Beyond Marriage and Infidelity Ch. 02

This chapter represents the continuation of my autobiographical adventures following the death of my wife from cancer in 2003, and which take place following my disastrous attempts with Christine.

Some months following her ill-thought out termination of our 'engagement', I began to hit the same dating website in the faint hope of finding a more suitable female companion. This time marriage was not my central objective. I was seeking an easy-going relaxed woman that shared at least shared some of my most important passions; jazz and classical music, reading and fine dining.

My first meeting with Janet took place in a section of the city that could be characterised as slightly bohemian, culturally diverse. We met in a cafe and over coffee and tea began the process of revealing parts of ourselves to each other, while trying not to give too much information that may have scared off the other. Janet explained that she was also a widow of several years following the sudden death at home of her husband. She revealed that he had suffered from significant cardiac disease and blood pressure problems that caused him to take early retirement from his job in a major federal department. While renovating their newly acquired home, he had taken a break out of work to sit for a while. His heart attack was quick and the poor sod was deceased at the scene. While Janet was a qualified nurse as well as an experienced social worker specialising in oncology, she was able to do nothing to resuscitate him.

I could only try to imagine the setting with a distraught Janet and her two young daughters trying to manage the tragic situation. I divulged some of the issues that I had experienced with my own spouse's passing and expressed genuine commiseration.

After a couple of hours we agreed that we needed to return to our respective homes to get ready for the work the next day. I left the ball in Janet's court that if she felt comfortable, she could call me and organise our next get-together. After a couple of days, she called and asked me to come over to her house. I would get the opportunity to meet with her daughters. I confess that I was feeling pretty apprehensive and tried to think positive. Both daughters barely gave me two words following our strained introduction and the youngest gave me dagger looks all the time I was there. Janet had previously revealed that her previous "date" ended up ditching Janet largely as the result of failing the 'trial by ordeal' meted out by her girls. Again no real detail was provided, but my stress levels were definitely raised! I should have heeded the intuitive red flag but wanted to be taken by Janet and her daughters at face value, rather as a comparison with the previous unlucky male friend. We agreed to meet again at Jane's home.

When the night arrived Janet opened a bottle of wine and we drank and talked. Her daughters eventually went to bed. After a while, Janet grabbed my hand and drew me into her bedroom. I'm sure she had a slight wine-induced buzz but then so did I. We kissed and made out for a while, then got down to business.

When we were both naked I sucked her nipples before sliding down lower and lower with my tongue. Man, I was so hungry -- I hadn't tasted pussy for some months. I sucked her pussy lips into my mouth and gently nibbled on them. Then I sought out her clit and began to slowly worry it with my tongue. By this stage Janet was moaning pretty loudly and I was worried we would wake up her daughters. I kept her clit as my focus, occasionally dipping lower to tongue her pussy hole. Hell I was like a starving man!

I brought Janet to climax and then slowly inserted my cock. I took my time slowly, building up speed till I was pistoning in and out of her wet pussy as though my life depended on it. I came and pumped her pussy with a load that I had been saving up for some considerable time. I suspected that Janet had also been starved of sexual contact for some time. She later revealed that her husband was advised not to engage in sexual activity as it could potentially lead to a heart attack. So Jane had presumably gone without close sexual contact for a long time, possibly years.

This first night together laid down the template for our successive nights together. We would meet at either her home or mine. We would have a meal together in addition to quaffing a bottle of wine. Then we proceeded to the bedroom for sex. During all our times together, I assumed that we were both exclusive to one another -- so no condoms were used. I enjoyed the sex and was as happy giving her attention as I was receiving it from her. We carried on this way for about six months. However during this time, her daughters, especially her youngest let me know about their hostility towards me.

I received an email from some unknown person, telling me to "get the fuck away from my mother". After some checking I discovered that the daughter had used a friend's email account to send me the warning. I duly informed Janet about her daughter's action. She floored me when she rejected any thought about my feelings and sided with her daughter saying that it was only natural that she would take exception to my intrusion into their lives. While I sort of understood the daughter's probable motivation I was gob-smacked at the way my feelings were dismissed out of hand. Now that first time should have been a valuable learning moment for me. But no; I was still probably too needy for my own good.

After a chilly couple of weeks, at my urging we began to see each other once again. We actually arranged to meet in a hotel near Janet's home so that the evidence of our love-making wasn't so 'on show'. That proved a massive failure. After I had paid for the room for a night, we were about to get down to the business of fucking when Janet got a call on her mobile. It was her youngest daughter. I don't know exactly what was said but after a couple of minutes of quiet talking, Jane turned and said that she was sorry but she felt she would have to return home. She left me and having nothing planned I decided to return to my own home, horny and confused and out of pocket.

Again I should have heeded those alarm bells. But I tried putting myself in the place of Janet and her daughters and to understand how my presence may have upset the status quo.

More chilly weeks rolled by. Then we began communicating again and I began to go to her home again. Her daughters seemed somewhat less hostile to me and I thought that the bad feelings were behind us.

We were meeting up like this for the better part of a year, when I had one of those "Eureka" moments, but not in a good way. Janet and I had taken brief holidays together away from jobs and kids. One thing I noticed straight away was that on these occasions, we did not hit the wine. We also didn't set the bed on fire either; in fact we had no intimate contact on these getaways. After the second time way, it felt like I was on holidays with a sister!

So now my stupid brain began to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Janet and I only had sex after she and I had shared one or more bottles of wine. Fuck, she needed the wine to relax enough to have sex with me! That was a tremendous blow to my already damaged ego caused over decades of having been played by women. One night after I had cooked BBQ at her place I stepped up to the plate and asked her straight out that I wondered why she needed alcohol before having sex with me. Was that prospect so awful that she needed to get tipsy first? I drew her attention to the fact that it wasn't just a precursor to sex but to me seemed like an essential prerequisite.

She didn't respond for several seconds. Then she turned to me and said I had better go home. I did so. When I got home I remember thinking to myself, was I that desperate for a physical relationship with a woman that I was willing to give up my dignity and self-respect? When it came down to it all, just what price for pussy was I willing to pay? I had always been the more active and attentive partner during our sexual trysts; she was quite content to lay back and let some else do all the work.

During a session one Saturday night, as I was caressing her breasts and her pussy, she stated that in one of her recent trips interstate, she had re-established "communication" with one of her past lovers from her university days decades ago. Now get the picture; here I am attempting to slowly arouse this woman, when she decides to tell me of a past lover that she has recently met up with. I was immediately too stunned to take in the implications of her news. I stopped any further caressing. After switching on the bedside table lamp, I turned to her and looked unflinchingly in her and said the following.

"Janet you and I have been sexual partners for almost a year. During that time neither of us has taken precautions regarding the use of condoms, since it was my understanding that while we continued to see each other, we would be exclusive. Now tonight you mention you past lover just as we were about to make love. Is there something you're trying to tell me? Just be honest...have you had sex with this guy? If so, did he bareback you just as I have been doing? Now Janet, I don't know this guy from Adam. I don't know how sexually clean he is. But I will tell you this. If I hypothetically discover that a lover of mine is also allowing someone else to dip his prick uncovered my lover's pussy, without my knowledge I will immediately take steps to have myself tested for any and all STIs. I further say hypothetically that should I discover that I have been infected with a life-threatening disease I will vent my anger by publically humiliating all parties. Again hypothetically, should I discover I have been given a terminal disease such as Hep or HIV I wouldn't be content with mere public humiliation. I would find a way to bring death to each guilty party. I know what happens when folks get AIDS, Janet, you know that I witnessed my younger brother's passing due to AIDS (this was true). As a death sentence, it is not pretty. Now, I think you had better go on home. Somehow I feel that the mood has been destroyed and making love to you is the very last thing can think of doing."

Jane dressed and left quietly without a word. I was left with a lot of hard thinking to do.

After several weeks of emails and phone calls, and against my better judgement, we got together only a few times after that but it was never the same. I began to question the trust I had placed in this woman.

Then she no longer called or emailed. Dead silence. After almost a month went by with me attempting to contact her, I'd had enough. I emailed her telling her that I could no longer put up with her treatment of me as a human dildo and her need to get almost plastered before she had sex with me. I remember my last line to her telling her that I wished her well and that I hoped that she would find all the satisfaction she deserved. Then I made an appointment with my doctor for a complete STI scan.

Not long after, I received a long and rambling email from her that sounded like crazy talk from an insane person. I found the content of her email so disturbing that I printed off a copy and discussed it with a psychiatrist friend of mine. He read the pages once through and turned to me and said " I have this advice to you....RUN! RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Consider yourself very lucky that you are free of her. God I could use her for a great case study!"

After a month I got the initial all-clear on the STI front, while the HIV tests would have to be repeated. It took a few months before the results were in and I could breathe a sigh of relief. What did I learn from this experience?

Firstly, always be yourself -- be honest with yourself and with others. If game-playing is not your bag, and folks don't like what you bring to the table accept this and move on. It is ultimately their loss. Tempus fugit!

Secondly, do not assume that a sexual partner is being exclusive. You only have their word for that. If you cannot trust their word implicitly make sure you protect yourself and others by using condoms.

Thirdly and most importantly, do not let negative experiences impact upon your legitimate needs and desires. Sometimes for lots of different reasons, the chemistry is simply not right. Trust you survival instincts and move on. Carpe diem! But never feel that you should stop giving and receiving love. It is one of our most basic rights as human beings. No matter how much you may enjoy the pleasures of pussy, remember, there is absolutely NO pussy in existence that is ever worth losing your self-respect over.