Baumgartner Generations: Janie

Instead of going back to my room on the first floor, I went straight for the shower, still warm and steamy from TJ's time there. There was a shower downstairs, too, but it didn't have double showerhead jets and I want to stand under the pound of water hot and hard enough to turn my skin bright red.

A baby.

It was both exciting and scary. What did that mean for them? For us? For everything? I loved being Beth's nanny. She was a great kid, easy-going, very quick—and she had the goofiest sense of humor. But what would it mean, being a nanny to a baby? Diapers, bottles, strollers, crying in the middle of the night... And what about our nights? What would happen to the three of us? Would there even be room for me in their lives as their lover anymore?

Because we all knew I didn't want to be a nanny forever. What kept me, the reason I really stayed, was because I loved Ronnie and TJ and my life with them. Being "the nanny" was just convenient, for all of us. I could write while Beth was in school, then pick her up and make her a snack, supervise homework and get dinner started, all before Ronnie got home from teaching. TJ was always the last home, but he made it most nights for dinner.

And then, after Beth was asleep, we'd all huddle under a blanket on the couch and watch a movie, or sometimes we'd play games or read our books or do something on our laptops, and usually two or three nights a week, I'd end up in their bed, at least for a while.

It was a good routine, one we'd fallen easily into over the past couple years. Was that all going to change now?

"Knock-knock."

I startled at the sound of the little voice piping up behind the shower curtain and then heard the unmistakable sound of Beth peeing.

"Who's there?" I gave her the perfunctory response.

"Interrupting cow."

Oh boy. This one again. The kid had a thing for knock-knock jokes lately.

"Inter—"

"MOO!" She poked her head around the curtain, grinning, her hair a dark, cloudy mess around her face.

"Moo right back atcha." I flicked water at her. She made a face and quickly closed the curtain.

"I want waffles!"

"Did you flush and wash?" I reminded her, grabbing the shampoo.

"And bacon. And sausages. And Pop-Tarts. Strawberry ones. With pink sprinkles."

"Are you sure it wasn't interrupting pig at the door?" I lathered my hair, wincing as the water turned colder when she flushed and turned on the sink.

"OINK!" she agreed, peeking around the shower curtain again. "Can I have waffles?"

"Eggos?" I asked hopefully.

"Not homemade?"

I turned off the shower and opened the curtain. She had such a pretty pout—which was probably why she usually got just what she wanted.

"I don't think we have time for homemade." I grabbed the towel I'd left on the counter and wrapped it around myself.

"But it's Saturday!" she protested.

Tell me about it, I thought. "I know. But your mom's taking us to see paintings today."

Beth slid up onto the counter and watched me wrap another towel around my hair. "Do they have cows in them?"

I laughed. "Some of them do."

"Well then I guess we can go. If I can have waffles first."

"Eggos." I insisted on the compromise. "Go get dressed and get them out of the freezer, okay?"

"Okay." She hopped down and opened the door, headed toward her room.

I hesitated, watching her go, and then looked the other way at the closed door of her parents' room. There was no sound from inside. I stood there, wondering if I should knock?

My decision was made for me when the door flew open and Ronnie came out, pulling her robe around her.

"You scared me!"

"Sorry," she apologized. Her eyes were red and I knew she'd been crying. "Is Beth up?"

I nodded. "Did TJ go to work?"

"For a little while." She sighed. "I'm going to take a shower. Can you get her ready? We're going to meet TJ at the Met at noon."

"Sure." I stood there, wanting to say something but not knowing what to say. Congratulations? Are you okay? What? Beth saved me from saying anything, bursting out of her room wearing jeans and an iCarly t-shirt.

"Time for Eggos!" she exclaimed. "Mommy! Knock-knock!"

Ronnie groaned, shaking her head. "Oh no, it is way too early for knock-knock jokes. Ask Janie."

"Moo!" I said, sticking out my tongue and steering Beth toward the stairs. "Let's go rustle up some syrup and butter."

When I looked back, Ronnie had gone into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

* * * *

R U COMING 2NITE?

I glanced at my cell, reading Lil's message, and quickly texted her back.

Y.10?TTYL

"Your boyfriend?" TJ teased, sitting down next to me at the Met cafeteria table with his tray of food.

"Just Lily." I rolled my eyes. He teased me all the time about not dating, and it was true, I didn't—at least, I never brought anyone home. "Beth, sweetie, all those vegetables you're pulling off your sandwich are the best part."

"Nuh-uh." She stuck out her overly-red tongue—she'd been drinking a cherry Icee—and opened her sandwich again to show me the myriad of lunchmeat on it. "The cow is the best part!"

"And the pig," I reminded her, eating another baby carrot. "There's pig in there."

"Yum!" She took a big bite, her grin doughy and huge, and I could see her lunch through one missing front tooth.

"Just hurry up and eat it." Ronnie snapped the brochure she was holding closed. "The crowds are crazy today and the Picasso exhibit is going to be mobbed."

"Good salads," TJ remarked, shoveling in another huge bite of his Cobb salad.

"They should be, for the price." Ronnie took a much more delicate bite of her Chinese chicken salad. "We should have eaten before we left."

I swallowed a sigh and looked between the two of them, sitting across the table from one another, silently chewing lettuce. I knew it was going to be like this. I'd tried to talk to Ronnie before we left, but she kept changing the subject, and she brought her Kindle and read on the subway while Beth and I played I-Spy, so there was no opportunity there, either. I felt totally shut out. This wasn't like her at all, and I hated to admit, even to myself, how much it hurt my feelings.

"Daddy, Janie said there are cow pictures." Beth sucked hard at her straw to get the last of her Icee, making loud slurping sounds.

"You like cows?" TJ asked, looking amused.

"Knock-knock!" Beth grinned. Even her teeth were red!

"Who's there?" He indulged her current love for knock-knock jokes much more than Ronnie or I did.

"Cows go." Beth licked mustard off her upper lip.

TJ smirked. He knew this one. So did I. "Cows go who?"

"No, cows go MOO!" Her voice rose to a yell on the last word and several people around us looked over from their tables.

"Beth, shh!" Ronnie said, but she was laughing. She obviously hadn't heard that one yet.

"God I love your laugh." TJ's expression softened when he looked at his wife and she smiled back at him. It happened just like that. Whatever had been stretched between them had snapped and recoiled and the distance between them was now much shorter.

My cell vibrated again in my pocket and I pulled it out, reading the text under the table.

WAN2 TRY 1OAK?

I contemplated the screen. 1 Oak was an exclusive club. We'd been turned away a couple of times, although if Lil and I dressed to the nines, we usually managed to finagle our way past the bouncers.

CAN WE GET IN?

Going out clubbing was the best part of New York. I'd met Lil when I was finishing my creative writing degree at NYU and she'd been the one who introduced me to the clubbing scene and I couldn't get enough.

HOW SHORT IS YR SKIRT?

I snorted, texting her back.

INVISIBLE

"You and Lil going out?" TJ slurped the last of his Diet Coke and I glanced up, seeing him watching me.

"1 Oak." I looked down to see Lil's last message: CW2CU! I couldn't wait, either. I suddenly had a lot of restless energy I needed to get rid of.

"Expensive, isn't it?" Ronnie raised her eyebrows, finishing the last of her salad.

I smiled broadly. "We hardly ever pay for drinks."

"I bet that's true." TJ gave me a knowing look and I blushed.

"Just be careful." Ronnie stood, gathering up garbage to toss out.

I stood, too, helping her. "Yes, Mother."

She stopped and looked at me and then smiled. "Have fun."

"I always do." I smiled back and felt it in that moment—things were okay again.

"Can we go see the cows?" Beth helped us carry our garbage to the trash bin and toss it in.

"Actually, they're bulls, I think." TJ tossed his empty soda container in.

"Yes, very twisted bulls." Ronnie snorted as TJ slipped his arms around her from behind. He nuzzled her ear and I saw more than heard him whisper, "I love you."

She turned in his arms, kissing him lightly. "I love you, too."

"Are you ready to go see some crazy cows?" I asked Beth, watching her watch her parents. Her eyes were as glued to them as mine were.

"Bullcows," she corrected me, taking my hand and swinging it as we walked. "Let's go!"

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>^,,^<

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-Selena