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Click here- You look beautiful, pet. It suits you.
With that said he untied her and rolled over to sleep. Davina, now at a loss over what her next course of action should be, subsided onto the duvet. She'd think about it in the morning. Yes, that's what she'd do. She closed her eyes, her hand idly stroking the collar. A noise escaped her lips. Clearing her throat? Or a satisfied purr?
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 10 years agoHi there!
I just wanted to tell you that I really liked this story! And honestly, I didn't even notice the absence of quotation marks untl I read the other comments. But I had no trouble reading it and following the dialogue! I would love it if you wrote more!
Scotsman69over 12 years agoare some contemporary, in some cases best-selling and prize-winning authors in English, who eschew the use of quotation marks:
Cormac McCarthy (USA)
Tim Winton (Australia)
James Kelman (Booker winner, Scotland)
If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for me. It's become fairly common practice in modern Scottish writing. Please note that both Benripper and I are Scots.
Anonymousover 12 years agoI must agree with the others who felt quotation marks would help. I know that in french literature they are not necessary, but you're writing in English and therefore I think they are. I found it jarring and distracting in an otherwise very well written piece. Writing formats are there for a reason, they should melt into the background allowing the story and imagery to shine, rather than grating against what the reader would expect to see thereby detracting from the experience. Hope this is taken as constructive... I'd love to read more.
mitchawaover 12 years agoI didn't notice the lack of quotation marks. Thus for me it doesn't matter because it was clear as to what was dialogue and what wasn't. In fact, there wasn't much dialogue but what was there was well done.
You did a good job of setting the scene without going overboard. Both the location and the time period were implied. A name or a date would have added helpful detail but neither was necessary to your purpose. The plot is simple and straight forward and the conflict is between Davina and Talin. Both have their objectives but, of course, only one was successful in attaining it.
Both Characters were well drawn. They are both strong physically and psychologically, unfortunately one is bound and the other free. It would have been interesting to see them in a fair fight. I thought the use of Gabrielle as an enforcer was an interesting ploy that added a helper to the plot.
The sex scene was graphic in detail and logical in sequence. You did a good job of leaving we readers unsure as to Davina's feeling about her rape. Was it rape or was a physical and emotional bond struck between the rapee and the rapist? No matter the answer the open-ended conclusion leaves you ample opportunity to paint some additional word pictures as to how one or the other characters wins the battle of wills. The odds are in favor of Talin, but it isn't perfectly clear as to his feelings after having deflowered an important female warrior of his enemies.
Anonymousover 12 years agoI had no problem figuring out dialogue vs. narrative.
I enjoyed the story and hope to read more soon!
