Best Secretary A Man Ever Had

"Just fucking great." I thought to myself as Henrietta left my office to go back to her desk.

This had to be Frank Johnson's idea of a joke again. He was the main boss for our section and handled personel also, I had been slowly climbing the corporate ladder and had gotten to the point of actually having a secretary.

Vice President the sign read, with my name on it. Another of Frank's ideas, a title like that got respect when speaking to a potential customer, at least that is what he thought.

Otherwise we would all be just salesmen. which was what we actually were, of course.

We did have executive sessions, which were mostly just to tell all of us what we were expected to sell each month, and we got ranked by volumes.

But there were still so many "Vice Presidents" above me that I didn't get to pick and choose the secretary I wanted.

The last one Frank sent over was about 92, I swear. Plus she typed with two index fingers, so slow that I could get things done faster with an ink pen.

The one before that was at least six feet tall and she didn't have breasts, she had dents.

Frank's own secretary was a blond, about 5'5" and one of those types of women that all a man can do is try and catch a breath after taking one look.

I always figured that Frank was well taken care of in his office but never knew for sure.

Me? I am Barry Wilcox, 32 years old and single after being married once to a woman named Trish, short for Patricia that could spend more than I could ever make.

That was a source of us not getting along too well, finally one day after a few hundred yelling matches she told me she had enough of my "shit" as she called it and she was gone.

Her share was the house, her car and everything she could grab, my share was the credit card bills and my truck.

There wasn't any money, not really. She had already spent all of that.

OK. I admit it. Her leaving me was an upset, I loved her body, the way her hair hung in waves, the freckles that showed above the top of her blouses.

I made a bit of a fool out of myself over a few weeks, then I saw her in a fancy Mercedes with Tom Harmon driving it. The one man on the planet that I disliked most of all.

Tom Harmon was a competitor and he was cutthroat about it. That was the end, I got drunk, then I went home. I woke up and went back to the office and did the best I could.

That was four years ago, I just went back to work and sometimes hit the bars looking for a female friend.

I found a few, too, but nothing that would ever stick. Most of the time I ended up in the bathroom at home by myself, remembering some of the good times.

There was one gal that I took out maybe 8 or 9 times, we were getting things going pretty good. Then one day she asked me how much I made, I told her the truth which was in the 30K range. Well, if my best months were all that high I would make that much.

She got rather cool after that and it wasn't long before she was "busy" when I called.

All of the rest were just one night for one reason or another.

Yea, I became one of those guys looking for something with no real idea of what.

+++

My job is to make sure I sell enough of the Chinese made crap to make bonus each month. If I stand up I can see out the window of my new office and actually see the huge trucks roll in and out of the warehouse.

Big warehouse, too, somewhere around 120 people work out there, mostly stacking stuff. Another part of the crew takes the stuff out of cheap Chinese boxes, and repacks them in pretty good looking boxes with our company logo on them.

Other people are sitting in little cubicles trying to keep track of everything. I could see them sometimes looking out the window when I crossed the parking lot.

+++

My latest secretary Henrietta was one big gal! My guess would be she weighed somewhere around 180 pounds, maybe a bit more. She had a big behind and big breasts that actually sort of matched her size, she wasn't that bad looking and always appeared to be happy.

Not exactly eye candy which is what I would have preferred.

Having the best looking and most efficient secretary was a perk around the office. There were meetings to go to, about 6 times each year we did sales conventions.

You probably know about those, the little name tag stuck on the coat, shaking hands and pretending to like each one of the cheap bastards shaking our hands most of all.

Drinks in the bars at night, always the hope that a cougar will show up.

Dealing with the customers face to face was a pain in the ass.

"I need at least an extra 20% discount." I bet I heard that at least 200 times.

Having a nice and hot looking woman standing around the sales booth caused the buyers to stop and at least listen.

The really good ones let some cleavage show.

Plus tits got customers to not look quite as closely at what they were signing, and if the secretary knew the score then she knew how to stand and move to create a distraction.

Frank Johnson's executive secretary always had her elbows on the table, it seemed. How she kept her nipples inside her blouse is beyond me, I never saw them.

I was thinking that Henrietta was not going to create much distraction although she most certainly had boobs.

In fact, she had a lot of everything.

Then there was always the competition, that one called "Harmon Imports" was the worst. Always cutting prices, always. I didn't like Tom Harmon before, and I liked him even less after seeing him going down the street with my ex.

That part I didn't get. When you make a sale at 20% net, how does doubling the order by cutting the price another 10% gain anything?

Tom Harmon was the owner, he was never very far away if a buyer showed interest in our stuff.

Tom was always snagging a buyer off my line before I could get the hook set.

He never failed to have a hottie around, too, tits sticking out. The only good part was that it was not Trish, my ex wife.

Thank God for that. Knowing Tom, he probably got a one night stand off of my ex wife and moved on. I never did know about how that went, either.

It's an unfair game, of course it's unfair. But it's also the way of the world.

When I griped to Frank about his assignments he told me there were laws, he could not just pick and choose someone based on looks. If he did that, we would get sued, he said.

Yea, sure. So why did Tom Harmon always have something with tits hanging out for his sales force, the other "Vice Presidents" in our company all had women that at least looked like they were female.

At least the ones ranked above me all did, the best I could ever manage was average sales ratios.

Me? First I got Bertha who typed with two fingers or that Carla woman that was the most flat chested female I ever saw in my life.

At least Bertha could make Coffee, Carla sure couldn't. It was either weak like Tea or I had to dig it out with a spoon.

"Maybe if you were in the top ten in sales it would be better, but last month you were 16th, this month you will be lucky to make the top twenty." He told me.

Well, he was right about that. But hell, how was I ever going to move up when he kept giving me secretaries that just didn't have it?

Now I had Henrietta, and the second biggest show of the year coming up in Denver.

All 180 pounds of her.

She was nice with a happy smile though. After visiting with her for an hour or so I couldn't help but like her. She was bubbly, bright.

I figured we would just do the best we could and not worry about it.

"You can call me Hank if you want to, that's my nickname and it stuck way back in High School." She told me.

"OK...uhh...Hank. Well, welcome aboard." I told her.

Great. A 180 pound secretary named Hank. I would be lucky to make the top 30, well, there were 30 of us so at least I would make that. I needed to be 15th or better to make bonus, and I had that damned new Mazda payment coming up.

Over the next few days I did find out a little bit about Hank. She was 29 years old and single, had a degree in business. Hell, she had more education than I did. She had been married once for just two years, to a man who had serious problems keeping his pants zipped up.

I knew damn good and well that looks matter, she was very heavy and that is a handicap in the world of business.

Yea, I know.

Unfair as hell.

The first afternoon she worked with me I went out to ask her for a file, so I could set it on my desk and at least sound like I knew the names of who I was talking to on the phone.

She turned and went to the "Database" which is a pile of records and notes I keep in the corner, and came back with the list in about 20 seconds.

She had already sorted that pile out in alphabetical order.

Then she went to do the reports.

The sound coming from her cubicle was like a damned Gatling gun. I looked around the corner, she was typing.

Her fingers were a blur.

"Henriet..I mean, Hank? How damned fast do you type anyway, a thousand words per minute?" I asked her with a grin.

"95 actually." She told me, looking my way.

Her fingers never stopped moving.

"Damn!" I mumbled as she went over to the files cabinet and pulled out another one I wanted. Then she smiled at me, sat back down and off she went again. I watched her fingers flash on that keyboard, amazing.

I never saw anything like that in my life.

A hour later one of my clients called, she put him through. He was mad as hell, we had shipped him an order and it wasn't there yet.

2500 miles, it had been just two fucking days.

They don't let me drive the fucking truck.

I needed the tracking information, so I put him on hold and pressed the button, asking Hank to get it. I asked her to give it to him and tell him the arrival dates, the guy was so crabby I didn't want to talk to him any more.

Five minutes later I heard some giggling, some conversation. I went out to look, she was leaned back at her desk yapping away.

Feet up, nice and comfortable I guess.

Crap. She was supposed to be working, not visiting on the telephone. She saw me, put a finger to her lips to shush me.

Now what in the hell was up with that? Mildly pissed off, I went back to my desk. She came into my office shortly after.

"I need you to sign off on this, boss." She told me, handing me a filled in order form.

"What's this?"

"The Miller account, I got the track codes for his order and it was being delivered in 3 days on schedule, then we talked a little bit and he gave us this one."

I looked, it was triple the order I had sold him.

"How in the hell did you do that?" I asked her. The Miller account was one of those "Just in time" type buyers which is a pain in the ass, because without fail they are about to run out of product and then they are in a panic wanting to know where the next shipment is.

"Oh, we visited, I explained to him how much money he could save with volumes, and combined shipping, stuff like that. So he decided to put extra items into all of his stores." She grinned.

I just looked at her. I had tried that with the guy and got nowhere.

By the end of the week she did that twice more.

I was beginning to wonder just what in the hell I had here?

I made bonus that month, 14th in sales volume. It was just $100 but sure came in handy. The bonus was $50 extra pay for each level above 15th on the team.

We beat Jerry Timkin out by $14 total which pissed him off.

I had some daydreams of being number one, although there was a fat chance of that. We had a few guys on the team that could talk an oriental hooker into taking a bad check.

I took Hank out for lunch to celebrate, it was the very first time I even made bonus. We were 14th again the next month and damn near made 13th.

I was really happy with Henrietta being with me.

But then Frank got a wild hair up his ass, he wasn't stupid and could see what was happening.

He came in and suggested he assign Paula to me. Paula was a big tittied bimbo type, dumb as a box of rocks. I knew her because she had actually worked with Frank for awhile. She spent most days fiddling with her fingernails.

I threw a fit! A real fit, I even threatened to quit, Frank shrugged and gave in.

I think that Henrietta overheard that, because she was really smiling at me the rest of the day.

+++

Denver in the middle of Winter is cold as hell. The budget flight we were on had those seats that are designed for little people, not 6', 190 pound men like me.

And not with a 5'6" 180 pound female sitting next to me, either. I sat on her right and my left arm was fairly familiar with the right side of her body by the time we arrived.

Hank kept up a happy banter the entire trip, also, I rather enjoyed that. There was nothing silly or stupid about her, she knew a lot about our business.

Then I watched as she worked her way through the crowd at the luggage section, got our bags and was back.

She had no trouble at all of getting through there, I was thinking it was a bit like driving a VW and confronting a truck. She sort of moved up behind some guy, turned sideways and rubbed her tits across him as she slid by. Without fail they smiled and gave her room, she had a sweet comment for each one of them. She ended up right in front, grabbed our bags and more or less parted the seas on her way back.

Try that sometime, crowd at the luggage section, see what happens. I just grinned to myself at that.

"Here's your suitcase, boss!" She smiled.

Same thing outside getting a taxi, she stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled, why windows didn't break for six blocks in all directions is beyond me.

We went right by several people standing there waiting, she smiled and nodded at them and they just moved aside like she was royalty or something.

By the time we got to the hotel I think she had the driver in love with her, what she was saying to him I don't know because I don't speak Arabic.

I found out she also spoke Spanish because she stopped and chatted with one of the maids in the hallway.

We had reservations at the hotel, they put us in rooms next to each other. They obviously were set up as a suite, because there was a door inside between them.

I had no more than got myself settled when she knocked on the door. Opening it, she handed me a cup of coffee, she had already figured out that I drank it all day every day.

Henrietta made perfect Coffee at my office, somehow here at the hotel she made it taste exactly the same.

I had some of that hotel room Coffee many times, it's a cross between Rat poison and battery acid.

"Come on in." I told her, and I went back to trying to get the computer to work. She took one look and fiddled with it a little bit, found a wireless connection and had it up in about two minutes.

"Do you want me to leave the door unlocked, in case you need anything?" Hank asked me.

"Sure, that's fine." I told her.

She nodded, then went into her room, leaving the door standing open.

Later, I took her down to dinner, so we could talk about the convention and what we hoped to accomplish. That was one of the perks of being a "vice president", I got one paid for meal per day, up to $30.00. That included hers, too, any extra came out of my pocket.

She ordered a salad, which surprised me a little. I had a big steak and all the trimmings.

I happened to mention my nemesis, Tom Harmon from Harmon Industries, and how he always used some bimbo to attract the buyers.

She laughed at that, it was almost like a melody. For an instant there she was very attractive, I really was enjoying her company.

Henrietta was not my type of woman at all, not by a long shot. But I also knew I was developing feelings for her.

"I know all about men, I know how to handle them. We will do OK." She grinned at me.

"I know it's an unfair advantage for the salesmen to use...uhh...sexuality and all, but we do have a good product and...." I managed to shut my mouth before I made that worse.

"I AM the unfair advantage, Boss." She reached out and put her hand on the back of mine.

"You just relax and watch." She grinned.

I looked her in the eyes, and for a second there I felt something. What in the hell was up with that? Her eyes were blue and deep, she looked directly at me.

Her brief touch affected me, I started to harden.

I took a deep breath and got myself under control. God lord, did I just start to erect at the way she touched my hand and looked at me?

She smiled, then let her fingers drift across the back of my hand for an instant.

We finished the meal, I was thinking of heading back to the room when she asked me if I wanted to join her for a drink. That sounded good so we went into the bar and got a table.

"Will you please dance with me? I love to dance." She asked.

So we did. That was another surprise, she was like dancing with a feather. It was actually a lot of fun, we had a couple more drinks and danced several more numbers. I held her about six inches away, not wanting to offend her.

I stopped drinking when my head began to buzz a little bit.

Back at our rooms, I told her good night, she smiled and thanked me for showing her a good time like we had been on a date or something.

Inside, I realized the side door was still open. I looked up and saw she was looking my way, so I told her good night and reached to shut the door.

"Just knock if you need anything at all." She told me. I nodded and closed the door. Then I undressed and went to bed, sleeping like I had not done in ages.

On other trips I might have gone back down to the bar to see if there was any action, but for some reason I didn't want to.

+++

I woke up to a knock on the door. It was obviously morning. I tugged on my robe and answered it.

"Wow!" Was my instant reaction.

Henrietta had on a pretty light beige dress, it had patterns on it that somehow seemed to hide her figure, made her appear slimmer. It struck me that she didn't look really fat, rather she looked big, and solid.

The top of the dress was rather low cut, displaying more flesh than that bimbo Tom Harmon had working for him even had.

"You like?" She asked, doing a little twirl.

"Yes! I do, you look great."

"I have done these sales conventions before. I might be a big gal but I know how to get attention." She smiled.

That part I didn't know about, Hank had been moved up from accounts. I just assumed she was inexperienced.

"Really? What outfit did you work for?" I asked.

"Harmon Industries, he's a jerk so I quit." She grinned at me.

I had to laugh at that one.

"OK. Let me get dressed and we can go see what we can do."

+++

We did all right, too. Hank's personality was almost infectious, at one point I was closing a contract and looked over to see three potential customers all standing around her laughing.

Then she got one sale signed for before I could even get over there.

No one could really get their feet set with her, the normal sales resistance that so many of them put up instantly just melted before her.

She also showed no sign at all of being aware of some of them sneaking peeks down at her impressive cleavage.

We ended the day up 20% above normal, I did see Tom Harmon a couple of times but never paid much attention because I was too busy.

Back at the hotel, I sat down in my chair and watched as Henrietta loaded the day's files into my system, then transferred the orders to the warehouse for shipment.

Her fingers were like a machine gun again, that was actually fun to watch. What took me about two hours only took her 15 minutes.

"Do your feet hurt, Boss?" She asked, looking my way. I had my shoes off, rubbing my feet.

"Yea, I must be getting old." I laughed.

"Here, let me rub them for you." She knelt down in front of me and started to rub them. That felt marvelous, then she reached up and stripped off my socks and rubbed them some more, that felt even better.