Average and Regular

He laughed and spilled his drink on me. I excused myself to clean up. Exiting the booth I approached one of the tree trunk built bouncers.

"Hey guy." I said holding up a $50 bill. "Can you see that my companion and I are ejected from here in a hurry."

The bouncer eyed the money in my hand. "Sir I do not have sufficient reason to remove you gentlemen from the club grounds."

I added another $50 bill. "I would also expect a simple thumping of my companion for this service." I asked as the bouncer made the money disappear.

We were quickly tossed out, and found ourselves laying piled in the alley behind the club after our bum's rush out the back door. I was dirty but unhurt. My companion was laughing loudly.

"Ron God Damn!" He said getting up. "I ain't had this much fun since New Orleans! You are my kind of guy. How much money this place of yours you need buddy?"

I grinned and helped him up. "Come with me -I got some papers in the car you can sign right now."

+++++++

Pia was waiting up for me when I walked in the door. As Pia kissed my cheek I saw her wrinkled her nose, I stunk of booze and cheap perfume.

"Ron why you smell like whorehouse?" Pia said.

"Pia I had to take a client out to some stupid strip joint. Dumb ass spilled his drink on me."

Pia eyed me warily. "Ron you no be with nasty ladies?"

"Of course not Pia." I replied starting to walk toward the steps. I could tell Pia had her doubts.

"Ron if you no be with nasty ladies then we do sex right now. You be able to let me pleasure you." Pia exclaimed pulling me onto the couch, then grabbing to undo my belt and zipper.

I pushed away her hands laughing as I did so. "Pia hold on, I got something for you." I pulled out the INS letter from my suit coat pocket.

Pia was not to be sidetracked from her efforts to remove my pants. "Ron I see you stare at ladies with big chests –like teats on cow. Come now let me see if you tell true. I be desiring you madly!"

I gave up as Pia yanked down my underwear. "OK Pia you win. I guess you can wait to see the letter about your sister and Mom from the INS later." I waved the letter in her face.

Pia froze from a second, then snatched the letter from my hand jumping up from the couch while scanning the INS letter.

"Ron this GOOD news. Mother and Sister can come to America."Pia clapped her hands. "I go call Mother now, we make preparations." A phone call to Pia's mother took hours to set up with operators, country codes, city codes, international lines and waits. It was more complex an operation then a space shuttle launch.

I was still sitting on the couch my pants at half mast, my dick hanging out.

"Hey Pia" I called out, pointing to my exposed member "What about our pleasure? Your mad desire for me?"

Pia paid no attention and was skipping up the stairs. "Ron you big strong stud. You be able to be happy and fool me anyway. I have things to do now! We have fun later tonight."

With that Pia disappeared into our bedroom. It was good to see Pia so happy. Trying not to laugh I pulled up my pants and got off the couch.

++++++

While Pia made the logistical arrangement and filled out the out countless forms and documents needed for the final steps to bring her Mother and sister to America, I had my attorney bring back up our divorce papers. I wondered if Pia had been checking out apartments around town to live in after our split. I did not know how long before she departed, and did not ask.

Pia was a whirlwind in the days leading up to the arrival of her Mother and sister. I do not think she slept at all. The house was scrubbed from top to bottom; it was cleaner then a surgical operating room. Pia had cooked massive amounts of their favorite food. I teased Pia if more than one of her mother or sisters were coming based on the quantity of chow that was stuffed in our refrigerator.

The day finally arrived and we met Pia's Mother and sister at the airport. I had seen pictures of the two. But they were different in real life.

Pia mother was an older version of Pia. "Mom" spoke passable English and was quiet but firm.

Pia's sister had an unpronounceable name and asked to be called Lucy. No doubt Pia and Lucy were related. However while Pia was beautiful, Lucy was taller, a bigger version of an Asian doll that took your breath away. Lucy had the kind of looks that caused men to stop and stare as she walked by. The biggest surprise I got was when Lucy first spoke.

"Howdy Ron, it is great to meet ya all" Lucy said with a slight west Texas accent.

Seemed Lucy and her friend had grown up watching bootlegged VHS tapes of old American TV shows. Lucy's favorite was Dallas, and Dynasty. She and had her girlfriends had spent hours in front of the mirror and each other after each episode practicing to sound like the characters on these TV shows. Lucy had every season and knew every actor. Lucy studied their talk with monk like devotion.

The sound of Dynasty's Alexis Carrington's voice coming out of Lucy mouth stunned me so much I was mute.

Lucy looked at me with a bit of panic in her eye. "Ron Honey are you all OK? Did I say something wrong?"

"No ..a Lucy.." I stammered. "You spoke just fine, It's me I am..forget it. Really glad to meet you too."

I was lucky Pia stepped in to save me. "Ron close mouth. You catch flies. Put luggage in car. We go to home now." As I packed up their belongings in the car, Pia, Lucy and her Mom chatted away in their native tongue.

Mom and Lucy settled in quickly. I then got my second welcome surprise, "Mom" took over the cooking. Mom was a specular cook. I swear that old lady could make a brick taste like a steak filet. Mom's cleaning put Pia to shame. I cannot tell you how astonished I was one day to see my old running shoes polished and looking as good as the day I bought them. I was dreading the day I had to go back to my pre-Pia life.

Two weeks later we were all eating another of Mom's outstanding meals. However the atmosphere was tense. I figured they were waiting to tell me about moving out. I decided to bring the subject out in the open so we could get it out of the way.

"Pia, Lucy, Mom." I began. "I know you have something to tell me -so just go ahead." I turned toward Pia. "Pia we both knew this day would come. I have the divorce papers at the attorneys office. You just give me a date and I will have them filed. You do not need to put your life on hold anymore. Pia you can go back home to Mr. Wonderful your fisherman as soon as you wish."

At the words Divorce and fisherman I saw Lucy and her Mom exchange glances and their mouth tightened. There was a brief flurry of conversation between the three in their native tongue before Pia finally spoke to me.

"Ron" Pia started. "I need favor again from you.."

Pia's sister Lucy interrupted. "Pia please let me. Listen Ron Honey, it's me that needs the favor, not Pia." Lucy put down her napkin. "You see Ron I need to have residency for six months at this location to sit for my board exams. You think ya all could see your way to putting up with little ole me for that long?"

This took me back. I looked at Pia. "Pia what about you? Is this what you want? You want me to hold off filing the divorce papers?"

Pia glanced at both her Mother and sister before answering. "Ron we family. Family stay together."

++++++

A week later Lucy asked me to teach her how to drive. Let's see -trapped in a car with a breathtaking Asian babe obeying my every command?-Yea I could do that.

By day two I was looking for driving schools. You know the stereotype about Asian woman being bad drivers? Well there is a reason for that stereotype. The way Lucy drove, I figured the best drivers in the world must live back in Lucy's homeland-because all the bad drivers were dead. The only thing Lucy would slow down for was McDonalds. Unfortunately Lucy would swerve across 3 lanes of traffic to get to the McDonalds. I swear McDonald's stock went up after Lucy entered the country.

The thrill of staring at Lucy overcame the terror of Lucy's driving. After a few weeks I was able to no longer grip the door handle white knuckled with both hands. After the second month I could even breath normally when Lucy entered the freeway. I admit the lessons lasted longer than they could have but I found Lucy had brains as well as beauty. Like Pia, Lucy was a good conservationist and could listen as well as hold up her end of a discussion.

Then one day during our talks while driving Lucy really threw me for a loop.

"Ron." Lucy said staring straight ahead. "I have to tell ya all my sister Pia is as dumb as a horses ass."

"Whoa Lucy." I joked. "That is no way to talk about my future ex-wife."

"That what I mean Ron Honey." Lucy continued. "I can't believe Pia is going to not marry you anymore for that guy back home."

"Lucy." I said with more feeling then I felt. "Your sister and Pia and I had an understanding. It was beneficial to both of us."

"Oh Cow pooie Ron." Lucy countered. "You love Pia, both Mom and I can both see it. I think Pia loves you but doesn't know it. I told my sister the day she throws you back in the pond I gonna grab you and never let go." With that Lucy took one hand off the wheel and ran her finger up my thigh to rest on my crotch.

"Both hands on the wheel Lucy!" I barked. Lucy yanked her hand off my groin and put her hands back at the two and ten o'clock position. I adjusted the seatbelt which was restraining my sudden erection.

After a few moments of silence. Lucy spoke. "Sorry Ron. I didn't mean to grab you. I've never really been with a guy, and not sure how to act. Mom kept a tight rein on me. I just want ya all to know the lay of the land."

I relaxed before saying. "No worries Lucy. No harm no foul. So tell me how did Pia take your possession statement? I wouldn't think she would care. After all she has Mr. Wonderful the fisherman at home."

Lucy looked visibly relieved. "Ron honey my sister Pia flipped out when I told her I was going for you. Pia acted like I was gonna take away her virginity. We had a big fight, Mom even got into it."

I was a bit confused, why would Pia care? "Lucy I am surprised she cares. Pia has been longing for her fisherman back home, like a man dying of hunger longs for a meal."

Lucy tightened her jaw. "Ron if I tell you something ya all gotta promise not to tell Pia."

"Can't do it Lucy. Your sister Pia is still my wife. I don't withhold anything from her."

Lucy set her jaw again. "Damn Ron I can't tell ya all then!"

We drove for a while longer not saying anything. Finally my curiosity got the better of me.

"Lucy OK. I promise not to tell Pia. Now give it up." I said.

Lucy pulled the car over to a parking lot, and did a good job of backing in as I had taught her. "Ron my sister Pia's boyfriend back home-the fisherman guy. He already has two kids by two different ladies. They do not even know about each other. The frigging sailor with a girl in every port."

I had to laugh. "Wow Lucy that is big news. But you gotta tell your sister, it's not fair to her."

Lucy turned the car off. "Ron nobody knows any of this- not even Mother. Plus honey it gets worse, the guy Pia wants to spend the rest of her life with..um he does not mind spending long night away from home on a boat full of guys. He is real popular with the other fisherman."

I slapped the dashboard with both hands. "Lucy are you saying he is gay! Plays for both teams? Oh this is too much!" I stopped and thought for a moment. "Lucy you must tell Pia, you can't keep this from her. Now is this just gossip, or you got any proof?"

Lucy paused before answering. "Ron I was interning at the hospital when he brought in a girl with a baby. The child was the spitting image of him. He had his name as the father. A month later I was at different hospital -same thing but different girl and baby. I asked around, the girls are living with their parents and he stays at one house or the other when not on the fishing boat." Lucy turned away from me. "About the guy –guy thing. He ain't gay , it just..men be men and use what can. Ain't no women around on the fishing boat. He does not seem to mind, every ship has a guy like him, common knowledge." Lucy shrugged.

"Lucy." I looked straight at her. "You must tell your sister Pia."

"No Ron. Pia will not believe me. She is very stubborn, she still sees him as the sweetheart from schooldays. That was a long time ago." Lucy stopped. It looked like she was thinking. After a while Lucy spoke again. "Ron I changed my mind, you can tell Lucy if you want." Lucy started up the car, and began the drive home.

I was deep in thought. Should I tell Pia? Would she believe me? If she did what did it mean? A light bulb went off in my head. I finally admitted to myself I loved Pia, but I needed her to love me back. If I told Pia about Mr. Wonderful the fisherman Pia may stay with me-but only because I was a "back-up" choice. I know it sounds selfish but I needed to be number one in her mind if we were to be together. On the other hand Lucy and I had been getting quite close, and Lucy confessed to have feelings for me. Maybe I was better letting Pia go, or was it just a case of the grass is always greener on the other side?

The drive home was long and Lucy and I did not speak. I finally figured out a plan. It gave me what I thought was win-win opportunity.

I would not tell Pia about what I knew about her Mr. Wonderful the fisherman. This would give Pia more time before we split. If it was true about Pia loving me-I wanted to hear it from Pia. Thus I would know she choose me over "Mr. Wonderful".

If Pia still wanted the divorce I would let her go and make a play for her sister Lucy. I would tell Pia what I knew about "Mr. Wonderful" after we split. Pia could make her own decision what to do then-but I would not be in the picture and she could not come back to me.

I had a calm feeling for the first time in a long time as we pulled into the driveway.

+++++++

I do not recall the house being this happy since my grandparents passed. Lucy studied and spent a lot of time with me. Mom kept the house in a condition that would have pleased a Marine boot camp Sargent, with food that had me fighting to keep my weight down. Pia and I continued to grow closer. I caught her looking at me when she thought I was not looking, but I could not tell what she was thinking. Was she getting ready to move out? Thinking of her future life back home? Our bedroom activities were still going strong –so that gave me no clue. Dinners were a great time as I enjoyed the lively conversations with the three ladies. The weekend parties and events were twice as much fun with Pia, Lucy and their Mom.

There was not much I could do so I awaited Pia's sister Lucy to complete her test and had my attorney keep the divorce papers current. It was all depending on Pia's next move.

The day of Lucy's big test, Pia was at home. Mom was out shopping and I was working from the den. Pia was upstairs in the bedroom and I was in the study. Pia came to the study and asked me to come to the bedroom. I thought I saw tears in her eyes.

"This must be it." I thought. "The big kiss off." I figured Pia had waited until we were alone so I could save face.

When I entered the bedroom Pia was sitting on the bed. She was still beautiful but looked tired. On the bed next to her was an envelope address to Mr. Wonderful the fisherman. This was odd as Pia had always taken great pains to have me not see her read, or write any of these letters. I sometimes got the mail so these letters were no secret, I even knew the drawer Pia kept his letters in. It was an open secret. Pia would tell me what in the letter or what she wrote if I asked. Now looking back I saw that I first started to have real feeling for Pia when I stopped asking what was in the letters.

"Ron." Pia started taking a deep breath. "I have told him." Pia pointed at the letter on her bed. "I do not wish to be his wife. I wish him good luck and fortune in his future. I throw out all old letters. I your wife if you want me."

"Why Pia?" I asked. "How come now? What changed?"

"Ron, nothing changed. You change me. You make me love you!" Pia grabbed me in a embrace. "Ron I always know you good man. Mother tell me fool I let you go. Then Lucy tell me she want you. I see what everyone see now."

I pushed Pia back. "Pia staying with me because your Mom says so, or your sister wants me is not a good reason. I am not a toy you only want because your sister thinks I have some value."

Pia shook her head. "NO Ron. Lucy make me see what is in front of eyes. What you do for me -for family is what true husband do for love of wife. Actions all the time. Not.." Pia pointed at the envelope on the bed. "..pretty words and promises on paper from far away."

"Pia, gratitude is great for pets, however it does not make the basis for lasting marriage." I informed her.

"Ron it was only gratitude when you agree to help me, now it is love." Pia said.

"Sure Pia. Since when?" I was unsure if Lucy had told Pia about Mr. Wonderful back home, and I was a consolation prize.

Pia sat back on bed. "Ron I know now I start love you last year. I no care if letter come." Pia touched the envelope. "When I sometimes no write back , or even feel bad writing back, I see it is because of you. I look for our time together. Even keep thinking of reason to put off divorce. I know we do not have much money as others, but we have each other. I will do my best to make you happy."

Damn Pia seemed sincere. Decision time, I had to pick a lane.

I gave Pia a deep kiss. Pia pulled me down onto the bed. Then she started to pull at my pants.

"Now Ron I give you what you should have gotten long time ago." Pia whispered in my ear.

++++++

Was it great mind blowing angel singing earth shattering sex? No not quite. We took our time, and I was as gentle as I could, going slow to make it a pleasurable experience for Pia.

After we were wrapped in the after glow Pia asked me if I could get her something cold to drink. I was standing front of the fridge with the door opened trying not to let the cold air frost my gonads when I heard the outside kitchen door open. I turned with an open can of soda in each hand, naked as a jaybird to face Lucy, Mom and a gaggle of students from Lucy's study group.

Hard to cover yourself with a can of coke. I took a short swig of my soda, then asked the assembled female group.

"How'd the test go? Can I offer any of you ladies a soda?"

++++++

A University of Texas study once found that marriages simply based on romance are doomed to failure due to the partners having unreasonable expectations of each other and with the relationship having little room for improvement. This is what accounted for a lot of the 50% divorce rate in America. I guess as Pia and I had nowhere else to go but up we had a better chance then most.

We will be married 21 years next month. Pia did slow down due to our 4 lovely children. I think Pia now sleeps 5 hours a night. In between births Pia managed to satisfy the RN board requirements and pass it's exams. She has been the charge nurse at the local hospital for quite a few years and a terror to both young and old doctors who fall out of line. The whole family was at the ceremony downtown when Pia finally became a US citizen. Her smile still lights up a room, and I love Pia more every day

I did tell Pia about my trust fund, but it really did not change how we lived. As our family expanded Pia purchased Mr. Wilsons house next door and moved Mom into it. The kids love having Grandma next door-and so do we.

Lucy was hit on constantly when she started working, but went out little. Her frequent trips to McDonalds led her to meet, date and later marry the manager there. He was the most common regular average type of person, another faceless commonplace nice guy. When the first filed taxes after being married Lucy found he was not just the manager of the McDonalds, but the sole owner of a string of McDonalds Franchises. With three children they will be wedded 17 years this summer.