Best Man's Duties

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Copyright Oggbashan July 2019

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons. It is set in a fantasy country.

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Chapter One - Ralph

Before Gerald asked me to be his Best Man he wanted to know if I could ride a horse and use a sword. I thought that he was asking a stupid question. He knew that I could because I play the part of a Cavalier cavalryman in English Civil War re-enactments. What he wanted to know was whether I really knew how or did I just pretend? What would I be like against a real swordsman or cavalryman?

I felt slightly insulted. A horse doesn't care if the rider is pretending to charge or really charging. The skill required is the same. As for the swordsmanship, he knew that I have won several trophies for regional fencing competitions.

If he weren't a good friend I would have felt seriously annoyed that he continued to query my skills. We have known each other for about five years but neither of us has spoken about our past lives. It was unusual for Gerald to doubt my abilities, or his own. He also rides as a cavalryman and he has been my opponent in several fencing displays for re-enactments.

We seem to be closely matched. He has won a few of our bouts; I have won a few. Recently I have won all of them since Gerald has been involved with Irina. He hasn't been practising his swordsmanship as much as I have and he doesn't realise that I don't try my best when we put on a display. Those bouts are staged and I let him win some.

Eventually he accepted that we were probably better trained and skilled than a 17th century cavalryman would be. Apart from the training which included knowledge gained since the 17th century, our equipment was better made from modern materials. Our horses were better bred and properly kept, unlikely for a 17th century Army horse.

Only then did he ask me to be his Best Man.

"Ralph," he said, "I want you to be my Best Man. Before you agree, I have to explain what that means in Irina's country."

Irina comes from a remote, mountainous rural area of one of those former Communist states in Eastern Europe. She came to England first as an Au Pair and stayed to become a student of English and Modern European History. She met Gerald at a student dance and they ended up discussing the impact of the Electors of Hanover all night.

"Irina is the elder daughter. Her parents have no sons and only one other daughter. Irina is their heiress and they have substantial lands. Her husband will be a significant person in their community. Many people in her home village resent me. They wanted Irina to marry a local man. When we announced our engagement one of her disappointed suitors challenged me to a duel. Irina's parents managed to get him to agree to a fencing match instead of a duel. Apart from buttons on the foils there was little difference. I won easily."

"So you should have," I said.

"Yes, perhaps, but my opponent was serious. So was the result. If I hadn't won, our engagement might have been still-born. Irina's parents couldn't have withstood pressure from their community if I had lost."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"They still have the custom of bride-capture. You and I have to kidnap Irina from her parents' house and take her to the church."

"What!"

"You heard. Normally it would be a light-hearted romp with no serious intent. Unfortunately for me the locals are still unhappy. Irina will come with me willingly but her champion will defend her against my Best Man -- you."

"I am beginning to worry about this, Gerald. I have to fight a local champion. What if I lose?"

"The wedding won't happen."

"Ouch! That is a heavy responsibility. How do we fight?"

"With sabres. Sharp sabres. Normally that would be on horseback and the Champion and Best Man would clash their sword together a few times for effect before the Champion concedes. However..."

"Come on, Gerald, out with it!"

"This fight will be real until first blood."

I sighed. Gerald continued hurriedly.

"It will be fought on horseback in a makeshift flat arena. Fighting on horseback has too many variables otherwise. There hasn't been a real fight for decades so the whole village will be watching to make sure it is real, not faked."

"So I have to fight until first blood. If I lose you don't marry. If I win I will have injured a village champion. Neither of us will be popular, will we?"

"No, Ralph. Unless you can disarm him and force him to concede."

"Easier said than done, Gerald. You know that."

"I can't see any other way that Irina and I can get married with the village's consent."

"Thanks a bundle."

"That's why I hesitated before asking you and questioned your swordsmanship. There is no one else I could ask to do so much."

"Anything else I have to do? The usual Best Man stuff?"

"Yes, but..."

"I don't like the sound of that 'but', Gerald."

"There is more before the wedding and Irina needs you after the wedding..."

"Irina needs me AFTER the wedding? For what?"

"She'll have to explain. I don't know what she wants. It is something to do with local traditions on Saint Basilla's Day, the day we will marry. All I know is that Irina thinks it is important..."

"And before the wedding?"

"You might enjoy that part, Ralph. If you win the duel..."

"Don't you mean when?"

"WHEN you win the duel, you have to volunteer to be a hostage for the bride. The bridesmaids keep hold of you to ensure that I take Irina to the church and not to anywhere else. When Irina and I arrive at the church the bridesmaids release you to join me."

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"It shouldn't be unless you have seriously injured the bride's champion. If you have the bridesmaids might -- I don't know what they might do."

"Great! If I wound the champion the bridesmaids might torture me. Are you sure I'm the right man for the task? Wouldn't a screen hero be better?"

"You are my best choice. Even without all this, I'd still want you as my Best Man, Ralph."

I agreed to be Gerald's Best Man. I hope I know what I am doing. I've been practising my sabre work and riding as often as I can. I'm confident about the sabre. I'm not convinced that my horsemanship is as good as I'd want it to be for fast riding unfamiliar mountain tracks possibly on snow, but I won't have to. The horsemanship will be in a prepared arena and snow is unlikely in August. I'll have three days before the contest, set for two days before Saint Basilla's Day, to practise. Gerald and I are both taller than any local man is likely to be so our reach in a sword fight is greater.

I know more than Ralph thinks I do about Irina's country but I had never bothered to find out about the wedding customs. I had been too busy fighting in a messy war. I been on secondment from the British Army to assist the legitimate government of a recent NATO ally, as had my fiancée Harriet who was still with their army.

Chapter Two -- Gerald

Ralph was the only person I could choose to be my Best Man. Apart from being a friend, he is the scariest man I know and I needed someone seriously brave to face what the Best Man would have to do in Irina's village. Ralph had been a soldier and has killed. He has killed with a rifle, with artillery, and also hand to hand with guerrillas in the Balkans. He rarely spoke about his experiences of war. I heard more from his army colleagues who thought he was invincible.

When I went with Irina to ask her parents' permission I thought I knew what was expected of me. I have a reasonable income from my own company and I can support Irina in a better style than she or her parents could. I didn't expect to have to demonstrate horsemanship nor to have to use a sword.

I was judged passable as a horseman. The challenge to a duel was worrying. I hadn't faced an opponent who really wanted to injure me despite the shielded tips of the epées. All my contests had been under controlled conditions wearing padding and fencer's masks. That contest was in the open air on uneven ground with no protection at all.

Jacob was a suitor for Irina's younger sister and the village's best swordsman. The village elders had agreed to the bout to prove my mettle. Jacob had expected a quick win over a decadent Westerner. For the first few passes I was uneasy. I had been told that Jacob was the best and swordplay was a common pastime. His attacks had been swift and violent, startling me into an automatic defence. After the first five minutes I was confident enough to attack. He parried my feint and left himself wide open for the real thrust.

Jacob looked down at the button pressing hard over his heart. He couldn't believe that I had penetrated his guard. He wanted a rematch. The village elders forbade it. Irina explained later that the elders had seen that Jacob was outclassed and a further bout could have been embarrassing.

Now Jacob had been chosen as the Bride's Champion. The bride has no say in the choice made by the elders. Usually they pick a second-rate swordsman so that the groom's Best Man isn't too hard pressed. They honoured me by selecting the village's best. I had to match Jacob with a champion of my own or lose Irina.

Irina's bridesmaids were her friends yet they too felt the slight to the village. Irina wasn't sure how they would react when Ralph defeated the Bride's Champion. Jacob was popular and was expected, eventually, to marry Irina's younger sister, Sophia, the chief bridesmaid. All he had to do was acquire a few fields more land to be a possible son-in-law.

I couldn't let Jacob be seriously injured by my champion nor could my champion lose. Ralph had to be Best Man, if I could persuade him.

I was relieved when he agreed. I left the other Best Man Duties until later. If Ralph didn't win, unlikely as that was, the other duties didn't matter.

I didn't believe Irina's reasons for the Best Man's duties after the wedding. They seemed so far-fetched in the 21st Century. She talked about a demon incubus that had to be diverted from any new bride or else her baby would be a demon? Ridiculous. She believed it so I had to go along. If anyone could confront a demon, Ralph might be the man.

Now he and I were on our way to Irina's village. Our horses had been flown to the nearest airport that could handle horses and would be rested for a couple of days. They would be taken by horsebox to the village.

As we drove through the countryside the highest hills were still snow- capped. Ralph was unusually quiet.

"What's up, Ralph?" I asked.

"I'm still not sure how to play this," he said. "If I go all out Jacob could be seriously injured. If I don't win, you don't get married. If I do win but Jacob is disabled, you and I will be the most unpopular people in this part of the world and that can be dangerous."

"How do you know it will be dangerous?"

"I know more about local customs than you do, Gerald. I have lived and fought with and against their relations. I didn't think I needed to know about marriage traditions. A few enquiries through my old contacts and I have found out exactly what is expected of me -- and that's more than you knew."

"Is it? What don't I know?"

"I think you are better being ignorant until after the wedding, if we get that far. Once you are married you will be part of the community and safe."

"And before?"

"That depends on the outcome of the fight, Gerald."

I left it there.

When we arrived, we took rooms in the only inn. Irina and her relations made us embarrassingly welcome. Our horses arrived a couple of hours later and were taken to the inn's stables. The male relations examined them carefully. I could see that they weren't impressed. Our horses weren't large and didn't look very strong. I knew better but I wasn't going to say anything that might get back to Jacob.

Chapter 3 -- Ralph

Gerald doesn't really know what he has asked me to do. The duel with Jacob will be awkward. I have to win but not embarrass Jacob too much. Gerald has overstated his own ability as a swordsman. He is good but nowhere near my class. Since he beat Jacob easily I will win, on horseback or on foot.

He hasn't much of a clue about the local customs either. This bride capture would be impossible with just the two of us. I've called on my friends from my time fighting in the area. They owe me for saving a village against my commander's orders. I was nearly court-martialled for it but the case was dismissed because I had made the right decision in an awkward situation. My orders had been correct when given but my assessment of the actual situation on the ground made them impossible without unacceptable casualties to civilians allied to us. It helped that the general in overall command had relations in that village.

I haven't told Gerald, but we will be accompanied by about thirty well-armed and experienced partisan fighters. They should be enough to overawe any village animosity we might face. I hope they don't really have to fight because if they do, the outcome will be very bloody. Victor, the general, has said he will bring everything. If he means that, he will have artillery and possibly air support -- ridiculous!

Without Gerald's knowledge I asked Irina's father to arrange for me to see the village elders. Irina's father was startled when I spoke to him in the local language. Gerald only knows the basics of that language. I am fluent.

I met the elders in the back room of a hostelry. They too were surprised when I spoke to them in their own language. I asked for their advice. I said that although I was very willing to fight Jacob, I didn't want to hurt or embarrass Gerald's future brother in law. How could I do that?

I also told them that I would be bringing my friends as part of the Groom's party. Would Victor and his men be welcome?

That really shook the elders. General Victor was a national hero. How did I know him? I explained that I still held the rank of Major in General Victor's troops, and told them my local name. They were impressed. They had heard of my exploits during the war. They made it clear that General Victor and Major Ralph would be very welcome.

But they argued among themselves about the duel. They had seen Gerald defeat Jacob easily in a practice match. For the wedding it should be a real duel to first blood. Anything less could be seen as an insult. How good was I as a swordsman? I didn't say I was better than Gerald, but hinted that I was at least as good.

Some of them wanted proof, and the solution was for one of the elders to fetch his son, Andreas, who was considered the village's second best swordsman.

We adjourned to the courtyard, lit by hurricane lanterns. Andreas arrived with two buttoned foils.

Despite the poor lighting the elders suggested that if this demonstration was to be kept a secret, here and now was the only option.

I only had Gerald's description of his match with Jacob but I thought I would find Andreas an easy opponent. He was. I disarmed him within the first twenty seconds. Andreas wanted to try again. The next bout lasted ten seconds until my foil was pressed against his heart. I let the third encounter last for a whole minute but Andreas was unable to do anything except defend frantically until I ended it by disarming him again.

He took it in good part. He knew he was the village's second best and had witnessed Gerald's bout with Jacob. He told the elders that Jacob had no possible chance of winning a duel with me, and certainly wouldn't draw any of my blood.

He joined the elders in the discussion about what should happen in the duel. Their considered opinion was that disarming Jacob, no matter how often I did it, wasn't a solution. That would humiliate Jacob and would not fit with the local customs. I had to draw blood but that might mean enmity between Jacob and Gerald. Normally the village champion would let the bride's champion scratch a hand at the end of a match that was more a display than a real fight, but would Jacob do that?

Andreas agreed to the elders' request to talk to Jacob. One of the elders' wives would talk to Sophia, Irina's younger sister. Sophia might have more influence over Jacob than Andreas.

She did. The next morning Jacob came to see me, discreetly. It helped that we could talk in his language. After the usual ceremonial greetings, I came straight to the point.

"Jacob, you want to marry Sophia. Gerald wants to marry Irina. If you and I end up as enemies, both marriages might be impossible. I'm sure you don't want that."

"Major Ralph," Jacob almost spat out the word 'Major', "while I might agree with you, and if you were to be Irina's groom, I would, Gerald is a foreigner..."

"...and I'm not?"

"You are a Major in our army. That makes you one of us, even if you hadn't fought so well in the recent war. But you are a local hero. You speak our language almost as well as we do. But Gerald? He only knows a few words and phrases. How can he be an important landowner here?"

"Jacob. He will learn. He won't be a landowner here until Irina's father dies -- unless he buys some land for himself."

That shook Jacob. He only knew Gerald as a good swordsman, and someone who worked in London. He hadn't known that Gerald was wealthy by local standards.

"Could he afford to buy land?"

I sighed. How could I put it in terms that Jacob could understand? I tried.

"Jacob. If Gerald wanted to, and if it were for sale, he could buy all the land that your villagers own, and more. So could I. My horse is worth more than two or three local farms, and my horse is just for an idle pastime."

"Does Gerald own any land in England?" Jacob asked.

"He does. He has his house, the paddocks, and he is his father's heir. He will inherit..."

I had to think. I didn't know Gerald's family estate that well but one thing I did know.

"...the castle, the farms, and I don't know what else."

"The castle?" That shook Jacob.

"Yes. The castle. It was their old family home. They have a larger more modern house as well, but the castle has thirty bedrooms..."

"Thirty!"

"What I am trying to say, Jacob, is that any land Gerald might inherit or buy here would be small compared to what he will have in England. He is from one of our older noble families..."

"Does he have a title of nobility?"

"Yes, Jacob, but he doesn't use it. He will have a more important title when his father dies, but I think Gerald's current title is Viscount, or Baron or something like that. You would have to ask him."

"And what about you, Ralph? Are you noble as well?"

"Yes."

"And you have land in England?"

"Yes, and Scotland and Wales."

"So I'm fighting an English nobleman who is a Major in our army, and you want me to lose?"

"I'm sorry Jacob. You WILL lose. I'm a better swordsman than Gerald, much better. What Gerald and I want is for you to be his brother-in-law, and friend. That won't happen if I defeat you, making you look bad, or if I injure you seriously. You know that can happen in a real sword fight."

"That's what Sophia told me. She's really worried that I might die."

"I don't want to do that. But it could happen if the fight is real."

"So what do you want me to do, Major Ralph?"

"What I want is for the fight to be a demonstration, a fake, staged for effect and that I draw your blood so that Gerald and Irina can marry, and later you and Sophia can marry."

"Sophia and I can't marry. I haven't got enough land to support her --yet."

"How much do you need to have?"

"A whole farm. So far I have only half of one, shared with my younger brother."