Beating RagnarokbyNigel Debonnaire©
Hank was just sitting at his computer, browsing the latests Facebook entries, when his IM went off. It was Gzinu, a being who claimed to be from a starship cruising the nearby solar systems. It was about six months ago, Hank was cruising the bars and met a guy who was into science fiction as much as he was. He was an ordinary looking guy, much like Hank, slightly above average height and weight, about 20 years younger than Hank's 46, sandy colored hair and blue eyes. After belting back a few drinks, Hank alternating between Dos Equiis and Blue Agave Tequila shots, and his friend switching between Sprite and straight Grenadine, Hank was offered a ride around the block. The next moment, he was looking down on North America from space, a strange three foot tall blue creature beside him. Gzinu flew a single pilot ship, charged with sailing in from a mother ship to check out different planetary systems alone. Hank awakened the next morning with an astounding hangover, a moon rock, and an IM address which kept him in touch with the alien.
HEY, HANK. HOW'S IT HANGIN' was the first message
NOT BAD, YOU?
NOT BAD, BUT THE COMMANDER WON'T LET US TAKE A BREAK FOR 3 WEEKS
HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS
GOT A HEADS UP FOR YOU
YEAH. A GAMMA RAY BURST, COMING YOUR WAY. GETS TO YOUR PLANET IN 8 DAYS.
Hank thought for a few moments and looked up "Gamma Ray Bursts" on Wikipedia. SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
The reply was slow in coming: LOOK, DON'T TELL MY COMMANDER I TOLD YOU THIS, BUT IT WILL BURN OFF YOUR OZONE LAYER, POISON THE WATER, AND BRING ABOUT THE EXTINCTION OF ABOUT 75% OF THE SPECIES ON YOUR PLANET. INCLUDING YOURS.
Hank looked out the window of his third floor apartment in Topeka. Night was settling in on a long summer's day, and the sound of teens running up and down the streets could be heard in a time of low gas prices. SO YOU'RE SAYING I NEED TO GET READY TO MEET MY MAKER.
YEAH, came the reply after a few moments. AND ANYBODY ELSE YOU WANT TO GET ACQUATINED WITH BEFORE THE END OF THE WORLD.
Scratching his testicles, he thought for a moment. ANY CHANCE OF A RIDE OUT OF HERE?
WOULD LOVE TO HELP YOU, BUT MY ASS WOULD BE GRASS. WE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO INTERFERE.
SURELY THERE'S ROOM FOR A COUPLE MORE PEOPLE ON YOUR SHIP. LIKE ME AND KATE WINSLET MAYBE, OR ISABELLA ROSSILINI. . .
LOOK, ISABELLA'S TOO OLD FOR YOU AND YOU WOULD FREAK KATE OUT. LOOK, THINK ABOUT THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO AND GO DO THEM AS FAST AS YOU CAN. THANKS FOR THE NIGHT AT THE BAR, THE UNIVERSE WON'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT SPRITE. GOTTA RUN, BYE.
Hank shut down his IM and sat back in his underwear. The world would end in eight days. Cruising a bar in hopes of finding another alien seemed like a longshot, as would stealing a shuttle from NASA. He realized that all his usual drinking buddies were people he never wanted to see again, as all the women he'd ever dated. The email chimed and he opened it:
Got your last note, you are so damn funny. Loved your last story on Lit., please write another one soon. You make me so hot.
Hank had pounded out a few tales of his favorite wet dreams and few extended sexual exploits for a website. A few people wrote to tell how much they enjoyed his stories; Mary sent him several explicit emails describing her admiration of his work and how she wished they would happen to her. She'd only sent one picture, but she was an attractive woman close to his age, blond and beautiful. An inspiration hit him:
Thanks for the love. I'm heading your direction, will be there in three days, two if the lights are right. The world's about to end and I need to fuck you. Will write en route.
He threw some clean clothes into a bag with some basic toiletries, and ran out the door, taking his laptop, iPhone, credit cards and favorite music, leaving the front door open and starting the call less than 5 minutes after sending the e-mail.
A quick stop at a convenience store secured a supply of stimulants and food, and he was on his way.
As he drove he thought: I don't have to care about how much I spend, the credit cards will never come due. When I get to D.C. it'll be a five star hotel and room service. His iPhone dinged and he checked his email:
"What the hell are you thinking? I can't just drop everything and meet you. I would like to meet you someday. What's this about the world coming to an end?"
Hank didn't want to die before the end of the world trying to text or send an email while driving, so when he needed a pit stop in eastern Missouri, he sent out another note.
"Remember my friend from the far side of the galaxy? He says we're going to get hammered in eight days. Won't help us other then send word ahead. So what do you say? Want to see the end of the world with me?"
He continued his wild ride into the wee hours and crossed the Mississippi north of St. Louis. He passed Illinois by daybreak, and needed a break when he reached Indianapolis.
Finding a nice place on the Interstate, he found another email from Mary:
"Yes, I remember you talking about a guy named Zeenu. Wild story, do you really expect me to believe it? For all I know, you've finally gotten your Viagra shipment and want to test it out."
Taking his last moments of consciousness, he wrote back:
"If I just wanted to get laid, I could do that a lot more easily and a lot closer to home, Hell, I could hire a pro. The End of the World I want to spend with someone special, and no, I haven't gone off my Prozac."
After hitting the send button, his head hit the pillow for seven hours.
Awakening in the afternoon, he rushed to check out and gas up his car. Another email hit:
"All right, I believe something big is up. Let me know where you are, I'll work something out to get away from home. If this is bullshit, I can always tell my family I went insane."
Swinging southward from Indy, he went by Cincinnati and traversed Kentucky and West Virginia before running out of steam in Charlottesville, Virginia. Finding a place to stay, he set up his laptop and made some reservations before sending another message:
"I'm in Charlottesville, will be in DC tomorrow noon. Meet me at the Hilton as soon as you can and expect to get naked quickly."
As he raced northward, she answered saying she would be ready for him. The day was growing more sultry over the Nation's Capital, the people responsible for making the Country operate went through their paces as though nothing were wrong, news programs reported national and international news, but no hints from science desks that something big was on the way.
Hank found the Hilton, reserved a room for a week, ordered steak and lobster, and settled in for his guest. She arrived around 1:30: a woman of medium height, blonde, brown eyes in a delicate face, with elegant curves below and perfect shaped teardrop breasts under her sleeveless blouse. He came down to meet her when she called up to his room.
"Well, this is who you are, Hank Smith. Never thought I'd ever meet you."
"Same here Mary Moses. You're gorgeous, better than I hoped."
She blushed and turned away. "I'm not that pretty."
Coming forward, he grasped her hand and kissed it. "I'm going to make you feel beautiful for the rest of my life."
"Really?" she said, her eyes huge with disbelief.
"Yeah. It's only going to be five more days. Let's get upstairs."
He scooped her into his arms and carried her upstairs. After opening the door, he carried her into the room and dropped her on the king-sized bed. It was a huge room, with a table set with a massive meal by the balcony, a bottle of champagne on ice, and candles. "A girl could get used to this," she observed, "but what's all this about the world ending?"
Hank shook his head. "Look, I wouldn't have gone to all this trouble if I didn't believe Gzinu. Hasn't let me astray yet. The details don't matter, you really don't want the know the details of what's about to happen. We're in a lovely place to watch the world go away, and in the meantime, we have nothing else to do but eat, sleep, drink and fuck. Can you think of a better thing to do now?"
Smiling, Mary shook her head no, and started to unbutton her blouse. Hank refused to let her go that slowly, ripping her blouse from her body, then her bra, shorts, panties and shoes. His own clothes came off his body as quickly, and he was aroused and ready to meet her. Like an animal he attacked her body, kissing and fondling, massaging her breasts and licking her ears, stroking her buttocks and fingering her clit, as she slowly found her penis and began to stroke its growing hardness to perfection.
Within two minutes, they were sixty nine, their tongues frantically exploring each other's groins, clenched together desperate for each other's touch. Soon, he flipped her around and penetrated, working like a monk after 60 years celibacy, eager to burn all the passion as quickly as he could.
They lay together and looked in each other's eyes. "Is this really. . ."
He kissed her mouth to still her and looked in her eyes. "Yes. Let's make the most of what we have."
And Ragnarök found them together naked, bound to each other in body and soul, oblivious to the fall of the World around them.