Backscratch Ch. 01

After a time, Mom and I shifted so that we were sitting side by side. People moved by in soft focus. I noticed, but barely registered that many of the other campers had come over to see what was up. There were quiet discussions, of which only snippets, did I catch.

Something about how slick the rock was; something about how one was pulling the other out and they both went in; another about how the heavy currents can trap something deep under water; about how cold the water was.

My gaze wandered aimlessly through the crowd and fell upon the cute blond, standing halfway behind her mother. The same sexy knot at the back of her head. She gazed at me, her brilliant blue eyes, wet with tears, red from crying, trying to understand; compassionate, confused. Something in me smiled stupidly. She turned and ran back to camp.

The radio crackled, "John, Casey. Recovery complete. Bringin' 'em down."

All fell silent. I looked around and every eye was on us.

Mom stood up slowly. She gently took my hand and brought me up as well. "John?" she calmly asked, "Would you be so kind as to walk us up there to meet them, coming down?"

"Oh, Mrs. Anderson, ..." he began in gentle protest.

"Please. I would very much like to see ... where they, ..." She couldn't continue but her look filled in the rest.

"Of course." He relented, flashing a concerned look at me.

"Benjamin will be okay." She told him. "He is a man today."

There were quiet murmurs of agreement in the crowd. So began the long quiet walk to the very place where my life had been so suddenly altered. I recall only dimly the discussion of what seemed to have happened. In the fading light, Dad and Danny had approached a dangerous slope above the falls, which was roaring past, uncaring, unfeeling. One of them may have slipped and was sliding down into the water. It appears the other one, no one could tell which, had tried to catch the first and prevent the fall, but both were pulled over the edge.

I recall looking into the heavy swirling water, trying to gauge how quickly they were killed. The fall may have done it, but certainly the smashing action of the pounding water into the rocks, churning up and over, into and through the rapids, no doubt made their ends instant.

A few hundred feet further downstream they had both been wedged into a deep pool, perhaps 10' deep, making the "recovery" dangerous and difficult. When we got to that place the divers were packing their gear, still in the wetsuits they had worn in the water. Dad and Daniel were both wrapped in cheap blue tarps as they lay in metal racks. For a moment Mom looked like she might bend down and pull back the tarp to see them, but John assured her it was better not to.

Mom left me at the trail and hiked down to where the divers stood. They seemed taken aback that the wife and mother of the victims would appear at the spot where they had been shoved down. I watched as they exchanged a few words and she hugged them both. They both gave her tight, meaningful embraces and she thanked them for performing such a dangerous task for her loved ones. It was very solemn.

Heading back, they were carried in their metal racks. Mom and walked behind, hand in hand, as we made our bumpy, winding way back into camp. As we rounded the corner near the station and the bodies came into view, most of the assembled crowd quickly disbursed. We stood quietly as they were loaded into the waiting vehicle and taken away. Mom thanked everyone who helped, straining her ability to hold back the tears and then we walked slowly back to camp.

She slipped into her chair and I wrapped a blanket around her and put logs on the fire. I realized that we were both chilled to the bone, though neither of us cared. I wandered back and forth wondering if I should break camp and get ready to leave. Mom didn't seem to notice. I finally asked her whether we should. She just gazed at me a long time.

"No." she said slowly. "Thank you, sweet darling. I haven't got it in me to lift a finger and you can't do it alone." She went back to staring into the fire. I glanced up the way and noticed my cute blond girl standing at the edge of her camp looking into mine. She gave a slight wave and as my tears came anew. I had to turn away, embarrassed.

I sat down with Mom for a time and we held hands and watched the fire crackle as the sun sank. The heat from the fire did nothing to warm us and finally, with a shudder, I stood and pulled Mom up leading her to the tent.

She was icy as I zipped us inside. She just stood, so I undressed her to her long johns and I undressed to mine. I helped her into the bag and climbed in myself, and turned off the lantern. She was shaking now, so I took her in my arms.

"My God, Benny. I freezing to death!" she chattered to me. She moved to sit up and in the faint light I watched as she took off her shirt and unhooked her bra, setting them aside. Take your shirt off." She said calmly. I sat up and did. We lay back into the bag and she wrapped me around herself, skin to skin, my hand between her breasts again. I remember clearly the erection that came and chided myself for being so sick and twisted that it would do that at a time like this.

She said nothing, but I felt her moving around shifting herself, then felt her reach back and force my long johns down as far as she could, past my knees, stripping me nude. As she backed into me I felt her ice cold bottom against my cold thighs and warm erection.

"Ooooh better!" she whispered. "We'll warm up faster this way." We lay there, not moving, not sleeping, for a long time. Mom fell asleep before me, and in her sleep, gently ground her bottom against my penis, preventing it from softening much of the night.

It must have been around 2 or 3AM when I was awakened by her soft crying. I held her tighter and she in turn held my arms around her in a crushing grip and sobbed herself back to sleep. I slept lousy.

The following morning we woke late, aching, tired, utterly heartbroken, but warm. We stayed in the bag, rolling around, virtually nude together for hours. She spooned me, then I spooned her. Again she was insistent about holding my hands to her breasts. In that position my cock was firmly lodged between her thighs. I could feel the hair and a slight wetness against my cock. Mom reached back and took hold of it. I was in silent shock to feel her gripping me. She arranged it upwards so that it was against the small of her back, and wiggled back against me again.

"You really need to pee again." She said quietly and matter-of-factly.

"I do." I admitted. "But I don't really want to get up."

"Don't then. Just stick it out the tent flap and pee." When I was shocked into silence, she turned her head to face me. "I'm serious, just pee quickly and then come back to me."

I figured what the hell and moved to get out of the bag. I was hobbled by my shorts and long johns around my ankles and as I moved to pull them up, Mom reached over and pulled them off. I simply stood up, nude and hard, in full view of my mother, who watched every minute. I knelt and peed out the tent flap, unzipping it just enough.

As I moved back to her, she sat up and removed her long johns and stood up, completely, beautifully nude and went to the far corner of the tent, squatted and peed in the corner. "Fuck it!" she whispered. "I don't care to care." She scrambled back into the bag with me, laid with her back to me, grabbed my cock and arranged it against her back again and then searched out my hand and brought it to her gorgeous breast, fully placing it over the entire soft round flesh and giving it a squeeze. She reached around me grabbed my butt and pulled me even tighter to her.

I held her as she began crying again, quietly, her sobs transmitted through her lungs and ribcage into the breast I was holding.

We slept again for a while and then suddenly she awoke, rolled over towards me, held my face in her hands and gazed into my eyes for a long time. Without a word, she gently kissed me on the mouth, long and lingering, not like usual. She then pulled me on top of her, laying between her legs, and wrapped her arms and legs around me, pressing her face into my neck hard. We stayed like that for a long time. I didn't know what to do or say, so I just held her. Finally she looked wetly into my eyes.

"Oh Benjamin." Was all she said for the rest of the day.

Finally we rose and I was given another exquisite long view of her nude body, memorizing every minute detail of her, as she rose and quickly dressed. I followed suit after she gave me a look to do so. We got out of the tent, she gathered a few items, and we walked to the car. People in camps around us came forward to see what was up, or if they could help.

Mom opened the passenger door for me and I got in. She went around and got in herself. We drove away and never looked back, leaving everything behind us. We drove and drove and drove. Mom didn't return the car to the Denver airport, instead she drove. I slept a lot. She would stop when she needed or wanted to. She drove us all the way home to California.

That was how Mom and I came to be alone in life. For the next years it was just us. We both felt the need to retreat a bit into ourselves, our home, our vastly reduced family. I became her treasure. She loved to complete her days by sitting quietly and scratching my back. I would provide payment in kind by massaging her shoulders and feet, but the back scratching was therapy for us both.

When I was a baby, her fingernails could soothe me to sleep even at my fussiest. At every age, ever since, I was sublimely relaxed by her nails on my skin. Sometimes she would do my arms, my scalp, the backs of my legs. After our final, disastrous, heartbreaking camping trip, our relationship was forever altered. Our impromptu sharing of nudity and body heat and broken down barriers that typically exist in most families, certainly between mothers and sons. It was sexual, (at least not yet), but very sensual. We didn't seek out each other's nudity, but if it happened "accidentally" no fuss was ever made. There was a casualness about our bodies that hadn't existed before.

Part of our lives became stuck in the past. As with the camping gear that we had simply abandoned, we continued with our lives without making any real effort to address the myriad objects that had belonged to Dad and Danny. Their cars remained parked in the drive, while Mom used the garage. Two years later, I was driving one of the other. Dad's clothes were still in his closet; I wore some of his suits on occasion. Danny's room had simply been closed up. Mom cleaned it on occasion, but nothing more. It felt as though her brain processed the shock of their deaths by morphing her 2 sons and husband into one person, me.

Mom rarely completely closed her bedroom door, so I didn't either. I would often catch a glimpse of her dressing or undressing through the slightly open door. Sometimes she would leave the bathroom door wide open as she showered then dried herself. I was often in need of something from the bathroom at these times, pardoning myself as I fetched it.

She had begun a new practice of scratching my back before bed, sitting on edge, in her robe, as I lay on my stomach nude. She would scratch my back and shoulders, travelling slowly and gently further down until she was scratching my butt and the backs of my thighs. My cock and her nipples always wound up erect at the end.

I had taken to turning slightly to kiss her goodnight afterwards, slightly exposing my cock to her.

One night, as she was scratching my calves, I spread my legs wide open for her. She stopped for a moment, making me think I had crossed a line somehow. She continued after a time, working her fingernails gently over me, from my ankles over my calves and thighs, and then my butt, then down the inside. I was certain she could see everything, but she didn't seem to mind. A couple of times she brushed my balls ever so slightly, making me jump a bit. I felt her moving on the bed and then she lay down on top of me. I felt her nude skin. She had removed her robe.

"You remember how good this felt in the tent?" she whispered into my ear. I moaned that I did. "You were so good to me. So strong for me." I reached back and gently stroked her hips. She moaned. "You are such a beautiful man, Ben." She was crying quietly.

She kissed my ear, then my cheek, very near to my mouth. I turned to kiss her mouth but she moved away. I felt her lips on my neck, my shoulder, my back. She moved a bit and I felt her lips brushing my lower back then each cheek of my butt in turn. More movement and then her soft lips were brushing the backs of my thighs. I felt her lay down between my legs and then her warm breath was between my legs. Her lips softly brushed my balls, then the exposed length of my cock. I moaned loudly and uncontrollably in response.

"Mmmmmm." She hummed. "Such a lovely, lovely penis, Ben." She kissed it again and then moved farther down, away from the object of my desire.

She kissed my ankles and feet and then stood. I turned to look at her gorgeous nude body. She was simply holding her robe in her hand. "I think, ..." she started, "I know, ... it is so very naughty to be nude with you, but It makes me very happy to show you my body." I smiled in agreement. "Is that horribly wrong?" I shook my head. Disagreeing, she nodded that it was. "It is. I know it is. But do you think it's horribly wrong?" My smile grew as I slowly continued to shake my head. "You don't?" she asked. I simply smiled. "You think it's okay? Just for us. Just between us?" I smiled wider and nodded my head.

"I get excited when I show you my body." She said plainly.

"I'm glad! I get excited too!"

"I can see." She smiled gently. "But I get, ... sexually excited. Is that alright with you?" I nodded some more. "Do you like my body? The way that it looks?"

"I love your body! It is so perfect, and sexy and beautiful!!" I rolled over onto my back, showing her my now rather painfully erect cock.

"It just, ... it makes me feel alive again, somehow." She paused. "I have felt so dead inside for so long, ..."

"Do you see how much it turns me on to see you, to look at you in the nude?" I asked. She gazed at my erection, nodding, smiling slightly. I reached down and began to stroke it.

"Oh sweetheart!" she said, sounding slightly shocked. "You shouldn't do that in front of me."

"Why not? I do this all the time after I've seen you nude. You turn me on so much that I love to do this and think of you."

"I'm thrilled that you do, but that should be private."

"Don't you do this as well?" I asked her. She was thoughtful.

"Of course I do! All the time. And I think of you too. But this is a private thing."

"You do? You think about me?"

"Look at you! Of course I do. How could I not? My sweet, beautiful boy. My sexy boy. That amazing, gorgeous cock of yours."

"What do you think about?" I asked, still stroking my cock. Mom was idly twisting her right nipple.

"Much the same as you, I suspect. Looking, touching, tasting, ..." Her eyes came up to mine. "Fucking!" I lost it!!

"Oooooohhhhhhh!" I moaned loudly as I shot my cum all over myself. Mom moaned loudly pulling her nipple out hard and long, distending her perfect breast straight out. It looked painful, but made my cum shoot harder, farther.

"My goodness! Benny! What a cum stud you are! That was beautiful, sweetheart. All for me?" I grinned and nodded, panting. "Well, ... my turn. Now I must go and masturbate."

"Can I watch?" I asked eagerly. Mom gave me a look.

"Of course not. That is private when I play with myself." She gave me a stern look, which then softened. "When I play with myself. My titties and stroke my pussy. Make myself cum."

"That is so not fair." I said with a slight pout. She stared at me for a long moment.

"Weeeeelllllll." She was thoughtful, as her stern look melted. "Maybe just this once?" she said, with a voice that made me begin to get hard again. "You are as naughty as me!" she said with a grin. "You like my titties, don't you?" I nodded, grinning like a moron. "Watch me play with my sweet titties." She was cupping both, stroking both thumbs over both nipples. "Mmmmmm I remember when you were a baby, you used to love to suck on these titties all the time."

She extended her right hand to me, wiggling her fingers. "Alright then come on. Come watch mommy. Watch mommy play." Mom turned and headed for her room, I flopped along behind like a puppy, my heavy cock swinging. Her beautiful heart-shaped bottom jiggling just slightly with every step. She turned in the hall but kept moving towards her bedroom, walking backwards. "You would suck these nipples so hard Benny." She was tugging them painfully again. "Ohh the milk would drip out if you weren't there to drain them for me."

She suddenly dashed off to her room. "Come quick! You're making me crazy!" she leapt the last 4 feet landing on her back in her bed, legs wide apart, pussy drooling, nipples distended. "Watch me then, if you're so naughty. Watch this." She stuck her fingers in her mouth and drooled saliva all over them. She then applied the juicy wetness and slathered it all over her swollen labia. "Can you see it? Can you see Mommy's pussy all wet and open and horny for you?" I nodded dumbly standing there watching and stroking myself. "Mmmmmm big cock. What a lovely big cock! I fantasize about your cock in me right here! Slipping between these lips, pushing is so deep and thick! Oooohhhhhhhh Fucking me!!!" Her head fell back and she came hard, crying out loudly!!!

Her eyes were closed, as I watched her fingers slow, over her clit. Her left hand was still toying with her nipple. My cock was completely hard again. After long moment as she calmed down, her eyes opened and she took in the sight of her son standing alongside her bed, jacking his hard cock.

"Oh baby! What a lovely penis." She was watching me intently. You are turning into such a man! You are so beautifully endowed Ben." She watched a little longer than told me, "Alright sweetie, time for bed now."

"Can I sleep with you?" I asked her.

"Oh sweetheart, no! I couldn't let you. You remember how close we slept in the tent?"

I recalled our night together in the tent. Pressing up nude behind her. Her reaching around to guide my erection against her back, squeezing it. For the past 2 years we had occasionally mentioned that night. There was so much intensity about that night, how sensual it was between us; how tragic it was the following morning. It was an extremely sensitive subject that carried such a wildly complicated set of emotions with it; for both of us. It had been very near to driving Mom mad.

The sensual nature of it, discussed quietly whenever she was holding me, or scratching my back, would create this magic haze of arousal between us, where the tragic memories were pushed into the background, and the naughty sensuality was brought into the foreground of our thinking.

"If I let you sleep with me, ..." She began, dreamily, "Sometime in the night, ...I would want you in me." She was staring intently at my cock as I slowly stroked it. "Ben you have such a gorgeous cock, it would fill me so nicely." She reached out very slowly, as her fingers came up and gently tickled my balls. "You would fuck me, ... hard and deep, ... I would be so asleep, that I would let you. I would want you." Her eyes came up to mine. "In my sleep I would want you to fuck me so hard baby. It would be so wrong!!"

"I love your cock, Benjamin. I think it is absolutely perfect; long and thick and hard. Perfect! If you were to sleep with me, you would end up fucking your mother's sweet wet pussy, and I can never allow that. Never. Do you understand?"