Being Holly

I want to be pretty and graceful.

I finish my workout with walking in heels on the treadmill and I do half like that and the last half in heels with a book on my head.

I want to lose weight, I want to slim down, I want to be pretty and graceful.

Then more training, more sissy training.

I know, crazy right?

No.

I suck with books, with reading but on a sissy blog I did read things that stuck.

Sissy videos and hypnos get the brain trained, makes the sex sissy stuff a habit.

A craving.

And that, that you can turn into training yourself into having new erogenous zones.

I got to the bedroom and settle the dildo on the floor and lube up and get the laptop ready and set it on the bed and take out another dildo. (we have lots now thanks online delivery.) I turn everything on...click the hypno, turn on the MP-3 player and not even needing to get high anymore I just let it go and let it all in and stare, listen as I ride and ride and ride myself to edging falling deeper, deeper into Holly, into this real sissy girl who loves cock not just loves it but training myself to react to it. Training my my ass , working it out...not just for Jamie either but for me.

And the same as I suck and suck and throat the dildo in my hands.

I want this, the happiness, all of it even being just unthinking...yes this bimbo airhead thing brainwashes me but it's...it's like I'm washing out things...Holt... my past, his past like peroxide in old wounds.

Healing me.

... Relax, Keep Watching, Be a Girl, Suck Cock, Be Happy, Be a girl, Be Happy, Lose Weight, Be Happy, Wear Panties, Be Happy, You're a Beta Male, Sucking Cock Makes You Happy, Relax, Be Happy, Keep Watching, Be Happy, Be a Bimbo Girl, Life is Hard, Bimbos get Spoiled, Bimbos are Happy, There's Too Many Thoughts in Your Head, Thinking Makes You Unhappy, Relax, Be Happy, Be a Girl, Be Happy, Suck Cock, Be Happy, Wear Panties, Be Happy, Be a Bimbo, Be Happy, Relax, Be Happy...

I cry because I'm happy watching this, doing this, falling in deeper.

I zone out just deep, deep, deep into the videos.

And the MP-3 Player playing my favorite track.

Time again... time to sink... time to not think... time to let your mind sync... time to touch yourself slowly... time to worship and obey... time to stroke your mind away... time to relax and be happy... no reason to have any care... it is time to be programmed again... time to let the thoughts go out... time to focus and let your submission out... time to relax and be a girl and suck cock... Time again... time to sink... time to not think... time to let your mind sync... time to touch yourself slowly... time to worship and obey... time to stroke your mind away... time to relax and be happy... no reason to have any care... it is time to be programmed again... time to let the thoughts go out... time to focus and let your submission out... time to relax and be a bimbo a sissy slut and be happy... Time again... time to sink... time to not think... time to let your mind sync... time to touch yourself slowly...be a bimbo slut sissy... time to worship and obey... time to stroke your mind away... time to relax and stare... no reason to have any care...be a bimbo sissy slut... it is time to be programmed again... time to let the thoughts go out... time to focus and let your submission out...be a bimbo sissy... time to relax and be a girl and be happy... Time to listen to Jamie...my voice... LOVE... let your fantasies grow and take control... let your arousal grow... feel your mind sink... SINK sink... not a time to think... Time again... time to sink... time to not think... time to let your mind sync... time to touch yourself slowly... time to worship and obey... time to stroke your mind away... time to relax and be a sissy... no reason to have any care... it is time to be programmed again...be a girl...be happy...be a bimbo sissy... time to let the thoughts go out... time to focus and let your submission out... time to relax and be happy and be a bimbo sissy slut... relax and let my voice my LOVE take you there... yes?

I stop when I'm tired, shaking, lungs burning a little and brain just...I cinch the corset tighter since all this does loosen them and I close the laptop and pull myself off the dildo suctioned to the floor and re-plug myself then climb into bed and sleep.

Shaking but in a good way, as my brain and stuff like rewrites?

I know I would freak people out but everytime I wake up after, everyday I feel better, happier.

And by then it's like mid afternoon and I clean things up, clean myself up get changed into more sexy things but clean things and call Jamie, well text and ask him what he wants for supper.

Sometimes he'll bring it sometimes it's just using stuff up his mom had in the freezers.

I have to look that stuff up online and slowing learn and with that stuff being hard it's stuff I'm kind of proud of.

Tonight it's deer roast, something someone gave his mom and I do frozen veggies but with herb butter and skin on baked potatoes and the roast once thawed I followed the instructions on the video with a rubdown of olive oil blitzed with burner charred green and jalapeno peppers a bit of garlic, cumin and slime...uhm slather it in the goop and then roll it in salt and pepper and I set off the smoke alarms doing that really hot cast iron frying pan searing thing.

But I like this, searing both sides then in the oven with the potatoes.

Kinda easy once you know how.

I make my first brownies as dessert and they're not frosted but they're not burnt and...the house, the house smells amazing.

I did that, I did this.

Jamie pulls in and my pulse ticks faster...and yeah it's the videos and the other things pumping me into like feeling yay!

But I'm feeling yay on seeing him, I'm happy he's home, things are better...even as good as I'm feeling now him being home makes it better.

I check my make-up as my mouth waters for his cock and his cum and my body hums and aches, my caged clitty hurts just, just like this morning.

He comes through the door and he has flowers for me and those walk into the shop not the by the cash register flowers and there's this flood of happy enough to cry when he inhales the kitchen smells and smiles.

I'm shaking almost bawling happy as he kisses me and hugs me and then kisses me again a bit deeper. "This smells amazing Holly, you're amazing Holly."

He gives my my first flowers which are these red and yellow daisies I've never seen before and they catch my breath.

I get a vase and water and Jamie's hands wrap around my neck and there's this delicate little feeling of metal on my skin as he fastens this simple heart pendant of gold on my neck.

I know, just know it's real gold.

"Better?"

(Sniffle-happy-sob.) "Better...a thousand times better."

He turns me around to kiss and turns on the kitchen radio and we dance.

My first dance as a girl and I wrap my arms over his shoulders and let out this femmy sigh as happy tears pour out wrecking my make-up and I don't care.

We dance until the oven timer pings and it all turns off and I sink to my knees and give Jamie this I need your cock and am falling for you blowjob.

I shiver with emotion and pent up, overflowing emotion meets programming meets sexuality and as he cums I hold it in my mouth, feeling the heat, the texture, loving his taste...all in this shivering swallow as I have an oral sissy.

Sucking Jamie this time made me squirt a sissy cummy.

I tuck him away and get two cold beers and let him carve the roast as I fix my face.

We eat, we have the brownies with coffee and snuggle on the couch and watch movies that I never got and never seen.

I see The Neverending Story for the first time.

I loved the Rockbiter, loved the Turtle, loved doing this with him.

I do the dishes and he did whatever and then we crashed.

Well not crashed, made love, long and slow and pretty hard...I love hard from behind...my ass is made for fucking, I feel so many little thrills as his cock pounds into me with little shockwaves of his force running through my body...tingling my brain, making my titties jiggle driving my nipples so hard and aching it's good...and this time my new necklace swinging too.

No toys tonight...instead he takes out my MP-3 player and settles the earbuds in and Jamie spoons my pulling the sheets around us and presses play.

"Relax, Relax, Breathe, Be happy, Close your eyes, Relax, Be happy, Be Holly, Be Happy, Holly is a sweet person, Holly is a loving person, Holly is loving, Holly is brave, Holly is kind, Holly is gentle, Holly deserves to be happy, Holly deserves to be loved, Jamie loves Holly, Jamie loves Holly, Jamie loves Holly."

I conditionally dropped into that hypno-trance hearing the first...Relax...

Then, then it slowly started to filter in and I realized what I was hearing and that just...how can you have someone love you in a way that is so alien it breaks your heart in the best of ways?

I...there's like no words and he holds me as I bawl.

And I can't breathe for the tears but I keep hitting replay.

***There will be more Holly later on.***