Battling Cuckold-Fantasy Addictionbymyker©
Foreword: This lengthy tale (just shy of 30 pages on MS Word) involves male submission and cuckoldry. Fans of this story genre are well-aware that a man who's willing to invest so much time reading a story like this, and then commenting afterwards about how pathetic the author and his fans are, is almost certainly a closet cuckold-wannabe himself. At the very least, he feels guilty about becoming aroused by these fantasies. He very likely also jerks-off to them, when reading through these stories. Then he spews his vitriol in attempt to fool himself and others that he doesn't become aroused by cuckold fantasies.
If this describes you, you're not fooling anyone. After all, why else would you invest your time here? If you really have absolutely nothing better to do with your time than reading erotic fantasy stories that depicts behavior which disgusts you, doesn't that make you pathetic?
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, on with the show. I hope you enjoy my story...
I logged on to check my secret Yahoo e-mail account. By secret, I mean it's the only e-mail account my wife doesn't know about. I created the account before Nikki and I got married, and had good reason to keep it secret.
When I saw I had another message from him, my heart jumped. I quickly opened up the message to read:
I understand your concerns completely. However, it's become clear that you've been stalling. You've taken the time and effort to initially write to my organization, thoroughly and intelligently answer our comprehensive questionnaire, and exchange numerous e-mails with me after I selected your file for assignment.
We are both aware that you have reinforced your sexually submissive and cuckold desires with numerous masturbatory fantasies over the course of many years. And I won't lie to you. What you've been feeling in terms of entrenchment to your desires is only the tip of the iceberg. I've learned that once desires like yours have been reinforced in real life, they typically become even more addictive that crack cocaine. So consider this a disclosure. If you decide to move forward with this, you may find it difficult, if not impossible, to turn back the clock.
I have endeavored to be honest and patient with you. You need to understand that, I am now leaving you with only one of two choices:
A) You may continue struggling to keep your desires contained at the fantasy level for the rest of your life, risk getting caught in a very unfavorable light by your beautiful wife, and most likely look back one day when you're too old to do anything about it, and ask yourself "What if?"
B) You may finally surrender to who and what you really are, and enjoy the almost unlimited euphoria that accompanies being a loved and appreciated cuckold within a female-dominated marriage.
It's as simple as that, Michael. I've been holding the door open for you, but you've been standing at the threshold for too long now. You can either step inside, or you can turn around and go back from where you came.
If you succumb to your fears and decide to retreat, I simply ask you to never contact me or my organization ever again. In this event, I'll say goodbye here and now, and wish you well.
If you face your fears and decide to move forward, here are my non-negotiable instructions you will need to precisely follow:
Meet me at 7:00pm, next Tuesday night, at the Macy's Starbucks in Oakbrook. At this meeting, you will deliver to me a pair of your wife's worn and unwashed panties, and a small lock of her hair. Place these two items in separate Ziploc-style baggies. You will also bring a personal check made out in the amount of $500 as a retainer. Leave the payee blank until you see me.
You will also find an attached document to this message. It's an agreement that you will never sue my organization or me personally, for alienation of affection. Unfortunately, this happened to us once about three years ago, when a cuckold changed his mind about everything after one of our alpha males had already seduced and fucked his wife several times. He couldn't handle his jealousy, and decided he wanted to restore everything back to his pre-cuckold days. By then, his wife would have nothing of it. I would prefer to deal with assholes like that personally, and in my own way, but my organization requires the form. So print out the attached form, read it, sign it, and bring it along with you.
But be forewarned, once you have followed the above instructions and have delivered what I've asked for, there will be no turning back for you. I will move forward whether you like it or not, as I refuse to play games with the indecisive.
I will be wearing a black wool topcoat over a suit and tie, and will have a black leather folder sitting on the table in front of me. I will not wait one minute beyond 7:00, and I don't intend to give you my cell phone number until we have met. Therefore, be certain to take whatever precautions necessary so that you're not late under any circumstances, as there will be no second chance for you.
It has taken you many years to reach this moment in your life, Michael. I trust that you will make the right decision for yourself.
Reading Mr. Steele's message caused my cock to press achingly into my pants. I wanted so badly to whip it out and relieve myself. But my wife, Nikki, was still in the house getting ready for work. Even though I was downstairs in a 4th bedroom which we converted into an office, and she was two levels upstairs in the master bedroom, masturbating would still be too risky. If determined, she could easily come down two levels and into the office within 10 seconds, and catch me red-handed. I certainly didn't want that to happen again! God knows, once proved to be bad enough!
All of a sudden, I felt a touch of anxiety. I decided to log off, and leave for work 15 minutes earlier than usual. I walked upstairs one level, put on my topcoat, and called upstairs to say goodbye to Nikki.
"Are you leaving already?" she called down.
"Yes, honey. I need to prepare a file before my 10:00 meeting. I probably should have done it last night before I left. Bundle up, sweetie, it's only 15 degrees out this morning!" I replied, lying about the file.
"Okay honey, have a nice day!" Nikki replied.
"You too. Bye!" I replied, as I walked towards the garage entrance.
Morning rush-hour traffic typically annoys me, but I hardly even noticed it on this particular Wednesday. All I could think about was Steele's message, and everything that had led up to it. My cock morphed through various levels of arousal throughout my 25 minute drive.
I quickly calculated that if I decided to move forward with Steele, I would have about six and a half days left to comply with his instructions. Still quite desirous to move forward with the idea, but not being able to fully commit to it, provided me with a great deal of frustration. Nobody likes being stuck on the fence for a long duration. But falling on the wrong side of the fence and getting hurt is certainly no fun either.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I cursed my first wife for infecting me with the dreaded curse of erotic cuckoldry and sexually submissive desires in the first place. I'd lost count how many times I'd cursed her over the past several years for enslaving me with this insidious addiction. But I wasn't fooling myself. I realized that by placing at least part of the blame on her, instead of accepting full responsibility myself, tended to at least pacify me for a brief moment.
I found it hard to believe that 15 years had already passed already since the ex and I had split! During the first decade that followed our split, I struggled numerous times without success to defeat these infectious desires. I thought getting married again would help. But I thought wrong. During the 5 years that Nikki and I have been married, my desires only escalated. The battle no longer involved defeating my fantasies. Instead, it had progressed to a battle of containing my desires to fantasy... and not letting them go beyond that.
I had a miserable day at work in terms of production, due to my piss-poor concentration level. My mind kept drifting back to Steele, and what I should do about him. My indecision only served to tempt me several times throughout the day to read his message again. However, but I didn't dare log onto my secret Yahoo account there at work!
I skipped lunch and ate a small package of peanuts from the vending machine, just so I could leave work 45 minutes early. Once again, I found myself atypically oblivious to traffic on the way home.
As I pulled into the driveway, I knew I had beaten Nikki home by at least a full hour. I hung up my coat and suit-jacket, quickly grabbed a bottle of water and an apple to snack on, and eagerly went downstairs into the office. I quickly logged onto my Yahoo account, and pulled up Steele's message.
I reread the message several times, not even sure why. Nothing in the message had changed, of course, and my retention from reading it earlier that morning proved to be excellent. My cock quickly grew stiff again, and I wondered if procuring sexual arousal was the true motivation behind my seemingly obsessive desire to read Steele's message repeatedly.
I decided to jerk one off before Nikki arrived home. I came fast and hard. It sort of reminded me of the very first time I masturbated after learning of my first wife's infidelity. I didn't have any visual aids to help me that time either. And just like back then, my orgasm felt so freaking good, that I decided to pursue a second one just as soon as my cock recovered. The only difference this time around is that my recovery took at least three times longer than it had 15 years earlier!
Age notwithstanding, my second orgasm rewarded me with an orgasm surprisingly good, and proved to be well worth my effort. Afterwards, I quickly cleaned up, logged off, left the office, and changed into my casuals. I hoped to regain my composure before Nikki came home. Five minutes later, I sighed in relief as I heard the garage door open.
"Hi honey, how was your day?" I greeted Nikki as she stepped in the house.
"Busy! And yours?" she asked, as she walked towards the coat closet.
"Typical. Are you hungry? I asked, as I helped my lovely wife take off her coat.
"Not quite. Are you?" she replied, as she grabbed a coat hanger and handed it to me.
"A little bit. Do you want to go out, or do you prefer to eat in tonight?" I inquired, while hanging up her coat.
"Let's stay in. It's too cold out, and they're calling for more snow tonight." Nikki replied, as she headed towards the stairs.
"Yeah, you're right." I agreed, as I watched my gorgeous wife's hip sway as she walked up the stairs into our bedroom.
God, she is freaking beautiful. And we have such a wonderful vanilla relationship. Why the fuck can't I just purge these submissive cuckold fantasies from my soul, I asked myself for at least the five hundredth time.
"Do you want to order out, or should I whip up something?" I called upstairs.
"Suit yourself, honey!" Nikki called out, obviously in the midst of removing her work clothes.
"I'll whip something up!" I called up to her.
"Okay, honey! Do I have time for a quick shower?" she asked.
"Absolutely. Take your time!" I called out.
I quickly whipped up one of my long-time standards; a chicken vegetable soup with rice. The soup is heavy, and actually looks more like a stew. It's simple, but tasty and nutritional, and it takes only 30 minutes to put on the table. It's something I picked up from my decade between marriages, living as a single man. We both agree though, that it tastes a little better on the second and third reheated servings, after it has had a chance to cook longer.
I set the table, and poured us both a large wine glass of sparkling mineral water, and garnished it with a lemon slice. We typically didn't drink alcohol during the week. I even lit up two candles.
Nikki came down about 5 minutes before I served the meal. I pulled out the chair for her.
"My, aren't you being attentive today." Nikki commented cheerfully, and with a smile.
"Anything at all for my lovely Queen." I commented, just before bending down and planting a light kiss on her lips.
"Hmm... are you feeling guilty about something, or just trying to butter me up for some hot sex later tonight?" she quipped, lightheartedly.
"Hmph... I try to be nice, and look what I get." I retorted with feigned indignity, not wanting to move towards a discussion about sex after having myself a double wank session!
"Hmm... just checking. After all, you rarely ever cook during the week." Nikki replied, raising an eyebrow playfully.
"Hey, old guys like me who marry beautiful young women like you need to keep on their toes!" I joked.
"Oh stop it already. Just because you're 10 years older than me doesn't make you old. Besides, I've already told you that I don't want to discuss age anymore, especially now that I'll be turning 40 this year." Nikki commented lightheartedly.
"Nikki, you typically don't look one day over 30. Seriously! You're beautiful, and in great shape. I'm really one lucky guy!" I said, earnestly.
"What do you mean, typically?" Nikki quipped, ignoring my compliments.
"Well, let me put it to you this way; even on a morning of a bad hangover, you still don't look a day over 35." I quipped.
"Oh yeah, smart-ass? What do you think you look like when you're hung over?" Nikki retorted with feigned anger.
"I don't think I wanna know." I replied emotionlessly.
"Thank you. May we eat now?" she said, in a victorious tone.
"Yes, we may." I replied, happy to let her win.
I quickly put the food out on the table, and invited Nikki to dig in. We enjoyed our meal, and made small talk about work and about potential plans for the upcoming weekend. Afterwards, I offered to clean up. Nikki once again playfully questioned my motivation for being so attentive. The truth is that I felt more than a little guilty about my double wank session, as it would undoubtedly cause me to avoid having sex with her later that night. And I had been feeling increasingly guilty about keeping more secrets about myself from her.
Later that night when Nikki announced that she was ready for bed, I purposely avoided any potential for making love with her by telling her that I'd come up right after I finished reading all my e-mail. But then I stayed in the office for another two hours, primarily pondering upon Steele's message. But I also reviewed the comprehensive questionnaire and the various essays that I had already submitted to him. In so doing, I became quite aroused again. Though my cock leaked copious precum, and I felt most tempted, I felt too scared to masturbate with Nikki in the house.
As I mentioned earlier, Nikki caught me masturbating once. It happened about a year after we got married. She made a very big deal out of it, taking it quite personally. Ever since that episode, I refrained from doing it whenever she was home. I masturbated quite often whenever I found myself home alone, however. And when I did, it almost always involved the same themes of sexual submission and/or cuckold fantasies. I masturbated at least 3 or 4 times a week, which proved to about twice as often as Nikki and I had sex together. Even worse, my solo performances often produced better orgasms for me than having sex with Nikki... especially after I began communicating with Steele.
Masturbation, including frequency, habits, and techniques, is an area which I had to provide full disclosure to Steele. I even disclosed the episode of being caught by Nikki, and the resulting effects.
I found Steele by originally clicking on a signature link of an occasional poster on the forums at CollarMe.com. The poster claimed to be a dominant cuckoldress within a blissful F/m marriage. Her link led me to a site called Cuckoldry-The Ultimate Gift (C-TUG). This organization consists primarily of a connected group of alpha-males, located across cities and towns nationwide. They claim to be dedicated to helping both men and women who are desirous of a female-dominated marriage where the female is poly amorous and the male is not.
I immediately found C-TUG particularly appealing. While they obviously promote cuckoldry, they give no weighted attention to the overplayed theme of black bulls with monster-sized cocks, and inadequate white husbands with tiny peckers who need to be degraded by both the wives and bulls.
Perhaps I feel this way because even though I'm white, I don't have a tiny pecker. My cock length is just slightly over average at 7.0 inches; and its girth is just slightly under average at 4.25 inches. So I never really felt inadequate, at least in that department. Nevertheless, the thought of being replaced by a larger cock for the benefit of my wife's pleasure still managed to arouse me. So go figure.
Also, it never really mattered to me what color the bull might be, as long as Nikki found him highly attractive, an outstanding lover, and respectful enough to the both of us. I've sometimes wondered whether subliminal racism exists in some white cuckolds and cuckold-wannabes who feel more humiliated by the thought of their wives being fucked by black alpha-males as opposed to being fucked by non-black alpha-males.
Another reason for C-TUG's appeal is that it recognizes loving female dominance as the underlying foundation to most successful F/m marriages that include cuckoldry. It also recognizes cuckoldry as a frequent and often natural result of mid and longer-term F/m marriages. The organization helps women to learn and understand that they really can have it all, along with a blissful and honest marriage. It teaches men to learn how to enjoy the euphoric pleasures that accompany the submission to a dominant wife who is unconditionally sated and content from having it all. It teaches both men and women alike, how unlikely it is for a woman to find all of the alpha and beta traits she needs and desires in one man, and that there's absolutely no reason to settle for less.
From my initial communications with C-TUG and subsequent communications Steele, I managed to confirm what I had suspected all along. I unquestionably am a sexually submissive male. When it comes to matters of sex, I have slightly two times more beta traits than alpha traits... making me highly submissive. When it comes to non-sexual matters within a romantic relationship, I am just moderately submissive, with almost 4 submissive traits for every 3 alpha traits. To the outside world, I lean ever-so-slightly towards alpha, with 6 alpha traits for every 5 betas.
Of course, the alpha-males (AMs) at C-TUG certainly aren't in the game for altruistic purposes. They have a vested interest in forming cuckold triads, for reasons that become readily obvious to most people. They get to enjoy the entertainment and sexual favors of women without the obligations, costs, or constraints of marriage. C-TUG's parameters do not allow AMs who have three or more years in the program to have more than 3 concurrent triads. AMs that have less than three years in the program are not allowed more than 2 concurrent triads. .
AMs are categorized into 5-year age ranges, starting with 21-25. They are also grouped by skin color instead of race. They are then ranked according to their physical desirability ratings (PDRs), which include build, facial attractiveness, and cock size. The minimum cock size for an AM to be enrolled in the program is the aggregate length and girth sum of 12 inches.