Beyond the Bookshop Ch. 01

'Beyond the Book Shop' is really not the entire story of the protagonist Jake. It is but a portion built largely through what transpired just before and after the sad break in the sublime and sensuous love between two persons became inevitable and irretrievable.

I am deeply indebted to two wonderful persons - he, because he made this story possible and she, so caring and angelic to be truly considered as 'mom'.

I usually make promises of continuing with a story but have almost always failed. So I'll refrain from making promises this time although there is every intention in delving more and more into Jake and therefore Jane's life.

No character is underage and Jake (or Jane) had crossed eighteen before he first stepped inside the Book Shop.

*****

Jane enjoyed this heavenly bath with the man. She wondered if it was indeed a bath or one erotic coupling between a cute princess and a man who was akin to a beast in the manner that he devoured the 'girl' in his arms. Oh! She loved it, no doubt about that, enjoying his big, virile and rock hard organ that plunged in and out of her mouth and giving her so much pleasure all through the night. This was unforgettable, something that would always remain in memory. And the man's words were just as arousing to Jane as was his touch.

"A sweet little girl like you being such a hungry slut, making daddy cum over and over!" That's what he growled, didn't he? Jane loved it when he spit such words at her. So she was giving 'daddy' the ultimate pleasure that had made him cum so many times in the hours that she was with her? And, at that moment, he seemed to be eager for more!

Soon, they were out of the tub, Gary pulling her out from the water and making her stand naked in front to dry her of the dripping water. To Jane, every action that followed drove her insane for further explorations. As she stood naked in front, she watched him squeeze out the escaping precum from her modest boy-clit only to rub it along his thick and hungry lips. His enormous hands had caught her butt curves drawing her nearer as he probed her rosebud with a finger that was almost as big and thick as her boy-clit. Jane realized that she was bursting for release as 'daddy' took in her genital fully in his wide mouth and sucked in delight. It was obvious to Jane that he was intent to drain out her milk that lay stored inside. She placed her hands on his head, stroking his wet hair as a mother would while feeding her baby. Her body arched into him, wanting the hungry man to give her the relief that she needed. A soft girly cry escaped her mouth as she, overwhelmed in desire, spurted small amounts into the man's mouth. Oh my god! How crazily he slurped to swallow each drop of milk that was hers. Yet when spent, to Jane's surprise, she already found a growing arousal as her dainty cock seemed to come alive once more, throbbing with need. The man was driving her insane, or how else could she crave incessantly for more followed by more. Daddy's words only created further and perpetual need.

"My baby tastes so good, You're making me all excited again. How can I ever get any work done with you being so tempting and so delicious all the time?" he had said while he held his own thick shaft in his fist to show Jane his own growing arousal. But he left the room suddenly, wrapping her in the pink towel. He growled at her to come straight to the bedroom after hanging up the towel and putting out the candles. His voice, hoarse and commanding, not carrying the sweetness that Jane was used to. Jane realized that the beast now expected complete and abject obedience.

A tremulous Jane walked in to the bedroom and the waiting man. Bereft of the towel she was stark naked, revealing every inch of her gleaming, soft, sensuous body. Her hair all tousled and with a pair of shiny cute earrings adorning her ear lobes, a fragrance engulfing her due to recent applications on her body, Jane appeared as an astoundingly sexy nymphet. And that one sweet, pink, semi hard organ that hung midway on her beautiful body expressed an unbridled eagerness in a sexy nymphet - someone who had metamorphosed in the couple's fantasy, the boy's particularly, from Jake to Jane. The hours in the bookshop had given Jake a joy and fulfilment that he had never thought possible and however or whenever this ended, he would cherish it lovingly. His world of make believe had to end, for it was time to revert back to Jake when he went back home soon. But he was still eager for one last intimacy with this beast for now.

At the doorstep, Jake stood for a while, smiling at the beast while the man himself uttered words that the boy didn't pay attention to or might have preferred to ignore. He walked towards the beast, eyes revealing the depths of his love for the man. Standing beside the big man, he placed his soft hands on his shoulders before running them around the stocky neck.

"Do you realize how much I love you? You have given me everything that I could have asked for, everything. What pains me now is that I have to go back, to home and to being Jake again," he said not suppressing his love nor hiding his sadness.

As the man held him by the waist, Jake bent forward and kissed him full on the thick lips, softly at first before kissing him with ardour.

"Before I leave, could we make love again? Just once ... before I wake up from the dream that you have pushed me into?" Jake was almost imploring.

It didn't take them long to throw themselves at one another on the bed and make love with a renewed fervour. It was an instinctive expression of a couple, where their contrasting age hardly mattered and where the sameness of their sex was of little consequence. The inevitable separation that would follow soon made them want to extract and wring out all their desire and passion in these final moments of being together. In the end, they fell apart, breathing heavily but still holding their hands and looking lovingly at each other. But it was almost seven in the morning and time to leave.

Jake quickly dressed in to his own clothes, ones that he had worn when he came to the bookshop the previous day. His 'girlie' clothes, the ones gifted by 'Daddy', were neatly packed and kept inside Gary's wardrobe, hidden secretly behind the man's own clothes. May be another day? Yet, he quickly wished away that thought when he stood at the door leading out from the bookshop and the house.

Jane had been in tears when she left Pandora's Box, the book shop that had virtually usurped her mind because of that one man, Gary Hudson. From the previous evening till the next morning the hours were one continuous stretch of joy and fulfilment. Yet, the time had floated away far too quickly. To add to her current stage of unhappiness, she would now have to revert back to the daily life as Jake. Even if, as Jake, he could have continued to dress in exterior girlie clothes, it would never be like it was with the Beast. Dress helped her in a way but being treated as a real girl was something uniquely offered by this one man whom he lovingly called 'Beast' and sexually, called 'Daddy'. The only other person who, at least silently, accepted Jake's inclinations towards being a girl was her mom, who never made any outward show of approval but aided Jake in small gestures, like when years back, she had quietly kept a few panties in his wardrobe and continued to do so even now. Or, even when she had given Jake a pair of her own earrings when she found that he had pierced his ear lobes. These gestures were something that cast a deep and lasting impression in Jake's tender mind and the bondage between mother and son became very special and always carried mutual trust. It was this trust and Jake's complete reliance on his mother that made him wonder if it wouldn't be proper to disclose to her that a man had entered his life and had virtually swept him off his feet. Jake's cravings to become a girl had increased manifold and, now, it was impossible to go back being Jake again instead of living life as Jane. It was this which bothered Jake and the sadness was as much because of this transition as it was for the sense of guilt in not having told his mom.

When Jake returned to the sprawling mansion called home, he found none. He usually remained indifferent to his stepfather whose long absences hardly mattered to him. However, he found that his mother was also not in the house and, instead, a small note lay on the study desk in his bedroom that read "Sorry to be out baby. I'll try and be back before dinner." Jake's first thought was to go back to the book shop. He was already missing the beast and now, to spend so many hours alone in this place would be more than suffocating. He had, in fact, thought of sharing some of his deep rooted thoughts that had been occupying his mind and particularly wanting to tell her about Gary. Sometimes, grief and sadness are best overcome by sharing, Jake thought. He resigned himself to this unwanted yet unavoidable loneliness, wandering among the desolate rooms for a while, before going back to his dependable companion - his laptop.

As he signed into his own ID, he was immediately sucked into a desire to send a few lines across to the beast. At least, this would be one way of sensing his presence. As he began tapping his fingers on the key board, the burly man's face floated in his mind as did the very rooms where he, as Jane, laughed and loved not too many moments back. Jake was overwhelmed and overburdened with thoughts of Gary. Words sprung up on the screen - involuntarily and insistently.

"My Adorable Beast,

I am so pained to tell you that I'm missing you already. Each moment I know I'll be thinking of you and you alone while dreaming about what awaits us in the next act of togetherness. I can well imagine that our love will surpass what we reached this morning.

Nothing gives greater happiness to a girl than coming back into the arms of a waiting lover. I am no exception - not when I have someone so wonderful as a man and so fabulous as a lover.

Even if you don't tell me, it's more than obvious that Jane will remain in your thoughts and the more you remember her the more I'll feel your arms around me, holding me, cuddling me, kissing me.

I wish I knew what you are doing at this moment. Sitting on that big swivelling chair of yours as you pick up books that are lying around your legs? Or smiling charmingly at customers who are in Pandora's Box? God! I miss you so much.

Oh! By the way, no smiling at Mrs. Martinelli, no matter how important a customer she and her husband are to your business.

One of these days I'll run back to you. You are far too irresistible.

Love you. Kisses.

Princess Jane"

Jake re-read the mail before he pressed the 'Enter' button to send it off to Gary. He knew how much the man would love to see the mail in his inbox.

Having sent the mail, Jake began surfing his inbox casually because he had nothing to do all day long. Jake was a recluse and a loner; there weren't too many mails that filled his inbox but there were quite a few from his mom, ones that were exchanged when Jake had left home on different occasions for school projects or visiting relatives or even a study tour that meant an absence of about a month. Or even other occasions that necessitated absence from home and mother. Some were recent while some were from an earlier time, may be a couple of years back. Soon, Jake was clicking on old messages, reading through the contents again, as if he found a different taste in them. Meanings, more acceptable and pleasant, seemed to pop out from the words that his mom had written. Oh God! He had been a fool not to have understood the wealth of words that her mails carried.

In one of her mails she had tried to console Jake when he had been terribly depressed, the reasons for which he had not disclosed to mom. Jake read her words again and again.

"Time is very much on your side! Lets agree that, unless you or I have actually SAID something to one another, it didn't happen, and we will leave our feelings "on hold" until whatever issue is bothering us has been talked about? You have been making assumptions in our last couple of messages that have caused you great pain... I WILL NEVER THINK ANYTHING BAD ABOUT YOU. Unless and until you have said such things that could possibly hurt me, and that has never occurred in all the messages and comments we have shared. The young are impatient, I know this, I have been young and Lord only knows I've jumped to so many conclusions that never were even close to real. I'm your Mom, if I'm unhappy with you, I'll say something, and as we grow to understand each other, you will see... life can only grow into what we desire, when we have the patience to let it flower and thrive. Right now, I am sitting here in my overstuffed chair with a cup of hot chocolate, my little white fluffy dog across my lap, surrounded by my everyday lovers, my books."

And yet, Jake never went and really, really discussed the true feelings that went on in his mind. Mom had given clear indications about talking of issues bothering him. But Jake never had the courage to say, "Yes Mom, I want to tell you what's bothering me. I want to tell you that I can't pretend to be your son any more. Accept me as your daughter. I am and can truly be a girl only. And not just in the privacy of my room and house but I wish to dress and don and act and behave as a lovely girl."

Something overcame Jake. Alone in his room, sadness swallowed him in and he cried inconsolably on bed. He wished that instant his mother would be beside him, offering him her lap to rest his head, wanting her to run her hands through his tresses of hair. Suddenly, he got up and sat at the computer again. He had to tell mom, had to tell her about his own deep feelings that he never owned up to mom as yet, must let her know about Gary. Soon, his fingers were taping on the keyboard, drafting out a mail to his mother.

"Dearest Mom,

I have so many things to tell you. So many things you got to know about me. But I don't have the courage.

Love you.

J"

Jake couldn't complete the name. Reality demanded he write 'Jake'. But the mind was eager to type 'Jane'. In the end, it was a compromise of sorts. 'J' left a lot of baggage behind.

Having completed the mail he thought for a few moments, his fingers on 'Enter'. Then, without further hesitation, he pressed the key.

'Your message has been successfully sent' he read on the screen. The dice had been cast. Jake was certain that his mother was far too caring and loving to ignore this mail and would goad him to tell her everything that had built such a big nest in her son's mind.

As he lay crying on his bed Jake wondered when his mother would return. There was a big load off his slender shoulders once he had sent that short mail to mom. He had always hesitated in disclosing what really went on at the back of his mind, remaining always timid and shy in his behaviour, not knowing if his mother would feel hurt if he told her about it. Yet, he did know that his mother was extremely caring, very protective and loved him dearly. Jake realized this all along, more so ever since his father had died, leaving mother and child helpless and at the doorsteps of poverty.

When Jake's mother married a rich businessman, giving both mother and child the much needed financial support, Jake could only draw nearer and closer to mom. He was quite close to his own father and had difficulty in accepting that someone or anyone at all could ever stand or sleep beside his mother as her husband. He was simply aghast. But his mother understood the child's mental stress at that stage and endeared herself more to her son. This only made Jake all the more indifferent to his stepfather. Roselyn, his mother, ignored this attitude in her son and Jake too reconciled to the fact that it would be a small price that he would have to pay in return for his mother's security in life. Life went on in this manner till, at a stage, Jake's likings started to come out in the open in the smallest of gestures. His stepfather disliked Jake's effeminate mannerisms from the beginning and, in turn, Jake curtailed his inner urges without outwardly expressing this craving. He didn't even disclose this to Roselyn, excepting for that small and sudden need for wearing women's panties instead of briefs. Or when, suddenly one day, he had returned home after piercing his ears and his mother quietly gave him a pair of her own earrings so that the pierced earlobes wouldn't close.

But this day was different. He had spent the most wonderful moments in his life with a man and he was thoroughly in love with him. Yet, he wasn't sure how events would unfold now, either for him or for Gary. Jake wasn't even certain if Gary wanted him fully as a girl or rather preferred that he remained as a boy. The burly man had rubbed and licked his nipples but never said that he wanted Jake to have real breasts. Neither did this beast of a man show any dislike for his modest genital. Rather, he clearly showed and showered his love for it, giving ample indication that he preferred Jake to continue having a cock rather than having a girl's vagina, even if he continued to call him Jane. Jake was more than confused and, as he thought about it, evidently more depressed.

In this situation, his mother's role had become more important to Jake than ever and he longed to rest his head on his mother's lap that instant. He felt lost and unsure of what he wanted and how he should live his life. He recollected the words that Gary had uttered when they were about to part.

"Is it your hope to have Jake live entirely as Jane in the future? I must be honest that it would not hold as much appeal for me. I fell in love with Jake as a boy, with feminine qualities, and while it is a fun fantasy for a night to enjoy him as a 'her', it will be hard for me to continue this way," he had said.

Even if these words stunned Jake, he didn't show it to Gary. On the other hand, he remained calm and wanted to reassure the big man in the best way he could.

"I wouldn't even think of that possibility as developing in future. But do remember, Jake would have these wishes, for it's a fact that there is indeed a void in his life which cannot be wished away. Yet, my growing love for you might help a mental adjustment of sorts," Jake replied, trying to suppress the tears that were about to break free.

"Thank you for reassuring me, lovely," Jake heard Gary saying, "as long as I know that I will not be spoiling everything by changing back to calling you Jake, I am happy."

Tears had welled up the instant Jake had turned away from Gary and he rushed away without as much as a word after that. Yes, he did realize that being a girl fully was not something that could be fulfilled so easily or even in one day. But just when he was feeling right on top of the world, with a happiness that he couldn't imagine earlier, he felt terribly shaken and let down. Not that Gary had turned down or spurned his love but he had poured water on a burning desire within Jake to become Jane, a craving from being a boy to live as a girl. He had run all the way home, tears blurring his vision, not wishing to even look at people on the streets or around him. And yet this sadness didn't prevent him from sending the sweetest mail he could think of to someone he was already so deeply in love with. He was helpless in describing his love, as that of a 'girl' rather than that of a 'boy'. May be he wouldn't like it simply because of this very reason. But of one thing Jake was certain - when Gary read the mail he would have no idea that it was written with more tears than joy.

The more he thought of Gary, the more he visualised those dreamy moments that he spent as a loving girl Jane. How they had walked along the beach, admiring the beauty of the moon on the sea and the cool breeze that frequently engulfed them. Gary could hardly control himself the moment they treaded into the unlit areas of the shore that offered them privacy. They had been desperate for each other and overcome with a passion that could have burst any moment. As Jane, the boy had been left wondering if 'she' had ever felt so fulfilled in the past. Jake's earlier visits to these places with his parents were nowhere as satisfying as what he had felt with Gary as Jane. He had been surprised at the difference in his feelings as a boy and as a girl. And Jake, as Jane, could only hold on to the big hand that held her with love, warmth and gratitude, for it was he who had made it possible. Now, everything seemed so distant and lost.