Best Friends Forever

"So, okay, I will be doing what you suggest, Sam. I will be rethinking the friendship thing. I will be thinking about it a lot and very deeply," I said.

"Good," he said, "I think that's good and the right thing to do."

What I hadn't said, or admitted to Sam, was that I had already been thinking along the lines that he'd laid out to me. Old offenses were going to be both forgiven and forgotten.

******

The man in white came through the big doors, and he had the look, well, a business like look.

"Doctor Kohlburt?" I said.

"Yes, Mister Clausen, she's doing fine. She's sleeping now and will be for quite a while. But, you'll be able to go in to her in a little bit. They're taking her to her room now," he said.

"And," I said.

"And, the operation, this first one, was a success. The bandages will come off in a week's time. The entire healing process is always a matter of how well the patient reacts to all of the protocols. But, I'm thinking in your wife's case it'll be about a month.

"I should caution that there are still more procedures that need to be attended to, but she will pull through, and she should be as good as new or nearly so in a few months at most," he said. "I know you're anxious to get it all over with and done, but she was in a very bad way, and we all just need to be patient and let the healing process take its course."

"Doctor, thank you very much for your help. They said you could work miracles. I guess you have," I said.

"Don't know about miracles, but in this case, things are looking good," he said.

******

"She's still sleeping?" said Claire.

"Yes, she was a wake for a little while, and we were able to share a few words; but I guess rest is the order of the day. I hate it that I have to work during the day. I want to be with her all of the time. But, the doctor, and even Sam and Henry and your husband, tell me that I need to get back to work and start earning a living so I can support that very high maintenance woman in there," I said. We were standing and doing some pacing, in my case the mental kind, in the waiting room just outside the ICU room that Ann was in. We could see everything through the floor-to-ceiling glass wall of the one person unit.

"Yes, well, I'm sure they're right, James. All of the worrying or the worst parts of it for sure, are in the rearview mirror now. Becca will be here in a little while to take over for us. She'd grown to really like your wife," said Claire. I think that they're bonding pretty well. That's a good thing in my opinion."

"Yes, yes it is," I said, "and you're right they had developed a relationship over these past couple of years. I know we, you and I and Rodney haven't talked about it much. But . . ."

"Yes, I mean no, we haven't. James soon, one of these days, you and I have to have a sit down. Would that be all right?" said Claire.

"Yes, that would be fine," I said. "Whatever you want. You and Rodney came to the rescue of my wife and I won't be forgetting that ever."

"Jim, Rodney and I want you to know that you have carte blanche with us. Whatever you need, or Ann, we're there for you mister. Okay?" she said.

"Sure, no problem," I said. She could see I was still holding back something. She called me on it.

"James, stop that now. I know that the problems of the past are deep rooted in you, but it's time to let it all go and to start new," she said.

"Sure, you bet," I said, and I said it in my least convincing tone of voice.

"Jim Clausen!" she didn't quite scream.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. You weren't there of course to hear him, but Sam told me the same thing you just did. I mean about dumping all of the old baggage. Can I say that I'm in the process? Like you said, all of it is kinda deep rooted. I think sometimes I just react the way I have conditioned myself to react. It's not even how I really feel, at least I don't think it is." She nodded.

"Yes, I understand, I guess. It has to be hard for you," she said.

"It kinda is. I mean I am so grateful first to God for you and your husband being there, and second for the chance to maybe make everything right again. But, I do still have some feelings that are out there. Feelings for you, Claire. I wanted and want you to be happy. And, I wanted to be the one to make you happy. When I lost that chance, and realized that maybe I'd never really had that chance; well, it cut real deep. But, as you say one of these days we'll be talking you and I, and, I'm hopeful for a positive outcome," I said.

"Me too, Mister, and I do understand," said Claire. "And we will indeed be having that little talk."

I saw her before Claire did.

"Becca," I said. "Glad you could make it. I know you had work today. How are you?" I hadn't seen her for a few days, our schedules didn't mesh. I knew she'd been by of course, taking her shift as we were all beginning to refer to our times with my wife.

"Good Dad. I'm good and happy to be here. How is she," said Becca, nodding toward the sleeping woman in the room across from us.

"She's good," I said. "The doctors have been keeping a close eye on things."

"Well, good," she said. "Hi mom." She turned to her mother and smiled. It felt strange, no good, the three of us there together: mom, dad, and daughter. I wondered if either of them had a clue how I felt about that. Life, she was complicated sometimes. This was one of those times.

******

I headed on home. I needed to get a little sleep myself. And, I needed to think about what Claire had said about our sitting down together. Yes, for sure that. I really did have things to think about and consider. Sammy's thinking came back to me. What also came back to me was the realization of how close to Sammy's thinking was Claire's, and really, my own. I just wondered, still wondered, considering everything that the two of them advised, if it was actually going to be possible to completely dump all of the bad stuff built up over so many years. Well, we'd, I'd, be seeing I supposed.

And then it was six months later and my wife was home and working in the garden and looking as beautiful as she ever had, at least to me.

CHAPTER 24:

I was exiting the chapel in my chair, and he came up to me. "James, how are you?" said Captain Traynor.

"Good, Captain, good. You and Captain Dora?" I said.

"Yes, also very good. A couple of your friends came by the other day," he said.

I looked him askance. "Sammy and Henry?" I said. The dynamic duo did know the Traynors of course. They'd each talked to them a number of times both together and individually over the last few years. But, I also knew that they hadn't talked to them recently, for quite a while actually, and certainly not in the months since Ann had gotten back.

"Yes, oh and they didn't come by to talk about you though both you and Ann were mentioned obviously," he said. "No, they're planning on coming to church more regularly, the both of them." I think my mouth was hanging open.

"The Salvation Army church?" I said.

"Yep," he said. "Sam had asked some questions before, but hadn't shown any real interest at the time in coming in, but he has now; the both of them have. Surprised me as much as you seem to be surprised," he said.

"Yeah, well I am surprised," I said. "Yeah the two of them will be talking to me right soon. Like maybe today." I didn't laugh, didn't really smile, but I knew the captain could see that I was wanting to understand what was going on.

"On another score, how are you and the Pollard family getting on?" he said. Again I didn't smile, but I did nod in a positive way.

"Okay, I guess," I said. "They were there for Ann when it counted. A man can't forget something like that; I never will for sure."

"Hmm," said the Captain.

"Yes?" I said. It was clear to me that he wanted to tell me something or comment or something, but was reticent to do so.

"Yes, I know they were there for the two of you, and I do men the two of you. I had the feeling that Mister Pollard was very much as interested in resolving issues with you as he was of supporting Ann's recovery," he said. I nodded.

"Well, we're getting on pretty good these days, to answer your question," I said.

"Hmm," he said.

"Captain, is there something?" I said.

"No, no, it's just that; well, I ran into him, Mister Pollard, the other day," he said. "He was kind of iffy about how the two of you were getting on. As a matter of fact, he said pretty much the same things you just got done saying almost word for word actually."

"Well, okay," I said. "That's good right? But I mean but iffy?"

"James, I've been in this business for a long time as you know. It's clear to me that at best you are doing your best to 'not' offend Mister Pollard. But, maybe not your best to heal old wounds," said Captain Traynor.

"Captain, I mean, I'm not sure that I understand you," I said.

"Jim, have you visited the man? Have you invited him to your place just to watch a ball game? I know you thanked him, said all the right things after Ann recovered thank the Lord. But well, I mean . . ."

I was nodding. I looked away and then back at the man. "It's hard, sir, very hard," I said.

"Things, worth the time to do or to have often come with a lot of hard work attached to them, Jim. Anyway, think about what we've talked about today. Okay?" he said.

"Sure, I guess," I said.

******

The man was right. There was no doubt about that. But could I do what he was suggesting? I wasn't sure about that, not sure at all. But he had made a couple of offhand suggestions that might be worth the time to consider, and I had now consider them, and now I wondered if my ex-best friend forever would be on time.

I was tilting back a Lite. I heard the car pull up out front. I wheeled myself over to the window. I smirked, right on time I thought. Not early not late, but right on time. I had left the door ajar. He knew to push and enter. It had been the way I had arranged things the few times he and Claire had visited after Ann'd gotten back from Grayson. It had been four or five months since the last time.

"Hello," I said, as he let himself in as predicted. He did close the door behind him; well, it was cold outside; January usually was.

"Back atcha," he said. "Thanks for the invite. Ann around?" She hadn't been in evidence since he walked in, hence the question.

"No, believe it or not she's at church. A women's club thing," I said. She doesn't like baseball anyway. Get yourself a brew; I stocked up." He nodded and headed for the kitchen. He was back in one minute.

"So what's the occasion?" he said coming back into the front room.

"Nothing. I mean the ballgame, but nothing besides that. It just occurred to me that after everything that we hadn't gotten together for anything or talked or—anything—I mean since Ann got out of the hospital," I said.

'"Okay," he said, and he said it slowly, suspicion the order of the hour.

"Oh hell, Rod, it's taken me a bit of time, but after everything, as I say, I think we need to reconnect as friends. You did some stuff, you and Claire. I reacted. Then you came through for me and Ann, and I well, and now I'm reacting.

"I have to tell you, ask you, make this easy on me, Rod. It's uncharted territory, and I'm not real good at navigating stuff like this," I said.

"Okay, okay," he said. "But can I ask you something?"

"Sure, I guess," I said.

"Are you saying that we're friends again? I mean this is not just a matter of us burying the hatchet and calling things even, but actually friends again?" he said.

"I think so," I said. "What do you say, think, want?"

"You know damn well what I want, big guy," he said. He came at me, not to me, but at me and offered me his hand. I took it and shook it and I think I won the squeeze contest.

"Okay then," I said.

"Okay then is right. Now, what time does the game start," he said.

I looked up at the clock. "About fifteen minutes," I said. I raised my almost empty Lite and started to turn toward the kitchen.

"Hang on there hoss, I'll get it." I nodded my okay to be served. Well, I am a cripple, and there are some perks, small ones, that even an asshole like me will accept without complaint or demonstration of false pride.

******

"You're fucking kidding me!" said Claire.

"No, and I almost lost it when I realized what he was trying to say," said Rodney.

"Well, how do you like them apples," she said. "It's fucking time!"

"Oh yeah, and I think from now on we're going to be good," he said. "He has actually buried the past. Or maybe that's not quite right. He's decided to forgive the past and be grateful for the present which he sees as good because of what we were able to do for him, and I do mean him. Ann was the catalyst, but he's the one who got the most relief, at least that's what I think."

"I think you're right at least on the emotional level. Yes it was him we saved. And in the saving earned his forgiveness for, well, all of it," she said.

"I feel like celebrating," he said.

"The Crossroads?" she said.

"Sounds good. Maybe we'll bump into him there but probably not. He was kinda disappointed when his Dodgers ate the weenie today. I think he's going to be moping around. Oh, and he an Ann are coming over next Saturday. He has to ask her, but I don't see it likely that she'll demur."

"That's good about them coming over. Oh, and I should ask, we're you wearing your Padre's cap today?" she said.

"Of course! Oh and I even offered to get him one which almost ruined our new-old friendship," he said. The two of them started laughing. Well, it was a good moment and one a long time in coming.

******

The Crossroads was busy. Marie and Jackie were both on duty, and both of them were running. Marie was handling the bar and Jackie was handling floor operations. Marie in her early sixties and Jackie the youngster in her early fifties were moving like teenagers on speed.

"Ain't got no tables, Rod," she said. But Sam and Henry got one; wanna join 'em," she said.

Rodney looked at his wife. She nodded. "Okay, that'd be good," said Rod.

"Well howdy doody," said Henry, as the Pollards pulled up seats across from them.

"Too you too Henry, Sam," said Rodney Pollard, catching his wife's coat as she tossed it to him and took her seat next to him. "Jackie said you had to let us sit here because they were short of booths tonight."

"Yeah, well that's how things are done here in the cheap seat section," said Henry, smirking.

"So, a night out on the town?" said Sam.

"Exactly," said Rod.

"Not so," said Claire. The two friends across from her looked her askance. "No, we're here to spend Rod's winnings."

"Huh?" said Sam.

"He took ten bucks off of James today: the Dodgers-Padres," she said, "and he's gloating though only to me."

The two friends broke up laughing.

"Jesus," said Henry. "That actually makes me feel good. But, you do have to give the man a chance to get even; I mean he is kinda poor, I mean compared to you guys."

"Yeah well, there is a poker game, oh and a dinner at our place next Saturday," said Rodney.

"Oh, you two are gonna play one on one?" said Henry.

"No, no we got a couple of other fells lined up," he said.

"Yes," said Claire, "You know 'em too. Names are Henry and Sammy."

"Yeah we know 'em," said Sammy. "I hear they're pretty slick players too."

"Hmm," said Rodney, "Well, I hope they bring some cash with 'em. There's a twenty dollar buy in."

"Yeah, well I hear that they're pretty well heeled," said Henry, "so that ain't likely to be a problem."

"But Rodney, so everything is cool with you guys and our man?" said Sam.

"Yeah it is, at least it's getting there I think," said Rod. "He says it is. I actually think we have a little ways to go yet: but the ice has been broken, the wall has been breached, progress has been made; well, you get the idea." The two men across from him nodded.

"Thank God," said Sammy.

"Yes for sure," said Claire.

"Rod," said Henry, "I got a call from Captain Traynor from the Salvation Army today. Sammy and I will be attending his church more or less regularly. We're not going to be full-fledged members, but we will be attending. We like the people."

"Huh?" said Rod.

"Yes," said Sammy, "We kinda got to know them, the Traynors, through Jim. They're good folks."

"Well, that's nice," said Claire. "I agree they are nice people. We're Catholics of course, but the Traynors do good work, and we, Rod and I, appreciate that about them."

"Yes, well they did a lot for Jimmy. That kinda did it for us too. Those kinds of people are our kinds of people, not enough like 'em," said Henry.

The group talked for almost two hours over drinks and nachos. Henry and Sam did buy the first round. The next rounds were on the Pollards; well, they had the big bucks.

******

"Whatcha doin' cowboy," said Ann, coming up behind him.

"Oh Ann! Nothing really, just catching the last of the sun's rays," I said. "I think it's warming up."

"Hmm, so you thinkin' about anything?" she said. He knew what she was getting at.

"No, I mean just him, them: it's kind of surreal to me, I mean getting along with them as though nothing ever happened. I mean I guess I'm glad we're all getting along and all," I said.

"I know how it is. I went through a bit of the same when it comes to thinking about how my ex did me too," said Ann.

"Do you think about the guy much? I mean you haven't said much about him in quite a while," I said.

"Oddly no. Or better said, when I suspect you're running your history through your head, it makes me remember the things that he did to me. But otherwise hardly ever at all," she said.

"So I'm the catalyst for you having bad thoughts?" I said. I didn't want that, absolutely I didn't!

"The catalyst? I guess that that would be one way to characterize it. But it's more like I realize how much you were hurting and maybe still are, and then I compare my situation to yours and I don't feel so bad.

"Am I doing things the right way, Ann," I said. "The Traynors, well Captain Morris, it was him kind of got me off and on."

"You ask are you doing the right things dealing with them. I think you are doing a useful thing, and 'maybe' a good thing. Is it the right thing for you given everything that's happened over all of these years? Boy that's a toughie. I guess it is. You don't, you really don't, need to spend your life living in a sea of bitterness. That would be the wrong thing. So, again, are you doing the right thing? I have to say yes.

"But, Jim, it's clear that there will be times when it doesn't feel right, when it doesn't work for you. For that problem you need me. Don't keep me in the dark. No, keep me in the loop, or, as the man said, 'Then this too shall pass,' meaning the bad thoughts," she said. I was nodding.

The woman next to me was way smarter than I was. I had to be thankful for that one, and the bad guy was the catalyst for bringing her into my orbit if not actually responsible for making it happen for me.

"I still feel funny being around the two of them. When it's just him it's not so bad, but if she is there with him I keep thinking of how long it was that I was her cuckold. And . . ." I started but stopped.

"And," she said.

"I know it's going to sound stupid, but I wonder if they talk about me, and laugh at me for being so dumb and gullible for all of those years. If I knew that they were laughing at me . . ." I said.

"I doubt that they do any of that. They really do owe you a debt that there is no possible way for them to pay. There are likely times when they, or one or the other of them, may feel trapped because of that little reality. But, they don't strike me as the kind of people that are so petty that they would make fun of you off the cuff like your suggesting," she said.