Becoming Hers

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Shy guy meets dominant girl and quickly becomes submissive.
1.3k words
4.07
78k
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[Author's note: This is the first story I have written, so it's by no means 100% great. However I'm hoping it acts as good practice for me to start writing better, and to get some feedback.]

***

We had only met last week, although it seemed like a lifetime ago. That first image of you walking into the bar, long sleek brown hair, tight fitting dress showing off your thin waistline, was one that would not easily leave my mind. However, what attracted me wasn't your breathtaking beauty but your cool, decisive aura. The aura of someone who knew what she wanted, and would take it by any means necessary.

Throughout the night I couldn't stop staring, but been too shy to approach you I just nursed my drink. I wasn't unattractive, with a hairless thin body, messy brown hair and smooth face, but I severely lacked in confidence. You must have noticed my stares however, as you approached the seat next to me and asked my name. From there the conversation flowed naturally, although I probably did compliment her looks a bit too eagerly.

It was just before midnight you suggested leaving to go back to your apartment down the road. Nervously and excitedly I jumped at the opportunity, and we quickly found ourselves in your apartment, tongues lashing at each other as we kissed deeply. Very quickly you took the lead, ordering me to strip and then pushing me on your bed, forcing your sweet pussy onto my face, straddling me and encouraging my tongue to get to work. I replied enthusiastically, pushing my tongue deep beneath your folds and teasing your clit, eager to taste your sweet, intoxicating juices. Your moans and taste excited me and I kept hard at work for over 20 minutes, teasing you slowly towards what I hoped was an orgasm.

Purposely you changed position, and I found my tongue was now in line with your beautiful ass. Feeling nervous, I slowly and hesitantly began to tease your asshole. Your sigh of extreme satisfaction encouraged me, and I began focusing hard on rimming your ass and pushing my tongue as deep in as a I could. Your loud sighs told me you were getting close, and I felt you begin to orgasm hard, your juices flooding out over my chest. Catching your breath, you quickly used your hand to jack me off to finish, although curiously exclaiming I shouldn't get used to such favours.

Giving me a towel in which to clean up with, you wrote down your number, encouraging me to get in contact if I want to explore things further, although carefully stipulating if I did so I would be under her complete control. Which was how I now found myself on her floor, kneeling down with my ass in the air, heavy leather collar locked around my neck, wrist and ankle restraints secured on me, a chastity device securing my penis and a medium butt plug in my ass. And you, wearing shining black pvc boots, your beauty on full display. But I don't have time to enjoy this sight, as I stare straight ahead and await the next blow from the flogger. One, two, three, the sting of the flogger comes quickly across my ass as I work to keep count, just as you instructed. I read a count of 37 when I feel you stop, petting my head and saying how well I had been behaved.

Feeling the gap between floggings, I tense my ass in preparation for the next hard beating. Shockingly you switch target, aiming instead for my balls, already overly sensitive due to the chastity device encasing my member. The pain is excruciating and my eyes tear, none of which stops you from continuing to strike me.

Stopping, you ask me to confirm the count. I realise in a shock that I had been so focused on the pain in my balls I had forgotten to keep count, and immediately admit I didn't know, begging for forgiveness. You grab my hair, pulling my head down as you hissed in anger, forcing my tongue onto your boots as I begin worshipping them.

You reach over to the pile of toys you had displayed, picking some nipple clamps and place them on my chest as I continue licking your boots. Exclaiming this was part of my punishment, you enjoy my groans of pain as you begin whipping my ass again hard, tugging on the chain of the clamps and causing them to swing, my nipples standing. Enjoying the groans of pain I am giving out, you continue the flogging until my ass is red and raw, remarking how pathetic I am as I lick the pvc boots you wear, causing them to shine in the light. Moving back to the toys, you pick up a strap-on and begin assembling it, the internal dildo ensuring your sweet vagina as you buckle it tight. Grabbing my collar, you pull me up until my mouth came into contact with the large dildo. Encouraging me to take it deep, as it's the only lube I'll be getting, you grab my hair and force me to suck on your plastic cock.

Having never had to deep throat before, my inexperienced throat struggles to take your cock, the sound of my gagging brings a smile to your face. My efforts are pushing the internal dildo deep into you, your moans reminding me I am simply an instrument for your pleasure. The feeling of the dildo in my throat and the butt plug in my ass excite me, although the evil chastity device ensures my cock is restricted in its pleasure. Grabbing my hair, you encourage me to suck harder and faster, which continues for another few minutes until you pull it out, my drool landing on the floor as I gasp for air.

Not done yet, you fit a large ball gag into my mouth, one of your hands playing with my chastity device, teasing me as you know I can't cum. You fit a spreader bar to my ankle restraints, keeping my legs spread wide and providing unhindered access to my hole. Slowly pulling out the butt plug, I feel an emptiness in my ass, along with an exhilarating rush that there is nothing able to prevent your entrance.

Moving slowly, you carefully and purposefully push the strap-on into my ass, admiring how my hole grows to fit your tool. You hear my muffled groans of pain but you don't care, enjoying my holes resistance as it slowly opens to allow the dildo deep within me.

Grabbing my hair for posture you start to push hard and fast, increasing the tempo as your new submissive gives up all control for you. I moan loudly into the gag, the act of having my ass being penetrated combined with the chastity and nipple clamps sending me into sensory overload. You bottom out and enjoy my loud moans as you hit my prostate, causing my feelings of pain and pleasure to mix. Pushing in and out as hard as you can, the sexual frenzy exciting you as the internal dildo is now pushing in deeply.

As you grow to an immense orgasm, you rip off the clamps, and my body feels on fire as I scream into the gag, this only turning you on further. You begin to cum, pulling me back so you're as deep inside of me as possible, claiming my ass as your property. The next 20 seconds is bliss as I feel you release and the combination of pain and pleasure overcome my mind.

Drained out energy and out of breath, my ass twitches as you slowly slide out of me. You notice my cock is hard, but unable to escape the chastity cage there will be no release for me tonight. You undo the ball gag, pulling me close for a kiss as your arms cradle my body, stroking me and reminding of my great service.

I didn't know her name, but that doesn't matter. This kinky angel is my goddess, tonight enthralling me to her will and her pleasure, my journey to servitude complete. No matter what she is my ultimate desire, and I will continue to worship her for as long as she will have me.

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rogueentityrogueentityover 7 years agoAuthor

Thanks everyone for your feedback, it was very much my first story and I've got some great points to focus on and improve. I very much appreciate it!

LeenysmanLeenysmanover 7 years ago
Narrative voice

Even your story's title is in conflict with your narrative voice - it ought to be "Becoming Yours". This has the feeling of a story that was originally written in first person, and then changed *incompletely* to 2nd personal, because there are still sentences that refer to "her".

Also, I never got any sense from the writing that any of the bondage, pain, etc was turning him on - that it was just something he was enduring, but what for? Because a woman whose name he doesn't know is suddenly and inexplicably his goddess? Or maybe it's that the story focused mainly on what she was doing, with a little on what he was doing in response, but not on how he was feeling. Don't rely on the reader's emotional reaction to imagining themself in these acts being positive, you need to communicate the character's emotional response, too. Make us understand why he likes this, or at least that he actually does like it.

If you do want to avoid the emotions, and focus on the acts, at least use 3rd person voice - but don't be surprised if you don't get high ratings, without any emotional connection.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Good start!

Welcome to lit! Ignore harsh comenters. Good first try, 4 stars.

FASfanFASfanover 7 years ago
This shows a lot of promise in its writing ...

... but seems to be lacking any kind of framework for the events taking place. Someone mentioned a 'shopping list', and this it all it seems to be at present, despite its being a well-written one!

You should seriously rework this one, and revert to a more standard form of delivery before re-submitting it.

You are talented -- of that there can be little doubt -- but that is NOT enough to make a good, readable story.

Three stars for a good effort and please keep writing. I look forward to more from you soon.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
2nd Person Singular?

Writing a story in 2nd Person Singular (...you do this, ....you do that...) is almost always a major mistake. I wish you the best in your writing career, but think long and hard about any story written in 2nd Person Singular.

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