Best Friends Forever

"Okay yes," I said. "I have to say I'm a little shaken here by the sheer size of the numbers you've laid on me, but okay."

"That's why I didn't want to tell you the cost. But again, Rod told me that I had to tell you if you insisted on knowing. So, well, I have," she said.

"And one more thing, Jim," she said.

There's more?" I said.

"Jim, I know that Rod mentioned to you our desire to be godparents to the babies, our namesakes. And, I know you agreed. I just want to double down on what Rod already told you. We aim to be actual godparents not merely ceremonial ones. If anything were to happen to either you or Ann, well, those two children will never have a damn thing to worry about," she said. "Okay?"

"Okay," I said.

"I think it's time to tour the dance floor again. I mean if you're up for it," I said.

She smiled big time and I led her out amongst 'em.

Back in our seats I felt her hand come to rest on where the remnant of my right leg met my pubic area. I could feel my face flush. She looked at me and smiled.

"You look warm," she said, knowing damn well what she was doing to me. "You can let your hand rest on my breast if you like. This is a date and we are adults." I swallowed and dared the undareable. I felt her up.

"I shouldn't . . ." I said, but I didn't stop from doing what I was doing. I don't think I could have; it was a hot moment.

"It's okay big boy, but you're going to have to do your wife up pretty good tonight or in the morning," she said, giggling.

"For damn sure," I said.

******

We drank and danced a couple more times. And then I laid it on her. It had occurred to me while we were dancing that she'd laid it on me, all of the stuff from all of the years before, from her point of view and maybe Rod's. It occurred to me that I needed to do the same, but from my point of view.

It was getting late. We were on our third round. "Claire, you told me tonight, earlier, how you see and saw things, and made a good case for the way things should be going forward and how maybe things should have played out back in the day. Would you be okay with me venting a little too,' I said.

She looked over at me, nodded and narrowed her eyes a little bit. "Okay," she said, "sure." She'd said "sure," but it was a slow sure and well it might have been.

"Claire, over so many years I've gone over everything that happened in those early days after our breakup many times. I think I've pretty much figured it all out too. I mean the why it all happened as well as the how," I said.

"Okay" she said.

"I know from his own mouth, Rodney's, that he came on to you, not you onto him. It is true that you gave in awfully easily, and after long consideration that hurt me more than his part in it. Damn few men were going to be able to resist you, Claire, and Rodney Pollard was not one of those who were going to be an exception to that rule.

"You know I might only be a retired truck driver, Claire, but I'm no dummy. I read a lot. I've learned about people through my reading. After the breakup I began to think or realize, take your choice, that you never really loved me. The fact is that Rodney told me, or maybe implied it might be a better word, that although I'd gotten my bid in first to be your husband he said that you never should have married me. I thought he was full of shit at the time, but then I met Nadine and we did good for a while. And then I met Ann and now we're doing good. I learned from my experiences with them, Claire, that sexually I never got your 'A' game. And that's when I realized you never really loved me. You liked me. You were willing to help me get my rocks off, but love me? No. You thought I was an okay guy, and you saw me as a duty, a responsibility because you married me. But, when Rod put pressure on you to leave me and he did, even if it didn't seem like he did, you caved.

"Jimmy, it is not true that I didn't love you. I did and I do. No, not as much as I love Rodney. I would never claim that. But, you sure as hell were never chopped liver. Tonight this little date is a real one. It's going to undoubtedly be the last one, but it is a real one. And, yes it's a little bit crazy. As crazy as my proposal to you the day you discovered Rod and me in that guest room. He and I had fun those days, but we had not at the time gotten emotionally involved; that happened later," she said.

"No, Claire, that is simply not true. I think it was Malraux who said that 'men are nothing more than a miserable little pile of secrets,' something like that. That was the two of you. Three years of secrets. What secrets? Of course I have no way of knowing the details of any of that, but I can guess," I said.

"Jimmy . . ." she started.

"It would be my guess," I said interrupting her, "that the two of you, but especially you, were always comparing me with him. And, I'm guessing here, but not really, that I came off badly in the comparison. Can you deny it, Claire?" I said. She looked away.

"Hmm, yes," I said. "Can't fault your honesty.

"Claire, for all of it I see myself as guilty in all of this as either of you two. I could have had a life, gotten on with things as a half dozen people have advised me to do over these past many years. And, I did try believe it or not. But, every time I did something happened that kicked me in the gut and sent me back to being the loser I ultimately became," I said.

"Huh?" she said. "What are you talking about, loser! You are no loser buster and never were. A dummy? Yeah maybe. You could easily sell me on that one. But never a loser, never!"

"Hmm, whatever. After Rebecca was born, or rather after I found out she'd been born, I damn near died of frustration. Him being with you. Him being her main and real daddy, me broke and ruined and emotionally destroyed. What did I have to live for but hate," I said.

"Jimmy, you needed a woman. I knew that. Everybody knew it. That would have solved the problem, everything," she said.

"A woman, yes, but the woman I wanted didn't want me. I will say I did try, and eventually I did score with Nadine. She was what I needed. But then . . ." I said.

"Then you saved us. You were and are my hero. And, for what it's worth your Rod's too," she said.

"A fucking hero? I wanted my kid to love me, and she didn't. I wanted an ex-wife to at least not diss me on a regular basis, and I didn't get that either . . ."

"Jim, whatever you think, Becca loves you, she does," said Claire.

"Really? As long as we're being honest here, tell me you weren't coaching her to be nice to me. Tell me she was thrilled to be around me, especially after half of my body was chopped off? Tell me, Claire," I said. "Tell me she thinks of me as a real father, not just some low level uncle!"

"Jimmy, yes, I admit to advising her to say the right things to you because you were so emotionally unstable. I knew it. Rod knew it. And, as young as Becca was at the time, she sensed it too. And if it matters, now that she's an adult, she has come to love you as much as she ever loved Rodney. More, she respects you. And she does consider you as a father, not her only one, no; but one of two real dads not any uncle shit, believe me. But, as for that, I think Ann gets some of the credit there: she's trained you right, and you seem to, well, to have become an adult yourself. And, that's not a knock on you. Hell no it's not! You've had pressures on you the like of which Job would have had to respect," she said.

"Hmm," I said.

"Jimmy, we start new tonight. Okay," she said.

"I guess, I think we do," I said. "Oh, and because of you, I guarantee you that Ann is going to get a truly legendary screwing tonight!"

"Yes, well I damn well hope so. She deserves one, I mean a good one," said Claire.

******

Claire drove me home. The kids had gone once Ann had returned from dropping me at the Crossroads. They were slated to return the following Saturday for a small barbecue that Ann had planned for us all.

Claire and I sat in the car silent for some minutes before either of us spoke. She broke the ice.

"It's customary for the man to ask the girl for a kiss at the end of a nice date," she said. I didn't answer her. I leaned in and kissed her sweetly on the lips. I let the kiss linger for a moment.

And just like that all was good again. Claire and I would never have another date, but this last one was the catalyst for ending all of the angst and bitterness that had assailed me for three decades.

******

"So, how was your date, stud," said Ann, as I closed the door behind me.

"Good, good. But, I have something I need to do. Claire actually kinda put me up to it," I said.

"Huh?" said Ann.

"Yeah, she said you deserve a good screwing and I had better be up to the task," I said.

"Oh, she did did she," said Ann, but she was smiling.

******