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"Come on" Belinda said when at last their laughter had subsided, "Let's go out and see if anybody else thinks we're lesbians."
to be continued...
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 8 years agoI'd just like to add to Hiesenhug's notes. Run on sentences are a challenge for authors. What flows naturally from one's mind, may not read naturally for another. Beta readers and editors can identify problems writers can't see when reading their own work.
I try to reserve 'and' for pairings or listings:
"Rum and Coke"
"Jack and Jill"
"May, June and July"
If I use 'and' for another purpose, I ask myself some questions:
'Can I replace this with a comma?'
'Is there enough here for two sentences?'
I think all writers will benefit from hating the 'a' word!
Randee1958almost 8 years agoAs a beginning of a multiple chapter story this is a very heart warming start. Saw a few punctuation errors, other than that I loved it. 5🌟's
BlackCatWalkingalmost 8 years agoAuthorThank you for taking the time to let me know what you thought. I feel privileged that you liked my work.
BlackCatWalkingalmost 8 years agoAuthorWriting for Literotica is a little difficult and my style wasn't really designed for that layout. I struggled a bit re-paragraphing to suit. When it appears, have a look at CH06 where I have more or less re written to add more direct speech. I'm not sure if it works. Tell me what you think.
