Be All That You Seem Ch. 06

Jane awoke, alone. Abigail had clearly disappeared sometime in the past couple of hours or so. Jane guessed that the rules for lesbians were no different for heterosexual encounters, but she did miss being able to lie here with the first woman she had had sex with and maybe have breakfast or brunch together. Jane then thought about Tori. Of course, her encounter with her had only been in a dream, not reality and in actuality she may have behaved very different. Jane picked up the little note Abigail had left, 'J, thank you Mistress, your servant, A'. It was clear that Abigail had a clear take on sexuality and was out for someone to direct her. Whilst this had been fine and probably, Jane realised, had lifted some of the pressure on herself to perform perfectly, she did not feel it was something she could sustain beyond a few hours. Maybe that was why Abigail had left so early. Of course, Jane could go back to the club or any other and find another one-night stand. She certainly did not have to worry about getting pregnant as a result. However, she realised, that while it was clear, even if she had not known it before, that sex with women was what got her off, she was coming to understand that what she was needing was a girlfriend; someone not just to wake up with after great sex, but to spend the whole day with.

Was that unusual? Was that not what millions of women in London were searching for? Well, they might not be searching for a girlfriend of course. Jane idly began thinking about the odds. She had gone from searching a pool of five million men, of course many of whom would be too old, too young, married, etc., but anyway there must be five million men in London, to a pool of one-in-ten women who were lesbians. That meant, say five hundred thousand women that would be interested in a female sexual partner. Out of these, of course, again, many would be too old, too young, these days even married or okay, in a civil partnership. It did mean, though there were still probably thousands of women she might get on with and she only needed one of those. The issue was, well, with men, most of them you could ask out, if you had the courage or they would chat you up. Even before the recent changes in her life that had happened only occasionally, but how did you find a lesbian? As a straight woman you could often be lazy as so many men felt it was their task to initiate a relationship. Of course, many of those men who did try that were ones you would run a mile from. However, if the relationship was between two women who made the first move? The butch? And then what if you did not want a butch? To some extent Jane had played that role last night, but Abigail had been the one driving the encounter.

Maybe she had seen the answer already. She had to look like a lesbian, not just when in a lesbian club, but during chance encounters on the underground, in shops, etc. Then again she had no desire to walk around with a 'Nobody Knows I'm A Lesbian' teeshirt on all the time; she had class. She had taken some steps towards looking like the hallucinations she had seen in the mirror, but maybe not enough. She needed to signal to those in the know without shouting it out. She got up and walked over to her dresser. She pulled on her dressing gown as she did. She sat on the seat gazing at herself trying to remember the image she had seen of herself in it in the past. She was happy that the hallucinations had gone. There had been something else about them that she hardly remembered now, was it what Tori or Steph had said about her appearance? She could not remember it now; it did not matter. Anyway, maybe what she could recall of those images would help her. She grasped the back of her hair and lifted it clear of her neck. Certainly a shorter cut would be good. As it was she had had this style as long as she could remember. And earrings. She had no fear of piercings, it was just she had stuck to the standard one in each ear, maybe a few more would suit. Her wardrobe needed filling, skirts and blouses had to go, she needed more jeans, more tight tops, more boots, more belts and some jewellery, not masculine stuff but things with strength, some silver rings, a nice metal necklace, steel and silver not gold. She needed something better for work too. A strong corporate style suit would be good for seeing off those lazy, arrogant men in her office. And, if by chance, Tori happened to come past her desk then she might see Jane's attitudes had shifted.

Jane felt a real enthusiasm coming to her. She felt strong, as if she had got her membership and even if someone came up to her in a shop and said something like 'you don't belong in here, you're not a lesbian', as if they would, she could now snap back, 'only hours ago I had a woman between my thighs licking me to orgasm, so there!' Of course, Jane realised, none of this would mean a girlfriend would drop into her lap, but at least she would be signalling to prospective ones that she was available. She recognised she was a beginner and lacked the 'gaydar' that she had heard about, but at least if she gave the outward appearance of being a lesbian then she would stand a better chance than she did now.

****

Sonya felt she needed an evening out, though she did warn herself to go carefully on the drinks, she had no desire to have a repeat visit to the hospital. Though, she conceded, if there were more nurses there like Marianne it would be nice to go back. She was keen to go on a date with the young nurse, but knew that might not happen until weeks from now. It might turn out that they did not hit it off anyway, and so, Sonya felt she could go out and see what women she could encounter without any sense of guilt. How many exchanged phone numbers ever actually turned into dates?

Sonya felt a real buzz about going out. She put on some nice baggy shiny grey trousers and a short, tight black top that she liked, plus her black thick-soled boots. She could be just another female clubber, but her tattoos marked her out as something special. She hoped that would make it easier to attract the right kind of woman. As she came ever closer to the club, Sonya realised that actually she was pretty hungry for some sex. It seemed like so long since she could remember having a good session. Standing in the short queue to get in, Sonya found herself slipping further into predatory mode and began actively checking out women around her. She spotted one in a clinging white long-sleeved buttoned top and sleek leather trousers of a dark brown shade. Her hair was dark and short and less shaped than Sonya's. Though they would not be butch and femme together Sonya felt this woman could complement her pretty well. There was nothing to lose by finding out, and once, inside Sonya targeted her.

"Hi, I like your trousers." Sonya started, a little hesitant.

The woman turned and smiled. Sonya guessed that a woman alone in a place like this was not going to be too offended if women came up to her. The woman looked probably eight years older than herself, but with an air about her that seemed to balance experience with a desire to see and do more that appealed to Sonya.

"Thank you. That's a cool bracelet."

The woman indicated the stainless steel bracelet Sonya had around her wrist. She could not remember where she had got it from, but she liked it and was glad she had worn it.

"Thanks, I'm Sonya."

"I'm Carole. I'm getting a drink, what would you like?"

"Erm, a, erm, I'll have a," Sonya found that she wanted to say port, but that sounded odd, "give me a vodka, keep it a single though. I had a bit of a bad incident last week?"

"Yes? Hangover?" Carole smiled in a way that Sonya found she liked.

Carole turned away briefly to place Sonya's order and take her own drink which Sonya saw was also vodka.

"No, I was stepping off the kerb and a car clipped me; woke up in hospital."

"Well, this week, I'll take care of you." Carole paid and handed Sonya her glass. "Come on, let's find somewhere." Carole suggested.

Sonya found she felt safe with Carole and that was a good sensation. For some reason, all of this, the club, her out looking for a woman seemed a little strange. She wondered if the accident last week had shaken her up more than she had realised. She felt alright physically, it was just, well, that she was a little apprehensive. There was no denying she needed sex, but perhaps tonight someone like Carole was a better bet than the more wild women she would normally have gone for. As they sat down with their drinks, Sonya admired Carole's slim body and began wondering what it would be like to peel off that top and nuzzle her breasts. There was nothing wrong with her, Sonya told herself, if those kind of thoughts were coming to mind.

Sonya had worried that they would have little to talk about, but soon they found they liked the same kind of movies and even fancied the same type of women. Carole was well travelled and Sonya enjoyed hearing her stories of going around the USA, Germany and Russia. Sonya spoke of her own plans for Goa and was soon turned on to a visit to Berlin by Carole's description of the night scene. Now she was earning more, she was sure she could afford a few little trips before the big one.

Sonya soon knew that she wanted to have sex with Carole, but did not want to be too pushy. Carole seemed to be on the same wavelength though and when she revealed she had a flat not far from the club, Sonya tried not to sound too eager, but also not too coy either and soon they were walking back there. As Carole's hand cupped Sonya's bum she quivered pleasurably. All of this felt surprisingly new to her, which was a little surprising. Sonya had always known she was a lesbian and had never been ashamed of it. She had memories of pleasurable encounters, with a Lisa and a Mel, and a woman called Marly, a German student she had met a couple of summers ago. However, what was happening now seemed a lot more real. She was not complaining of course, she told herself, if it felt better than before, what was there to worry about, she should not upset things by analysing them too much.

They entered the flat and hesitated at the door to kiss. Carole hurried ahead then to put on some low lights. Sonya padded into the living room. The flat was cool, quite bare, but she liked that. There was a dark sheepskin rug on the floor and she was eager to be spread out on that, or perhaps the long 'L'-shaped leather sofa, she could not choose.

"Vodka?" Carole called from the kitchen.

"Yes, yes, please." Sonya called.

"There's only soft things to fall on here." Carole said as she walked back with two small glasses of vodka and a bottle that looked ice cold, all balanced on a silver tray.

Carole placed them on a low table and lowered herself on to the sheepskin. Sonya did likewise, loving the feel of the wool on her bare arms. Sonya lounged not really knowing what to do next. Carole slipped her top over her head and then undid her bra. Her breasts looked perfect to Sonya and she sat gazing at them, eager to touch Carole's skin but still surprisingly nervous. Carole took some vodka in her mouth but rather than reaching forward to kiss Sonya she dipped her finger inside her mouth and then painted some body warmth vodka around each of her nipples. Sonya found herself plunging forward and closing her mouth around a nipple. She gasped as tasted the alcohol and then felt the weight of the nipple hard on her tongue. Carole rolled back and Sonya came on top of her, kissing her exposed flesh. Carole's fingers tugged at Sonya's trousers. Her own feet twisted together to try to remove her boots. Sonya arched up and twisted to free Carole of her boots and then to begin tugging at her wonderfully smooth leather trousers. Then she decided she wanted to ride those and quickly pulled at her own looser trousers.

"That's more like it." Carole muttered.

Sonya realised that was a reference to the fact that she had been in the process of entirely stripping Carole and yet had not shed any items of her own. Sonya rolled off Carole and quickly shed her boots, trousers and panties. Then she remounted her partner gliding over the shiny leather as she realised she had been fantasising about this from the moment she had seen Carole in them. Sonya slid back and forth across Carole's leathered legs, then bent over so her pussy lips brushed over the smooth surface. She shivered pleasurably. Then Carole reached up and grasped the small of Sonya's back with one hand then brushed the back of her other hand back and forth over Sonya's lower lips until they were unfolding like a flower. Sonya cast her head back savouring the sensation. She came up on her haunches and then unzipped the front of Carole's trousers and sent fingers probing deep inside between Carole's hot thighs.

Sonya found Carole's sex unsurprisingly hot and wet and she mimicked Carole's own actions on her. When Carole trapped Sonya's clitoris between her fingers, Sonya did the same and felt they were locked in some kind of feedback loop running pleasure between them. Then Sonya broke the connection. Carole did not protest as Sonya peeled off her trousers and pants to leave her naked. Then Sonya slid back up Carole's leg, hers either side of it. Her knee gently pressed into position on Carole's pussy as her fingers grasped and fondled Carole's nipples. Carole raised her own leg so her knee also butted against Sonya's slick sex. She reached out to grasp Sonya's breasts and they began, nudging, grasping, twisting, stroking. If one wanted more pressure she signalled it by doing that to the other. Sonya felt locked into a cycle of pleasure, not rushed but stoking up senses in a way she had never felt before. She had no idea of how much time passed but she found herself gasping, trying to hold back from coming until Carole was ready.

Then, breathlessly, Carole said "Now."

The two of them increased the pressure just a little bit and slumped together shuddering as their hot slick bodies slid over each other. They convulsed, shrieking their pleasure that had been built up so skilfully. Sonya felt dazed knowing that this orgasm was like none she had had in her life before. She rolled off Carole and lay beside her aware of the thumping of both hers and her own heart. Sonya was prone, catching her breath, letting the sweat feel cool on her body. Her hand wandered idly and buffeted Carole's nearest nipple. Carole reached out and returned the favour then turned over and with her mouth close to her Sonya's ear.

"Ready for some more?"

Sonya could not believe this was real, but she put up no resistance as Carole slid her thigh between Sonya's legs. The strong sleek weight was delicious and Sonya bent to trap it, to use it as the fuel for more pleasure.

Sonya walked into work feeling as if there was a cushion of air beneath her feet. Her body ached of course and she doubted whether she would walk quite the same ever again. The one-night, sorry, two-night stand with Carole had been astounding. Sonya felt like there had been decades of orgasms somehow built up in her and released beneath Carole's skilled, fingers, wrist, tongue, thigh, elbow, dildo, vibrator ... It was not the basis of a sustained relationship, at the end of the day they seemed too different. However, Sonya was making no complaints at all about the incredible feelings that had been fired into her that weekend.

Carole had driven her to work first thing, she seemed to know where the call centre was very precisely. She had to go off to see about a new job herself she said. She gave Sonya no number and to be honest Sonya had not expected it. They had had fun; that was it. She would find someone else for a relationship, she felt sure. What she did feel at the moment though was that she had really defined herself as a serious sexual lesbian, with a whole lot of experience up her ..., well, not 'up her sleeves' on a sleeveless top, say, down her jeans. It gave her a real buzz, a real confidence to go out and find some more. As she walked into the centre, this morning, however, she caught sight of her manager, Neil Spencer.

"Sonya, it's been good to have you back. It seemed like ages while you were away. I almost forgot what you looked like. Come into my office for a quick minute."

Sonya did as he asked, a little apprehensive he was going to make a fuss about her missing work the previous week. She had hoped she had made up for it by keeping her head down this week. There were no signs now that she had even had an accident. He offered her a seat which Sonya took as a good sign that this was going to be a slightly long meeting than he would have needed if he was just sacking her.

"Sonya, I must say that me and Leanne have been very impressed with your work. It was after that woman came down from head office, that really it all started. We were going to say something last week, but of course you had the accident. Maybe we didn't notice it much before but when she and I were talking last week about what to do with you being off we realised we both felt the same. We both thought that you have been working so efficiently and your voice on the phone, well, you speak like a woman thirty years older, none of this coarseness of some of the others. That's a compliment, okay? Anyway, we were going to advertise, but we think you deserve a shot at it if you like."

"At what?"

"Recruitment Officer. It means working under Gina in HR, but there's a whole career ladder there if you're interested. We'll pay for the training and Gina's great, she'll bring you on. It'll mean working more on your own initiative, so no more hanging out with the gang on the floor here, but, in exchange, you get more pay, paid holidays and, even better, a company car, nothing grand, but enough to get you round town. You'll be travelling around setting up interviews, dealing with agencies, that kind of thing. Does it sound interesting?"

Sonya had never had an idea what she wanted to do next, but she might as well take more cash and a car while she decided on the next step. Better salary would mean getting out to Goa all that much quicker. She wondered if Marianne fancied Goa. How much leave did nurses get? Since when had she started thinking about holidaying with Marianne? They had not even had their first proper date yet. Maybe she was another component in things seeming to come together for Sonya. Well, why should she not dream? Even if it turned out that Marianne was not the one, the thought of staying in a beach front hut and striding out with her lover, having her hands slowly rubbing suntan oil into her body. Focus, back in the room, there was time enough for fantasising later.

"Yes, yes, Neil, sign me up."

"Excellent. I'll clear it all with Mr. Parwani. Keep that kind of response up and you'll be in my shoes in five years' time. Right, run along to see Gina, you can get all the info straight away."

As she walked to Gina's office, Sonya felt a sudden urge. She needed someone to share this good news with. Marianne came to mind in an instant and with that Sonya recognised something: of course sex might be on the horizon, but with Marianne there seemed to be a lot more on offer too and she told herself that she would be a fool not to even just check back with her to see if she fancied a date. Some of the things Carole had done to her came to mind, but now she saw Marianne's face in the daydream. Sonya shifted awkwardly. Once all of that was sorted she would have to seek out Marianne, but she needed to plan it, not rush in and mess it up. So much to think about. Well, all of this seemed a good sign, but for now she had to douse her libido and her daydreams and rather see what she could do about securing a better job.

****

Jane was a little self-conscious when she walked into the office on the Monday. However, she realised that even if her confidence evaporated now, there were only limited things she could turn back. The enthusiasm on Saturday morning had led her quickly out into town to bring about the changes she had been thinking about. For the thousandth time that morning, she ran her hand a little nervously over the back of her neck. Partly her hesitance was due to the strange physical sensation at not having her hair covering her neck as it had done for so many years. Partly it was because she was conscious that few would mistake her haircut for anything other than one worn by a lesbian. Her hair was now both short and spiky and in turn revealed the three earrings in each lobe and the one resting on the top of her right ear. She found she was holding a her hand over her face, worried that someone would catch the glint of the tiny silver stud on the left side of her nose. She was pleased that the itchy, narrow patterned band now tattooed on her left arm was hidden from view. On Saturday she had admired the twirling, flower like design, but now she worried she had marked herself out irrevocably.