAuthor's Fantasy Aftermath

Author's Fantasy Aftermath



Dateline: June 17, 2003, Upper Knocksville, WV

Innocence Fecunda

In a startling development straight out of the fertile imagination of noted porn author Homer Vargas himself, a recent wave of pregnancies -- overwhelming local hospitals -- has been traced to a personal appearance by the same Homer Vargas at an Upper Knocksville erotic bookstore approximately nine months ago.

"I had no idea this was going to happen," said the beaming author; "One minute I was having a pleasant conversation with a very sexy pregnant lady -- if that is not otiose to say -- in the 'Homer Vargas' section of the emporium and the next minute I'm coping with a confabulation of concatenated copulation," the author announced in his annoyingly alliterative affectation.

"Apparently, several young -- well at least they were pre-menopausal -- women overhearing our conversation about seducing young studs and making them into baby-making fucktoys, got so lathered-up they were impelled to hike their skirts and start pleasuring themselves on the spot," the author explained. "It might have ended with a few temporarily satisfied women with soaked panties, but when my interlocutor began to describe how she arranged to get fucked silly and filled with boiling hot jizz just when she was at her most fertile time, the listeners totally lost control. The women started grabbing their husbands, boyfriends -- pretty much any male they could lay hands on -- and started coupling like a hutch of over-heated hamsters."

Curiously, even Dr. Vargas was not aware of the scale of the orgy he had inadvertently incited. Dr. Vargas, having contributed as much semen to the purpose of profligate procreation as prudently possible, attempted to extricate himself from the bookstore with his clothes on -- fighting off a gaggle of suburban matrons caught up in the reproductive frenzy. At that moment, however, the manager of the bookstore was moved to begin reading from her favorite passages of "Judith and Me" on the bookstore's public address system, arousing the astonished onlookers even more.

By coincidence, word spread to a gathering of feminist scholars meeting at the nearby Upper Knocksville Convention Center who called the police. This failed to redress the situation, however, since by the time two impressionable young policewomen arrived, scores of women had joined the orgy and were braying to be impregnated. The policewomen themselves were soon bent over the bookstore sales counter, eagerly taking rapid-fire cumloads and pleading to be made mommies by a line of men now flocking to the bookstore from every corner of the city.

Accounts of events after this point are unclear, but one eyewitness (a former professor of Militant Feminist Literature and a new mother of triplets, speaking on condition of anonymity) recalls the outrage of the 250-odd middle-aged grrrls at the Convention Center when they heard of an orgy in progress. When someone else informed them that their nemesis, the notorious Homer Vargas himself was involved, anger in the auditorium boiled over in a spontaneous decision to rush the adjacent bookstore. The orgasmic melee in front of the bookstore had by them spread across several blocks and the feminist scholars were instantly immersed in a formidable frenzy of frenetic fornication. Soon the sexed-up scholars were shucking their dowdy clothes and grabbing any man they could find (including a pleased group of troglodyte males who had come to protest the feminist conclave), humping them urgently and begging to be made pregnant.

As the eyewitness was being interviewed in the back of a bus transporting the wrestling team of Upper Knocksville University, her frumpy skirt hiked up around her waist, her clunky clogs in the air, and a line of well-hung studs with 'cocks like truncheons' queuing to fill her cunt, she was unable to shed further light on the situation (beyond bewilderment at her current status as a forty-two-year old single mother of triplets--one white, one black, and one Hispanic).

Your reporter can herself testify to the power of the strange ambiance, as she had no sooner arrived at the bookstore, pencil and note pad in hand, than she found herself on her back (the first time, anyway), panties around her ankles and her pussy being pounded by a burly maintenance worker. To her best recollection, her baby looks a lot like his father, although not so black.

Medical investigators, piecing together the accounts afterward, have explained the incident as a kind of endocrinal chain reaction, as the high levels of pheromones from the steamy cunts of the first group of listeners was communicated to other women, now hearing the Vargas narration on the loudspeakers. Experts speculate their quims reacted sympathetically to the twin stimuli, producing an extraordinary high concentration of the lust inducing hormones in the air. As frantic copulation began, a perverse feedback loop was established, whereby more and more women went into heat and opportunistic men appeared to breed them.

The exceptionally high pregnancy rate among the feminist scholars was explained by the fact that none were using any form of birth control, considering oral contraceptives to be a "masculine assertion of hormonal dominance over the female body." For most, contraception was a non issue, few being pretty enough to snag a husband or boyfriend, and accustomed to getting the sex they needed from pussy-licking coeds eager to raise their GPAs. Thus, 157 of those women found themselves carrying babies in the following weeks, adding their 359 children to half-again that number conceived by various other women, who couldn't put in their diaphragms quickly enough or were too happily distracted to insist their partners use condoms.

Researchers believe the pheromone concentration had the additional effect of immediately kicking every woman's monthly cycle into instant fertility and probably explains the disproportionate number of multiple births as well. Apparently exposure to such high levels of sex hormones leaves the victim permanently horny and craving pregnancy and disposed to fuck man or woman at the drop of a panty. Your reporter, who is expecting again, has found that to be the case and has had to engage a black boyfriend and two girlfriends to assist her exhausted but happy husband with his duties.

That these events were was not more widely reported is largely thought to be the work of Lovey Lilywhite, our state's Lieutenant Governor, in Upper Knocksville that fateful day for a meeting of State Committeewomen. Her epic efforts of spin control were compromised only when the tummies of several of the Committeewomen and that of the forty-five year old Lieutenant Governor herself began to swell. Awkwardly, her twins were conceived when Ms. Lilywhite rushed to visit the scene of the crisis first hand. Suspicions that Governor Connor Puissy was responsible were allayed when both Lilywhite twins turned out with strong Asian features. This was hardly the governor's largest concern as hundreds of women started turning up plump with babies simultaneously, overwhelming the medical resources not only of Upper Knocksville, but also of the entire state. As of this writing, the governor is considering a request for aid from Federal Emergency Management Administration, since the surge in popularity of Vargas's pro-pregnancy porn (directly linked to this incident) is threatening to create an even larger population explosion across the entire state in the coming months.

For his part, Dr. Vargas stated that he was gratified his works had reached such a wide and enthusiastic audience and that he was pleased that most of the women had been inspired by his stories to embrace their maternity -- and indeed, would be having more babies, as soon as possible. "You just never know what's going to happen when you write these stories," Mr. Vargas mused, his arm around a slightly pregnant woman with curly red hair, nursing a light brown infant.

The End

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