Being Sexy

So, since this is a How-To, of course it's not going to work for everyone... but I do think that it will work for the majority of the population. Chances are I'm not going to go over anything that you can't get out of Cosmo, but maybe you'll be able to find something helpful to you in here - that's the hope right?!

First things first; if you want to feel sexy you need confidence. Great, you think, someone else telling me that I need confidence, well how the hell am I supposed to get that? It always drives me nuts when magazines write that I just need confidence to be sexy, cuz then they never tell you how to get confident! Then I just feel more un-sexy than ever. So we're going to take care of that right now.

The first step to feeling confident is to feel good about the way you look. And that's a pretty integral part of being sexy, is feeling good about the way you look. Because if YOU think you look good, then EVERYONE else is gonna get that vibe too - and it's the aura around you that counts, more than anything else (that would be the confidence!). Wear something that you're comfortable in. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people dressing up in those ultra-short minis with high heels and low cut shirts, and they go out feeling like they're half-naked and exposed and they feel uncomfortable. When you feel uncomfortable, you LOOK uncomfortable. You might think you're doing a good job of hiding it, but everyone has little tell-tale body signs, and other people just get the feeling that you're uncomfortable. I don't know about you, but I've never had anyone tell me "I just think it's so sexy when someone is uncomfortable."

Yeah. So wear something that you feel comfortable in. If you feel comfortable wearing something revealing, great! If not, we'll work our way up. I definitely didn't feel comfortable showing off my legs for a really long time, so I mostly wore low-cut shirts if I wanted to emphasize a body part. However, contrary to belief, you do not need to be showing skin to be sexy. In fact, NOT showing skin can be just as sexy as anything else. Leaves more to the imagination. A form-fitting turtle neck can sometimes be more alluring than a halter-top that shows off half your cleavage.

And now, I'm telling you this really works, PRETEND to be confident. Practice around your friends, just pretending that you're confident. Tell yourself that you look good, that you feel good.... my friends called it "Fake it till it happens."

Quick tangent, if you are with at least one other person, and you both start fake laughing really loudly and really hard, you will start ACTUALLY laughing. Really laughing, and usually have trouble stopping. You can do the same thing with your confidence; fake it until it actually happens. I swear to god, it works - it's an actual method used by actors.

Anyway, back to the main thing. Confidence is an alluring quality; and it's actually not as hard to find as you would think. Wear comfortable clothes that YOU think look good on you, if make-up makes you feel better wear that - NEVER be afraid to change your outfit if you're not feeling it that day. Maybe it normally looks good on you, and maybe you usually think that you look fantastic in it, but if you just aren't feeling it that day then go change. It's your attitude that makes the difference, not the outfit.

Ok, next step to being sexy... (sounds so easy right?). Laughter. Not necessarily having a good sense of humor - God knows I'd be in trouble - but just the ability to make someone else laugh. Maybe they're laughing at you, but as long as you can also laugh at yourself then you're going to be ok. Don't take yourself too seriously... have you ever heard snobby being described as sexy? When someone does something silly and then can't laugh at themselves, it can be a little off-putting. If you trip on the hem of your skirt (or just over something lying in the way), laugh at yourself. I can't tell you how many times I've fallen down stairs (I'm horribly clumsy), or dropped something, or spilled something... and as long as I've laughed at myself the other person has thought I was cute. In fact, the ability to laugh at myself brought a little spark to their eye... now don't over do it. Don't fake anything, and don't draw out the joke, it's ONLY funny right when it happens. Laugh, enjoy the intimate moment of them seeing you at a low point, and then move on.

Also, just try to make them laugh. Not at you falling down, but attempt a joke that you can think of. Use a witty one-liner - although refrain from saying anything negative. When all your jokes revolve around making fun of people it comes off as mean-spirited or nervous or (worse yet) unconfident. It shows that you're insecure and possibly pointing out the flaws in other people to make yourself look better; that never works. So find something innocent and fun to laugh at. Laughter brings people together like nothing else.

Step three: have something to talk about. Have a hobby or an interest that you want to tell them about. Ok, so maybe they won't think that your kite collection is the coolest thing in the world, but at least they can see that you're passionate about something. Passion is sexy, whether it's about kites, another person, a particular movie, cooking, whatever! When someone meets you and finds out that you're really passionate about something, they can see the possibility for passion elsewhere - and you didn't even have to mention the bedroom!!! Isn't it so much sexier when someone doesn't have to flaunt their sexual prowess? Just by showing passion in other aspects of life, other people will assume that you're passionate everywhere that it counts.

DON'T talk too much about sex. Then you just look like a sex-fiend. Even saying that you're fantastic in bed is too much... if you can do a subtle hint and you want to, then go for it. But never say anything right out. It takes away the mystery... and what's sexier than a little mystery? When people feel like they don't know everything about you, that there's something you're hiding... suddenly you become that much more interesting. If you're flirting with someone and they're asking you questions about yourself, just think about a dirty little secret (a fun one) that you're hiding (maybe your most unique bedroom move) can give your face and body language an extra little flair that says "I'm hiding something... and it's something you wish you knew about me... and it's something really REALLY fun.". Don't over do it, don't try to act like that, just THINK about something and it will come out in your body language.

The biggest thing I can tell you is don't TRY to be sexy. Just try to be confident, have the ability to laugh at yourself, wear clothing that you feel comfortable and attractive in, try to make other people laugh, have something that you're passionate about in your life, and have a few secrets.

Now maybe you're sitting there mad at me, because you're thinking that all that doesn't sound exactly like what you thought sexy was. To most people, sexy is a woman in a little black dress with red lipstick and nails and an alluring smile with gorgeous hair and long legs. But we can't all be that, and wouldn't it be boring if we could? So be your unique brand of sexy, play up to your looks and your talents. Don't TRY to be sexy, just be the things I already listed.

Think about that anyway... is there anything unsexier than someone who is obviously and desperately trying to be sexy?