Barely Afloat on the BaybyRichard Crawford©
I had started out driving home, shaking off any thoughts of my lover. I had chosen her for safety in distance and safety in two marriages, hers and mine. But now, chance had brought her to my home town. How difficult yet irresistible had it been for her to call me and invite me to her hotel? That call had shaken me; her aroused voice now traveling through my mind as I drove home to my wife. My wife! I loved her and had taken a vow! Suddenly I found myself driving, pulling over, turning around, and fighting traffic back toward this mystery woman. I hated myself for turning around, but my trembling fingers steered the car toward Rebecca, my lover in words only. Until tonight.
Chat rooms had lured me in with joys of sharing conversations with people of similar interests around the world, then kept me with the excitement of seductions rooted in words and ideas rather than physical appearances. Not that I was unattractive, despite my poor self-image. At 37 years old, I stood medium-tall with lush curly auburn hair and bright blue eyes that indicated my wit and passion for life. Thin yet athletic, this decade proved to be my strongest as I climbed overhanging rocks, ran with the twenty-somethings, and competed in several sports for the first time in my life. With heightened body awareness came increased libido and online sex carried me to Rebecca.
Online, she always showed up full of teasing smiles and seductive words. Intelligent, playful, and flirtatious, she swept me away with gentle promises of how she would make love to me one day in person, then asked for my own promise to do anything she said. Could she know how willing I was truly becoming? Did she know that when she typed her smooth seductive words that I actually did as she requested, alone and aroused in my home 3000 miles away? Almost daily she destroyed defenses until the day she whispered my name on the phone. All I could do was moan softly, listening to her quiet laughter at my weakness. One day she asked me to do one thing: not come until she allowed me to. With a loud groan of hopeless desire, I typed my acceptance. My "safe distant married online lover" had become my dominant mistress. I justified it as an online fantasy and went about my daily routine. My relationship with my wife had spiraled downward, so my lovelife there did not noticeably change. However, I felt the change inside me as I began to obey the directions in her emails, calling her from work, feeling my arousal rise when she willed it to. Still, I argued in my mind that it was just sex, however thrilling.
Two events deepened our relationship, though the first might seem shallow. Rebecca sent me a photograph of herself and I gasped audibly. I sat alone in the huge closet (or tiny bedroom) that was the fourth room in the tiny home my wife and I rented early in our marriage. Amid slightly musty hanging sweaters, my computer displayed Rebecca's image. A raven haired beauty with dark expressive eyes smiled into mine, full red lips offering unspoken promises. For months we had not shared photos and I had assumed she would not be attractive. The shock of her probing gaze affected me, made me feel silk on my skin and inhale exotic scents in my mind. I learned to scan photos for her, and agonized over the best image to send back. My choice pleased her and soon we had swapped dozens of photos as we chatted and laughed online. For the first time in my life, a beautiful engaging woman was interested in me and I had no idea how far this would lead me from my rigid beliefs and values.
The second event arrived in the form of a padded brown envelope delivered to a discreet post office box between home and school. Various items within made me giggle, such as a teddy bear wearing her perfume and a tape of her favorite music, but the rectangular package struck lust into my heart. About 40 centimeters by 25 by 3, it rattled with a plastic sound when I shook it. I shook myself as the paper ripped away, exposing a videotape. Within earshot of the small bed where my wife and I made love, I watched that tape. Rebecca appeared at her kitchen table, lovely but hardly pornographic as I had expected. She took me through her life in that video, smiling as we visited her favorite places and shared romantic Dave Matthew's songs as I admired her incredible smile. Once she bared her smallish breasts to me briefly with a conspiratorial grin, and the grin aroused me more than her lovely shape. Even champagne glass B cups with erect nipples could not compete with her intimate gaze into the camera. At the end, she smiled softly, perhaps wistfully, into the camera and waved softly. I heard the VCR humming and felt the worn carpet under my feet. I sat immobile, staring at the screen and felt the realization sweep over me that Rebecca loved me, and that despite all my safety precautions, I loved her, too.
The morning I redirected my car from home to an affair, she had told me she would e-mail me a special surprise while I was away teaching at school. Expecting a note that said, "This is me" or something, I was shocked to read,
I am at the hotel on First and San Fernando in San Jose. All alone and feeling frisky and dangerous. Come to me if you dare.
With playful kisses,
This simple missive sent my mind reeling. Rebecca had not needed to say any more than these dozen or so words to reverse my traveling direction that afternoon. My mind refused to scrutinize the consequences as my body sent me to Rebecca. Her half naked body taunted my mind, blending with the scent of her perfume, more real than any image or words. I saw her slight wave at the end of the tape and warmth flooded me. My body already trembled and my rigid cock began to grow wet. I ached for her as much as I loved her. I wish I could say the journey was brief, but I had 30 minutes to come to my senses and head home. There is no excuse for my choice, but the guilt would not touch me for many hours.
I shook my head and spotted a parking lot across from her hotel. My sweaty hands turned the wheel and I entered the cool shade of the concrete structure, seeing only Rebecca's teasing smile in my mind. I grabbed a ticket from the machine, and parked in the middle of the lot. I examined myself in the rearview mirror, seeing slightly a crumpled earth-tone dress shirt below eyes that spoke of judgment and fear. I spoke to that face and said, "Get out of here!" even as my trembling fingers opened the door and my weak legs swung out. Why did I remain married if I wanted another woman? My marriage might not be good, but my word ought ot be better than this. I recalled standing in the trees overlooking the ocean, making vows, and contrasted that moment with this one. I despised myself. MY legs took me toward Rebecca anyway. I managed to walk across the crosswalk and stood before San Jose's oldest and most interesting hotel. Up the street lay the pumpkin-colored modern Tech Museum that Rebecca and I had joked about online; I had even sent her a pumpkin-colored pen from The Tech. Little did I know that she had it in her hand at that very moment, recording her own feeling in her diary. I sighed and looked up at the Corinthian columns of the hotel. Her hotel. I could still make this right and turn around, or I could surrender to the experience I longed for. Could Rebecca be more than my lustful desire? What is she was my soulmate, awiting me at this very moment? God, Rebecca's children would be devastated if they knew. Could Rebecca ever really be my true love, publicly? Could I live with myself if I crossed this inot this hotel, into her world? I crossed the threshold, Caesar daring great risks to achieve wondrous goals.
I took the plush elevator to the third floor, straightening my clothes and cursing myself for playing ultimate frisbee that day. I felt a bit bedraggled, but convinced myself that in this state I was virile, strong, and rugged. Then why did all the blood drain from my hands when I approached room 342? Caesar had become Dan Quayle. My mouth went dry, and like a marionette my hand lifted and rapped on the door.
The door opened, immediately followed by the scent of woman Rebecca stood in the doorway looking directly into my eyes as she had promised she would in her e-mail so very long ago. I met her eyes, shocked and thrilled by this final reality, then lowered my gaze. Looking back, still not moving or speaking, I found a sly smile playing about her mouth. As the silence grew, I felt my feet moving nervously, then heard my voice ask if I could come in.
Her first words to me took a moment, then came from her lips softly, "Sure". As I moved to enter, glad to leave the exposed hall, her hand came to the base of my throat, holding me in the threshold with the lightest of touches. "David, you do need to know one thing."
Oh, no! She had some kind of disease, or a husband in the mafia!
"If you come in here tonight, we play by my rules. I plan to find every button you have shared with me, plus some others I have found by reading between the lines. If you want to leave, leave now."
Swallowing hard, terrified yet excited beyond belief, I paused. Discovery of this affair could cost me career and marriage. In 1997 Internet sex encounters could hardly be approved for teachers, and any kind of extramarital sex would be shameful. Rebecca watched me. I hesitated for one final moment before walking into the room. Feeling like a prisoner who had no real choice of whether to enter the cell, I gazed unblinkingly out the window. I had just spotted my car when I heard the door click shut behind me. I felt scared like a child.
My mind rolled the screens of Rebecca's words, both sweet and sexy. Who was she, really? During my drive I had seen her beauty and felt romance, but now I was reminded of her power, the many times I had reached orgasm at the exact moment she ordered me to. Her hand on my throat spoke of shear power and the weakness in my knees went beyond love. What would I do in this hotel room today? Would Rebecca love me softly? Would she embarrass me? Would she take me? Terror and desire locked me in place, her hand as gentle as it was powerful on my under my chin
Before I could even catch my breath or turn to face her, I felt her smooth arms encircle me. Her breasts pressed against my back gently and her mouth found my earlobe even as her hands slipped under my shirt to caress my nipples. It felt incredibly good and comforting. I closed my eyes and leaned back into my new lover who whispered, "There...that's it...just let Rebecca take care of you...love you...give you everything you always needed, baby..." Tears moistened my eyes as I appreciated her gentleness and understanding. "Darling David, you need what I can give you tonight, and you will give me just what I ask for."
My resistance melted away under the spell of her perfect words! Rebecca knew me, loved me, and owned me. It would be wonderful not to worry about how to touch her; she would tell me. As for me, I had confessed my sluttiest secrets to Rebecca. Oh god, would she be the first to physically share my illicit desires? Could I actually experience the fantasies that had lived in the dark corners of my mind until Rebecca had lured them out? For now I just absorbed the wet sensation of her mouth on my throat. Her lips were warm, soft, and open. Rebecca didn't just kiss my throat, she devoured it. Her fingers explored down my back, found my waist, and tugged my sport shirt free. Her hand then slipped under my shirt and up my chest, fingering my nipples with a confidence that took my breath away. Her perfume assaulted me as her fingers grazed my nipples lightly, drawing them to erection. Once hard, she began to roll them between her fingers, the squeezed them just past the point of pain, gasping when I allowed her to hurt me.
"Tell me you like it, " she murmured. I struggled with this. I couldn't like it--I was married! My wife loved me and I loved her. But God help me no one had ever touched me with such irresistible authority before. Her tongue glided expertly up my neck to my ear where her hot breath demanded, "Tell me, David. Tell Rebecca how much you like this." Her tongue slid into my ear, filling my world with Rebecca. I recalled the love in her eyes on the video and felt the power in her wet lick. A hoarse voice I barely recognized spoke,
"Yes, damn you! I like it...I like it so damn much, Rebecca!"
Her giggle in my ear shot through my mind, then she rested one hand on my bare chest and the other on the clothed flank. Her deep brown eyes looked into my light blue ones and she spoke her truth. "David, I can make you want anything today. Do you know that? I can create hot spots in your soul that you never knew were there and lift them until you want them more than anything. I'm going to show you how I can use your favorite fantasies to create darker ones. Does this frighten you?"
This was my last opportunity for escape, yet also her chance to trap me forever in her web. Did I really want to rip free, or did I want the sensation of her fangs sinking into my flesh?
She was blowing in my ear now. "Do I make you uncomfortable?" Uncomfortable? I knew she felt the heat rise in my skin, my ragged breathing, and perhaps could even see the bulge in my pants.
"Yes, no...I'm...I'm...not sure..." Still I fought it, confused.
Rebecca closed her eyes seeming to relish my concern, then released me with directions to sit on the couch. I sat with an obedient rush of hopeless lust and watched her leave the room. She looked over her shoulder - large brown eyes over a lush mane of brunette hair - and smiled as she closed the door to the bathroom. As I waited, I heard sounds from the bathroom, the small clicks a woman makes when putting on make up. My mind continued to tumble freely, imaging the makeup she had worn in her most erotic photos, seeing her strip down and dress again in my mind. I could have run out the door, but each muted sound from the next room promised the fulfillment of unknown fantasies by a woman I trusted and ached for. I sat immobile, only my brain in motion.
When Rebecca returned, she smiled at me with newly painted lips. Gone was the beautiful shade of wine that had been her trademark in my mind. Now she wore a glossy red that we both knew was in somewhat poor taste, but her eyes told me that she knew that it was terribly exciting to me. God, how could she know me so well! She approached me, heels clicking until they reached the carpet.
"David, look at my legs," she purred. Obediently, I looked, admiring their shape and noted that the matching red heels were a nice touch, but quickly my eyes found her face, the mirror of the soul, the home of the kiss. Rebecca then sat in the chair right in front of me, a vision of confidence. Her power tugged at my thoughts, and I struggled to think clearly. My intellectual self began to dissolve under her spell, replaced by a primal man I barely knew.
Pulling one foot up onto the chair, she leaned over and said with a slight pout, clearly acting but getting to me anyway, "You didn't notice how perfectly I match!" Her pouting lips neared her feet and I saw the truly perfect match of color. My eyes went from her red lips to her red heels, glossy red bait I ached to bite. Misinterpreting my silence for disapproval, or perhaps just choosing to, Rebecca pouted more, "You don't like my heels?" She dangled one from her toes to emphasize her point.
Truthfully, I had always like all parts of a woman, though not legs or feet in particular, but I felt my mind responding to this tease. The shoe dangled, nearly dropping to the floor from her nyloned foot, then balanced again. My mouth went dry as her fantasy overwhelmed me. I had never thought of making love to a woman's foot before, but now - oh yes now - I could think of nothing else. Her red lips parted, "Then I'll just have to offer you something I know you like..." Again the glossy mouth opened, but this time her pink tongue slipped out before she breathed, "Kiss me?"
Kiss her mouth or her feet? What did she want? Whatever it was, I surely wanted it even more! As I moved to her with a groan, she added, "David, kneel before me. You will love being below me." Feeling both confused and desperate to obey, I knelt before her on the carpet as she sat in her chair. My last ability to fight her faded away and I gazed into her eyes. Her power wafted over me, a gentle breeze with the energy to move me like a giant sail. Her love touched me as well, and my mind surrendered to the blissful combination, with every thought of my former life and frightening futures dying. There was only Rebecca, only us. Her hands cupped my face and she drank my mouth in. My lips opened to her pliantly and this kiss was unlike any I had known before. Her tongue explored every corner inside my mouth and I moaned deep in my throat. I felt her leg slip behind me , curling up my calf, over my thigh, coming to rest so her cool shoes touched my ass. Her mouth slid to my throat for the second time that night, and again I lost myself in her beautiful strength until she pulled away. My submissive self thundered in my chest and my love for her wrapped me tightly in an impenetrable shroud.
"Look, David, the match is perfect!" Rebecca brought her foot to my shoulder and the color of her lipstick on my throat was beside the red of her shoes. Her foot pushed against my cheek roughly, moving my head to the side and I caught a scent of new leather and female sex. The red of those heels held my gaze, somehow linking themselves to her red kissable mouth. Red spoke of sensual and forbidden sex, of unspoken dreams. I again found myself wanting her foot and blushed at the strange thought. Still, my eyes returned repeatedly to her toe and the dangling shoe. I started to pant and looked into Rebecca's warm brown eyes.
Her eyes said anything was ok between the two of us. They said I could trust her and love her any way we desired. Moments passed without either of us moving, her foot on my shoulder, her eyes looking through mine. Her ankle brushed my cheek. Her eyes narrowed in a new message, saying I would worship her, and I would love it more than anything I had ever known. I knew what she wanted. Finally, I relented and bent my head to her foot, kissing it softly above one slender red strap.
"Go ahead, baby," she coaxed softly. I kissed again there, discovering soft skin and a sweet taste. Another layer of resistance fell away and one tear rolled down my cheek as I let myself surrender to this new thrill. I kissed with more passion, holding her firm calf in my hands now to better reach each bit of her foot. Again she dangled that shoe, but this time it was to allow my tongue to reach more of her foot. I traced every line and curve as she taunted my weakness with her sweet strong knowing eyes, telling me that I gave in far easier than she had expected. Rebecca whispered that I was her little foot licker, telling me that I would soon be begging to kiss her pussy--wet enough for me to smell--and I would even lick her ass. I knew it was true, but could not stop kissing, could not fight the intoxicating feeling of touching this intriguing creature in any place or any way she commanded.
Licking and sucking her red-painted toes brought a giggle to her matching lips, a giggle of ticklishness, but also a giggle of strength. She loved watching me service her and her knowledge of my weakness made me delirious. I flicked my tongue between her toes and felt my erection grow even larger. Her amused eyes read my pleasure, but my avid submission was getting to her and it was with genuine lust that she finally pulled my mouth away from her feet and up to her pussy. I knelt between her legs and moved her skirt with my nose. Rebecca wore no underwear.
Her strong hands communicated the sudden urgency of her need and it was not a teasing mouth that ate her. I pressed hard into her mound, almost smothering myself in her wetness, rubbing it on my cheeks, tasting my incredible lover like a fine wine. My tongue drove fully inside, the top of it rubbing her clit as I curled the rest inside her, seeking new places to explore. I extended it again, pressing deep and down this time until my eyes closed, lost in this feeling. Her hands gripped tighter and we moaned in unison as I inhaled her clit into my hot, wet mouth, flicking her clit rapidly. One finger found her entrance, then two, and finally three rested a fraction inside. I eased them into her as I swirled my tongue around her hard little clit. Drowning in her wetness, my mind spun out of control in a whirlpool of lust. My tongue moved instinctively...oh my God I needed this...