Awakenings Ch. 04

Michael

As I was about to send the email I realized that there was a risk that Jeanne might say that it was none of my business. I quickly concluded that a response like that would reveal a great deal about Jeanne's current feelings for me.

I sent the email.

As soon as I got home from golf the next afternoon I turned on my computer and saw that Ruth had replied. I anxiously opened the email

Michael

I called Jeanne. She was elated to hear that you'd asked her this question. She thought she understood why you asked it and she was eager to answer it. She told me about her dinner with Derek Fischer at the Kennsington Grill and that you later asked her how she'd feel if she walked into a romantic restaurant and saw you holding hands with another woman.

She admits that she'd be devastated. I understand. If I saw David holding hands with another woman I'd be devastated too. She told me that when she decided to start having affairs she wasn't looking for romance. You always have and always will provide all the romance she wants. She asked me to remind you that other than you, Derek Fischer was the first man she'd dated in over twenty-seven years. She was a little out of practice and did some things with him simply because that was what she'd learned to do as a single young woman.

She now understands that she's not a single young woman, she's a mature married woman who's deeply in love with her husband. Her dates are about sex and only about sex.

She said that she does occasionally go to a night club with a man for drinks and a little dancing and sometimes she'll meet a man in a bar for a cocktail, but most of her dates meet her at your house. They'll have a cocktail in the living room and then they'll retire to Tricia's old bedroom for sex. She hopes you can understand that the evenings are more fun if she and her date take a little time to talk and flirt with each other. A little casual conversation over a cocktail or an hour or two spent dancing in a night club makes the sex much more enjoyable for Jeanne.

Michael, she asked me to be sure to tell you that she does kiss her dates. She doesn't want to lie to you or mislead you. The kisses don't mean anything, they're not intended to be romantic. Kissing is just an important part of sexual foreplay for her.

She hopes that you're not upset because she's entertaining men in your house. She's very concerned about how you feel about that. She explained that motels are inconvenient and seem like an unnecessary expense. She wants to assure you that when she's done playing with one of her dates he always goes home. You're the only man who will ever sleep with her. She also asked me to tell you that she fully understands the gravity of the mistake she made that Saturday morning with Derek Fischer. She will never again entertain a man in a bedroom she shares with you.

Michael, Jeanne really does love you and she's very concerned about your feelings.

Ruth

I wrote back.

Ruth

Please read this to Jeanne.

Jeanne I understand. Of course you have to be friendly with your dates. Cold dispassionate sex wouldn't be much fun. I'm happy to hear that some of your men friends are taking you dancing. I remember how much you used to love dancing when we were first married. I'm glad you're having a good time.

I've had time to think and I'm beginning to understand your assertion that sex doesn't have to be an expression of love. It can simply be a pleasurable activity enjoyed by two adults, much like playing tennis or golf. If you were playing tennis with a man you would certainly be friendly and talk casually before and after your match. You might even go out for a drink or ice cream after your match, but you probably wouldn't kiss or hold hands while you were sitting in the bar or ice cream store.

While I'm beginning to understand that what you're doing isn't necessarily a threat to our relationship, I have to admit that when I think about what you're doing I still experience occasional periods of jealousy. You're going to have to be patient with me.

It may seem strange to you, but when I think about your brief affair with Derek Fischer the images of him kissing you and you holding his hand during dinner at the Kennsington grill are much more disturbing than the memory of seeing you in bed with him naked.

That wasn't an attempt to make you feel guilty about what you did. I understand and accept your explanation of why it happened. It was your first date with a man other than me in over twenty-seven years. You were nervous and excited. Of course you resorted to dating behaviors that you developed when you were an unmarried young woman.

I told you that so you would understand that romantic involvement is much scarier for me than physical involvement. That said, I do realize that the trappings of romance are an important part of sexual foreplay. Of course you're going to kiss your dates. When you leave a night club to go to our house, I hope your date has his arm around your shoulder. I know how much you enjoy that. I only ask that you be careful. I fear that we may be playing a dangerous game.

I agree with you, motels are an inconvenience and a needless expense. Don't worry, I don't have any objections to your entertaining your dates in our house. It actually makes good sense. I will admit that I was happy to hear that you're not letting your dates spend the night with you. I was also pleased to learn that your using Tricia's old room. I'm sure she doesn't mind.

I actually have a suggestion. It may seem like a strange suggestion for a husband to make to his wife, but it I think it's a good idea so I'm going to go ahead and make it. Why don't you turn Tricia's old room into your play room. I doubt that Tricia would object, in fact I suspect that she'd think it was a good idea. We still have a little money that I held in reserve when I created the trust funds. I could easily give you a budget of ten thousand dollars for the remodeling. That would allow you to have the room repainted and re-carpeted, buy some new furniture and maybe even purchase several erotic prints for the walls. I think it would be fun. You can also look at it as my way of thanking you for not entertaining your dates in our bedroom. I really do appreciate that.

Jeanne, I love you. I miss you. I think about you constantly. I look forward to the day we can once again be together. Give my love to the girls for me.

Love

Michael

Ruth

Thank you for passing this on and thank you for acting as a go between for Jeanne and me.

Michael

Realizing that with this email I was telling Jeanne that I was now willing to accept her new life style I took a deep breath and clicked on the send button.

As soon as that was done I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes. After a moment I realized that I was smiling. I'd just taken a major step towards rebuilding my relationship with my wife.

My happiness waned as I realized that it would still be many months before I could return home. I had to give Jeanne an opportunity to discover exactly how she wanted to live her new life. Even more important she had to decide whether or not there was a place for me in that new life. The only way I knew how to do that was to make her experience life without me. While her answers to the questions I asked her today gave me hope, I knew that she still needed time before both of us could be certain that she really did want to include me in this new life.