Banished Pt. 14

As I walked away from Casey, I spotted Astrid, her eyes on me, and a knowing look on her face.

I hesitated for a moment, then walked over to her.

"You made a tough decision, Auslander. I commend you on your prudence."

I shook my head.

"I'm not sure this is worthy of commendation. Part of me thinks I failed to manage this situation properly."

Astrid shrugged.

"Such failures are inevitable for one in your position. It is the manner of handling it that defines the character. Take my life-bringer; he chose cowardice over accountability, and very nearly made everyone pay for his error."

I sighed.

"Your ability; to predict the future? How does it work?"

She studied me for a bit.

"The energy required to use it is significant. Do you desire a reading?" she asked, and I bit my lip, as I considered it.

"Couldn't hurt, I think."

She smiled a little.

"Sometimes, it does."

"What? If the future is unpleasant?" I asked, and she smiled.

"Yes. Knowing can be its own torment," she explained, and I shook my head.

"But, can't an unpleasant outcome be prevented? If it's known of in advance?"

She scoffed.

"Prevented? What force of the gods can achieve such a thing?" she asked, and I tilted my head at her.

"If you tell me that I'm about to trip, can't I prevent it from happening by making sure that I walk carefully?" I asked, and she laughed.

"You seem to think divination to be some cheap trick. If my ability saw you falling, then there is no certainty that you have tripped, Auslander. Nor will it be clear when such a fate comes to pass."

I rubbed my chin thoughtfully.

"So, the things you see... they always come true eventually?"

She nodded, and I frowned a bit.

"What's the matter, Auslander. Do you fear your destiny?"

"Well, not having control over it is a bit... disconcerting. Are you going to tell me that I should embrace what I cannot change?"

She shook her head.

"Image a windstorm, Auslander. A fierce spiral that will rip a fully grown birch from the root. Against such chaotic a force, even the deeply rooted canopy tree will bend and quiver; but to the singular leaf, cast from its branch and at the mercy of the sky, this force is but a current upon which it glides. Dancing in the wind, it is cast far from its source, and touches lands that it's branches could never reach. But the leaf can never be a tree, and when the journey ends, so too does its life."

I thought about her words.

"So, there are two ways to withstand the coming storms; to root myself so firmly to the ground that I cannot be uprooted, or to dance upon the winds, and detach myself from the things that ground me to this earth, then expire when my time is up."

"Yes, Auslander."

"And which path is better?" I asked, and she laughed.

"Better? They are simply two different paths. One, perhaps filled with more strife and suffering than the other, but is the absence of struggle truly better than a life lived for enjoyment, but which accomplishes nothing but the enjoyment of living?"

"Interesting," I replied thoughtfully. "So, you'll look into my future then?" I asked, and she nodded.

"I will need to rest and prepare, but I sense that you may better draw a premonition out of me than the many others who have tried," she said, her eyes travelling the length of my body as she did.

She walked away, and I spotted Lucia casting furtive glances at me from behind a nearby tree.

"Come on," I called, and the girl hesitated for a bit, before coming over, and I scooped her up.

"Naytan," she said, and I pinched her little nose, but she didn't giggle, and instead studied me with a worried look.

"What's that about? Do you really wanna train that badly?" I asked, and she shook her head.

"Don't be... sad," she said, and I chuckled a little.

"I'm not sad, kiddo. Just tired."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and held on, so I walked with her in my arms, over to Gisela, who also had that worried look on her face.

"Is everything alright... between the gods?"

I nodded.

"Did we upset everyone with that squabble?" I asked, and she shook her head.

"Most do not understand, but I worry... for you," she admitted.

"I'm fine," I reassured her, offering her a smile, and she nodded, though still appearing unconvinced. "Have the seeds been acquired for the ceremony?"

She nodded, gesturing to one of the supply carts, and she withdrew a sack from the cart which held several of the seeds.

"How do I do this?" I asked.

"Locate the core, then pour the energy from yourself into the seed. It can only absorb a little at a time, but when the core activates, the seed is planted, and beautiful flowers will spring forth."

"Do we announce the planting?" I asked, and she nodded.

"Many will come to observe the progress."

She led me to a spot, on the outer ring of the grove, closest to the roads which led between the cluster to the north and Palancar to the east.

As I got there, I sat down, then set Lucia down onto my lap, and she quickly curled up there as she often did when she was going to sleep.

Maybe you were tired after all, I thought, as I took the seed into my hand, and began to concentrate.

Gisela, I noted, had taken a seat beside me on the floor, and I wondered for a moment if I'd ever seen the girl sit on bare earth like that before.

She seemed a little uncomfortable, and I observed the reaction with some amusement.

Come to think of it, Gisela's status within Palancar had probably afforded her luxuries all her life, hadn't it?

Maybe this life of campgrounds and travel had been rougher on her than I'd imagined.

"Gisela. You mentioned that the princess wished to oversee the selection of my queen," I began, and she nodded. "What did she wish for her people?"

She shifted a little, though I wasn't sure if her discomfort came from her seat on the bare earth, or my question.

"The princess believed that we are a civilization in fade," Gisela explained. "Many disagreed, and others believed that all things, no matter how grand, eventually fade anyway... but the power of the gods is one which shapes destiny itself. Perhaps, she believed, that you might shape our destiny into one that endures."

"What do you believe?" I asked, and Gisela blinked, as she studied me.

"I do not understand," she replied.

"You told me what the princess believes will happen; what about you?"

She shook her head.

"My eyes do penetrate the veil of uncertainty as one such as her," she replied, and I shrugged.

"Even so. Did you see the same signs that she mentioned?"

She bit her lip, then considered it for a moment, before shaking her head.

"I did not," she replied.

"Then, would you have sought us out. Us gods, I mean."

"In the beginning?" Gisela asked, and I nodded.

She thought about it for a while, an uncomfortable look on her face.

"You can answer freely," I offered. "There will be no consequence, no matter how you answer."

She nodded.

"At that time; I would not have opted for such a measure," she said. "But now... I see the wisdom in it."

I motioned for her to continue, and she nodded.

"To do something so drastic, to cause an upheaval... one such as myself would never dare. But that is what makes the princess a special force. She dared to do what lesser beings would not. To take great risk, to secure a far distant future. And even if I see the wisdom now, I still cannot fathom having acted as such myself."

That reminded me of Casey, didn't it?

Anytime I suggested something which seemed to offer a probable reward at the cost of risk, she'd advise me against such actions.

Yet if we had acted with her cautious approach, there was no doubt in my mind that we might have perished several times over.

"Would you have advised the princess against seeking us out, if she sought your advice?"

She shook her head.

"My place is to advice the princess on how she may accomplish what she desires, as well as to manage the smaller things that would only occupy her time needlessly."

Fuck me.

Everything I ever wanted from Casey, huh?

Yet... Gisela was perfectly suited to being the princess' advisor for that very reason.

Maybe Casey was more ideal an advisor than she imagined... she just needed to learn how to trust my judgement the way Gisela did the princess'.

But, could she?

She was definitely not a naturally trusting person.

And now, I didn't exactly trust her anymore either.

"Gisela, if there is a matter of great significance that you think I need to be made aware of... let me know directly, okay? Even if Casey will relay the message to me."

She nodded, studying me carefully.

"Is there a rift?" she asked, and I nodded.

"Treat Casey and the others as you ordinarily would, but in the meantime... just come to me directly."

She nodded again.

I switched my focus to the little seed in my palm, which seemed to only absorb just a little bit of the energy I poured forth.

As I experimented by varying the amount of energy I poured into the seed, however, I realized that if I reduced the amount of energy I poured into it, none of the energy seemed to make it into the core, yet if I poured a lot more energy in, it only resulted in a fractional, barely noticeable increase in the energy absorbed, making the middle ground the most efficient method of activating it.

The drain on my own core, however, was noticeable enough to be worrying, and I began to wonder if I could even complete the task before running out of energy.

I moved my neck around, loosening up the muscles as I kept my focus on the seed.

How long had I been at it?

If I had to guess, I would say twenty minutes...

Originally, I'd feared that the lack of a timekeeping device would dull my sense of time's passage, but my ability to estimate time seemed to have improved over the past few days.

We were adjusting to this world, weren't we?

The long nights which seemed to stretch on for a day of its own, now seemed like the way things had always been.

Lucia shifted on my lap, then climbed up into a sitting position, allowing me to still hold her, with my arms wrapped around her front.

So, you weren't sleeping, huh?

I suddenly remembered her frustrated pleas that I make Francesca continue her training.

She'd come to me to offer comfort, hadn't she?

It was such a peculiar thing, being offered comfort by a child...

Suddenly, my mind went to Julie, and I wondered absently what a child of ours would have been like.

Would things have been any different between us?

From what I'd seen, people changed astronomically with the introduction of children into their lives.

Friends who spent long nights laughing and discussing the mysteries of the universe well into the night, suddenly said their goodbyes and left long before darkness ever fell.

Would I have desired that if I was like everyone else?

Julie didn't seem to, and... for the most part, she was.

"Naytan," Lucia suddenly called, tugging at my sleeve. "Get Byaka help."

"Byaka? Bianca?" I asked, and she nodded. "You want to train with Bianca?"

She shook her head.

"Help. Help Naytan!" she said, tugging at me.

Help me with what?

Gisela spoke to the child, and as she responded in their tongue, Gisela furrowed her brow.

"She says... Bianca's energy can help you," Gisela said, and I tilted my head at her.

"You can see this energy?" I asked, holding up the seed, and she nodded.

"Too much," she said, tapping my arm. "Get Byaka. Help."

I turned to Gisela, who shrugged.

"Can you go fetch her, then?" I asked, and Lucia nodded, before taking off.

As I studied my progress on the seed, however, I noted that my own energy seemed to be flickering, and was now dangerously low.

Was that what Lucia was talking about?

But even so, how could Bianca help me with this?

And why her, specifically?

I turned to Gisela.

"If I can't activate the seed now, what happens to it?"

She bit her lip nervously.

"The seed will die," she answered. "The activation must be performed in one sitting."

I frowned.

I did expel a bit of energy while out with Leanna, and as far as I could tell, sunset was maybe one segment away.

I continued with the task nonetheless, until a confused looking Bianca came towards me, with Lucia dragging her quite roughly along.

"Help Naytan!" she exclaimed.

"Help him with what?"

Bianca studied me, and I chuckled a little.

"I'm actually not sure myself," I said. "I'm pouring energy into this thing though, and I'm almost out."

She moved in front of me, then took a seat, and scooted forward so that she could place her own hands over mine.

"Help~," Lucia whined, seeming quite frustrated that Bianca wasn't listening to her.

"Help him how, you little runt?" she asked, shooting the girl a sharp glare.

"Enagy!"

She began to gesture something pouring forth from herself, and out to me, and Bianca raised an eyebrow at me.

"Aren't I... not supposed to do that, or something?"

Lucia flicked Bianca's nose, and Bianca gnashed her teeth at her.

"Hey, watch it, runt!" she snapped, but Lucia merely shook away her threat.

"Same," Lucia said, gesturing to Bianca, and then me, but as she pointed to herself, she said, "different."

"Of course, you're different," Bianca said, rolling her eyes. "We're gods, and you're a runt!"

Lucia let out a frustrated groan, and I studied her carefully.

"You're saying we have the same energy?" I asked, and Lucia nodded emphatically.

"Yes! Naytan!"

I turned to Bianca, then nodded.

"Let's just try it," I offered, and Bianca frowned.

"Well, no sense being a Casey about it," she said, I snickered a little as she focused on where our hands were now joined again.

It took a few minutes, but eventually, I could feel the energy pouring in, and as I studied the spot, I noted that it didn't seem to produce feedback as I had expected.

Did Lucia know about that?

I relayed the question to Gisela, who seemed pretty stumped.

"My apologies Nathan; my understanding of the ways of the Gods is insufficient," she answered.

I made a mental note to ask Ryker, or maybe Astrid about it later on, but Bianca, I now noted, was smiling gleefully.

"Hear that, Nate? Our energies align~," she sang. "It's like we were 'meant to be'."

She was grinning happily, and I chuckled at the reaction; but as I processed the information, my mind went back to Astrid's assertions about the existence of destiny.

Destiny was one of those things that I just never really gave much thought to, but being able to see into the future made a solid case for the existence of such a thing, didn't it?

What if there was a single girl for whom I was meant?

Someone who complimented me perfectly...

It was a romantic ideal, but not one I found unpleasant, conceptually at least.

I turned my attention to Bianca.

"Meant to be, huh? If we are, then how about a challenge?" I said, and Bianca studied me for a bit.

"What's the challenge?" she finally asked.

"Make me fall in love with you," I replied, and she stared at me, her mouth slightly open.

She didn't say anything for the rest of the time, and eventually, I sensed the activation of the seed's core in my hand.

Planting it was fairly simple, as I dug a shallow hole and placed the thing into the earth, but not before making a statement of my intention, at Gisela's direction.

As I covered the seed with earth, Gisela placed her hand over mine, and I noted that she was shaking, the expression on her face revealing that this was quite a momentous occasion for her.

Then we headed back to the grove.

Gisela headed off to begin making preparations for the ceremony, and Raul approached me with a strange look on his face.

"Hey, can we- uh, talk a sec?"

I shot Bianca a quick look, then put Lucia down.

"Come on, runt. Let's race to the stream," she said, and the girl shot her a determined look, before taking off.

"Yeah, what's up?" I said.

"Look, I don't wanna get in the way of your plans or anything, but Alva mentioned something about a, uh- ceremony? Something like a selection?"

I nodded.

"Alva mentioned, you said?"

I shot him a teasing smile, and he looked away.

"Yeah... so, this selection. She said all of the, uh, companions was it-?"

"Uh-huh."

"Yeah, that they have to, uh..."

"Have babies?" I suggested, and he let out a sigh.

"Yeah... your babies, specifically?"

I chuckled a little.

"Well, that was the plan, but things have since changed," I said.

"Oh, it did? Because, she was uh... a little worried about that."

"Well, you can tell her that she has nothing to worry about. I planned to make sure that everyone was on board before going through with that anyway," I said, and he nodded.

"I figured you would, but... with the way they look up to you, I'm not sure she would have said anything even then."

"Hmm. You're right. I was kinda hoping that that would change over time, but it seems to be getting worse. Do you like Alva, by the way?"

"What? No. I mean, yeah; but..."

He ran his hands through his hair, and let out a sigh before continuing:

"I've been desperately trying to get back home since I came here. But knowing that that's really not possible, or at least... not possible in the remotely near future. I've been thinking more about things. Things like settling down, having a life? I just- I don't know if I even deserve it. I mean, I'm still sort of on a lease here, right?"

I chuckled a little.

"Well, I can't speak for what you deserve, but you've come through for us a few times now, and I think of you as part of the group. So, if you want a life like that; family, girlfriend, whatever. I'm not going to stop you."

He let out a relieved sigh, and I turned to look at the massive, burnt tree.

"Did you tell Alva about your past?" I asked, and he nodded. "Everything?"

"We've been talking... since that girl was killed."

"Candace?"

He nodded.

"She'd come by to check on me, and we'd chat a little... then, before I knew it, we were staying up half the night, just talking."

"How cute," I teased, and Raul looked away.

"You know, I was... maybe four when I first came to the U.S.? My parents died... I don't even know how, and my grandmother brought me there. She was the only family I had, and I was all that was left of hers. It was nice at first; I wasn't illegal like so many others, but we lived amongst them. That was the only space for us. But I had opportunities that they didn't, you know? Going to school and all that. I learned English and everything, but man... that never stopped the judgmental stares I got from everyone else. My grandmother asked me all the time why I never brought a girl home, but it was just never on the cards. There were a lot of guys like me, just barely scraping by, trying to keep things afloat, and with no time or energy for things like dating, or anything like that."

"Jesus, why were you so desperate to get back to that?" I asked.

"My grandmother... she was sick at the end. Insurance wouldn't cover it, and her meds cost me an arm and a leg, but I was making do. She was all I had."

"She was still alive when they brought you here?"

He nodded.

"I was so desperate to go back. But I know at some point, the desperation gave way to this... anger. I was too bloodied to even look my grandmother in the face ever again, and part of me knew that she wasn't gonna be waiting for me if I did get back home... but I couldn't stop. There was just... nothing else to give my life meaning. Then I get my ass handed to me by some noob who tells me I was never going home anyway."

I snickered a little.

"You forgot to mention how dashing he looked," I chided, and Raul shook his head.