Bending the Rules Pt. 05: The Beat

11,438 words.

Reading previous entries first is recommended. Not based on any existing gaming franchise or storyline.

There's probably going to be a longer delay before the next entry. Chin up, and be safe everybody.

*****

/That was quite a performance, even considering my meddling. I'm impressed./

"What the hell did you do?" Nuru said to his shoulder demon.

/I gave her a little bonus of my own./

"Bonus? What does that mean?"

/Not that she knows, yet. Don't spoil it for her./

"Is this how it's gonna be? Cryptic and evasive? This is not what I want for us."

/You really need to learn to use your 'inside voice' in your own head; she's still listening you know. Let me explain something while you get yourself together. Look at you, man, all rags and riches at the same time./

"Fine. Talk, then," Nuru said as quietly as he could.

Nuru gathered up the shredded remains of his clothes, his coin pouch, and whatever was left of his dignity, and started walking home the long way, away from the high-traffic roads.

/I told you I get EXP for these encounters of yours. It's kind of a... recurring quest sort of thing. Well, just like how this pretty thief of yours gets a bonus for style points, demons get combo points. It gets riskier the further you push, but the EXP multiplies the more factors you pull together in these fun times if I get to watch, or participate. Facilitating counts, too./

"What kind of factors are we talking about here?"

/Oh, all kinds of things. Dominance. Submission. Toys. Multiple orgasms. Anything that's new for anybody involved. Piercings. Multiple partners, either in series or simultaneous. Voyeurism. Exhibitionism. Dirty talk. Any kinds of kinks, really; I could be here all day breaking it down./

"What do you mean, kinks?"

/Hells below, you really are ignorant. Are you sure you want to hear this? Or do you want to wait until I Plant Suggestion in your fuck buddies like I did with your cat-burglar friend, and then explain what the hell just happened to you?/

"I mean I've heard of kinks, but I want to know how you define the word. Give me an example. What _did_ just happen?"

/That cutie's got some interesting compulsions. She likes to be in control - likes to be on top. Has a bit of a knife fetish, maybe even a cutting or blood fetish she hasn't come to terms with yet. I just planted the seed in her head, and let the heat of the moment do the rest./

"Wait, she wouldn't have done all that if you hadn't cast something on her?"

/Subtle, isn't it? She can't tell how much was her own idea, and how much you might have inspired in her somehow./

"How about this. I let you know every time I'm about to get into these situations, and you tell me what you think they're into beforehand, and all about whatever triple-word-score meddling you did afterwards."

/Deal./

"See, we can both benefit from this. That's what I want."

/You know, I was hoping that was the case from the beginning. But you kept pulling my powers in the middle of important events, and had actively taken steps to deny me the MP benefits I was supposed to be getting. I thought you were just taking advantage. Like I said, you know what happens when you screw a succubus./

"You get your soul ripped out. I know. But you were so eager, I could tell you had something planned you wouldn't tell me about, and you know what your reputation is like, as a class."

/Sigh. I suppose I can't really blame you. I might have taken advantage in reverse if you had let me./

"Would have, you mean."

/Yes. A girl's got to take what she can get in this world./

"What are you talking about? You can wrap any man you want around your little finger. What do you need with more advantage?"

/Says the man who grew up in the quiet little nerf town where the quest line is handed to him on a platter. The difficulty ramps really slow around there, I know it does./

"Wait. Are you calling me... privileged? Me!? I'm an orphan!"

/You're damned right. Do you know, only one in ten demon babies survive their first year? And it only gets tougher than that. For the most part, a demon's life is carved out in the shadow of bigger demons who simply can't be bothered to acknowledge that we exist. If we get too high-level for their ability to ignore, we'd better have a plan to make ourselves more useful to them alive than dead. And if by some miracle we become the big demon - we live knowing that we've always got a target on our back. I can't rest for a second. Angels, demons, demon hunters, everybody's after my kill EXP, and my little patch of ash./

"Wow. I had no idea."

/Think about that the next time you get an itch in your privates and you want me to help you scratch it with someone else's vulva. I mean I'm not opposed to that, but that MP's gotta come from somewhere, and it's MP I could be doing something else with./

"Uh... right. Ok, I will remember that."

Nuru got home, changed back into his old Level One clothes, and decided to go shopping. But first...

"No extensions. I already gave you the best terms," the banker said sternly.

"I wasn't asking for one. I'm here to make a payment."

"Are you now? Have you completed a single quest? You're wearing the same clothes as when you first took out the loan. And you haven't even washed them."

"Yes, yes. Not the usual kind of quests, but I've had them. And I'm going shopping next."

"I'm not extending you any more credit."

"And I'm telling you, buddy, that I'm here to. Make. A. Payment. Do I have to take my business elsewhere? Because I will."

"Fine, just so we're clear. So many people try to back out on a loan and can't repay it, you wouldn't believe. What are you putting down?"

Nuru put down the whole 500 from the last quest on the table, and deposited the rest into his empty account.

The banker broke into a smile.

"Ah, well. Very good then. No offense, I need to validate all of this. Won't take but a moment."

"Sure."

The banker cast Detect Influence on himself, then dropped all of the coins into a sorting machine. All the different denominations had different weights and sizes, and stacked themselves neatly and separately. He cast Detect Forgery - Nuru assumed that's what it was - and used a few magical implements to examine the stacks.

"Ah, very good, very good. Five hundred exactly. That brings down your debt to... a thousand."

"A thousand?! That's how much I borrowed! It was an annual, it hasn't been a year yet. There must be some mistake."

"It certainly hasn't been a year, but the first amortization on an annual occurs the second day, by Rule. That's the other reason nobody goes for that anymore, especially at those rates. Gotta cover those people who die or refuse to pay somehow."

He pointed to the wall, where among all the other 'fine print,' the relevant facts of it were posted clear as day; if by clear as day, you accept text small enough to make you go cross-eyed, so that it would all fit on that wall.

"They only reason they let me do it is because of how much the loot scales as you level up."

"Ugh. Good thing I didn't wait to start paying this off."

"Don't worry sonny, you've got the rest of the year to knock down the principal before the interest accrues again. At this rate you'll have no trouble paying it off."

"I suppose. Are we done?"

"I don't need anything else. Take care."

"Note to self: no more loans," Nuru muttered to himself as he walked out.

"That's what they all say!" the banker sang gleefully.

"You couldn't even hear me!" Nuru yelled back.

"I don't have to!" the banker grinned.

"Jerk," Nuru muttered, turning back to leave.

"60% say that too!"

"Give it a rest! Your numbers don't account for everything!"

"Huh. That's a new one."

*****

"Let's see... how to turn this into something other than complete disaster," Nuru mused. "Hmm. I'll go check out the museum again. Maybe something will spark inspiration."

He went to the building next to the old school house; outside, children were playing.

"How many?" the older woman said. "Tour?"

"Just me," Nuru said. "No thanks, I'll wander a bit."

"Very well. Just don't think you can go nicking any old thing in here, our prices are very reasonable. Five currency please."

Nuru handed over the coins. The woman stamped a magical glyph onto the back of his hand.

"Thank you very much! I hope you enjoy!"

He walked inside, the glyph on the back of his hand lighting up to match a ward on the floor, opening the magic gate inside. He had to shake his head to reset his expectations; the building itself was a tiny box, but inside it branched off into huge hallways forming several wings not visible from the outside. It was a pocket dimension, Nuru knew; one of this size had to be massively expensive to maintain. His Eidetic Memory was not making it easy to adjust; he couldn't help but remember every single step leading from the outside to the inside, and how vastly different the spaces were and did not agree spacially, giving him quite a bit of vertigo. This was a side-effect he hadn't anticipated. Narrowing his focus to reduce his growing migraine, he wandered a little way down the Armor hall, looking at the displays. It branched off into the different subtypes; heavy, medium, light, decorative, special edition. Down the Light Armor hall he went. Rows and rows of endless variety stood in front of him. Individual pieces sat on floating disc pedestals, slowly rotating to show them off from all angles, and there was usually a complete set mounted on a mannequin as well, showing the set bonus and of course the aesthetics. Most of the enchantments had been stripped off; this was the majority of the value of these things in most cases, but a fair number of duplicates were listed as being available for sale, and some of them still had their enchantments intact. They were mostly for obscure combinations of skill bonuses that wouldn't translate well to a scroll, and weren't in high demand.

Nuru tired of this and took the exit stair back to the entrance, it was mere moments to return to the beginning, but you could walk for hours down the hallways in all directions; the space warped unintuitively, making him feel dizzy and sick. There were some shortcuts if you knew where you were going, but Nuru was not familiar with the numbering system. He went down the Accessories aisle instead. This was generally considered the "junk" category of loot, but he found himself drawn nevertheless to the musical instruments. String instruments (mostly broken or badly maintained), wind instruments... then there was percussion. He wandered down the hall, suddenly and irrationally hoping for some particular instrument to jump out at him. Tambourines, congos, and a hundred other varieties he hadn't known existed stretched away into infinity perhaps, beyond his draw distance. Growing more excited, Nuru raced down one branch, then another, never another soul in sight. Finally he came to a stop at one particular drum, which seemed to glow with an inner light. 'Goblet drum,' it was called. Faintly, Nuru could see the markings of an old enchantment on the dusty blue paint, long faded with years, never stripped away. A mad desire seized him; he couldn't say why but it was suddenly very important to him to own this particular piece. He noted the number on the wall next to it, seeing that there were very few other varieties of this particular kind, and dashed to an exit stair.

"How much for this item?" Nuru asked the woman at the entrance.

"Oh. Not one of the popular categories - Accessories makes up less than 1% of our total sales, and 13% of our bulk intake. Make me an offer."

"Ten," Nuru said, after a moment's thought.

"This particular one we got for slightly higher than average. Make it twenty and you've got a deal."

"It's the only one in that display," Nuru said apologetically.

"Not to worry. My husband makes it looks so nice, but deep down he's really just a pack rat. Wants to own one of every single item that exists, if you can believe it! I keep telling him there's no way it's going to happen, of course; some items are unique and in continuous use or hotly contested among the factions, others have a million possible variations, but he doesn't listen. I suppose after sixty years of adventuring he's earned his quirks. Made his fortune in the last Expansion to start the museum, and now he's getting good money from other high-level adventurers coming back to start a family, to keep it going. I guess I can't complain, but he really could stand to clear out a bunch of it. He won't miss one old drum."

"Thank you. Should I- oh."

The woman had entered the number into a panel on the wall, and suddenly the drum was there, popping out of a hole beneath it.

"No refunds, I'm afraid," she said. "You bring it back, you'll get the going rate for it."

"Very well. Good day!"

Bum. Ka takka takka bum ka takka bum.

He tried out the rhythm he'd heard somewhere, awkwardly making it out on the drum with a few mistakes. The sound was good, but he needed practice.

"Got a strap I can use for this?"

"No. We keep the straps with the original items. Can't mix and match them, sorry."

"Okay."

He took his drum and left, itching to put his fingers to work, but unable to walk and play at the same time. Off to the tanner he went.

"I need a strap, my good man."

"Oh yes, I see. Give me a moment."

The man made some quick measurements as Nuru held the drum about where he thought he'd want it to sit under his arm.

"I think I can arrange this, but I have other orders I'm working on. Give me a day; I'll throw in some rope you can use in the meantime."

He paid a few coins and left, tying the drum a bit awkwardly into position where he could at least reach it. He'd be quietly practicing the drum everywhere he went, now. He went to the library to read up on drum skills. His class as a bard came with basic Music Proficiency, but he'd need to buy the more effective skills as he levelled up. He quickly skimmed the musical theory and techniques he could use, and was happy to note that his DEX score qualified him for all of it. He was definitely going to need some MP sooner rather than later, though his barely-limited-edition '-1 to MP cost' ring was going to be very useful. He went to the temple, finding Father Emeka there as always.

"Nuru! So glad to see you still in one piece," the priest greeted him warmly. "Not here to level up again, are you?"

"No, more's the pity. I need some spells instead."

"Ah. There I can also help you; I'm not an exceptional Soulsmith, but I can get you started. What are you looking for?"

"I need Influence Emotions, and Musical Trance."

"Classic bard. Won't cost much at your level, but you'll be behind on the skill proficiency."

"Not to worry, Father, I have many walks ahead of me on which to practice."

"Very well, then. Leave your tribute on the altar if you don't mind."

"Yes of course."

He shook Father Emeka's hand on the way out, and felt a strange sensation pass over him as he did so; his mind expanded and he felt he could begin to play more effectively than ever before - if only he got his fingers to cooperate. It would just take practice. He went home, picked up some scrolls, and went exploring.

Bum, tikkatak, tikkatak, tikkatak, bum. Bum, tikkatak, tikkatak, tikkatak, bum. He let his fingers follow the patterns until they started to feel natural; his head might know the rhythms, but getting his hands to follow them precisely was another matter altogether. No matter how good your memory, you just couldn't pick up proficiency overnight.

He followed his muse, finally ending up at the place that was familiar. What wasn't familiar was the crowd, however.

"Aw man, what are we gonna do now?" a young barbarian said.

Nuru took a quick survey; they were mostly Level Two and Level Threes. But there were seventeen of them.

"Hey! Hey you!" one of the more perceptive rangers said.

"Eh? What?" Nuru said.

"Hey there's supposed to be an ogre here. Do you know what happened to it?"

"Those damn cultists revived an old forest ogre, we had a raid put together to come kill it but it's not here," one of the Level Three Fighters said. "Hell of a thing, and I know there wasn't another raid set up, I would have heard about it."

"I haven't been here before, today," Nuru said.

"Yeah he probably couldn't hurt a gnat, hadn't got a single weapon on him. You here to join support with some buffs?" a tank said to him.

"No, just wandering around," Nuru said, not liking the look of the crowd gathering around him.

They were bored, armed for a fight, and anxious; a dangerous combination.

"Guys, come on, he's not hurting anybody," one of the healers said.

"What's the matter? If nobody gets hurt, you don't get any EXP," one of the rangers said.

"Aw come on, I'm not out here looking for trouble," Nuru said.

"Sucks for you, we're all out of raid boss, and you're the only one not on the no-PvP list," one of the barbarians said, poking him with the handle of a big club.

"Guys, think about this, somebody probably just came out here and solo'd it to blow a raspberry at the cultists," Nuru said. "No need to take it out on me."

"Need the EXP, man. I'm wasting a whole day out here!" another barbarian said.

"Help me out here?" Nuru said to his shoulder.

/Sorry. Fights aren't my thing, I told you. I'd say buy them a drink, but there's no bar here. You're not woman enough for my preferred way to resolve this.../

He sighed.

"Jaheem. Defend me. Don't kill anyone!"

The lyena appeared right in the middle of the whole bunch as he was summoned. Pandemonium immediately ensued, and bodies started flying all over the place. Nuru carefully backed up and found safety in the nearby trees.

"Dude, so sorry about that."

Nuru jumped, turning to look at the thief that had walked right up next to him. "Gah, you startled me!"

"Oops. Sorry about that, too. Yeah, these guys are mostly all looking for trouble and forgot to confirm the quest wasn't cancelled. I'll bet we get back and find out the ogre moved, or got eaten by a greater gelatinous glob. You don't get those raids going soon enough, something goes wrong, I guess. Kept getting rescheduled due to illness."

"You all right?" the healer girl from earlier said.

"Yeah, no harm no foul," Nuru said. "Huh, at least they seem to be having fun over there."

Distant cries of, "Get him! Get him! Aaah, get him off!" floated through the air.

Jaheem was prancing around, showing off.

"Wanna get a drink?" the thief said. "Name's Faraji."

"I'm Akinyi," the healer offered.

"Sure," Nuru said. "Anybody check around for loot?"

"Yeah," the Akinyi said, "cultists must have come back and taken everything away. Or else whoever was here and killed the re-ogre got it all. Chests were empty and unlocked is all I know."

They all walked back to the inn making small talk.

"So is that a thing? A greater gelatinous glob?" Nuru asked.

"Sure," Faraji said. "Where do you think slime girls come from?"

"Woah, really? I thought they were their own separate thing," Nuru said.

"Men," Akinyi said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh come on, it's an honest mistake. I've never met one," Nuru said.

"No, no, I get it," Akinyi said. "It's the men telling the story who are too wrapped up in checking out her jiggling tits to notice she's the same green color as gelatinous glob monsters. In fashion, I believe the hue's called 'lime booger'."

"Eww. How does that happen, anyway? I mean, why would it look like a girl if it's just a mindless eating machine?" Nuru said.

"Way I hear it, a gelatinous glob takes on some of the attributes of whatever it's just eaten for a little while," Faraji said. "Once it's finished digesting it, it eventually goes back to a its natural blobby shape. Slime girl just means it ate a chick recently."