Better as a Memory

"I bet she can't give you anything like this." Saying that Bobbie stood up and dropped her robe. She was totally nude; I mean no sexy lingerie, no hair, no nothing. Totally nude. I don't care how much work she might have had done, she looked utterly desirable. But she wasn't Jessie. Picking up the robe, I put it around her shoulders and said, "Bobbie you even more beautiful than I remembered, but I'm in love with Jessie and I'm going to marry her. Please go back to your room."

As she left she asked, "Can we dance some more tomorrow night?"

"I won't be here, I'm going back home tomorrow morning, back to Jessie," I told her and closed the door on Bobbie and that part of my life forever. When Bobbie dropped the robe, my little head was saying come on, just one night, no one will know. The big head was shouting, shut up you little bastard. Be strong James. I'm glad the big head won.

Lying on my bed, I went over my history with Bobbie, including tonight and I realized that I the only thing I felt was sorrow that her life was so screwed up. She would never find what Jessie and I have. I must have dozed off but woke up about four A.M. My thoughts were on Jessie, so I got up and packed. It's less than three hours home and if I hurried I could have breakfast with Jessie. Maybe I could spend a little time to show her how much I love her.

Motivation is the key to your almost all your actions. Case in point: It took me almost three hours to drive to the reunion at an average of about 60MPH. The drive home took less than two hours at an average of just over 85MPH. See motivation, I didn't want to go to the damn reunion and I couldn't wait to get home. I was lucky that there were no highway patrol cars out that morning.

Jessie taking a shower when I walked into our house. To surprise her I made coffee and waited for her in the kitchen. She came into the kitchen with a puzzled look on her face because she could smell the coffee and then saw me at the kitchen table.

"Hi honey, I made coffee," I told her with a solemn look on my face.

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the reunion until tomorrow." Jessie was concerned because of my bearing and the look I gave her.

"The whole reason you wanted me to go to the reunion was to see Bobbie and find out if I still have any feelings for her. Well I saw her, spent most of last night at her table, and even danced with her several times. And I found out what I, actually what you, wanted to know. I do have feelings for Bobbie."

Jessie sat down like her legs gave out. The disappointment on her face was heartbreaking. Maybe I shouldn't have started this little charade. I was trying to be cute but all I did was to scare Jessie. Sometimes I'm too dumb for words.

"I'm glad I went because it proved that I was right. I don't love Bobbie, I did a long time ago but she destroyed whatever love I had for her by her own actions."

Jessie had started to cry and now she began to grin like a kid on Christmas morning. She jumped up and came around to table and sat in my lap. There she goes with that lap thing again. We kissed and then she did start to cry, but they were happy tears.

"Damn you, you scared me to death, with your talk about feelings," Jessie scolded me.

I told Jessie the whole story, everything. From meeting Bobbie at the dance, dancing with her, her attempts at sexual play, and her invitation. I even told her about Bobbie dropping the robe in my room. None of it mattered, I explained because all I could think of was you, honey.

"You said you had feeling for her though, what kind of feelings?" Jessie seemed a little confused.

"I feel disgust because of what she has become. I feel anger for the things she did to that hurt and destroyed us. But mostly, I feel sorry for her, Bobbie is a very sad person and she has really messed up her life." I tried to get Jessie to understand.

I stopped to get coffee for both of us, pulled Jessie back on my lap and continued, "I accomplished my, well your, mission last night. There was no reason for me to stay any longer; especially somewhere I didn't want to be in the first place. I would have been home last night, but I had been drinking and it wasn't a good idea to drive. Now, can we please just get married Jessie. I love you and only you."

I did get three phone calls over the next ten days from Bobbie. The first two times, Jessie had answered the phone and just handed it to me. Bobbie told me again that she still loved me and wanted to see me again, of course I refused. It wasn't until the second call that I realized that Bobbie was trying to piss off Jessie enough that she would leave me. The third time Bobbie called Jessie answered the phone and walked outside to talk to her. To this day I don't know what Jessie told her, but Bobbie never called again.

(Ten years later we heard that Bobbie had died of liver failure due to acute alcohol poisoning. I didn't like her but it was still sad to hear that she died, she was only 39. What a waste.)

********************

Jessie and I were married three months after the reunion. Bull Bollinger was my best man and after the toasts, after the required dances, and after the garter and bouquet toss; Bull and I stepped outside for some fresh air. We talked about the events since we first met and the many changes there had been in our lives.

Bull asked about the reunion and Bobbie as he had never heard the complete story of my adventure. I told him everything, including Bobbie being naked in my room. And that I basically tossed her out.

"How did she look? Weren't you tempted, at least a little bit?" He asked in disbelief.

"Appreciative of the scenery, yes. Tempted, no. I had already been there, done that, and have the scars to prove it. And if you ever mention Bobbie again to Jessie, I will finish kicking your ass like I started that day at school."

That statement got a big laugh from both of us. But Bull had one more question on the subject and promised it would be his last. "Do you have any feelings left for Bobbie? Do you still think about her?"

I thought for a few seconds which seemed much longer. I reminisced about my history with Bobbie, through both the good times and the bad.

Finally I shook my head no and replied, "She's better as a memory."

Quote: Life goes on.