BH Ch. 02: A Clockwork Myth

Laela was having an awkward moment.

She had just been pitched the most ridiculous bounty mission of all time and tears were literally streaming down her cheeks from laughing so hard.

Only the country bumpkin villagers who had gathered around her in the tavern weren't sharing in her merriment. In fact they looked a bit pissed that she was laughing so hard at their request. It was one of those situations when everybody was looking at each other trying to work out what was so funny and if the person laughing was somehow deranged.

Laela composed herself, wiping away the tears and letting out a small cough. She looked at the dirt smeared faces before her who stared back with solemn stoicism. At any moment one of them would crack and one of her fellow bounty hunters would appear to jibe her about the wonderful joke.

Nothing of the sort happened though and the tavern had fallen into a dangerous silence. The tense atmosphere didn't escape her so she thought saying something was better than nothing.

'You are fucking kidding me, right?' Laela asked.

'No Miss!' One of the villagers said. 'This is no joke.'

Laela had to take a sip of her drink to steady herself. It tasted like dishwater but she didn't think it wise to spit it out and insult them even further.

'It's not?' Was all she could muster at this point.

'No, we have been planning this for a whole year, all of us saving every penny to hire the first bounty hunter that came to us,' one of the other villagers with a felt hat explained.

'Lucky me, I was the first,' Laela mumbled.

'What's that Miss?' An old crone smiled showing a mouth of gums.

'Nothing, just thinking out loud,' Laela answered. 'So, can we go over this one more time?'

'Yes!' the tavern almost answered as one.

'You want me to go to the end of the rainbow and bring back the pot of gold which is there?'

'Yes!' The small choir of villagers answered.

'And you also tell me that the treasure is guarded by vicious leprechauns?'

'It's true Miss,' one villager answered. 'Old Jopeck went himself a few days ago and nobody has seen him since.'

'Poor Jopeck,' Laela consoled. 'How old was he?'

'Oh eighty odd winters young Miss!' Another piped up. 'Was a bit funny in the head, always loses his bearings.' The rest of the tavern chuckled, murmuring their agreement.

'So an old man who gets lost easily...has got lost?' Laela confirmed.

'Yes Miss but no doubt it was those Leprechauns!' The villagers all nodded and grumbled their agreement.

'Of course,' Laela smiled warmly. It should probably be a crime to take money from the simple minded but she was a bounty hunter for hire. 'So how much gold are you going to pay me?'

The villagers quickly hoisted a small chest onto the table and lifted the lid. It was full to brimming with gold and silver coins with the odd jewel glinting here and there. There must have been close to a thousand pieces of treasure before her.

'Where did you get this?' Laela whispered, never letting her eyes leave the contents of the chest. There was no earthly way a group of farmers could gather this much.

'The Leprechaun's treasure Miss,' the toothless crone explained. 'I remember the last bounty hunter who helped us. He brung us back a pot of treasure so large we lived like kings!'

'This is all that's left,' the felt hat yokel explained. 'Before long it will all be gone. We've been keeping this last chest back as payment for whoever can retrieve the Leprechaun's treasure.'

'But if you've already stolen it once?' Laela raised her eyebrows.

'Every rainbow brings new treasure to the pot Miss,' the crone explained.

'Of course it does,' Laela sighed. 'Pardon me for saying but you don't look like folk who have lived like kings?'

The villagers shared that communal look with each other as if confused. A robust bearded man who stank of manure leaned close in and spoke in a low voice. 'You're right Miss. But those Leprechauns have followed us everywhere since we took their treasure. We thought if we posed as simple folk, they wouldn't find us. But they are always following. Long as we leave a piece of treasure out in the open it satisfies them but they come every night. If we don't leave them nothing then...one of us goes missing.'

'So you plan on giving this treasure back and stealing more?' Laela had to take an even longer swig of her drink this time as her head was starting to hurt.

'Yes!' The orchestration of peasants confirmed.

'Only this time we were hoping you'd be killing these Leprechauns so they can't find us?' The crone cooed.

Laela sat back in her chair completely exasperated with the situation. 'What of the folk who you have traded with? Don't they own some of the treasure?'

A grim and guilty silence spread through the tavern until felt hat broke it. 'Aye Miss. The Leprechauns got them. Nothing stops them from reclaiming what is theirs.'

'Oh this is...wonderful,' Laela pinched the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger to try and stop the pounding in her head.

'You can trick them though Miss,' felt hat continued. 'Pretend to give the treasure back then kill the little beasts and bring us back an even bigger pot.'

A chorus of agreement went round the tavern, even a few foot stomps provided some primitive percussion. Laela shook her head and raised her hands for silence. 'Could somebody please get me a drink?'

A mug of foaming ale appeared within moments in front of her. The liquid smelt rather stale and strong but she downed the contents in one and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand much to the delight of the peasants.

'So Miss? Will ye help us?' Felt hat asked with a stupid grin on his face.

Laela wanted to punch them all in the face but she somehow smiled sweetly and replied politely. 'I will let you know in the morning.'

* * * * * * * * * *

Of course Laela had no intention of helping these simple minded fools. Back home, in the city of Starfire, her sister used to refer to villagers like these as 'batshit crazy'. There was no treasure at the end of the rainbow and there was no such thing as Leprechauns. She was hoping they would all get drunk so she could slip out while nobody was watching. They had insisted she stay at the tavern until morning though so she could give them her answer.

Now she was essentially trapped in a mouldy smelling room where a single cot was the only furniture. Inspection of her sleeping arrangements had revealed some very suspicious stains on the bed sheets. It did have a pleasant enough open fire which would mean she wouldn't freeze to death. There was also a small window which was jammed and refused to open.

She could see the village square from out the window and could still see a few peasants moving and dancing around. They couldn't all stay awake forever, she would sneak out in the early hours and leave this ridiculous place behind her. In the meantime, she needed something to keep her occupied while she waited for the fools to tire themselves out.

Laela drew two small black batons from her waist and examined them closely. They looked harmless enough but with a flick of her wrists, blue lightning arced and slithered over them. Her sister was one of the best inventor's in the city of Starfire and she assured Laela these stun rods packed enough punch to kill if necessary. She hadn't tried them out yet although she could think of several nearby villagers who were ideal candidates.

She flicked the rods off and placed them on the single cot. Next she unclasped her belt and unclipped several pouches. There were a dozen round objects of different hues inside which she also laid out. They were small but deadly, a sudden impact would make them explode and release all manner of death dealing from fire to poison gas. Another deadly gift from her beloved sister.

Laela peered out the window again but the villagers were still loitering. They could not see up into her room so she would be safe to complete her exercises in private. She stripped off her outer clothing and neatly folded it on the cot next to her weapons, avoiding the suspicious stains where she could.

She stood in her white underclothes, a small clinging crop top and briefs which exposed too much of her buttocks. She admired her reflection in the window for a while. Those peasants would love to see her like this she was sure but they would never get the chance. Laela put her back against one corner, took a breath and executed a smooth cartwheel front flip to land perfectly on her feet in the opposite corner.

She performed the same manoeuvre another nine times flawlessly, her breasts tussling against the fabric of her top as they attempted to escape several times. Next she pressed her back flat against one wall, raising her arms above her head so both palms were flat against each other. She took two steps away from the wall and then placed the sole of one foot against the opposite leg, slowly raising it until it was above her knee. Laela held the pose while staying perfectly balanced, her thigh muscles burning pleasantly with the strain. She repeated it with her opposite leg, breathing in and out calmly.

Before her next routine she jogged lightly on the spot, shaking out her tense muscles which had bunched up tightly from the tavern conversation earlier. When she was ready she planted her feet and arched backwards, her hands reaching back to touch the floor to form a bridge. She held kept her body arched to a count of one hundred before lifting her legs and raising her body into a handstand and flipping onto her feet.

Laela's routine got no less intense as she contorted her limbs and body into a myriad of complex positions and exercises few humanoids could master. She only stopped when a thin sheen of sweat covered her body and all her muscles were tingling with the exertion. She was starting to feel much better although from the look of the dwindling fire she had been at it for a while.

When she peered out of the window, the villagers had all dispersed. She waited a few moments but could see no movement. A small smile spread across her face. Now would be a good time to leave this place behind.

As she was about to turn away, a flurry of movement caught her eye. She craned her neck and head to try and get a better angle. She saw it again darting from one side of the village to the other. It was far too small to be one of the villagers, it was child size but she hadn't recalled seeing any kids in the village. The next time is appeared it lingered longer and she saw it was no child. Whatever it was did not appear human, it was dressed in green and scurried from one place to another on all fours although it had no trouble moving on two legs.

When she thought she heard it cackle the words 'Gold' over and over she went to her bed and picked up her two stun batons. If this was some weird trick the village was playing on her then she was going to show them how bad the joke was.

She unlatched the door and flung it wide open, storming along the corridor and down the stairs into the tavern common room. She met nobody on the way fortunately for them as she strode towards the front door, unbolting it and stepping outside. Laela half jogged to where she had seen the creature last and found it only a short distance away crouched out in the open.

It had its back to her and was admiring something it held between its thumb and forefinger. It crooned softly as it gently moved the item between its fingers, bringing it close to its face and then moving it further away in examination. Laela noticed its hands were grey, the fingers long and bony and ending in small hooked nails. The green clothes it was wearing were a little torn and bedraggled but they still resembled a well-tailored set of breeches and jerkin with waistcoat.

Laela had never seen a well-dressed creature such as this before. Its hair resembled that of an old man, it was white and thin showing more of the grey skin beneath. Was this some kind of deformed villager? Or a very eccentric Dwarf or Gnome even? There were many Gnomes back home in Starfire and they had a similar tone to their skin.

She'd never seen one dressed like this though or behaving so strangely. Laela decided to approach closer and slowly moved forward a few more steps. She saw the item the creature was admiring was a golden coin. She remembered what the villagers had said earlier about Leprechauns coming each night to reclaim their treasure. If they found at least one piece, they left the villagers alone for the night.

Was she actually staring at a Leprechaun?

That would certainly explain the odd clothes and fascination with a gold coin. As she tried to get closer, her bare foot kicked at a stone. The Leprechaun quickly closed its fist around the gold coin and whipped its head around to snarl at her.

Two yellow eyes narrowed to slits as they focused on her, a double row of needle teeth grinned at her that almost went from ear to ear. The facial features were sharp and pointed not unlike an emaciated skull with a gloomy film of skin stretched over it. Two pointed ears stuck out from the side if its head much like other ancient races descended from the Fey world of Faerie.

The horrid looking mouth opened and a long pink tongue rolled out in a cascade of saliva. Surprisingly the creature spoke in a lilting accent. 'Do not try and steal our gold!'

It scurried off with the treasure before Laela could even half raise her arms. She took a deep breath and shook her head in astonishment. So perhaps there was some truth in the stories after all? She watched after the Leprechaun for a while, debating whether to give chase but eventually decided against it. If Leprechauns actually existed then so did the mysterious rainbow and an overflowing pot of treasure.

Laela turned around to go back to the tavern only to jump back in fright. The villagers in all their glory were standing clustered there with expectant grins on their faces. Laela stared back at them aghast and wondered why a few of them were making odd noises. Then she realized she was still in her underclothes and the cold air was making the outline of her nipples quite obvious.

'Well miss?' The crone spoke up. 'Do you believe us now?'

In response, Laela screamed in frustration and activated her stun rods with a flick of her wrists. Blue sparks danced across the surface and she clashed them together to emit a shower of sparks which elicited a few panicked cries from the villagers.

'I said I would tell you in the morning!' She screeched and charged towards them.

Fortunately most of them scattered in time as she stomped back to the tavern and slammed the door so hard behind her that the whole building rattled in its frame.

'I think that might be a yes,' felt hat chuckled and the rest of the villagers rumbled their agreement.

* * * * * * * * * *

The villagers may have escaped Laela's rage temporarily but the poor innkeeper at the tavern hadn't. Being the only other human residing at the tavern meant he got the full force of the young Bounty Hunter's ire. When her incessant pounding on the door to his private quarters did not rouse him, the sudden jolt of blue light and sparks certainly did as she forced her way into his room.

The poor man nearly keeled over seeing so much young flesh jiggling furiously before his eyes as Laela gesticulated and pointed wildly. He caught something about new bed linen and a fire and read between the lines that she was not happy with her room. He staggered out of bed and set to work making it right, all the while trying to avoid staring at her ample bosom and firm buttocks.

When he had finished, he bowed low, keeping his eyes to the ground and her grunts signalled his retreat. She thought she may not get any rest thinking about the bizarre confrontation with the Leprechaun but sleep took her almost as soon as she closed her eyes.

She had a peculiar dream where the ground was made of fluffy white clouds. Trees grew out of them that bore fruits of every colour of the rainbow. There was even a multi coloured unicorn prancing around and whinnying in musical tones. It kept pooping sweets and snorted sugar dust from its nose.

Fat round birds tweeted and flapped around her head as their wings dropped cinnamon powder with each beat. Green bunnies hopped around offering her brightly coloured chocolate eggs and small mushroom people cheered her on as she walked through the dreamlike landscape.

As she walked along waving cheerily to the mushroom people, the ground began to change. Her feet sunk into the clouds until she was up to her knees but she still carried on even though it felt like walking through mud. The creatures started to thin out and stop following her, the waves of joy turned into cries of warning and Laela felt a large shadow loom over her.

She turned her body sluggishly, as she was now waste deep in the sticky clouds, and saw their concern. A huge black cauldron was in front of her, twice the size of her own body, and almost overflowing with gold and jewels of every colour. The plump cauldron began to spin on its axis until a large face was visible on the surface. The mouth was huge and the eyes were slits of green light.

Laela cringed as the mouth opened and chomped down with a grating of metal and flurry of sparks. Then it began to sway and move forward, chomping all the time as it approached. She struggled and wriggled, trying to free herself from the clouds that held her while the monster treasure pot waddled closer. As she stared into a mouth of molten metal, she finally came awake from her dream by sitting bolt upright in bed.

Her body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat and she was gasping as if she had really been struggling in quicksand. The bed sheets were tangled and wrapped around her like pythons which may have explained the sensation of being trapped. A strap to her top had fallen down one shoulder and one of her large breasts had escape. She quickly corrected herself and glanced towards the window to ensure none of the creepy villagers were watching her.

Nobody was there but the sun was shining and a number of ragged looked villagers were setting about their daily tasks in the square.

'Damn! I overslept!' she muttered.

Her plan had been to slip away during the night but for some reason she did not feel disappointed. The strange creature she had seen last night had intrigued her and a little spark in the back of her mind was telling her this mission may be worth investigating further. She got dressed in a hurry and prepared some questions for the dim-witted peasants who were no doubt gathered downstairs waiting for her.

There was nobody waiting for her though, in fact the tavern was almost empty. The innkeeper was there looking bleary eyed and idly cleaning the counter top with a cloth. He never made eye contact with her as she walked towards him.

'Can I have some breakfast?' Laela asked and the innkeeper disappeared into the back without answering.

There was only another two patrons in the common room, both sitting at opposite ends. One was staring into a congealing bowl of porridge and another was coughing heartily into a mug of beer. She didn't recognize either of them from the night before. Laela tuned her back to the bar and leaned against it, watching the main entrance to see if any of them were going to make an appearance.

She lost patience after about thirty seconds and stomped towards the entrance and flung open the doors. The stench of body sweat and manure hit her but she walked out into the sunshine and started to accost the villagers. She turned and poked them to get their attention, staring straight at them to see nothing but unfamiliar and bewildered dirt streaked faces.

None of them were from the group the previous night. Laela had accosted every peasant in the open and she was thinking about invading homes next when she remembered what the villagers had told her the night before. Hadn't they said they had lived liked kings and queens on the stolen gold but the Leprechaun's kept finding them?