Awakening the Vixen

I tried to distract myself with work. The project was incredibly tedious and I finished it quickly. I tried reading, cleaning, watching TV, anything to get my mind off the dream, but nothing was working. I was constantly returning to our imaginary embrace.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to do something. I had to talk to someone about this or I was going to lose my mind.

"I knew you'd be back, sweetheart. You can't resist me forever."

I regretted my decision the second he opened the door.

"I came to talk about what happened, but seeing as you are incredibly conceited, I'm not going to waste my time." I turned on my heel and took a step towards my apartment. Kris caught my arm.

"Fine. If you really need to talk, come on in."

I hesitated a moment, remembering what happened the last time I walked into his apartment. Kris noticed my reluctance.

"Or you can stay out there and pout. You're choice." He headed towards the couch, leaving me in the doorway. After another minute, I entered his apartment, telling myself to keep my distance from him.

"So what do you want to talk about?" he said, plopping onto his couch. I chose to sit in the chair at the opposite end of where he was sitting.

"I've been trying to sort through all of this in my head, but it's going nowhere and I'm going insane."

"Did you tell him?"

"No. I didn't want to upset him. He didn't want me to confront you in the first place and I know he would be devastated if he found out that you kissed me."

Kris leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees.

"As I recall, you weren't exactly innocent in that exchange. You were just as into it as I was. Don't think I missed the moaning and panting, Sarah. You were loving it."

I said nothing. He was right that I loved every second of our interaction and some part of me was upset that it had ended.

"You can't stop thinking about it can you?" His amused smirk returned to his face. "That's really why you're here; you've been fantasizing about me and you want a taste of the real thing."

"No. I'm happy with Ben and I don't want to lose him," I half-lied.

He leaned back on the couch.

"Then why are you here, Sarah? I could give two shits about your man and it is to my benefit if it doesn't work out between you two."

"Do you really think I'd come crawling over here if Ben left me? You'd be the last person I would want to see."

I stood up, not wanting to hear any more of this.

"It was stupid to think I could talk all this out with you. I can see now that you're all ego and muscles, so I'm not going to waste anymore of my precious time on you. Goodbye, Kris."

I took a few steps before Kris's voice came from the couch.

"We both know you'll be back here again. You can't stay away from me and it's clear that you are obviously conflicted about something, so why don't you spare me all the drama and waiting and say what you came here to say."

I hesitated. Some part of me told me to keep walking, but a larger part wanted answers.

"Why me?" I turned to face Kris. A look of surprise fell upon his face, followed by confusion. I walked towards him, standing next to the couch before continuing.

"Out of all the girls in California, in the world, why do you feel the need to chase me? It can't just be that I didn't throw myself at you. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has put up a fight, so why me?"

"So this about stroking your ego?" he asked, mildly amused.

I was growing irritated, but I wanted my answer.

"If that's what you want to call it then, yes."

"You're real."

It was not the answer I had been expecting.

"What?"

"You've seen the women who leave my apartment, I'm sure. Every single one of them is shallow and fake. Implants, Botox, liposuction, nose jobs, lip injections, hair extensions they're all plastic dolls with the personality of one to go with it. But not you. You are naturally gorgeous, which is what first drew me to you."

I sat down at the other end of the couch as he pressed on.

"When I saw you standing in my doorway, I thought I had you hook, line, and sinker, but I didn't. You posed a challenge. When you told me about Ben, as vomit inducing as he is, it showed that there is something more to you, that you see past the physical. The problem was you seemed so rehearsed. When I insulted him and you stormed out, you bit your tongue, like a good little girl. It pissed me off because it seemed so unnatural."

He moved closer to me, leaning forward again.

I looked into his emerald eyes, which were devoid of all humor that usually resided in them.

"I got a glimpse at the real you when you snapped at me the last time you were here, with my quip about your boyfriend being sexually pathetic. There's a fire in you that I've been waiting to see, and I want to bring the real you to the surface, the you that is fighting to burst forth. The you that is being suppressed by your desire to please a man who can't please you."

Kris moved in front of me, kneeling down. His hands were resting on my thighs. I held his gaze as he peered past my surface. He was right, spot on. My choices weren't my own, but to appease my boyfriend. Everyone saw the good girl, but Kris saw past my façade.

"How long have you been kept confined, Sarah? How long has Ben left you unsatisfied, even though you are giving him everything to make him happy?"

Tears started to fill my eyes. The truth hurt, but it was freeing to hear it.

"Too long."

He rose up, meeting my face. He brushed away my tears with his thumb, moving closer to me.

"You owe it to yourself to do something about it."

"What should I do?"

"Whatever the fuck you want to do."

I didn't hesitate, didn't think. I immediately pulled Kris into me, kissing him with the passion that I had the day before. He climbed on top of me, pushing me down onto the couch. His tongue found its way back into my mouth, massaging my tongue with his. I moaned as his hands were exploring my body.

Kris picked me up off the couch and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me to the bedroom. His display of strength was causing my arousal to spike higher than ever before. He didn't even have my clothes off yet and I was about to climax.

He threw me down on to his bed, and then removed his shirt. His body was like that of a sculpture, with each muscle defined. I sat up on his bed, running my hands over his torso. I planted kisses on his chest and abdomen, admiring his perfect body. He did nothing to stop me from worshipping it. I unbuttoned his jeans, eager to get at his growing erection.

Kris had other plans, pushing me down onto the bed. He brought his mouth to my ear and started to nibble it.

"Now, I can't be the only one who gets attention," he whispered.

His right hand undid the button on my jeans, and then the zipper. I felt his fingers slid under the waistband of my panties to my dampening sex. He barely touched my clitoris and I was moaning wildly.

"Hmm, somebody's a little eager," he teased, looking into my eyes. I wanted him in me now. I didn't need the teasing or the foreplay. I just need his dick buried deep inside me.

"You can't wait, can you?" he asked, seeing my pain and frustration. I shook my head.

He smiled a sadistic smile.

"Well, then allow me to help ease your pains."

He stood and pulled my jeans and panties off all at once, leaving me completely exposed. He pulled me upright and quickly removed my t-shirt and bra. I was now completely naked on his bed, waiting in hungry anticipation for him.

He pulled his pants off, releasing the largest, thickest cock I had ever seen. It was at least ten inches long and maybe four inches around. If I wasn't in a hurry to have it inside of me, I would've taken the time to stop at taste him.

He climbed onto the bed in between my legs. He lowered his face to mine, kissing my lips with the same hunger I had for him. I could feel the head of his penis rubbing against me. I wanted so desperately to lower my body onto his shaft, but I could barely move under Kris's toned form. His kisses traveled to my neck and I moaned out again, loving the attention he was giving my throat. I couldn't contain myself much longer. I was about ready to explode.

"Ready?"

"Yes," I said in a hoarse voice.

I felt myself completely filled in an instant. I threw my head back, groaning at the pleasurable sensation of being stretched. His cock filled me completely, like no man had ever done before. He withdrew slowly, before ramming back into me. He repeated this slowly, but it was enough to send me over the edge.

I cried out as my body was rocked by my first orgasm in years. Warmth originated at the base of my skull, before washing over every inch of my body. My blood raced and my heart beat uncontrollably. I could barely breathe, as my flesh grew hotter. My toes curled and my body went rigid. My walls tightened around Kris's persistent cock as my juices flowed.

Kris didn't slow up when I achieved my orgasm. In fact, he was pumping harder and faster, working towards his own ends. When I came down from my high, I found that I was already close to having another orgasm, which was being encouraged by Kris's insistent mouth on my throat.

My breathing was ragged and I couldn't think straight. All I knew was that I was enjoying this gorgeous man and his manipulation my body. As I rose closer to a second climax, I grew louder with my cries. My hips were bucking against his, wanting to reach my orgasm faster.

"Oh, fuck," I screamed out, as my body was rocked by a second orgasm.

It wasn't long after that Kris let out a roar of his own as he emptied himself deep inside of me. It had been years since a man had done so. I welcomed the long lost sensation, thankful I was up to date on my birth control shot.

We both laid there, unwilling and unable to move. When Kris was finally able to, he pulled out of me and rolled to my side, and pulled me to his chest.

"You made the chase worthwhile," Kris stated through labored breathing. "I loved seeing you that way, Sarah. In the ache of passion and intimacy. How was it for you?"

"I had forgotten what mind-blowing sex was like, for a guy to completely satisfy me." I could barely breathe myself, closing my eyes to relax. My fingers traced his muscles, appreciating Kris's hard work.

"I never disappoint when it comes to pleasing women and I want to keep pleasing you. I want to see more of you in the throes of passion, something Ben has probably never seen."

My eyes shot open at the memory of my boyfriend. The panic returned like bile in my throat.

"Oh my god, Ben. I completely forgot about him. Oh no, what have I done?"

I jumped up and scrambled for my clothes. I had to get out of here.

"Sarah, what the hell are you doing?" Kris said, pulling a pair of gym shorts. "What about everything we talked about? You're still going to go back to confining yourself to impress that piece of shit?" Kris walked over to me as I struggled to pull my jeans on.

"I owe him so much, Kris."

He grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to look at him.

"You gave him everything and he repaid you by depriving you of fulfillment and suppressing who you really are. You don't owe him shit."

"It's complicated." I pushed his hands off me, pulled my shirt over my head and headed for the door. Kris chased after me.

"Then un-complicate it for me. Why are you hiding?"

I turned to face him, tears threatening to spill over.

"I should never gotten you involved. I'm so sorry, Kris. I have to go."

I walked out the door and tried to pull it shut, but Kris's hand caught it. I ran for my apartment, as he pursued me, demanding answers. I made it through my door, with Kris only three steps behind me.

"Goddamn it. Sarah-" I shut the door in his face and locked it, then ran for the spare bedroom in my apartment. I didn't want to be anywhere near Kris and that included being separated by a wall or a door.

When I was alone, the tears began to flow and they didn't stop for hours. I was weak. I was selfish. I cared more about my own desires than about the love of my boyfriend. I was charmed into another man's bed and I had loved every moment, so much, so that Ben never came into my thoughts. There was something wrong with me. I was knowingly destroying my relationship with the love of my life, my best friend. I kept sliding down a slippery slope of depravity.

I stayed in that room, trying to figure out how I was going to deal with the fallout of my actions. I knew I had to tell Ben, but I knew he would be devastated. I wouldn't just lose a boyfriend, I would lose my best friend. I would be officially alone in life and I knew I would not be able to handle that again. After hours of thought, I knew I had to do something. I had to make it up to Ben in any way possible. If I made Ben the most important thing in my life, showing him the extra attention he deserved in every aspect of our relationship, maybe we could overcome this without me having to tell him. It would be to the benefit of our relationship to try. With the walls of this building as thin as they were, Kris would know I was over him and re-devoting myself to Ben. I had nothing to lose and I had to try.

That night, I made the extra effort for Ben. The apartment was spotless and dinner was done before he walked through the door. I showered him with constant love and affection, giving him kisses, snuggling with him on the couch, anything I could think of. He found the gesture sweet, but when I went to make love, Ben was far too exhausted from the week and fell asleep.

I was frustrated that first night as I was unable to make it up to him. I just lied there feeling guilty all night, unable to sleep. I was shocked when I heard nothing coming from Kris's apartment. I guess he had been unable to find a girl for the night, or maybe he had anticipated on me staying through the day.

The next day, I surprised him with breakfast in bed, a back massage, and a day of relaxation. We went for a romantic date in the park, cuddling beneath the trees. For dinner, I cooked his favorite meal and we watched his favorite movie. It was all about him, that's how it was going to be from now on.

That night, I was able to make love to my boyfriend. Anything he wanted, we did, which wasn't much considering his sexual desires were always limited. However, in the middle of our intimate embrace, I found myself fantasizing about Kris. I remembered how his body made me feel and how I had climaxed repeatedly and easily. I tried desperately to push the memories from my mind as Ben and I pushed further on, but it was all for nothing. My body was acting on its own, as if I was back with Kris and soon, Ben had reached his climax, leaving me unfulfilled as usual.

He panted atop me, kissed me lovingly, and thanked me before finally falling asleep. All I could do was cry. This was not going according to plan at all. I had hoped to push Kris from my mind, and devote my life entirely to my boyfriend, yet now I was using our encounter as inspiration. I was trying to achieve my own climax by reliving my experience with Kris. The tears flowed so freely as I realized that I may never be able to make this up to him and that I had effectively ruined my relationship with Ben.

***

VIII.

All weekend, I did what I could to make things up to Ben, but it was pointless. Kris was still in my thoughts and every time I had sex with my boyfriend, he was the first thing to come to my awareness. Come Monday, I was going insane. I was wracked with guilt over what had happened, over my mind's betrayal. I was also missing Kris. The more I thought of him, which was often in my loneliness, I felt that he didn't deserve what I had done.

Maybe the reason I was thinking of him so much was that I needed some sort of closure with this. If I went and apologized for abruptly leaving and made it clear to Kris that what we could not and would not ever be, my mind would finally let go of him and I could begin to recover.

I slipped over to his apartment about mid-morning. He looked disheveled when he opened the door, like he hadn't slept all weekend. Yet, somehow, he still looked gorgeous.

"Hey," he said his usual humor absent from his voice and his face.

"Hey. Is now a bad time?"

"That depends. Why are you here?"

"To apologize for what happened," I replied weakly.

"Come on in." He turned and headed for the kitchen, leaving me to let myself into his apartment. I made my way to the counter as he grabbed a drink from the fridge and leaned over the counter.

"Make this quick, I've got shit to do," he said, coldly. Seeing him like this was uncomfortable and upsetting. For once, I missed his ego.

"I'm sorry for running out on you," I began, timidly. "Especially given what had transpired. It wasn't right for me to throw you aside like..."

"...like a fuck toy," he finished bluntly. The same coldness rested in his eyes as he spoke. I searched his eyes for any sign of the man who had swept me off my feet, but I couldn't find any trace of him.

"Yea, I guess that's the appropriate phrase."

"Is that it?"

I could see that he was still as angry and upset as when I had walked into the apartment. I had to do a better job of explaining what had happened.

"No. You asked me why I was hiding who I really want to be, why I keep myself so contained. I never gave you an answer, but I think I owe you one, especially since you're so dead set on seeing the real me."

I took a breath and looked him in the eyes, before continuing.

"The last time I was let loose, I had an incredibly destructive pattern of behavior. I did what I wanted because I could, without any regard for the consequences and it always blew up in my face. And now, it seems like history is repeating itself. I'm not who I want to be by choice because it always ends badly for me. I'd rather be someone who goes through the motions than face getting hurt again."

Kris studied my face for a moment.

"That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard," he responded. "You're really content on being a Stepford Wife to him?"

"If it means I avoid going through all that again then, yes."

He stood to his full height, frustrated.

"What do you owe him?" he asked with raised voice.

"Everything," I defended. "He was the only one there for me when the shit hit the fan and he helped me to pick myself up. Without him, I would be nothing."

"So you continue your little charade out of a sense of duty? Sorry, but five years is more than enough time served."

I leaned my head down, defeated. I didn't expect him to understand, especially since he wasn't getting what he wanted.

"I'm sorry, but we just see things differently."

"Apparently."

I moved away from the counter and faced Kris one final time.

"I won't waste anymore of your time. I just wanted you to know that I am truly sorry for dragging you into all of this and that I won't bother you anymore."

I turned and headed towards the door. No feelings of relief came. I was still in the funk that I had been in when I arrived. Maybe it was one of those things that took a while to overcome.

"Wait a second."

I faced Kris, who was now sitting on a stool at the counter.

"Have you thought about it? About me?"

"What?"

"I hear everything that goes on in your bedroom. I know you tried to make it up to him this weekend and from what I heard, the results were disappointing."

"Please don't turn this into another Ben-bashing moment."

"That isn't my point. I want to know if I crossed your mind at all this weekend, if what we did left any effect on you."

I couldn't answer. I didn't want him to know that he had been in at the forefront of my mind all weekend. I wracked my brain, trying to figure out something to say, but my hesitation had given him my answer.