Berlin

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"I'm sorry," I said hesitantly, "I don't understand."

She sighed and walked over to the window, staring down into the street. Was she waiting for someone, I wondered? "You are aware I am in the cinema?"

"Yes, a very famous actress," I rushed in, not really knowing what to say.

"You've seen my films?" she asked, a mocking tone in her voice as she glanced at me.

"Ah, no. I haven't," I confessed, blushing at being caught out.

"Then, how do you know?" she prompted, her ice blue eyes boring into me.

"Claire told me?" I said hopefully, digging a deeper hole for myself.

"I do not think so. Do not attempt to lie to me again," Caroline said flatly and I felt embarrassed as, after all, I was just trying to make polite, social conversation. "I am attempting to secure a part in an American film or movie as they call it. This movie," she said the word disdainfully, " could help me make money for my twilight years so it is important that I seem unattainable and exotic to these bourgeois American studios. Such fools," she sighed. "No class and no appreciation of cinema art. You have to help me lead them on so I get this part. It will be a good film, not European cinema but good enough to make me a star in Hollywood."

"I see," I said, not really seeing at all. I felt like I was drowning in iced tea, desperately trying to recall if I had ever seen a German movie. "What is the movie called?"

"Called?" She looked at me strangely, obviously wondering why I would want to know the name of the movie. "Stupid title,' she said dismissively. "The Templars and the Saracens". I watched as she lit another cigarette. "It is about fat bankers on Wall Street in Hollywood." I watched her plump lips close around the cigarette as she sucked on it.

"Ah, New York," I said, instantly cursing myself for opening my mouth when she turned that ice-cold gaze on me.

"Yes?" she said icily.

"Ah, Wall Street is in New York," I stammered, "not in Hollywood."

"Do you consider that I even care where that stupid street is?" she hissed and I flinched under that withering gaze for a few moments, my face turning red and sweat starting to form in my arm pits. Thankfully, she turned away and continued. "As I said, it will be a stupid film but it has a good part for me. I don't care what they call it or where it is."

"What is it you want me to do?" I asked after a moment when I considered it safe.

"I want you to answer the telephone in an imperious tone that will always suggest I am busy and in demand. You will also attend to my correspondence, my visitors and any other matters I decide. Cook will provide meals and you will start here each morning exactly on time. Do you understand completely?"

"Yes, I think so."

Caroline stood next to me, gazing down into my eyes and I suddenly felt very small next to her. "Thinking is not good enough but we will see, answer the telephone."

I looked around. "But it's not ringing."

She sighed. "Claire did not tell me you were an idiot, ahnungslos," Carline tapped her forehead with a long finger and I flushed. "Rehearse your answer."

I cleared my throat. "Ms Bahlens residence," I said weakly, looking at her hopefully but her eyes narrowed.

"Pathetic," she pronounced. "Slowly, coldly and with disdain like this. Caroline Bahlsens' Residence. Again."

"Caroline Bahlsen's Residence," I said, copying her style.

"That is better, not much better but better and you will improve." As if on cue, the telephone in the corner jangled and Caroline stared at me.

Nervously, I rushed to it but she stopped me as I reached to pick it up. "Always let it ring three times," she cautioned and after the third ring, hand trembling, I picked it up.

"Caroline Bahlsens' Residence," I said slowly and Caroline nodded in approval.

"Hi there," an American voice crackled over the wire," who's that?"

"This is James, Ms Bahlsens private secretary," I adlibbed and again, Caroline nodded in approval and I suddenly felt proud of myself.

"Hi James, this Dave Reed and I'm calling from London. Put Caroline on, will you?"

"I believe Ms Bahlsen has someone with her, Mr Reed. However, I will check for you." I covered the mouthpiece and looked at Caroline who slowly shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mr Reed, she still has someone with her. Can I take your number and have Ms Bahlsen return your call?"

Reed laughed bitterly. "What for? Caroline never returns calls, not mine anyway. Can you tell her I called and that we are getting closer to the deal? Got that?"

"Yes, Mr Reed," I said, he rang off and I suddenly realised I was sweating.

Caroline stubbed the cigarette out as I waited for her verdict. "That was adequate but you have much room for improvement. Attend to the correspondence and I will return later." With that, she swept out of the room.


Part 3: Caroline Says
'Caroline says she can't help but be mean
Or cruel, or so it seems
Oh, Caroline says, Caroline says'
(Caroline Says – Lou Reed)

I worked through to lunchtime filing letters from directors, screenwriters, producers and fans and the telephone did not ring again. A stout woman who spoke no English at all and who I assumed was cook provided a simple meal of sausage and bread, which I ate while perched by the desk, waiting for the telephone to ring. It didn't so, after a while, I found myself wandering into the lobby and through the grand house. I left the plate in the kitchen and, late in the afternoon, was examining the portraits on the stairs when I heard the telephone ring faintly from the downstairs office. In a panic I was rushing down the stairs just as the front door opened and Caroline stood there in a black full length leather coat, her hair wrapped in a dark scarf and eyes alive with fire.

I felt those eyes on my back as I scrambled through the office door and I reached the telephone just as it stopped ringing. Chest heaving from the exertion, I stood staring at the phone, wishing I could fall through the floor as I heard Caroline enter the room.

Turning, I spread my hands in a form of nervous apology. "Ms Bahlsen," I began but got no further.

"Dummkopf!" she said quietly, her voice full of menace as she slipped out of her coat, tossing it and the scarf onto the sofa. "You know what that means?" she snapped, walking towards me. I could guess but she wasn't about to let me answer. "Fool! Moron! Dummkop!" Her hand flew and slapped me firmly across the face and I reeled back in shock but she advanced and seized my tie. "This is very important to me, you fool! You are destroying my life with your stupidity!" she hissed and I cringed against the desk.

"Ms Bahlsen," I stuttered, my legs pressed against the desk and my head pulled forward by her relentless grip on my tie.

"Silence," she spat and quickly lashed the tie around the top of the chair, pulling me forward into crouching position, my hands flailing uselessly. Caroline pulled open a desk drawer and removed a black cord, the kind that one sees on ornate curtains, and tied it around one wrist and threading it through the heavy chair back and tying it around my other hand. "Now," she announced, "I know you will not leave the telephone again!"

As she stormed off I realised I could reach the telephone but I was secured to the heavy chair by the ropes and my tie. An absurd thought popped into my head that she must have done this before but I immediately dismissed it.

I was left alone in the room in an embarrassing position. A few struggles told me I could not move and an immediate feeling of helplessness swept over me and, to my horror, I felt my cock start to swell in my tight trousers. How humiliating, I thought, I'm getting an erection and it will be obvious to whoever walks back into this room. It could be Caroline or the cook and I felt my face burn at the thought.

Silently, I commanded my cock to subside but arousal was rising in me stronger than I had ever felt it and the hardness remained. I heard the door open behind me and my face was hot as my cock pulsed as a strange combination of helplessness and humiliation engulfed me, making me dizzy with desire.

I heard the click of a cigarette lighter and, a moment later, the acrid smell of cigarette smoke. Slow footsteps and Caroline was standing beside me and I felt her eyes boring into me, my cock continuing to throb with desire. "So," she said softly, "I think we have discovered something?"

"I'm sorry, Ms Bahlsen," I croaked, hoping she was talking about the episode with the telephone and not my pounding erection.

My face flushed as I felt her fingers trace my hard cock through those tight fashionable trousers. "Yes," she whispered, her breath warm against my ear, "we have discovered something, ja?" I hung my head, hoping the floor would swallow me up when her fingers expertly opened my trousers. I gasped in horror and shame as I felt her peel my trousers down and they fell around my knees. "Such ugly things," Caroline said in a flat voice as she revealed my grey briefs. I opened my mouth to protest but no sound emerged as she deftly peeled my briefs down and my hard cock bobbed free.

Caroline exhaled some smoke as her fingers lightly ran up and down my hard cock for a few seconds and then they were gone. "You will call me Madame," her harsh voice seemed to echo in my ear, "and you will obey me completely. We will not have any more of these stupid mistakes. Do you understand?" she asked in a voice that dripped with menace.

"Yes Madame," I murmured, head hanging low, my hard cock on display and my face crimson with humiliation.

She walked away and I assumed, no hoped, she was going to leave the room. I heard rustling of clothing and then a sharp whistling noise followed by a sharp crack against my bottom. "Ow," I cried in shock and exclaimed again and again as she slashed at my bare ass with, I suspected, the belt of her coat.

After a few strokes, she finished and quickly unlashed my hands and my ties. Standing, my eyes pricking as I fought back the urge to cry, I couldn't resist rubbing my stinging bottom as she stood close to me and her fingers slowly circled around my cock. I moaned as she slowly caressed me and then, maddeningly, stopped. "You enjoyed that, didn't you?" she whispered. "The humiliation, the submission and the pain, all of it?"

I blinked the tears away, rubbing where she had whipped me and looked down at my hard and bobbing cock. "You may relieve yourself," she breathed in my ear, standing so close and I looked at her in shock and shame, arousal filling my every need. Caroline saw my burning face and smiled coldly. "We have no secrets now, James," she said. "I know exactly what you are and that you need my command. Now," she snapped, "I will not order you again."

Dazed and incredibly aroused I watched as if from a distance as my own hand encircled my straining cock and slowly began to masturbate as this incredibly beautiful woman watched, a cold mocking smile on her face as she watched.

It didn't take long and I traversed that invisible boundary and erupted into the most powerfully intense orgasm of my life, my seed spraying over the desk. Chest heaving, gasping for breath and my face burning in humiliation, I waited.

"Clean it up, James," she said in a calm voice. "Be on time tomorrow. Schlaf gut." Seconds later she was gone from the room and, the front door slamming, from the house.

Part 4: Sister Europe
'lonely in a crowded room
the radio plays out of tune
so silently
the radio upon the floor
is stupid, it plays aznavour
so out of key

sister of mine, home again'
(Sister Europe – The Psychedelic Furs)

I often think back about that moment, the moment I gave in to her without a simple symbol of defiance against her strong determined will to punish me. Was it something I wanted, needed? Or was I so used to other people, especially my father, making decisions for me that I just automatically acquiesced?

The psychology of dominance and submission has fascinated me since, teased me with its many connotations as I valiantly attempted to understand all the permutations and, finally, realising that no simple formula, no simple answer, can ever exist.

Caroline, however, believed she knew it all, that she had complete governance of all the nuances and that all submission belonged to her. She also, after a time, with me anyway, expected it and I gave it completely.

Europe, sister of America and England but not that close, perhaps half-sister is more apt a description. Alien to me but strangely, even after all that had happened to me that day, I felt at home, at one and at home, home again.

Home again in Berlin and how I remember it, I remember it well. At that time it was a strange and lost city, different from the rest of Germany, different from Europe. Part of the city believed the propaganda of 'Cabaret' and myths regarding the in between World War period and its bohemian behaviour while other sections of the community strived to transform the city into the financial capital of Europe. Unknown to us and to the rest of the western world, the Berlin Wall, that intractable and immutable object, was beginning to show fine and delicate cracks and in time would bulge against the surge of eastern failure.

Shamefully, I had retired to my small room after cooks meagre meal, bathed and fell into my cot so I could rush to sleep to escape the images of what I had just done with my new employer. After watching television and striving to assimilate some of the language, I switched off the tv and the lights and lay in the dark, begging sleep to come. I tossed and turned, sometime crying 'No' out loud as I tried to erase the image of my humiliating masturbation from my tired mind.

At last, sleep took hold of me but I was dragged from it's comfort late in the night by the erratic sounds of Caroline arriving home, soft drunken or drugged singing accompanied her teetering and strange movements up the stairs to her bedroom. Strangely, the knowledge she was under the roof again comforted me and I fell immediately into a deep sleep.

I was on time the next morning and worked studiously on her correspondence for some hours, although I was afraid to face her but I need not have worried as Caroline finally swept in dressed in a stylish cream suit and dark glasses to hide her eyes.

"Guten Morgen Madame," I said nervously as Caroline entered. "Coffee, Madame?"

"Danke," she muttered and collapsed on the sofa as I poured the thick brew that Germans seem to love that cook had left for us.

As she sipped the coffee and I thought I saw her hands tremble, the telephone rang, it's shrill bell cutting the air like a knife. I waited for the three rings and then picked the receiver up. "Ms Caroline Bahlsens Residence," I said slowly and primly.

"That you James?" the American drone from the day before wafted down the line while Caroline drank her coffee, my anxious face reflected in the dark lens of her glasses. "This is Dave Reed. Is Caroline available?"

"I'm terribly sorry, Mr Reed," I said and Caroline turned her face to look at me and I saw my reflection in both lenses. "I'm afraid Ms Bahlsen is in conference with two gentleman from France." I thought I detected a faint glimmer of a smile on her face when she heard my improvisation but I continued to focus on the voice at the other end of the tired European telephone network.

"From France?" Reeds voice took on an urgent tone. "Say, James, was one of them a tall guy with a beard?"

"I am sorry, sir but I am unable to confirm that description."

"Yeah, yeah," Reed said dismissively. "I get the picture. She's talking to her friends in France. They love her there. Ok, James, this is what you got to tell her. It's all go; I'm talking contract and dollars now so she has to hang on. You got that?"

"I think so, sir."

"Ok, you make sure you tell her. And, by the way, the working title is no longer that Templar thing. It's called 'Massacre on Wall Street'. Ok?"

"Very good sir. Thank you for calling." I slowly replaced the receiver and looked up. "It's now called 'Massacre on Wall Street', Madame and he's talking dollars."

Caroline stood and walked over to me, her arm sweeping behind my back, holding me close as her hot lips claimed mine. My cock sprang into hardness as she kissed me, her tongue probing my mouth, taking possession and control. I was gasping as she pulled away and I saw my flushed and panting face reflected in her glasses. "I think we now understand each other," she said, a mocking tone in her voice as she pulled a cigarette from her gold cigarette case and extended her lighter towards me. "Do we not?"

"Yes Madame," I said softly, my cock pulsing as I flicked the lighter and lit her cigarette.

She reached out and held my trembling hand steady as she lit her cigarette. "Are you hard?"

"Yes Madame," I murmured, my cock pulsing in my trousers.

"Excellent," she said calmly and sat on the sofa. "You have work to complete, do you not?

"Yes Madame." As I turned back to the desk and the correspondence, I heard a soft giggle behind me.


Part 5: Let There Be Love
'it heals and it hurts
She leads you to heaven's door
And leaves you for dirt'
(Let There Be Love – Simple Minds)

We worked together through the morning, answering the pile of letters that sat on the antique desk. She paced as she dictated and I typed into the word processor then printed them onto her elegant letterhead for Caroline's signature. The dark glasses were tossed aside after her second cup of coffee and her eyes were clear and ice blue when she turned her gaze on me.

Her presence was arousing to me and once, when she bent next to me to sign a letter, her musky perfume swept over me, sending my cock to back instant hardness. After a while she ceased pacing and elegantly sprawled on the sofa to smoke a cigarette while I printed the last of the letters. As I brought it to her, I saw her skirt had risen up and my eyes were drawn to her nylon-covered thighs, my cock was immediately hard.

Face hot I glanced up and saw a mocking smile on her face as she saw the bulge in my pants and she waved a long admonishing finger at me while that teasing smile remained.

We worked through to late lunch and drank a glass of wine with the heavy meal cook had prepared. Caroline recalled funny stories from her many movies and I was soon hanging on every word.

I watched as she slowly stood, her blue eyes staring down at me for a long moment, then that teasing smile on her face as she turned and started up the staircase. A crooked finger and I was quickly following after her, my eyes fixated on that lush bottom in that cream skirt moving from side to side as she slowly climbed the staircase.

Her bedroom was large with a substantial four poster bed in the middle, dark curtains covering the French Doors which opened to the balcony that hung over the busy street. "Naked, please," she airily instructed and disappeared into what I assumed was a dressing room.

Nervously, I removed all my clothes and stood embarrassed next to the bed, my hard cock jutting from my body. Caroline stood in the doorway, a black cloth bag in her hand, looking me up and down with that strange smile still on her face.

"Bed," she snapped and I lay down, watching her as she removed items from the bag and I was soon tied spreadeagled on the bed. Caroline sat beside me and teasingly ran her fingers over my straining cock. "We do things my way," she said in a matter of fact tone as she slipped her dress off over her head and I gasped as she smiled down at me dressed in a white silky slip.

Leaning down, her hot lips closed over mine, her teeth pulling on my bottom lip as she rang her finger through my long hair. I was gasping for breath when she pulled back and dangled a black silk scarf over my face. "You will focus on me," she said, wrapping the silk over my eyes and I was plunged into darkness.