Better Than the Original

In the beginning, the idea sounded ridiculous. This two year relationship was middling between lust, hate, and comfort. We weren't even living together yet. Our individual paths were littered with potential, so we didn't necessarily need each other.

We simply loved each other.

We loved each other so much that we were committed in a long distance relationship for the last 18 months. We joked about our kids and our kids' kids. We planned our next promotions to be in a common city where we could finally be together.

Together together. We'd moved to Austin to start the rest of our lives.

Yet we knew something was missing. We both grew up in households with annoyingly perfect parents. Happily married for a combined 57 years, our parents were text book examples of how happy couples were supposed to be.

We each asked them for their advice on how we'd know if our budding relationship was going to last. We always got textbook, bullshit answers.

"You'll never know."

"It takes work."

"Don't go to sleep angry."

We weren't looking for a guarantee. Just something that would stick. For both of us.

Then one day his father, Earl, told me about April. She was one of Rudy's high school girlfriends, but her name had never come up to me. Earl said he had only met her twice, but he knew Rudy wouldn't forget her.

"Why?" I quietly asked him, as though we were being followed by the FBI.

He raised an eyebrow at me and said, "You never forget your first."

I assumed Earl didn't know that some girl named Lisa was his first because he didn't know how soon Rudy started with us 'ladyfolk'. But I was curious who this April was.

That night Rudy & I were reading in bed when I popped the question, "Who was April?"

"April. . . ," he started as though it were the beginning of the Iliad. But that was it. His mind started playing a movie in his head and he started watching it with a silly little boy grin.

"Excuse me. April?" I pushed.

"Oh, sorry. You mean April from high school? My pops say something?" he dodged.

"You'd better say something before I start packing my shit and move back to Miami," I pronounced.

"It was nothing. Pops just busted us in the living room one day. Not in the middle, but after, ya know," he minimized though he still had a half goofy smile.

"Sex? After SEX?" I extended. "He caught you after sex?"

"Kinda, yeah. She just blew me," he shrugged as though it were a minor incident in his daily life.

"It was your FIRST blow job!" I shrieked as I hit him with a pillow. I could see how that episode might cast a long shadow, even though he'd experienced a few more since good old April.

"First swallow!" he interjected. "Blew my fucking mind," he said to no one in particular.

"Was she good?" I teased, half-curious, half-jealous, and half-horny. My hand had found it's way to his thigh.

"Didn't matter," he answered. "The memorable part was that Pops came home from the office early. I went to get her a soda - ya know, because I'm a gentleman - to wash it down, I guess. I heard them talking in the living room about her college choices so I figured it was all good. But when I got back in the room I looked at April and almost fainted. Pops quickly excused himself for a phone call and was gone before she knew what hit her. She started to tell me how wonderful Pops was when I just turned her toward the mirror over the couch. She had a small string of cum on her chin. I thought she was going to freak out. "

Rudy looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. "But she didn't freak out. She simply wiped it off with her pinky and took one last taste," he explained.

"Whoa," I said to no one in particular.

"Exactly," he echoed.

What started to get me horny, unfortunately for Rudy, got me thinking. What if we replaced the characters in our best sex stories with each other? We wouldn't go for exact encounters, but enough to a) make us forget about the original cast members and b) build some excitement into our own lives together.

To get the ball rolling, I replaced April on our flight back to Austin - with the part of Earl played by two flight attendants and a surprisingly accepting nun.

Rudy was a really good sport when he played Henry, the massively hung co-ed that showed my asshole a reason to "Just Say No". Rudy is perfect for me, but he needed a heavy-duty dildo to have me walking funny the next day.

I had to play Tessa three times before I figured out that an index and pointer would equal the surprise that one pinky offered Rudy five years prior. Inflation, I guess.

Unlike Sean in Vegas, Rudy left an unbelievable tip after our hotel romp during my period. I wasn't exactly thrilled to relive that exit of shame. It also didn't help that I screamed like I was being murdered. The bed certainly could have been submitted as evidence.

For two months we settled into our new Austin life re-enacting our wildest flings. Now, when I say April he thinks of Sister Nancy. When he says Sean, I think of the tip we could have used to pay this month's rent.

Everything is almost perfect now. I'd hate to ruin it. I'll simply tell Rudy about that night with Henry & Sean after the wedding.