Beauty Meets her Beast Ch. 05

We're picking up right where we left off, so to recap:

As we entered, I saw HER immediately.

She was a tall woman, beautiful with long dark curls cascading down her back. Her dress was of gossamer white lace, the hem embroidered with roses. Her mouth was quirked up in a half smile, one brow arched as if she were asking a question, or possibly daring someone to tell her she didn't belong. No one could have said that to this woman; her natural aura of grace and confidence was unmistakable. I turned to look at Adam, and his face had gone deathly white, his hand clamping down hard on mine. He looked as if he'd seen a ghost, and as he spoke, I realized how appropriate that was. He stared at the beautiful woman and uttered a single word.

"Regina."

*****

"Regina, what the hell are you doing here?" Adam dropped my arm and strode across the room to the woman. "You promised never to come back! You swore to me!" He was fuming, his face red with rage.

The woman - Regina? - smiled.

"I've changed my mind, Adam darling." She spoke with a little tinkling laugh, as if the whole thing was just far too amusing.

My heart was hammering against my ribcage; my head felt light and dizzy. Regina was dead, she was dead, so who was this woman?

"Damn it, Regina, you SWORE!" Adam grabbed her shoulder roughly, but she shook his hand off.

"Hands off, you beast! Lest you've forgotten, I am still your wife by law, and a proper lady! I'll thank you to treat me with the respect such a position commands." Her head gave a haughty little toss, and she looked my way for the first time. "What's this then, a dalliance with a servant girl? How trite. Adam darling, you could do better." She laughed dismissively, and my heart sank in my chest. What was going on? How could this woman be Regina?

"Ignore her, Belle," said Adam to me. Of course it was impossible for that to happen. My brain buzzed with questions, but my confusion silenced me. "Why have you come back?" he asked Regina. "Surely your gardener can't have grown tired of you already." Gardener? What was going on? Regina turned to Mrs. Delvers and indicated her trunks.

"Del, darling, won't you bring these up to my room? His lordship and I will be finishing our conversation there, in privacy." She cast a glance in my direction as she spoke, and then swept from the room in a cloud of rose scent. "Come join me when you get rid of the little scullery maid," she said to Adam at the door, then continued upstairs.

"Belle," he turned to me. His expression was pleading.

"I don't understand," I said thickly. "Your wife is dead."

"Sit down," he said, gesturing toward the settee. "I'll explain as best I can." Obediently I sat, and Lord August sat beside me, taking my hand into his lap and holding it.

"Regina never loved me, as I've told you. I didn't think she was capable of love. We had an agreement though, that she would act the part so long as I gave her what she wanted, and I would be spared the humiliation of divorce. The people would never have the same respect for their lord if I were to go against the church and divorce her, do you understand?" I nodded, though I wasn't sure I did. He continued, "Our arrangement worked well for a few years, if she had affairs she was discreet about them, and no one ever suspected we were anything less than perfectly happy in our marriage. Then the unthinkable happened: Regina fell in love.

"Not with me, of course, but with a common gardener. She'd invite him to her bed, they coupled on the grounds, everywhere. I knew about it but dismissed it, thinking she would tire of him soon as she did everyone else. She became careless, putting herself in positions where she might get caught. Eventually I approached her about it. She laughed in my face, told me she loved him. She wanted to leave with him, to live far away from me and be truly happy in her love. I couldn't let her flaunt her affair so publicly, though my heart ached to be rid of her. We plotted a story, and she agreed to it: we would fake her death. In return for my helping her and giving her money to start her new life, she swore she would never return, and would live far away under an assumed name to relieve suspicion.

"She left in the middle of the night, and her lover and I sent her little boat out, setting up the scene of her 'death'. It worked perfectly, even Mrs. Delvers didn't suspect the ruse. She left and I haven't heard from her in years. I don't know why she's come back now, unless she's run out of money or simply grown tired of her gardener, finally. I'll find a way to get rid of her, and things can go on as planned. This changes nothing, Belle."

"Things cannot go on as planned," I objected. My mind was muddled from the events of the evening but on one thing I was perfectly clear. "You're still married to her! I cannot marry another woman's husband! You've deceived me so cruelly." My eyes were filling with tears despite my best efforts. How foolish I had been!

"No, Belle, She has never been a wife to me, and I am sure she does not mean to be one now. You are the one I want by my side, the one I need," his voice was urgent, his eyes boring into mine. "Only a small piece of paper declares she and I bound, but never our actions, and this," he raised my hand to his chest, placing it over his heart, "Belongs to you." I was moved by his words, but I could not give in.

"No," I whispered. "Your heart may be yours to give at will, but your hand in marriage is not." I withdrew my hand from his, though it broke my heart to do so. "I'm sorry."

Lord August stared into the fire.

"I am a fool," he said.

"Please, I have to go," I pleaded. "I cannot stay here." He said nothing, but continued staring into the fire. The urge to escape was overwhelming, and I made to turn to my room, but reconsidered. Why should I stay here? How could I stay here? In a few hours, the situation had changed so drastically. I could not remain in this castle with his wife. I had brought nothing with me when I'd come to the castle, save my clothes, and those were long gone. There was nothing to stop me from leaving right now. The dress I had on was ill-suited for traveling, but I didn't care at that moment. Instead of walking to the stairs, I walked to the great doors, turning to look at Adam - Lord August - one last time.

"Goodbye." I whispered, then opened the door and walked outside. I closed the doors firmly, leaving him still sitting and staring. Some small part of me hoped he'd come running after me as he usually did when I left him, but I walked ahead firmly, my head held high and not looking back. He didn't follow.

*

My family welcomed me home with surprise and cheer, happy to see their daughter and sister home again. I am sure my somber mood seemed strange to them, given that I was finally home. They asked question after question about my time with Lord August, though they eventually stopped when they grew tired of my short answers. My father pulled me aside one day to ask, very evasively, if I had been ill-used by his lordship, but I assured him I had not, and that seemed to satisfy his curiosity. I didn't elaborate on the exact circumstances of our time together. I threw myself into the farm work, toiling dawn till dusk to distract my thoughts from what had almost been. After a time, our routines became settled again and life went on as it had before the great rose debacle. My heart was heavy and aching every day, but I put on a smile for them, and for the villagers.

*

"We're getting new neighbors!" gasped Mary as she came dashing through the door one day. My sisters had loved gossip back in our old life, as once they settled into their new circumstances they were no different. Whether it was a ball or barn-raising, new ballgown or new broad mare, they enjoyed knowing what other people were up to. The house next to our little farm had been vacant since we'd moved in. "A family with a son - our age!" she elaborated. Margaret had been receiving special attention from the smith's apprentice and we were all assuming he'd ask for her hand as soon as he was able to open up his own forge. Mary had been rather keen of late to find her own suitor, flirting with and rejecting most of the lads in town save the merchant's son, who was already betrothed to a distant cousin. She spent much time mooning over their supposed love affair and how tragic it all was. Privately I suspected she didn't really care one way or another for the boy, but merely enjoyed painting herself the star-struck heroine of the story. It was harmless either way and we let her have her amusement.

"Good, about time that land was put to proper use." Father had taken to farming like a duck to water, and he often grumbled about the 'waste of fine, tillable soil' next door. "And perhaps one of my girls will catch this son's eye, hmm?" he smiled at Mary and I, though catching any lad's eye was the last thing on my mind. Mary giggled and flushed, apparently forgetting her one true love. Ever since Margaret had hinted she might be pursuing a more serious commitment with the smith's apprentice Father had taken it into his head that all three of his daughters should marry, and soon. It made sense; any girl who waited too long past her prime would swiftly be labeled an old maid, and any father would want to know his daughters would be taken care of should something happen to him.

Within the week our new neighbors appeared, and we sisters brought them a jar of our raspberry preserves to welcome them. They were a cheerful couple, obviously used to farm work, who had come from a smaller village and a smaller farm. They'd been successful there and hoped to be even more so here. Their son Gavin was a strapping young man, quick to smile and eager to escort us girls home when the time came. Margaret walked ahead contentedly, smiling the satisfied smile of one who's future was decided while Mary and I each took one of Gavin's arm at his insistence.

"I must be the luckiest man in town, a beautiful woman on each arm!" he declared jovially. Mary smiled and flushed and flirted, but to my dismay he seemed to focus more of his attention on me. I tried to discourage him with short answers.

"I hear you have been out traveling of late, Belle" he said.

"Mmm." I nodded my head, but made no further response. My father and sisters had decided, after my abrupt departure, to give out word that I had gone to visit relatives rather than expose the true reason.

"Anywhere interesting?" pursued Gavin.

"Not particularly."

"It must be lovely to be back home again."

"Mmm."

After several more such exchanges, as our house drew in to sight, he appeared to give in and diverted his attention to the very willing Mary. She gaily trilled excited little responses to his questions, batting her lashes and clinging to his arm with both her hands. I wondered why I should be so reluctant to accept another man's attentions. Lord August was gone from my life. I could no more cling to that future than I could the blizzard's snow which had first entwined our fates. Like the snow, it had melted away. By all rights I should be looking for a suitable husband of my own, I did not wish to be a burden on my father. This Gavin was as suitable as any. He could not compare to my lord, no, but what man could?

"Do you ride, Gavin?" I asked, pulling his attention back to me. He latched on to the topic eagerly, his attentions wholly focused on me again, as Mary pouted.

"I love to ride, but find it rather dull without company." He smiled at me, and I could almost forgive him for not being Lord August. He had a very winning smile. "Perhaps you might give me the pleasure of yours one afternoon?"

"Perhaps," I said, dropping my eyes and imitating my sisters when they were being coy. I felt a fool, but perhaps with practice it would come more easily. We reached the door to our house and he managed to procure from me the promise of a ride two days hence before he left. Mary was giving me meaningful looks as we entered the house.

"Well, well, aren't we friendly?" It was good-natured; she could never hold a grudge for long and Gavin had given her little encouragement other than his standard good manners. She raced off, presumably to fill in Margaret, while I retreated to the room we girls shared to mull over my feelings.

I could not be a burden on my father. I could not marry the man I truly loved. There were no other options open to me but marriage to another or the convent, and I had never been particularly devout. I resolved to allow Gavin to court me, if that was his intention, and accept if he proposed. I realized I was quite probably getting ahead of myself and that an invitation to ride together was not a marriage engagement, but if nothing else I could use the practice at flirting with the opposite sex. Hopefully that was not too unfair to him.

Time sped by quickly and soon it was the date and time of our appointed ride. As I readied myself I couldn't help but reminisce on the many hours I'd spent preparing myself for the daily rides with Lord August. Of course, I had no fineries to change into here, nor a maid who would have a hot bath drawn to ease my tender muscles after the exercise. I halted my comparisons there, for Gavin stood no chance against the memory of Lord August.

While I'd been in the castle, my father had procured a little mare to pull the cart to market. She was no lady's horse, but she would do for a ride through the country side with a fellow farmer. I wondered if it was foolish of me to begin trying to know Gavin better during the same activity Lord August and I used to do. I'd so looked forward to afternoon rides with him; they were some of the times I'd felt closest. He'd always seemed more relaxed on horseback, and more willing to answer questions and make light conversation. Now I would ride with a stranger and ask many of the same questions again. Gavin of course did not have a wife or marriage to keep hidden from me, and his open nature suggested that he would not turn and run from whatever I asked.

I saddled the mare, Hester, and rode to Gavin's thinking wistfully of the riding Jasper and I had done with his lordship. If I was going to give Gavin a chance I needed to put those thoughts from my mind. It was unfair to him and to myself to linger over those memories. I would not think of Lord August, I resolved. I would become more acquainted with Gavin in the typical manner of young men and ladies, through conversation. At least with him I felt quite sure that he would not be driven through anger and rage to attack me. Lord August's behavior had been a deviation from the normal - but no. I would not think about him now.

I pasted a smile on my face as Hester and I trotted up to Gavin, who was waiting and ready on a brown gelding of his own. We exchanged greetings and set off at a leisurely walk down the lane, Gavin making inquiries about the local favorite spots for riding. I suggested near the river, purposely picking the direction opposite the castle. Gavin cheerfully agreed and we eased the horses into a trot and then a canter as I pointed out the way. We watered the horses and let them rest once we reached the river. Hester was quite content to munch the grass, having done more riding today than she typically got in a week.

Gavin proposed a rest for ourselves under the shade of a nearby tree grove, and as the day was unseasonably warm I readily consented. Gavin asked the usual questions: how long had we lived in Eastwatch, did we like it, where had we lived before, and I in turn asked the same of him. He told me some humorous stories about his last home and friends, and it turned out to be not at all unpleasant to sit with him. He took no liberties, beyond the offer of an arm to escort me or a hand to help me up, he didn't touch me. Soon the afternoon had passed and we had to return home; farm life did not allow for leisurely rides and dinners as my time with Lord August had. He insisted on seeing me home safely, and Father met us at the stables with an invitation to Gavin to come for dinner the following evening. He agreed and things were settled.

Mary was dying of curiosity about my time with Gavin. As we shelled peas for our dinner she peppered them throughout our preparation.

"Do you not think he is very charming? And so amiable," she gushed.

"Very charming and amiable," I agreed.

"Handsome, too," she continued.

"He is."

"He'd doubtless make a fine husband." She'd abandoned the peas at this point, intent on drawing me into her conversation.

"Mmm." I focused on the task at hand, unwilling to join her in singing his praises. He was a fine man, but I saw no point in getting carried away at this point in our acquaintance.

"You must feel so lucky that he wants to spend more time with you," she persisted.

"Perhaps he merely felt it would be rude to turn down Father's invitation."

"His family has barely settled in and he's spending all this time with you out of politeness? I doubt it, Belle." She placed a hand on mine, stilling my actions. "There's nothing wrong with having the affections of a handsome man, you know. He would be a good match for you."

I nodded but could not elaborate more. Mary was right, and I knew it, but my heart still wasn't moved.

*

Dinner with Gavin and my family was a small but happy affair; he was courteous to Father and my sisters, but he continued to lavish the bulk of his attentions on me. A small part of me felt flattered by his actions, even if I did not know how to properly return them. I made an effort to answer his questions more fully and inquire as to whether he'd eaten enough, making the displays of concern for his well-being that at least did come naturally to me. If I put aside the obvious connotations of his focus on me and looked on him as a guest in our home I found it easier. By the end of the meal I was playing the gracious hostess, pressing a small basket of fresh produce from our garden on him to take home. He asked if I might like to go for a walk, and I consented.

"Where do you see yourself, Belle?" he asked as we covered our limited grounds, making turns about the garden. "In the future I mean, what do you want out of life?"

"I suppose a husband, children, the usual things."

"Farm life?" he asked.

"I suppose."

"That's the future I want as well. I'd like to set up somewhere on my own, away from my parents and try to run things myself. Of course I'd need someone to help me, and my parents have been hinting that it's high time I take a wife."

"I see." My stomach was twisting, despite my determination to give him a chance, I wasn't prepared for things to progress this quickly. To my relief, he changed the subject, remarking on our lovely flower bed that had been my pet project since I'd come home. There were no roses, only ordinary run-of-the-mill flowers: pansies, daisies, violets, and other brightly colored but simple blossoms. I adored it. My one-time desire for roses had completely evaporated and I took great pride in the very ordinariness of my flowers.

"I would love a little home with a little flower bed like this to come to at the end of a hard day's work," said Gavin. He dropped more hints the rest of our walk but made no official offer, much to my relief.

Days went by and Gavin became something of a regular in our home. He charmed Father and my sisters, bringing sweet treats for all of us girls, or a bunch of wildflowers he'd gathered. I grew fond of him, but whatever my head might tell my heart about his good nature and the happy future we could have together, it remained unmoved. While I began to care for him as a friend I couldn't feel the passion that I had felt for Lord August. I wondered if the physical contact with Lord August had enhanced things, or perhaps even been the source of the love itself. If I were to kiss Gavin, would the fire spread through my body as it did for him? If Gavin pressed me against a wall, asserting his control over me, would I find it arousing? I could never picture him behaving in such a way.