Avery's Desire Pt. 16

"Son of a bitch!" Rick hissed.

Both Hanson and Avery turned to look at him. Ricks face had twisted into an ugly snarl. He was pissed.

"What is it?" Hanson asked.

Rick shook his head. "I know who they are." Rick told them. "Frank Shull and Don Grady. Their good for nothing idiots. Stoners and trouble makers but they're pretty harmless unless someones pulling their strings. They wouldn't have the balls to do something like this on their own."

"I'll run their names and see if they have a record." Hanson made a note of it on his pad.

"Oh I know they do." Rick told him. "They've been in jail several times that I know of. Mostly on drug charges but I think they've also been picked up for disorderly and stuff too."

Hanson nodded. "If they're in the system I'll find them." He turned back to Avery then. "What else do you remember, Avery?"

Avery didn't want to remember anymore. He was exhausted mentally and the memories of what was done to him were causing him as much pain as the night it had actually happened. Reliving it all made it seem more real and he just wanted it to be over but he knew that the details were important. If he had any chance of making Mikey pay then this was how to do it. They needed to build a strong case against him and as Hanson had explained, Avery was their most important witness.

Avery sighed. "Well, after they hauled me to my feet Mikey stood there yelling at me. He was still accusing me of ruining his life and turning on him. He was so angry. I had no idea that he was so angry about being thrown out of the band but he just couldn't seem to let it go. He was going on and on about how much I had hurt him and that I'd broken his heart." Avery rolled his eyes. "He referred to himself as a victim, as if I were the one that attacked him. He was out of his mind. When I couldn't respond to him he punched me in the gut then he kept slapping me and calling me names."

Avery cringed as he thought about how his arms hurt as Frank and Don had held him, pulling him up into the air so that he'd just hung there helplessly. "Mikey told them to drag me over to a spot in the field and then they just kind of dumped me there. I remember crashing to the ground like a sack of potatoes. I didn't have the strength to hold myself up. I didn't even have the strength to keep my eyes open at that point. Everything was so dark. I don't know if it was because it was night or because I just couldn't see. I did see flashes of light though so I think they had a couple of flashlights with them."

He paused for a moment and ran his hand through his hair. Hanson and Rick were watching him closely, hanging on his every word. The recorder was still going, capturing his story as he told each and every painful detail of his ordeal but he wasn't sure if he could go on. He was getting to the part of the story that hurt the most. He could take the beating, as painful as it was it was just his body and he would heal. He wasn't sure though if he would ever heal from what had come next.

"Mikey was standing over me, he slapped me a couple more times but by then I was practically out of it. I only remember bits and pieces but it was about that time that he told the other two to leave us alone. I really thought at that point that he was going to kill me. I remember wondering if I was ever going to see Rick and the others again. I was so scared but at the same time I was just glad that it was finally over, but it wasn't."

Rick was close to tears himself. He could tell that Avery was in pain and he didn't like it. He looked over at Hanson. "Couldn't we stop for a bit? Maybe give him some time to catch his breath and rest a while?"

"No." Avery shook his head. "I want to get this over with."

Rick nodded. "Okay, baby. Whatever you want." He put his arm around Avery's shoulders and hugged him. Avery hugged him back.

"I'm okay, really. I can do this." He forced a smile as he looked at Rick and Rick smiled back. Honestly though, Avery wasn't sure how much more he could deal with. Maybe Rick was right and he should take a break for a bit but he'd still eventually have to tell them what happened. No, he figured that it was better to get it all done at once, he could rest afterwards.

"The other guys left when Mikey told them too and it was just him and me there. I wasn't really sure what he was going to do to me. I think at one point I blacked out because the next thing I remember is him leaning over me and slapping me in the face telling me to wake up. He tried to make me drink some water but I couldn't. I think he was trying to revive me. He might even have thought I'd died, I don't really know for sure." Avery rubbed the back of his neck and then turned his head to the side, looking away from the two men. He knew that he had to tell them what happened next but he didn't want to look at them when he did, especially not Rick.

"He started telling me things. He was delusional though. Nothing he was saying made much sense."

"What was he saying to you?" Hanson took a sip of the coffee that was sitting on the tray beside him. Avery still had his head turned but even still, Hanson could tell that it was getting harder for him to go on.

Avery shrugged. "He told me that he loved me once and that I'd broken his heart. Then he told me that I would always be his, that Rick had taken me away from him, but that I'd never really belong to Rick because Mikey wasn't going to just let me go. He told me that he always got what he wanted no matter what."

Talking about Mikey was making Avery sick to his stomach. He hated that guy more than anything and he hated having to think about him. He couldn't believe that he'd ever had feelings for him. Whatever he'd once felt for him was long gone by now. All he felt now was disgust and anger.

"I never wanted him to touch me." Avery said suddenly. "I want you both to know that. I told him no over and over again. I tried to fight him off me, I tried to push him away but I just didn't have the strength left and he was too strong for me, but I never once gave in to him. I might have just finally given up because I just couldn't fight anymore but I never, never once, told him that it was okay, he forced me."

"Baby, we know that. No one ever thought that you didn't fight. We know you did." Rick reached out and touched Avery's shoulder again, attempting to comfort him but Avery was already sobbing. It was almost as if he'd reached his breaking point and just couldn't go on any more but to both Rick's and Hanson's surprise, he continued.

Avery wiped at his eyes and tried to calm himself down a bit. "He took my pants off and then he...he got on top of me. He told me to just lay back and enjoy myself. As if anything he was doing was enjoyable. He never used a condom or any lube or anything. He just pushed himself inside of me dry and when I cried he'd just hit me across the face again."

Avery turned his face so that he was directly across from Hanson now but he couldn't bring himself to look the man in the eyes. He was too ashamed of what he was telling him, and of not being man enough to have stopped it from happening in the first place. "When he was...when he was raping me, I just tried to think of something else, anything else besides what was happening. I couldn't bear it. I didn't want it to be real so I tried to just kind of space out. I'm not sure how long it lasted but it seemed like forever."

Avery sighed then slouched down in his chair a bit. "That's about all that I can remember. The only other thing that I felt was the pain afterwards. He was brutal, he'd never been so brutal before. It was like he was trying to hurt me. He wanted me to be in agony and that's exactly what happened. I could feel his fingers pressing into my skin, pushing my legs apart. He pushed all of his weight against me and just...he just drove himself into me over and over again, harder each time. It felt like he was trying to rip me apart. Honestly, it was so bad that I passed out in the middle of it which was the only merciful thing that happened."

Avery turned his head away again as more tears came. He hated himself for crying but he couldn't help it. The memory of what Mikey had done was so fresh in his mind it was like he was suffering all over again. "I know at some point the other two guys came back but they didn't do anything that I'm aware of. I think it was Mikey that cut my off off, after he'd raped me, but I'm not really sure about that either. The last thing I remember is the other two guys putting me in their car and then I woke up here, in the hospital."

He glanced up at Rick and saw the pained look on his face. He looked hurt but also a little pissed. Avery felt his heart sink. Did Rick hate him now after hearing all that? Did Avery disgust him now? Avery wiped at his eyes and sniffled some.

"Rick I'm so sorry. Please...please don't hate me."

Rick turned and looked at him, his eyes wide. Avery saw that he too was crying. "Why would I ever hate you? And what the hell are you apologizing for? Avery, you didn't do anything wrong!"

"I just...well, I was afraid that you would be mad at me for not fighting harder. I thought you'd blame me for letting it happen."

"How could I ever blame you?" Rick reached out and touched the side of Avery's face, wiping his tears away. "I am pissed, but I'm pissed at Mike, not you. I'm pissed that he hurt you so bad, I'm pissed that he forced himself on you, that he could think for minute that he had the right to touch you, and I'm pissed at myself for not being there to protect you." Rick couldn't hold back anymore, he let it all come out, everything he'd had bottled up inside and it felt so good to finally say it.

"Avery, I don't blame you for any of this. I blame myself for not listening to you that night, for leaving you alone, for not being there when you needed me. I blame myself for allowing that bastard to ever touch you! I should have taken care of him a long fucking time ago but I was too much of a coward and you paid the price for it. You say that you weren't strong enough, well Avery, you're the strongest man that I know. You're way stronger than me because at least you stood up to him. At least you fought back. That's something that I never could have done. Something I never did do, and I'll regret that for the rest of my life."

Avery touched Rick's hand and looked at him sympathetically. His heart was breaking. "Was it Mikey?" Avery asked softly.

Rick nodded then covered his face with his hands and sobbed. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I should have warned you what he was. I never should have let him near you. I hope you can forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive." Avery pushed himself up slowly from the chair. He grimaced from the pain that he was in, but it didn't stop him. He moved to the bed and sat down next to Rick, laying his head against Rick's shoulder. "It's really okay Rick, you didn't know that this would happen. I totally understand."

Rick grabbed Avery and pulled him into a passionate embrace. He held him close and Avery held him even tighter and the two cried softly together.

Hanson turned off the recorder and slipped it along with his legal pad into a leather brief case that was lying on the floor. "I think that's enough for today." He said as he stood up. "I'll leave the two of you alone now, but call me if you have any questions or remember anything else."

"Thank you." Rick looked up and watched as Hanson laid a business card on the table.

Hanson nodded. "You two take care and I'll be in touch soon."

____________________________________________________________________

Rick had no idea how to tell Avery about his past. He rarely spoke of it and he'd never really told anyone the whole story, but he knew that he couldn't keep it inside anymore. Besides that, Avery deserved to know the truth, now more than ever. If Rick really loved him, which he did, then he had to trust him. It was time he trusted someone and let them share the burden of knowing what had happened.

"I was seventeen." Rick started. "It had been almost three years since my parents death and I was still pretty messed up about it. I'd been through three or four different group homes, and one foster family but that didn't last long. They wanted a servant not a kid, and I rebelled pretty bad, caused them a lot of grief so they eventually sent me back to the group home. I hated that place though.

I felt more like a prisoner than anything else and there were a lot of troubled kids living there. We didn't really get along so I only stayed there as long as I had to. The first chance I got I'd run away. It usually took the cops a day or two to find me and take me back but at least that was a day or two that I didn't have to deal with the assholes.

I'd run away one night and was sleeping in the park when I met Mikey. I guess he felt sorry for me so he took me home with him. His mom was alive then and he was staying with her. She was really nice and I guess you could say that I quickly became part of the family. I stayed there a lot, up until she got sick and Mikey ended up back at his dads place. His father wasn't quite as nice as his mom, actually he was an asshole, still is. But you know that, you've met him before.

Anyway, Mikey stayed there till he was eighteen then he moved out and got a small apartment on Ridgewood. It wasn't anything special, just a one room apartment, kind of shabby but it warm and dry at least and it meant that I didn't have to stay at the group home anymore, as long as the cops didn't find me. For a while it was nice. We took turns on the couch. Usually Mikey would get so drunk that he passed out in the living room so I'd go in and sleep in his bed.

Things got weird though when he told me that he was bisexual and had been having feelings for me. Honestly I thought it was pretty gross but I was just a kid back then. I had lived a pretty sheltered life up until I lost my parents and well, lets just say that my experience with gay and bisexual guys in the group home didn't exactly leave me with a great impression of them. Still, Mikey was my friend and I wanted to accept him no matter who he liked to fuck, just as long as it wasn't me.

At first he kind of cooled it with trying to screw me all the time but then he started to get kind of aggressive with it. I went to Trash and told him what was going on and he had a talk with Mikey. Mikey apologized and said he'd leave me alone. I took him at his word and thought the situation was laid to rest. for about two weeks things were cool. He stopped professing his love for me and we fell back into our old routine. It was nice while it lasted but it didn't last for long.

I was at his place one night after he'd just broken up with some girl that he'd been seeing. He was upset about it and had started drinking before I'd even gotten to his place. By the time I did get there he was pretty wasted. I had a couple of drinks with him, listened to him rant for a bit, then he finally passed out on the couch. I stayed up for another thirty minutes or so, watching the end of a movie, then I decided to go to sleep. Since he was on the couch I decided to take his bed.

I was really tired and a little buzzed. I wasn't drunk by any means but I'd had a few beers and I was definitely feeling it. I stripped down to my boxers and got in bed and was asleep before my head even hit the pillow. I was in a deep sleep so I never noticed that Mikey had come into the room and crawled in bed with me. He somehow had managed to get my shorts off without my knowing it either and was kissing my back and stuff. When he reached around the front and grabbed my dick I woke up and you can imagine how freaked out I was.

I screamed at him and asked what the fuck he was doing. I tried to push him off me but he pushed me down onto the bed and pinned my arms down then he started kissing me on the mouth and neck. I got really angry and tried my best to fight him. I struggled, kicked at him, and cussed him out, but he was older than me and a hell of a lot stronger."

Rick laughed some as he thought back. "I was a scrawny little piss ant of a kid back then. That's probably why Mikey thought he could do what he liked with me. He never seems to go for anyone that could put up a good fight. He likes to go after guys that are weaker than him, that can't put up much of a resistance. It wasn't for lack of trying though, I can tell you that. I think he'd had enough of me struggling because the next thing I knew he'd flipped me over onto my stomach.

I could feel his fingers pushing into me, trying to open me up. That's when it dawned on me that he really meant to rape me. I started screaming and begging him not to do it and he shoved my face down in the pillow to shut me up. I could feel his cock pressing against me and I started to panic. I actually had gone into a panic attack and I think I fainted or something. I must have scared the shit out of him though because when I woke up he had me on my back again and was slapping my face, trying to make me come to.

I was coughing and struggling to breathe but at least I was still alive though he damn near smothered me to death. He was apologizing and acting real sorry for what he'd done. He blamed the booze and said he didn't know what he was doing but I didn't buy that for a second. I sat up and asked him for a glass of water and when he left the room to get it I jumped up, grabbed my clothes and beat it out of there.

I went to Trash's place and told him what had happened. Well, I told him part of what had happened. I'd left some stuff out because I was too ashamed to admit that Mikey had almost raped me. If I hadn't passed out and scared him, he would have too. He was almost in, I know because it felt like my ass was on fire and I could feel the tip of his cock in my ass but luckily for me he didn't get the chance to finish.

I know that it's no where near as bad as what he did to you but I was pretty messed up about it for a long time. I felt dirty and ashamed. I felt like I could have done more to prevent it instead of just laying there helpless and scared shitless. I just didn't know what to do really. I had never been in that situation before and I never really thought it would happen to me. I'd heard other boys in the group home talk about it happening to them but it was usually their foster fathers or some grown ass man that had hurt them. I never expected it from someone who was supposed to be my best friend.

I guess now that I think back it's pretty pathetic. I spent so many years feeling guilty about it and blaming myself nut now, after hearing what happened to you, I realize just how lucky I was. I should have told you this a long time ago. If I had, maybe this wouldn't have happened to you. Hell, if I had told Trash even, told him the whole truth then we both could have protected you from Mikey. I just feel like shit now, like I'm partially to blame for it all. I'll understand if you hate me now. I'm not the man that you thought I was, if I'm even a man at all. At this point I just feel like a stupid coward that sat by and did nothing while you were at risk. I just looked the other way."

"You can't blame yourself for something someone else did." Avery moved closer to Rick, holding him tight. It was all he could think of to do to comfort him. He understood all too well what Rick must have been feeling back then. The fear and humiliation of it was enough to make anyone keep quiet about what really happened. "I don't blame you and I don't hate you but I do understand you. I know how you feel because I've been feeling the same thing. The shame and guilt, and the anger at myself for not being stronger. I think it's common to feel those things, it makes sense to me anyway."

Rick put his arm around Avery and hugged him. "Thank you for understanding. I never thought I'd be able to tell anyone what had happened. Honestly, I thought if anyone knew they'd blame me or say I wanted it or something."