Beauty Meets her Beast Ch. 06

Sorry for the delay! I've wanted to write every day, I just haven't had the time. I'll start working on 7 right away though, so hopefully that will be up a lot sooner. Enjoy!

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"I don't understand, Belle." My father rubbed his temple. "Why would you want to go back? Willingly?"

"I... grew fond of Lord August during our time together, and I'd like to visit him again. It would be the polite thing to do." I would not run off and leave my family wondering what had become of me, but nor could I reveal my true reasoning for the visit. Father would be sure to declare it an act of impropriety, and my silly sisters would latch onto the potential match like dogs with a bone, worrying it down till they had the entire wedding ceremony planned out. The mortification of his secret would be more than I could bear to share.

"Fond? Was he leading you on, child? You are certain he did not force himself on you?"

"No Father." My mind guiltily went back to that afternoon in the stables when Lord August pressed me against the wall, his manhood pushing against me, seeking entrance. If I confessed this to Father he'd never let me out of his sight again. "We had many literary conversations, and he allowed me full use of his library." This at least was true.

"Is that why you want to go back? For books? Our farm is doing better now, Belle. If you have need of a new book or two I am certain we can spare a bit of money. You need not put yourself at the mercy of that monster again." Father shook his head, frowning. "I don't understand it, child, but if you truly feel safe and honor-bound to pay this man a visit I will not forbid it."

"I feel it would be only proper, after our time together. It wouldn't be the same as before. I wish only to see him for a day, perhaps two, and by my own choice, not under duress." I hoped my reasoning would be enough for Father. He nodded glumly, but voiced no further objections, and I left for my room to make preparations. Into a little haversack I placed a spare dress - no fine gowns for me this time - and a hunk of bread and cheese, for the journey. I did not know if I would be welcome to stay at the castle as I had before, but it was best to be prepared for anything. I wondered if I was making a the correct choice, returning. I knew Lord August's circumstances would not have changed, and nor had my mind on the subject of our marriage. Yet I needed further explanation of his behavior to satisfy me. How could he have deceived me up to the point of marriage for so long?

A small part of me was hopeful that the return of Regina would prove too much for him, and he would finally seek divorce. It would be detrimental to the people of our realm, and was a terrible, selfish wish. The church would exile him, the people would lose respect, but he would be free of his wife and able to follow his heart - to me. But could I marry a man who had lied to me, about such serious matters? Even if he was free from her could I forgive him for the transgressions committed against me? I felt the only way to know for certain was to see him and seek answers. I tucked my little haversack next to the bed and prepared myself for a night's rest. My stomach was bubbling with nerves over the trip I would take in the morning. I hardly slept, and as soon as the sun's rays began peeking over the horizon I rose and set out on my journey.

The path was showing signs of the spring, little shoots of green popping up all over. The air was still chilly though, and I wrapped my shawl around my shoulders tightly, pondering my motives again as I walked. Was I a horrible person to harbor the hope of divorce? For that matter, did I have any self-respect at all if I was willing to forgive and forget the deceit? My heart still loved and longed for Lord August, but my mind was less inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. Who could say what other lies he might have told, or would tell in the future? Even if a divorce happened, and we were married as I'd once hoped, would I ever be able to trust anything he said? His marriage to Regina had appeared to be a sham, and the misery he felt real, but what if he grew tired of me? Would he find a way to move on to another girl during OUR marriage, claiming he was free or that his wife -me- was cold and unaffectionate? My head swam as the sun climbed higher, and sooner rather than later I had reached the castle gates.

With trepidation I pushed them open and let myself in. I followed the road to the doors of the castle, my stomach in knots. All of my earlier misgivings had been founded on the belief that Lord August would see me and let me in. As I arrived at the doors that opened unto the Great Hall a shiver of fear swept over me. What if he was angry I'd come? Perhaps he wouldn't even let me in, but send me on my way without even giving me a chance to talk to him. Dread settled into my guts like a rock. Still, there was no point in having come this way without at least trying, so I pushed open the door and entered the hall.

"Hello?" I called out. "Mrs. Delvers? Lord August?" I stepped further into the hall, swallowing nervously.

"Hello?" I walked over to the fire and warmed my hands, reluctant to enter further without an invite.

"You." A cold voice hissed at me. I whirled from the fire and came face to face with Mrs. Delvers. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared down at me haughtily.

"What are you doing back here?" Her voice was low and menacing. "The mistress has returned, his lordship has no further need of you. You should leave, before I'm forced to call for someone to escort you out." Her eyes narrowed in a flinty glare. Taking a deep breath, I steeled my nerves. I would not be forced out by the housekeeper without even talking to Lord August. If he dismissed me that would be one thing, but I would not allow myself to be pushed around by Mrs Delvers' cruel manipulations again.

"I wish to see his lordship. I will not leave without speaking to him." My calm voice belied my inner turmoil, and I forced myself to raise my chin and put my shoulders back, the better to look the imposing part.

"He doesn't want to see you. He's busy with the Lady Regina." Her eyes darted left and right nervously, and I suspected she was lying.

"Please tell him I am here. If he doesn't wish to see me I will hear it from his lordship himself. I will wait." To demonstrate my point, I sat on the settee, placing my haversack beside me with trembling hands. I quickly buried my hands in the folds of my skirt and returned Mrs. Delvers' gaze. I forced a smile at her, causing her to narrow her eyes even further.

"Why don't you leave?" she snarled. "You'll ruin everything."

"I'll wait." I said again. Ruin everything? Surely she didn't think the union of Lord August and Lady Regina stood any chance of being a happy or productive one? Even if they had made an agreement before and found ways to work around their differences, it was only in appearance; and surely he would despise her even more now that she'd returned. Mrs. Delvers gave a sniff and then left in a huff. I silently congratulated myself on standing my ground. If only I'd done a little more of that in my time before, things might have been very different.

I settled in to wait, extending my shaky hands to the fire to warm them and hopefully still the tremor. I didn't want to appear nervous before Lord August, even though I was. How long would I have to wait?How angry Mrs. Delvers must be!

"Belle."

I knew the voice before I even turned around, from the way the little hairs on my neck all stood up and a shiver swept through me. My body was filled with instant longing, to rush to him and embrace him, to kiss his face and rut like a common farm animal on the floor in front of the fire. I forced myself to rise and turn calmly.

"Lord August." I inclined my head politely.

"I did not think you would come back. I thought I'd never see you again." The settee still separated us as he stood on the other side of it.

"I wished to speak with you, my lord. I thought perhaps I owed you the opportunity to explain yourself further, after my abrupt departure." My heart hammered against my ribs, and I desperately wished to run to him and fling myself in his arms.

"You did leave rather suddenly," Lord August agreed. "I would have provided you with a horse or carriage, or an escort at the very least had you waited."

"You are very kind, my lord, but I felt it was in my-our- best interests if I left sooner." We stared at each other, the silence stretching.

"Sit," he said at last, indicating the settee. "I will ring for tea." I sat, and he departed from the room for a few minutes. Here, at last was my chance to ask him all the questions which I had kept burning inside of me, and I was tongue-tied. Being in his presence again was having more of an effect on me than I'd thought it would. My body wanted to behave like a harlot, my heart wanted to throw itself upon him, and only my overworked mind was insisting that I stay back, keeping a safe space between us, both physically and emotionally.

Presently Lord August returned, the nameless servant in his wake bearing a heavily laden tray. He placed it on the little table in front of the fire and retreated. I busied myself with the process of pouring tea out for us, aware that I was putting off the actual conversation but unable to help myself. I stirred a lump of sugar into Lord August's and extended it to him. He accepted with thanks, and we both silently drank.

"Why did you really come back?" Lord August set his cup down and faced me."I do not believe that you are here now merely for explanation. There is little to be said now that has not already been said. If you came back to declare me a cad who has used you abominably ill, I will not deny it, however let us not wait all day." A muscle twitched in his jaw, beneath the shiny scars I'd become so familiar with.

"You were wrong to treat me so," I said. "You have hurt me deeply with your careless disdain for my feelings, for the sanctity of the marriage you proposed. How could you ask me to be your wife when you already had one? Do you care so little for me that you never considered the importance of a valid and true marriage for me? Am I so easily dismissed that you didn't feel I deserved a real marriage, a real husband?"

"No, Belle, of course not. I have wronged you, and I am so, so sorry." He took my hand in his, the warmth from his large hand engulfing my small one. I stared at our hands, joined together as they might once have been on an altar. "Please, you don't know what it was like for me with Regina. I was miserable, unhappier than I have ever been in my whole life. When she left, I felt like I had gained a measure of freedom, but I knew I could never wed, never have real love in my life. I was freed from her, but sentenced to a life alone. When you came... you made me see light again. I've never felt this way about anyone. I saw you and I wanted you; your body, your mind, your heart. I was so captivated by you and the way you made me feel that I ignored my conscience, my common sense, common decency, come to it. I just wanted to be with you, to possess your heart. I threw what I knew to be true out the window and believed that I could make a new start with you. I truly thought Regina would never come back, and that we could build a life together in peace.

"I know I have wounded you, but if you could find it in your heart to forgive me... Belle, my sweet Belle." He raised my hand to his lips, softly kissing my finger tips. My mind dully registered that I should remove it, keep myself safe from his touches since they affected me so, but I could not bring myself to withdraw my hand. He opened my hand, placing a kiss on my palm, my fingers softly trailing over his smooth scars. "Please Belle. I would do anything for a real chance for us. I don't care about the consequences or what people will say. Damn them and their gossip, all I want is you, at any price." Dropping my hand, he leaned in, his arm encircling my waist as he pulled me closer to him and his lips found mine. I knew I shouldn't, but I returned his kiss, passion melting over me as I ran my hands up his muscled arms. I should pull back, I should stop...

His tongue gently probed forward, slipping alongside mine and bringing to mind other places he'd used it so cleverly. My legs trembled slightly at the memory and Lord August - Adam?- pulled me closer still, deepening the kiss till I was nearly breathless. He was squeezing me to him, my soft thigh nearly atop his own. He broke our prolonged kiss and nudged my head to the side with his, his mouth hot and insistent against my neck. He groaned and bit down delicately, sending a delicious wave of pleasure shooting through me. I tilted my head further, allowing him more access, and he kissed down to my collarbone, his tongue trailing wet heat and his hot breath on my neck causing me to break out in gooseflesh.

His arm moved up my waist, tenderly cupping my breast and letting his hand support the weight of it. He circled my nipple through the fabric with his thumb, and I began to forget all my inhibitions. His fingers worked at the neckline of my dress, not tearing it, but pulling it out and making room for his hand to slip underneath and splay over my breast, feeling heated against my nipple. He resumed the same circling motion, this time without the fabric of my dress getting in the way, and a moan escaped my lips. He leaned in and kissed me again, never slowing or stopping his hand until he pulled it back abruptly and grasped my knee with it. He carefully began easing my legs apart, and the logical part of my brain, leaped back into action, all too aware of what it would mean if he were to separate my legs.

"We shouldn't, my lord." I swallowed nervously, hoping not to anger him. He continued to slowly push my knee. "Please, my lord. You are married." His progress slowed, but did not stop. "Adam." I winced slightly at using his first name, but hoped it would reach through to him better than titles. As much as my body longed for him to continue, I would not be able to live with myself afterward. Indeed, it would be difficult enough to live with what I had already allowed. I flushed hot with the shame of kissing another woman's husband. Adam raised his head, his eyes beseeching me.

"What if I wasn't?" he asked.

"Wasn't what?" I didn't follow his meaning.

"Married. What if I wasn't?"

My heart beat slowly, thudding against my chest as his words sunk in. Did he mean what I thought he was implying?

"I could divorce her. I couldn't have done it before, not for myself, but for you I would." he said.

"I - I hardly know what to say," I stammered.

"Belle. If I divorce her, and I am a free man, would you have me then?" His eyes were earnest and pleading, and selfish happiness swelled inside me. He was all I wanted, and he was offering to remove the only obstacle to our marriage. Would I be a horrible person if I encouraged him by saying yes? I found I no longer cared.

"Yes, yes of course." I smiled despite my shame, and he grinned back at me, leaning in to kiss me. I drew back, turning my head and offering him only my cheek. He brushed his lips softly over it.

"My Belle," he whispered. "Will you stay? Please? I'll have Mrs. Delvers help you settle into your old room. I'll tell Regina. Tonight. Now. Stay, I cannot bear the thought of losing you again." I nodded, too full of joy to leave him now. He kissed my hand and strode from the room with purpose, while I settled back into the settee in a daze.

I had secretly, in my most selfish heart, hoped for this, but I'd never truly thought it would come to pass. There was so much stigma associated with a divorce, even now, and especially for anyone of status. Peasants and common town-folk were gossiped about on the rare occasion one of them obtained a divorce, but for a Lord or anyone of rank it was almost unheard of. How the villagers of Eastwatch would talk! Guiltily I wondered what they might say of me when Adam and I were married after the divorce. Would they assume the worst, that I was the cause for the divorce? I supposed in a way I was, but they would never know the true story. Shaking my head I tried to clear it. It really didn't matter what the villagers thought, I would have my love and he would have me.

"Well. Look who's come back." A strange voice drawled behind me. It took me a moment to place it as Regina. I turned my body to face her, but made no motion to rise. "If it isn't the little scullery maid."

"I am not a maid, thank you. And I am here to see Lord Adam, and he alone." I bit my tongue. I'd meant to say Lord August, not Adam. It might be perfectly fine to call him Adam to his face when we were alone, but not in front of anyone else, especially not the woman who was still by law his wife - for the time being.

"Adam?" she quirked an eyebrow up, a half smirk on her face. "My, my, aren't we familiar?" She leaned against the wall, displaying her lush green gown. I couldn't help but notice how she filled it out to perfection, her coloring set off by it's jewel-like hue and her hair cascading over it like a waterfall. Her luminous eyes danced with delight as she stared at me, as though it was just the funniest thing. She was so beautiful, a timeless classic beauty I would never posses. I tried to remind myself that I was the one Adam loved, not Regina.

"I can't imagine why he'd want to see you. Not now." She jutted her chin out, giving her curls a shake. "Surely he told you."

"Told me... about the divorce?" I was confused. Of course Adam had told me, we had discussed it together. Regina gave a little laugh, all too cheerful for someone who was being unceremoniously discarded by her husband.

"Oh, he didn't? That wicked man. Still, never mind. Boys will be boys, won't they? And they really all are, no matter how old they may seem. Surely you weren't expecting anything serious to come of your little fling?" she smiled condescendingly. "Look, at you, you're a mere commoner. A lovely match for some farm boy no doubt, but hardly a fit companion for a lord. Even you must agree." Her smile grew broader while her eyes radiated sheer venom.

"You mustn't listen to what men say in between the sheets, darling. They'll say anything, anything at all to get what they want!" she threw back her head and laughed again. My stomach was tightening. What didn't I know? "I'm sure Adam said very pretty things to you when he was between your legs, but you just can't believe a word of it. Don't you know that even when they stray men always come home to their wives of good breeding? I'm sure it's different in your station," she waved a hand dismissively "But for men of status, servants are only pastimes, and they always come home to their true wives." She gave me a pointed stare.

"Anyway none of that matters, for we're forgetting the most important thing." Regina's smile grew wider still. She raised her hands and rested them over her stomach. "I'm with child." She lowered her eyes to her stomach, and then gleefully looked at me. "So you see, even if he might have possibly meant it before, he won't now. He needs an heir, and I am carrying one." My heart sank to the floor, tears rushing to my eyes. How could he have let me think we had a chance, when his wife was bearing him children? He could not go through with the divorce now.

"Oh, I'm sorry to upset you. But you know, it's better that you hear this from me. Woman to woman." she leaned in slightly, as if we were in each other's confidence. "So glad I could offer you some advice, darling. Now, you really should be off. Can you imagine your embarrassment if he comes and finds you're still here, waiting like a pathetic trollop?" she gave a high, girlish giggle. "Don't worry, I won't tell him how you cried." She spun on her heel and left the room.