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I am presently a practicing gynecologist at the Collins Clinic in Springfield Missouri. My marriage to Peggy is a good one. She is a wonderful wife, with only one fault -- an obsessive desire to gossip with several other wives about the personal lives of the members of the club.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Each evening in bed she regales me with stories from her luncheon group, her bridge group and the gals she sits around the pool with. All they talk about is sex. I suppose I should thank my lucky stars that she's just talking about it -- not doing it!&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Peggy has a good life, but she earned it by working as a nurse to get me through medical school and residency, while raising two great kids at the same time. She worked her ass off! Now that the kids are in college, she's entitled to a little relaxation.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; MONDAY NIGHT IN BED&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I lay quietly in the dark afraid to tell Peggy about my telephone conversation today with the President of my graduating class. He had called and asked me to serve on the committee planning our twenty-fifth class reunion. It was going to be a big weekend event and we were hoping for a nice turnout. Our committee would have its first meeting next weekend in Columbia. It was a six-person committee and Sam read me the names he had selected. When he came to Bill Alpin I felt a cramp in my stomach. Bill was the class nerd and he had married Gladys Detweiler! Well, I thought, better get it over with.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I got a call from Sam today and he wants me to serve on a six man planning committee for our twenty-fifth class reunion,&quot; I said. &quot;And he wants the wives to help out in the planning.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;That's a nice compliment, dear. I'll be delighted to help. Who's on your committee?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I ran through the list, naming classmates Peggy knew: my former roommate, a lab partner in gross anatomy and another classmate.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;That's only five,&quot; Peggy said, suspiciously. Was she in my head again?&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Oh? I thought I named them all,&quot; I said nervously.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You named five, you bastard! And I think I know why! I can never figure out why you try to keep secrets from me. Your mind is like an open book. The sixth member is that nerd Bill Alpin isn't it?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Shit! How the hell does she do this? She gets inside my head. I have no privacy!&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Oh,&quot; I said. &quot;You're right dear. Bill Alpin is on the committee also.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;And that nerd married Gladys Detweiler!&quot; Peggy said in a determined voice. &quot;You fucked that Detweiler bitch while you were dating me. She fucked half the guys in your med school class before she finally hooked that stupid nerd Bill Alpin.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Bill Alpin may be a nerd but he's not stupid,&quot; I said. &quot;He wrote a computer program for robotic prostate surgery. You know sometimes that's better than conventional or laparoscopic surgery - six small incisions - great visualization of the surgical field and better nerve sparing. A lot of guys still get erections after surgery because of his work at Hopkins.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Peggy chuckled. &quot;If I was a guy I wouldn't let a robot programmed by that nerd anywhere close to my balls with a scalpel. Why did he marry that whore?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;He didn't know ... in fact he still doesn't know that Gladys was fucking all those guys,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I saw that Detweiler bitch a year ago at the reunion. She's gotta weigh almost a hundred and fifty pounds now and I can't imagine a brassiere strong enough to hold up those big udders.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;She probably sees herself as pleasingly plump,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Pleasingly plump? She's too fat to fuck!&quot; Peggy said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Then I said something I should never have said. I was trying to be funny, but I should have known better. My attempts at humor always got me in trouble.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well she can still suck.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;YOU BASTARD!&quot; Peggy shouted. &quot;YOU'RE REMEMBERING HER BLOWJOBS!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Nonsense,&quot; I said. &quot;That was twenty-four years ago.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;And I remember it like it was yesterday,&quot; Peggy said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Try to get some sleep dear. I'm tired,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Good night Dear.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Good night Dear.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; TUESDAY NIGHT IN BED&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Peggy had been in a bad mood all evening and I think I knew why. I had had a hard day in surgery and I was in no mood to argue about anything.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I've been thinking about that Detweiler bitch all day long,&quot; Peggy said. &quot;I'm gonna have to work with her on that committee. So are the other wives. I went over that list again. That bitch was blowing and fuckin every guy on that committee when they were in med school. And their wives know it! And we'll all have to work together with her.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;That was twenty-four years ago,&quot; I said wearily.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;They all remember it though. At every reunion, at least a couple of gals tell a Gladys Detweiler story that the rest of us haven't heard. I heard about your class President who bent her over a lab table and fucked her doggie in gross anatomy lab. I've told stories about your little Plymouth bouncing up and down in the Sigma Kappa parking lot when you fucked that bitch. All the wives have stories about their husbands and that slut.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Maybe if I just lay here silently she'll change the subject.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Every reunion she seems to get fatter. That little nerd husband of hers would suffocate if she tried to do him cowboy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Peggy started laughing at the image of Gladys on top of Bill Alpin.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Why are you so happy that she's getting fat?&quot; I asked innocently.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Peggy was silent for a moment and then began to speak softly.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Because when she was bouncing around campus with a narrow waist and shapely hips and those big udders jiggling, you and your buddies couldn't keep your eyes in your heads. You guys took turns fucking that bitch and I was scared shitless that you were gonna dump my ass like you dumped two other girls you fucked.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Then she got angry.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You bastard! She sucked you off to slow you down and make you a better fuck. You enjoyed her blowjobs didn't you?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I didn't get a chance to answer.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;No need to answer that -- of course you did! Okay, say it! I was jealous. I was in love with you and I was scared of losing you just like a bunch of other girls were scared of that bitch. You were fuckin her brains out every Friday night and I was scared to say a word about it because I thought you might just laugh at me and stop asking me out. All I could do was try to pump my ass harder and suck you off better. Now I feel good to see her getting fat and unattractive and I ought to be ashamed of myself. BUT I'AM NOT!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Darling, I don't think you're jealous at all,&quot; I said softly.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well you ought to!&quot; Peggy said. &quot;I was and I still am when I think back about it. How the hell could any gal compete with a bitch that didn't have a gag reflex? Okay I'll work with the bitch on that committee, but every time I see those big lips of hers I'm gonna think about your dick between 'em, pushin all the way back to her tonsils.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Maybe if I change the subject Peggy will feel better. &quot;Have you talked to Pam lately?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I had lunch with her yesterday.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;How are Pam and Rusty getting along?&quot; I asked.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;More or less like you said they would,&quot; Peggy responded. &quot;It's been over two months since they started going to bed together and they have a wonderful relationship except ... except ...&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Except what?&quot; I asked.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Except for that whore Carolyn Ames,&quot; Peggy finally said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;What does that mean?&quot; I asked.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;It means that every now and then -- maybe every couple of weeks or so -- one of the girls see's Rusty's car in that bitch's parking lot. He's still fucking her!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well,&quot; I said, &quot;I'm glad your luncheon group is keeping track of his movements. But I doubt he's serious. Probably just a little extra pussy on the side -- you know -- some strange stuff now and then.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;YOU BASTARD,&quot; Peggy shouted. &quot;Why are all men like that?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Pam doesn't need to worry,&quot; I said. &quot;Rusty will stop trying out strange stuff after he gets a ring on her finger.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Just like you did! YOU BASTARD. You enjoyed that pussy right up till the very last minute. You had my engagement ring in your pocket the last time you fucked her. I told Pam that. I told her you did that and then I told her what you said about Rusty fucking Carolyn. I told her you said it will keep her ass in gear.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;What did she say to that?&quot; I asked.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;She said her ass WAS in gear. She's deep throating that horny bastard and he's got a big thick one. And she fucks him till she's sore. She's doing the best she can do to keep him satisfied but the bastard still stops off at the Ames bitch's apartment every couple of weeks.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well it will keep her working hard and it won't last forever,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;She keeps asking me to tell her about Gladys Detweiler. Pam has a lot of respect for you and ... well ... the thought of you settling down to married life after fucking that whore helps her deal with Rusty fuckin that Ames bitch.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Good night Dear,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Shit! The thought of working with Gladys Detweiler all next weekend, looking at those sagging udders and those big lips, is depressing.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Good night Dear,&quot; I said again.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Good night Dear.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; FRIDAY NIGHT IN BED (MARRIOTT HOTEL, COLUMBIA MISSOURI)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Peggy was pissed, as I knew she would be. She had been pissed since our committee and their wives met this afternoon to discuss the twenty-fifth anniversary celebration. I knew what she was upset about. It was the dress that Gladys Detweiler had worn -- or Gladys Alpin, now.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I can't get over how the bitch was dressed,&quot; Peggy said, disgust and anger in her voice.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;How she was dressed?&quot; I asked innocently.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Don't play dumb you bastard! Her dress was cut so low that those big udders almost dropped out. And if they had, they would have sagged down to her waist!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I didn't notice,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;YOU BASTARD!&quot; Peggy shouted. &quot;You noticed! All five of you guys noticed. Five sets of eyeballs were bulging out of five staring heads. That nerd was so busy working on his computer program to confirm every class member's address that he didn't notice you guys ogling his wife's jiggling udders like lechers.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well now that you remind me, she was wearing a rather low cut dress.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Rather low cut? Rather low cut? You bastard! Any lower and her nipples would have been hanging out. As it was when she bent over you could see her nipples. And that bitch kept bending over every time she pointed to the seating charts on the table.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;And every time she bent over,&quot; Peggy continued, &quot;five heads turned and dropped down to look. Your neck is probably sore!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;My neck is NOT sore.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I don't get it. You play with tits all day long in your office. Why are HERS so damned interesting all of a sudden?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;It's NOT all of a sudden,&quot; I protested. It was the wrong thing to say.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Oh, so you've been remembering them all these years!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Shit! There was no way to escape! Whatever I said was wrong. Better keep my mouth shut. I saw that bra holding up those big tits. It was a miracle of structural engineering. I guess I was remembering playing with those tits while Gladys gave me a blowjob. Gladys gave very good blowjobs. And she worked on your balls while she sucked your cock. All the guys talked about that. Poor Bill Alpin -- he has no idea that the gal he married had sucked off half the guys in his med school class.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well, are you gonna stop thinking about her blowjobs and say something?&quot; Peggy asked, belligerently.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; She was inside my head again!&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;What can I say? Everything I say is wrong!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You could at least say you're sorry,&quot; Peggy said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Sorry about what?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Sorry about fucking Gladys Detweiler,&quot; Peggy said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I didn't know you knew I HAD been fuckin her until a few months ago,&quot; I said plaintively. &quot;Okay, I'm sorry I fucked her.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You may be sorry but you enjoyed it, you bastard. This afternoon the gals talked about those blowjobs she gave. She was the best cocksucker in Columbia when you guys were in med school.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Peggy was on a roll now and couldn't quit.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;My roommate's brother fucked her and told us all about it. She worked on your scrotum with two hands while she was blowin you. TWO HANDS! And she didn't have a gag reflex! All of us tried to blow you guys but we all knew that none of us were as good as she was.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Don't be silly, darling,&quot; I said. &quot;You were as good as she was.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Again it was the wrong thing to say. I knew it the moment I said it.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;As good as she was, but not better. Right? YOU BASTARD!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I sat there thinking that there was no way out of this.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;What did the other wives have to say, Darling?&quot; I asked.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;We talked about that nerd,&quot; Peggy said. &quot;And how that little nerd has no idea you guys fucked his wife's brains out in med school. Then we talked about whose hubby fucked her longest. I told 'em you fucked her for two months.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Oh, I guess it was about that,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;It was EXACTLY that,&quot; Peggy said firmly. &quot;Two months and that meant NINE Friday nights.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I guess I wasn't counting,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You weren't counting because you were too damn busy fucking! But you were about average. Two of the husbands fucked her longer than two months and the other two only fucked her a month or so. She might have been an expert cocksucker but that bitch couldn't keep a man till she met that nerd!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well they seem to be happy together,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;And that nerd doesn't even notice the way she shows off her udders,&quot; Peggy said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well, there's nothing we can do about it,&quot; I said. &quot;Let's get some sleep.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Good night Dear.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Good night Dear.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SATURDAY NIGHT IN BED (MARRIOTT HOTEL, COLUMBIA MISSOURI)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; It had been a rough day. Sam had asked Gladys and me to check out the Drury Inn, which had promised us special rates. I thought Peggy was gonna blow a fuse when I left with Gladys, who had on another low cut dress showing a lot of tit. Sam asked Peggy to go with the nerd and check out the convention center banquet hall, which had a computerized projector to show our class pictures. The lights had hardly gone out before Peggy started.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Did you have fun with the birch?&quot; Peggy said in an angry voice.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;We checked out the hotel,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;And I'll bet you checked out those big udders,&quot; Peggy said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; What had actually happened could remain private and there was no reason to tell her. On the other hand, there was no reason not to tell her and I never kept secrets from my wife. I decided to tell her.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;As a matter of fact I did,&quot; I said with a chuckle.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; There was a long pause. Then Peggy said, &quot;Come again?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;We were given keys to several empty rooms to look at and when we got inside the first one we ...&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Hold it right there!&quot; Peggy said. &quot;&quot;You took that bitch up to a hotel room?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I didn't TAKE her! We went up to check it out. And when we were inside Gladys popped herself out of that low cut dress and bra and flashed her tits at me.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;SHE WHAT?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;She showed me her tits and walked over and took my balls in her hand and said we were supposed to check out the bed.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;YOU BASTARD!&quot; Peggy shouted.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You're calling me a bastard because you think I had sex with her?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;No! I know THAT didn't happen. I'm calling you a bastard because you were nice to her. You WERE nice weren't you? You should have laughed at the bitch and told her she was too fat to fuck but you didn't do that did you?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Shit! Peggy was in my head again. How many husbands had a wife like this? Of course I had been nice to her. It was the only decent thing to do. She was in her forties. She had lost her figure. She was obviously insecure. She was married to a friend of mine. I couldn't laugh at her!&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Yes I was nice to her. Let me explain why. Look Peg, Gladys has put on ten or fifteen pounds and ...&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;More like twenty or thirty,&quot; Peggy interrupted.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot; ... and she's feeling insecure. She's looking for some attention and support and...&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;SHE'S LOOKING TO GET LAID! That's what she's looking for - and with MY HUSBAND. THE BITCH! You were nice to her weren't you? You bastard!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well she needed support and ...&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;A horny bitch flashes her udders at you and offers you a blowjob and you turn into a God damned psychiatrist! What did you do?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well I laughed in a friendly way and said she still looked just as good as she did twenty years ago. I wanted to give her some reassurance, you know.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You bastard! I knew you would be sweet and not embarrass her. I know she couldn't seduce you but I didn't want you to be sweet to her.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well,&quot; I said. &quot;I'm glad you trust me.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;So then what happened?&quot; Peggy said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I picked up her bra and ...&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;YOU WHAT?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Her bra was on the floor. She had slipped out of it when she dropped her dress down,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Dropped her dress down. What the hell do you mean?&quot; Peggy was getting more angry now.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;She had pulled her dress down to her waist -- actually a little bit below her waist and ...&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;BELOW HER WAIST?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well yeah,&quot; I said. &quot;She was wearing a garter belt and I think she was wearing bikini panties and ...&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;THE BITCH WAS HALF NAKED!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Yeah, I guess you could say that. Anyway I picked up her bra and fastened it around her chest and tried to get her boobs back into it. They were so big that I had to use two hands on each boob and at first I couldn't get her nipples back into her bra.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;The bitch doesn't put her nipples in her bra. She leaves 'em out so you can see them when she bends over,&quot; Peggy was almost shouting now.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well anyway, her nipples were getting hard and ...&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;With your soft hands playing with those udders I'm not surprised,&quot; Peggy said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;It took a while to get her dressed again,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You know I trust you, dear. But I know what was in your head when you were shoving those floppy udders back into their harness.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;In my head?&quot; I asked. &quot;What's that supposed to mean?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You bastard! You were thinking about telling me this story. You had both her big, soft udders in your hands squeezing 'em back into harness and you were thinking about telling me this story. Weren't you?&quot; Peggy said, accusingly.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Shit! Peggy was always in my head! I remember thinking as I pushed those huge tits back into her bra that I would tell Peggy about what happened.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Yes I was thinking about telling you the story.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;And I know what else you were thinking, you bastard. You were thinking that I was gonna have to give you a blowjob. You were thinking that no wife alive is gonna disappoint her husband after he refuses a blowjob from another woman -- especially an old flame. You were thinking you'd tell me the story and then lay back with a big hard on and enjoy a grateful, loving wife sucking you off.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Well, yes, that ... that thought did cross my mind,&quot; I said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You bastard!&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Then I felt a soft hand on my dick, another tickling my balls, and a warm mouth. I laid back to enjoy a special treat from my loving wife. She was exactly right! No wife in her right mind would leave hubby lying there with a hard on after he turned down a blowjob from another woman. I'm glad she knew what I expected. Every now and then it feels good to get one up on your wife - especially a wife as clever as mine. I reached down and put my hand on the back of her head to be sure I was gonna say hello to her tonsils.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; SUNDAY NIGHT IN BED (MARRIOTT HOTEL, COLUMBIA MISSOURI)&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I lay in the darkness remembering that long afternoon. The Country Club of Missouri had offered its facilities for our use at the reunion. Several of my classmates were in practice in Columbia and were members. We spent Sunday afternoon checking out the club and then we enjoyed the pool. I knew Peggy was gonna be upset tonight when I first saw the bikini that Gladys had worn.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; That bikini was thin and skimpy and white and when it got wet you could see right through it just like she was naked -- and Gladys kept it wet all afternoon. And it fit tight with little rolls of fat from her stomach and thighs hanging over tantalizingly. If you liked a plump woman with soft handholds, this was your cup of tea.&lt;br /&gt; </text><pager paramname="page" current-page="1" action="https://www.literotica.com/s/bedroom-conversations-ch-03"><text>2 Pages</text><next page="2"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/bedroom-conversations-ch-03?page=2</link><title>Bedroom Conversations Ch. 03 - Humor &amp; Satire</title></next><page page="1" current="1"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/bedroom-conversations-ch-03</link><text>1</text><title>Bedroom Conversations Ch. 03 - Humor &amp; Satire</title></page><page page="2" current="0"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/bedroom-conversations-ch-03?page=2</link><text>2</text><title>Bedroom Conversations Ch. 03 - Humor &amp; Satire</title></page><options><option page="1" current="1"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/bedroom-conversations-ch-03</link><text>1</text></option><option page="2" 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href="/cssv2/i-phone.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/> </xsl:if> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-print.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="print"/> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <link media="screen" rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/colorbox.css?{$page-version}"/> <script src="/jsv2/jquery.colorbox.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script src="/jsv2/story-colorbox.js?{$page-version}"/> </xsl:if> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="/page/body"> <body class="t-storypage font-set-1 c{current-category/@id} btoprel"> <xsl:call-template name="emergency-underbody"/> <div id="fb-root"/> <div id="w" class="top-b"> <!-- ***************** Top Ad - Start ****************** --> <div class="big_link" id="b-top" style="width:100% !important;"> <ins data-revive-zoneid="40" data-revive-id="8ae265101a05bd53e45d50e5004a0297"/> </div> <!-- ***************** Top Ad - End ****************** --> <div id="root" class="ss2 story-{story/@id}"> <div class="b-sidebar"> <!-- <xsl:call-template name="rltr-common-sidebar" /> --> <xsl:if test="1 = 0"> <!-- disabled --> <div class="b-box b-user"> <div class="b-box-header"> <div class="b-user-avatar"> <a href="#"><img height="35" width="35" src="/imagesv2/avatar-mini-2.png"><xsl:attribute name="alt"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Anonymous user</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></xsl:attribute></img></a> </div> <!-- <b></b> is IE7 hack element --> <div class="b-user-name"><a href="#"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Anonymous user</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a><b/></div> </div><!-- b-box-header --> <div class="b-box-body"> <p class="b-message-anonimous"> <small>Submit Your Story Now For <span style="color: red;">Free</span>:</small><br/> <a class="loginlink" href="/members/main.php">Login</a><span style="color: gray;"> or </span><a class="signuplink" href="/stories/signup.php">Sign Up</a> </p> <br/> <p> <a href="#">Edit Profile</a><xsl:text> </xsl:text><a class="logout-link" href="#">Logout</a> </p> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-user --> </xsl:if> </div> <xsl:call-template name="header-logo"/> <div id="main" class="story"> <div id="content"> <div class="b-breadcrumbs"> <span class="ico"><a href="{$site-root}/index.php"><img src="/imagesv2/icons/i-home.gif" alt="tag"/></a></span> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="splited-index-special-h1"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <a href="/s/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <a href="/p/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <a href="/i/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> </xsl:choose> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <a href="{current-category/@cat-url}"><xsl:value-of select="current-category/name"/></a> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page &gt; 1"> <a href="{story/@url}"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/></a> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Page</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:value-of select="$page"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </div> <div class="b-story-header"> <h1><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/></h1> <!-- "-y", "x-r15" and span with comment added to kill Android App --> by<span class="b-story-user-y x-r22"><span><xsl:comment> ! </xsl:comment></span><a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={story/@author}&amp;page=submissions"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="author/name"/></a></span><span class="b-story-copy">©</span> </div> <!-- "-x", "x-r15" and div added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-story-body-x x-r15"><div> <p><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/text"/></p> </div></div> <!-- **************** pager ***************** --> <div class="b-story-stats-block"> <!--<xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages">--> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <p class="b-report-problem"><a class="b-report-problem-story" href="{$site-root}/report_story.php?id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow">Report Story</a></p> </xsl:if> <!--</xsl:if>--> <!-- "-y", "x-r50" and span with comment added to kill Android App --> by<span class="b-story-user-y x-r50"><span><xsl:comment> ! </xsl:comment></span><a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={story/@author}&amp;page=submissions"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="author/name"/></a></span><span class="b-story-copy">©</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text> <xsl:apply-templates select="story-stats"/> </div> <div class="b-sidebar"> <!-- ******************* share ******************** --> <xsl:call-template name="share-love"/> <!-- ******************* related stories ******************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <!--<xsl:call-template name="format1"/>--> <xsl:apply-templates select="relatedstories"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* series stories ******************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:apply-templates select="seriesstories"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* tags ******************** --> <xsl:if test="tags"> <xsl:apply-templates select="tags"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* bug report ******************** --> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Report a Bug</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <a href="/stories/quest/bugs.php?id=3&amp;url={story/@url4url}"><strong>Submit bug report</strong></a> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:if> </div><!-- b-sidebar --> <div id="sbar-l-wrp"> <xsl:if test="story/pager"> <xsl:apply-templates select="story/pager"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$preview = &quot;preview&quot;"> <div id="preview-back"> <p>If you want to make changes or to publish story click "<strong>Go Back to Edit or Publish</strong>" button.</p> <form method="post"> <input type="hidden" name="return" value="{$preview-backurl}"/> <input type="hidden" name="storyid" value="{story/@id}"/> <input type="hidden" name="dummy"/> <input type="submit" class="i-button" name="edit" value="Go Back to Edit or Publish"/> </form> </div> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* vote ******************** --> <xsl:if test="story[@allow_vote = 1] and $page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <xsl:call-template name="vote"/> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> <!-- ***************** Add to favs buttons ****************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <div class="b-favorites c"> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Story <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this story!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Poem <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this poem!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}"> Favorite Illustrations <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this illustration!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> </div> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> <!-- ***************** comments ****************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <xsl:if test="(author/@allowfeedback = 1) or (story/@enable_comments = 1)"> <div id="tabs" class="b-tabs"> <dl> <xsl:if test="story/@enable_comments = 1"> <dt class="selected"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Recent Comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></dt> <dd class="selected"> <div class="dd"><div class="b-tabs-content"> <xsl:apply-templates select="recent-comments/comments"/> </div></div> </dd> <xsl:call-template name="tabs-comment-form"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="author/@allowfeedback = 1"> <xsl:call-template name="tabs-feedback-form"/> </xsl:if> </dl> </div><!-- b-tabs --> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> </div><!-- #sbar-l-wrp --> </div><!-- #content --> </div><!-- #main --> </div><!-- #root --> <!-- ***************** Bottom Ad - Start ****************** --> <div class="big_link" id="b-bottom"> <div class="r1banner" data-zone-name="zone18" data-zone-id="18"/> </div> <!-- ***************** Bottom Ad - End ****************** --> </div><!-- #w --> <div id="b-footer"> <div class="r1banner" data-zone-name="zone42" data-zone-id="42"/> <xsl:call-template name="tags-footer"> <xsl:with-param name="mode"><xsl:if test="$type = &quot;story&quot;">stories</xsl:if><xsl:if test="$type = &quot;poems&quot;">poem</xsl:if></xsl:with-param> </xsl:call-template> </div><!-- #b-footer --> <xsl:call-template name="iphone-message"/> <xsl:call-template name="rltr-login-in-div"/> <script async="async" src="//poetry.literotica.com/www/delivery/asyncjs.php"/> <xsl:call-template name="r1-banner-init"/> </body> </xsl:template> <!-- **************** vote template ****************** --> <xsl:template name="vote"> <xsl:comment> // VOTING MODULE </xsl:comment> <div id="voting"> <form action="{$site-root-dynamic}/vote.php" method="post" id="voteform"> <div> <input type="hidden" name="storyid" value="{story/@id}"/> <input type="hidden" name="page" value="{$page}"/> <input type="hidden" name="pagehint" value="{$page}"/> <p id="votemsg"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">showstory-please-rate</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>:</p> <fieldset id="votefset"> <label for="v1">1</label> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="1" id="v1"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="2" id="v2"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="3" id="v3"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="4" id="v4"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="5" id="v5"/> <label for="v5">5 <span>(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">best</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint">best mark</xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</span></label> </fieldset> <input type="submit" name="Submit" id="submitbut"> <xsl:attribute name="value"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Submit Vote</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></xsl:attribute> </input> </div> </form> <div id="votingform"><p id="v_caption">Please Rate This Submission:</p><ul id="v_list"><li><strong id="lv1" title="I Hated It!">1</strong></li><li><strong id="lv2" title="I Didn't Like It Much.">2</strong></li><li><strong id="lv3" title="Liked It - Keep On Writing.">3</strong></li><li><strong id="lv4" title="Really Liked It - Good Read!">4</strong></li><li><strong id="lv5" title="Loved It - One Of The Best!!">5</strong></li></ul><div id="loading"><img src="/imagesv2/voting/animation.gif" width="13" height="13" alt="Please wait"/></div></div> </div> <script type="text/javascript"> <xsl:comment> loadForm(<xsl:value-of select="story/@id"/>,<xsl:value-of select="$page"/>,<xsl:value-of select="$page"/>); //</xsl:comment> </script> <xsl:comment> // END OF VOTING MODULE </xsl:comment> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** tags template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="tags"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"> <h3>Tags For This Story<!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Story Tags For This Submission:</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint">story-page-bottom</xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>--></h3> </div> <div class="b-box-body"> <div class="b-s-story-tag-list"> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="tag"> <li><a href="{$site-root-tagsportal}/{name-encoded}"><xsl:value-of select="name"/></a><xsl:if test="position() &lt; last()"> – </xsl:if></li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** related template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="relatedstories"> <xsl:if test="story"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Similar stories</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <!-- "rt-65" added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-s-story-list rt-65"> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="story"> <li> <h4><a href="{@url}" class="b-s-story-list-link"><xsl:value-of select="name" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a></h4> by <a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={@author}&amp;page=submissions" class="b-s-story-list-user"><xsl:value-of select="@author-username"/></a> <xsl:if test="@rate != &quot;x.xx&quot;">  <span class="b-s-story-rating"> <xsl:value-of select="@rate"/></span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="@comment-cnt &gt; 0">  <span class="b-s-story-comment"> <xsl:value-of select="@comment-cnt"/></span> </xsl:if> </li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div><!-- b-s-story-list --> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:if> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** series template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="seriesstories"> <script type="text/javascript"> <xsl:comment> var series_page_count = <xsl:value-of select="@pages"/>; // </xsl:comment> </script> <div id="b-series" class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Also in this series</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <!-- "t-4ut" and div with comment added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-s-story-list t-4ut"><div><xsl:comment> // </xsl:comment></div> <xsl:apply-templates select="seriesstories-page"/> <!--<div class="b-pager">--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-prev"></span>--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-next"></span>--> <!-- <div class="b-pager-pages">--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-page">1</span>--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-active">2</span>--> <!-- </div>--> <!--</div>--> </div><!-- b-s-story-list --> <!--<xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 1">--> <!-- <div class="pager">--> <!-- Page:--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 5">--> <!-- <span class="prev"><xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesScrollPaging('left');</xsl:attribute>&lt;&lt;</span>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:for-each select="seriesstories-page">--> <!-- <span>--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesChangePage('<xsl:value-of select="@page" />');</xsl:attribute>--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="id">series_pager_<xsl:value-of select="@page" /></xsl:attribute>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page = 1">--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="class">current visible</xsl:attribute>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page &gt; 1 and @page &lt; 6"><xsl:attribute name="class">visible</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page &gt; 5"><xsl:attribute name="class">hidden</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:value-of select="@page" />--> <!-- </span>--> <!-- </xsl:for-each>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 5">--> <!-- <span class="next"><xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesScrollPaging('right');</xsl:attribute>&gt;&gt;</span>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- </div>--> <!--</xsl:if>--> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="seriesstories-page"> <div class="frame"> <!--<xsl:attribute name="id">series_page_<xsl:value-of select="@page" /></xsl:attribute>--> <!--<xsl:if test="@page = 1"><xsl:attribute name="class">show</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!--<xsl:if test="@page != 1"><xsl:attribute name="class">hide</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="story"> <li> <!-- "i-18k" and comment added to kill Android App --> <h4><a href="{@url}" class="ser_link i-18k"><xsl:comment> t </xsl:comment><xsl:value-of select="name" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a></h4> <xsl:text> </xsl:text> <span class="b-s-story-stats-block"> <xsl:if test="@rate != &quot;x.xx&quot;"> <xsl:text> </xsl:text><span class="b-s-story-rating"><xsl:value-of select="@rate"/></span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="@comment-cnt &gt; 0"> <xsl:text> </xsl:text><span class="b-s-story-comment"><xsl:value-of select="@comment-cnt"/></span> </xsl:if> </span> </li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** 1format1 template ******************* --> <xsl:template name="format1"> <div class="b-1f1 slow-animation active-on-visible sen-05 template-5"> <p class="a-right small ad-name">advertisment</p> <div class="b-1f1-top"/> <div class="b-1f1-body"> <div class="b-1f1-ba"> <div class="b-1f1-ba-t"><em class="b-1f1-ba-tl"/><em class="b-1f1-ba-tr"/></div> <strong>related to this story:</strong><br/> <div class="big banner-text"> <a href="#">Pipedream Products Nipple</a><br/> <a href="#">Chain Clips Sex Toy Kit</a> </div> <div class="b-1f1-ba-b"><em class="b-1f1-ba-bl"/><em class="b-1f1-ba-br"/></div> </div> <div class="b-1f1-v-bar"> <p class="indent message"/> <div class="b-1f1-v"> <a href="#" class="button b-no"><span>No</span></a> <ul class="voting-bar"> <li class="vb-1"><a href="#"><span>1</span></a></li> <li class="vb-2"><a href="#"><span>2</span></a></li> <li class="vb-3"><a href="#"><span>3</span></a></li> <li class="vb-4"><a href="#"><span>4</span></a></li> <li class="vb-5"><a href="#"><span>5</span></a></li> </ul> <a href="#" class="button b-yes"><span>Yes</span></a> <p class="small tcenter voting-bar-rating">4.5</p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="b-1f1-bottom"/> </div> <div id="format1-banners"> <div id="format1-banner-1"><a href="#">Pipedream Products</a><br/><a href="#">Sex Toy Kit</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-2"><a href="#">Sex Toy Kit</a><br/><a href="#">Pipedream Products</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-3"><a href="#">Dave moved his hands...</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-4"><a href="#">Very big ti...</a></div> </div> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="membername"> <xsl:param name="uid"/> <a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={$uid}"><xsl:value-of select="//member[@id = $uid]" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="no-comments"> <p class="morereccomments"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this story</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this poem</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this illustra</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">or-conjunction</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <span class="loadmorecomments"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Show more comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></span> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">or-conjunction</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <a href="{$site-root}/storyfeedbackboard.php?id={@story}&amp;pagehint=6"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">comments-read-all-comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> (<xsl:value-of select="@total"/>)</a></xsl:if> </p> </xsl:template> <!-- special pager-new.xsl override method to always show pager --> <xsl:template match="pager"> <div class="b-pager"> <xsl:apply-templates select="previous"/> <xsl:apply-templates select="next"/> <div class="b-pager-pages"> <xsl:if test="text"> <!-- "-t", "r-d45" and comment added to kill Android App --> <span class="b-pager-caption-t r-d45"><xsl:comment> x </xsl:comment><xsl:value-of select="text"/>:</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:apply-templates select="page"/> <xsl:if test="//pager/next"> <xsl:apply-templates select="options"/> </xsl:if> <!-- <xsl:if test="not (//pager/next)"> <span class="fblike"><fb:like layout="button_count" show_faces="false" colorscheme="light"></fb:like></span> </xsl:if> --> </div> <!-- <span class="st_twitter_hcount" displayText="Tweet"></span>--> <!-- <span class="st_email_button" displayText="Email"></span>--> </div><!-- b-pager --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="story-stats"> <span class="b-story-stats"><xsl:value-of select="@comments"/> comments<span class="sep">/</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="@views"/> views<span class="sep">/</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="@favs"/> favorites</span> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="share-love"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Share the love</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <div class="b-s-share-love"> <!-- <span class="st_twitter_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Tweet"></span> <span class="st_sharethis_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Share"></span> <span class="st_facebook_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Share"></span> --> <!-- Place this tag in your head or just before your close body tag --> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"/> <div id="gplus"><div class="g-plusone" data-size="medium"/></div> <div id="tw-share"><a href="https://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-text="{story/name}" data-url="{story/@url}">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"/></div> <div class="secline"> <div id="add-this"><a href="https://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php?url=https%3a{story/@url4url}&amp;title=Send%20a%20story%20via%20email&amp;username=literotica" target="_blank"><img src="/imagesv2/share.gif" width="16" height="16" alt="Share"/></a></div> <div id="add-email"><a href="https://api.addthis.com/oexchange/0.8/forward/email/offer?url=https%3a{story/@url4url}&amp;title=Send%20a%20story%20via%20email&amp;username=literotica" target="_blank"><img src="/imagesv2/email.gif" width="56" height="18" alt="Email"/></a></div> </div> </div><!-- b-share-love --> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="i18n"> <xsl:param name="key"/> <xsl:param name="hint"/> <xsl:param name="param1"/> <xsl:param name="param2"/> <xsl:param name="param3"/> <xsl:param name="param4"/> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Page&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Page</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Anonymous user&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Anonymous user</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Recent Comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Recent<br/> Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;showstory-please-rate&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Please Rate This Submission</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;best&quot; and $hint=&quot;best mark&quot;">best</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Submit Vote&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Submit Vote</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;There are no recent comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">There are no recent comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;n older comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> older comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this story&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this story</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this poem&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this poem</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this illustra&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this illustration</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;or-conjunction&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">or</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Show more comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Show more comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-read-all-comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Read All User Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;literotica-copyright&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark.<br/> No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Home&quot; and $hint=&quot;http://www.literotica.com/&quot;">Home</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Stories&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Stories</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Webcams&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Webcams</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Forum&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Forum</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Adult Store&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Adult Store</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Report A Bug&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Report A Bug</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Next&quot; and $hint=&quot;next page&quot;">Next</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Previous&quot; and $hint=&quot;previous page&quot;">Previous</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Go-button&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Go</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-read-n-comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Read All <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> User Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-click-to-leave-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to leave your own comment on this submission!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-be-first-to-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Story!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Be The First To Comment On This Poem!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Poem!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Be The First To Comment On This Illustra!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Be The First To Comment On This Illustration!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;more...&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">more...</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send-br-Feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send<br/> Feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;send-pri-ano-feedbk-to-author&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send private <strong>anonymous feedback</strong> to the author</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click-here-post-public-comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to post a public comment instead</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Title your feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Title your feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Your feedback to&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your feedback to</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;ifyouwouldlikearesponse&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Please type in the security code&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Please type in the security code</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;listen-secret-code&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">You may also <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>listen to a recording of the characters<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Feedback sent successfully&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Feedback sent successfully</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click here to write another&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">click here to write another</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Send Your Feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Send Your Feedback</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-privacy-note&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Note: Literotica values your privacy. No email addresses or names are ever saved from this feature. Once the mail is sent, all information is purged completely from the system.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Thanks!&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Thanks!</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-sent-to&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your feedback was successfully sent to: <xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-click-for-more&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to check for more submissions by <xsl:value-of select="$param3" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;send-emailstory-return-to-the-story&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to return to the story.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;anonfeedback-click-to-recommend&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>Click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to recommend this story to a friend.</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Add-a-br-Comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Add a<br/> Comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Preview&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Preview</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;thisis-preview-if-it-looks-good-click&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">This is a preview of how your comment will appear. If it looks good, please<br/>click the</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Submit Comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Submit Comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;below to post the comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">below to post the comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Edit comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Edit comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Posting...&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Posting...</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Comment posted successfully&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Comment posted successfully</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click here to view it&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">click here to view it</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;write another&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">write another</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;post-public-comment-on-submission&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Post a <strong>public comment</strong> on this submission</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;click-here-send-private-feedback&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/>click here<xsl:value-of select="$param2" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Title of your comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Title of your comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Your public comment about&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Your public comment about</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Post comment as (click to select)&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Post comment as (click to select)</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Preview comment&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Preview comment</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;You are logged in as&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">You are logged in as</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;As user&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">As user</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Username&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Username</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Password&quot; 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