Big Bang Theory - Leonard Gets Lost

(Fictional story about fictional characters)

This is a stand-alone story.

*****

Ascending the stairs to her fourth floor apartment, Penny could hear yelling coming from 4A and just shook her head in acknowledgment: the nerds were arguing again. She smiled at the mental picture of her lovable boyfriend, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, exchanging words with his annoying, but brilliant roommate, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Since she had stopped at Costco on her way home from the Cheesecake Factory and was carrying two large grocery bags, Penny went straight to her apartment across the hall before attempting to intervene in the discussion. Quickly shedding her loathsome waitress uniform and donning a favorite pair of black leggings and a loose-fitting Hello Kitty t-shirt, she wandered over, and without knocking entered her neighbors apartment.

Even in the midst of an argument, Sheldon jerked his head toward the door and demanded, "have I taught you nothing...I didn't hear a knock."

Sarcastically, Penny replied, "I tried to knock but my neighbors were making so much noise, you probably didn't hear me."

"I hear everything," he assured her.

"It's true," Howard Wolowitz added, "he has Vulcan hearing." Howard worked with the roommates at Cal Tech and had the personality of what Penny would call a "sleazebag." Every time he looked at her it was more like a leer, and she could just sense him undressing her with his eyes. Many times she had turned around quickly when leaving the room and caught him staring at her ass. Surprisingly, her demure co-worker, Bernadette, had recently asked Penny to introduce her to Howard.

"Whatever," Penny hissed, "what is the problem over here?"

The forth nerd, Raj Koothrappali who was also a colleague at Cal Tech, explained, "you remember the paper that Leonard and Sheldon co-authored and submitted to "Scientific American?" As Penny nodded in the negative, Raj continued, "well it was published and the magazine would like them to jointly present their findings at a forum hosted by Cal Tech." Only recently had Raj come put of his shell and been able to talk to Penny without the aid of alcohol-courage.

"OK, so what's the problem," she asked again.

"Well, Sheldon here doesn't want to present it in public; and won't admit it's because of his fear of public speaking," Leonard told her.

"Not true," Sheldon interjected, "I just feel the body of work speaks for itself and there is no need to seek public adulation...especially in front of a bunch of barely literate sycophants. I think we should settle this the democratic way...with a vote...what say you Howard."

Always attempting to kiss-up to Sheldon, Howard answered, "well there never are any babes at those university gatherings, so I vote No."

"Wonderful," Sheldon remarked, "that makes two No's...what about you Raj."

"Well I think it would be a good opportunity for Leonard to advance his visibility at the university, so I vote Yes," Raj volunteered.

Smugly, Leonard challenged Sheldon, "well, that makes it two to two. Penny it looks like you have the tie-breaker."

"Wait a minute," Sheldon demanded, "she isn't even a scientist...why does she get a vote?"

"Do you see anyone else here to break the tie," Leonard asked.

"Unfortunately I see no flaw in that logic," Sheldon admitted, his shoulders drooping.

Penny had retrieved a bottle of water from the refrigerator and was barely still paying attention as they all looked at her waiting for her to cast the deciding vote. Knowing how much Sheldon hated speaking in public and if he was forced to, she knew she would have to listen to him whine for weeks, she simply said, "well if Sheldon doesn't want to speak in front of an audience, I don't think he should have to."

"A-ha," Sheldon shouted in victory, "I win."

"The reason Sheldon should have to speak in public is because if we don't present the findings jointly, then they don't want them presented at all...in other words: Sheldon wins again and Leonard loses again," Leonard yelled, catching everyone by surprise. "I may never get another opportunity like this again."

Completely caught off guard, Penny spoke, "I'm sorry...I didn't realize it meant that much to you."

"You know what," Leonard continued to yell, "I'm sick of this...you always take Sheldon's side. If there is one person in this room that should always have my back, whether I'm right or not, it's my girlfriend...I have always had yours...always." Having totally lost his composure over this last straw, Leonard stormed out of the apartment without even taking his keys out of the bowl.

For a minute, all four remaining people in the apartment just froze in place with their mouths open in astonishment. They had never seen Leonard lose his cool before. Raj finally broke the silence, "he's right you know."

"What are you talking about," Penny inquired.

"Yeah, he's right, you do always take Sheldon's side...it's freaky," Howard agreed.

"No way...you're crazy," Penny denied.

"Actually they are correct," Sheldon agreed, "although it's not surprising since I am invariably right."

Penny began to reply, and then just stood there thinking back to all the times she could remember the roommates having disagreements. "Holy crap on a cracker," she proclaimed, "I do always take your side...poor Leonard."

"He's also right that he has always had your back...more times than you know," Howard added.

"You remember Kurt don't you," Sheldon asked.

Penny began to giggle, and thought better of it: "you mean that time you two went to get my TV back from him and you came back without my TV or your pants?"

"That was only the half of it," Sheldon began, "your Neanderthal former boyfriend kept our pants which contained our wallets, and Leonard's car keys. Our phones were locked in Leonard's car. We couldn't hire a cab, take a bus, or call for help...we had to walk all the way home in our underwear."

"That gets funnier every time I hear it," Howard laughed until Penny shot him a stern look that could produce icicles.

"Yes, hilarious," Sheldon continued, "and do you remember the time you told Leonard you might have to move because you couldn't afford your rent and the reason was because Kurt had borrowed so much money from you to cover his parking tickets, and didn't pay you back."

"I remember that," Penny admitted.

"Well, what you don't know is that Leonard took it upon himself to pay Kurt another visit...which I must say took a lot of courage," Sheldon told her. "Anyway, this time Kurt laughed at him and used a Sharpie to write an I-O-U on Leonard's forehead."

"Oh my God," Penny exclaimed, "is that when he wore that ridiculous knit hat around for about a month. I made fun of him so many times. I thought it was just a nerd thing...thinking it was cool or something. God, I was such a bitch to him."

"Yes," Sheldon agreed, "but do you remember what happened about a week later. Out of the blue Kurt showed up at your apartment and repaid the money...and do you remember what you did?"

"You thought he was so sweet to remember, that you started dating him again," Howard shouted out.

"Yes, and can you imagine how that made Leonard feel," Sheldon asked.

"Holy crap...poor Leonard," Penny stated as she sank into Leonard's chair, "why didn't he say something."

"Because Leonard is one of a dying breed who still believes in chivalry," Sheldon informed her, "if one brags about one's chivalrous deed, then it ceases to be noble. I have to admit that is one of the few traits about Leonard that I admire."

"What about that time you were going to quit the Cheesecake Factory and Leonard talked you out of it," Sheldon asked, "and you were mad at him for not believing in you; even though he was just being practical."

"Yeah but you agreed with me that quitting would be the best thing if I was serious about being an actress," Penny said.

"On the contrary," Sheldon explained, "I said the best way to succeed at a person's skill was to devote one hundred per-cent of their time to it. Clearly, acting is not your skill and quitting the Cheesecake Factory would have been a huge mistake."

"What...why didn't you tell me that at the time," Penny asked, "I was so mad at Leonard."

"That was during the time you were trying to teach me empathy, and I didn't want you to think you were also a failure at that," Sheldon stated, "I know you were upset and he was in turn upset with me for causing the rift between you. He didn't speak to me for two weeks and made me take the bus to work. After the first day I couldn't do that because I only have one pair of bus-pants and, as you know, I only do my laundry once a week."

"And guess who was the lucky one he called for a ride to work every day," Raj added.

"Wow, I can't believe I've treated him so bad," Penny admitted, "why does he stay with me."

"True love...although I don't personally believe in it," Sheldon answered her rhetorical question, "I think it was invented by the greeting card industry."

Penny stood up and announced to the room, "I'll be right back...I'm going to look for Leonard." She left the apartment and went down to the street just to make sure he wasn't just pacing back and forth, unsure what to do. Before returning to 4A, she made sure to check the roof, where they had hung out on several occasions. Returning to the apartment she asked, "he didn't take his laptop or keys, right? What about his phone?"

"Check the bowl...he sometimes puts it there," Sheldon suggested.

"Yep, there it is," Penny confirmed, "he didn't take it. Isn't there some way you can trace him Sheldon? Can't you Google something?"

"Did you know that Google is just a misspelling on the word googal, which is the number one followed by one hundred zeros," Sheldon informed her, "representing the amount of information that Brin and Page expected to offer when they invented Google."

"Sheldon," Penny yelled, "concentrate...Leonard."

"Indeed...well if he had taken his keys, laptop, or phone I could have tracked him, but so far I haven't been able to slip in a subcutaneous chip," Sheldon admitted.

"You bugged his keys, phone and laptop," Penny chirped, "why would you do such a sneaky, invasion of privacy thing."

"For just such an occasion as this," Sheldon answered, "and in case of a zombie apocalypse so I can track his body."

"Don't worry," Howard assured her, "this is Leonard we're talking about. Everyone he knows is here...where could he go?"

"Yes," Raj added, "his idea of living dangerously is having regular cheese on his pizza;" referring to Leonard's lactose intolerance.

"Maybe so, but he was pretty mad," Penny commented, "I've never seen him like that."

"That's true, neither have I," Sheldon added, "and for some inexplicable reason he has been upset with me on numerous occasions."

Leonard had left the building with absolutely no idea what he was going to do or where he was going to go, but he was determined to make a statement about being taken for granted. "Why did Penny always take Sheldon's side," he asked himself, "is it just because it is the easy thing to do? I love her with all my heart, but it's time she supported me the way I do her." Knowing that he didn't have his car or phone, the first thing the logical Leonard did was stop at an ATM and make a large cash withdrawal. He was pretty sure Sheldon hadn't put a tracking device in his wallet, because he checked for one periodically. He knew about all the others and had subconsciously left them in the apartment. He assumed Sheldon could access his bank account information, but it wouldn't really provide him with any pertinent intell. Luckily the City of Pasadena and the State of California have excellent public transportation systems, so he wasn't concerned about getting around.

His next stop was at a Costco store where he purchased what the detectives on CSI called a "throwaway phone...a burner," a toothbrush and paste and some mouthwash. Since it was Sunday, Leonard had already decided to call out sick the next day. He just didn't want to see Sheldon right now. It was a delightful California day and Leonard was suddenly struck with an exciting idea: he was going to Legoland. It was only about a two hour trip to Carlsbad and the bus route went right to Legoland. Leonard smiled as he strode confidently to the bus station.

Arriving at one of his favorite destinations, he had another brilliant idea: he would stay the night in the Legoland Hotel; something he had always wanted to do. The desk clerk informed him it was permissible to pay in cash, but he would have to leave a credit card on file in case there was damage to the room, or he used the mini-fridge. He assured Leonard that he would not "run" the credit card through the system unless necessary, but regarded him cautiously when Leonard told him he was trying to keep his roommate from tracking him. Since it was late in the day, Leonard decided to just relax at the hotel...it was soooo cool. He thought Penny would have probably scolded him for using the word cool improperly.

After a couple of hours had passed and Leonard had not returned, she turned to Sheldon and said, "let's go look for him...this just isn't like him." As she grabbed his keys from the bowl, she added, "we'll take his car, maybe he'll see it and at least wonder why it's not parked at home."

"I think I should stay here in case he calls," Sheldon casually answered, not wanting to move from his spot. "He's a big boy you know...he has only been gone a short while."

"Sheldon," she stated sternly, "you're coming with me...this is your fault too. I can't believe you're not the least bit worried about him."

"I can't help it if I'm imperturbable," he explained.

"What," an annoyed Penny asked .

"Imperturbable...not easily worried," he explained.

"Cold and uncaring would be a better description," Penny remarked, "now get your bony ass in the car before I go all Nebraska on you. You two can stay here until we get back in case Leonard calls."

As they cruised the streets near the apartment building, Sheldon began to yell out the car window: "here Leonard...here Leonard."

Penny jerked her head towards him and demanded, "knock it off...he's not a lost dog you know."

"If he was a lost dog he would have a chip under his skin and I could track him," Sheldon mumbled.

"What did you say," she tensely asked.

"Nothing," Sheldon replied, "you're the one who made me come you know."

"Just be quiet and be on the look-out. Let's see if your Vulcan eyesight is as good as your Vulcan hearing," Penny stated. After a couple hours they gave up and went back to their building. Trudging up the stairs, Penny told Sheldon, "I have an early shift tomorrow but be sure to call me if you hear from him...immediately."

"Yes, yes," Sheldon acknowledged obviously annoyed, "I just don't see what the big deal is...except that I may not have a ride to work tomorrow."

"Unbelievable," Penny snorted as she opened the door to 4B, hopeful to find her boyfriend sitting on her sofa.

Leonard spent all of Monday morning at the "minis" in Legoland, especially the Star Wars displays. He sat yoga-style for hours staring and imagining he was there in the war for Hoth and diving into the channels of the Death Star on his X-wing fighter. He lost all track of time and the rest of the world ceased to exist. It didn't even bother him that he was wearing the same clothes as the day before...he had a nice hot shower using the complimentary soap and shampoo and it wasn't like he was known to perspire profusely. He didn't go on many of the rides; it just wasn't the same alone, but the day slipped by quickly.

At the Cheesecake Factory Penny was commiserating with fellow waitress Bernadette about her relationship with Leonard; "I just never realized how bitchy I was being...the truth is I really do love Leonard. What should I do to treat him better?"

"Well, you could start by taking more of an interest in his work," Bernadette told her.

"See, that's a problem," Penny admitted, "because I'm not really clear on what he does."

"He's a theoretical physicist," Bernadette reminded her.

Penny answered, "yeah, I'm not really sure what that is...there must be some other way."

"Well, you could do more things that he likes to do," Bernadette suggested.

"Yeah, I'm not real crazy about some of his interests," Penny confessed.

"You know Leonard does a lot of things he doesn't enjoy, just to make you happy," Bernie reminded her.

"Yeah I know, but he's my boyfriend so isn't that his job," Penny asked.

"So then what's your job as his girlfriend," Bernadette responded, trying to make Penny see the logic.

"To let him do things that make me happy," Penny selfishly suggested.

"And there's the problem," Bernadette told her before rushing off to take a customer's order.

When Penny returned to her building after her shift, she encountered Sheldon retrieving his mail from the wall of boxes in the lobby. "Please tell me you've heard from Leonard," she pleaded.

"No, nothing," Sheldon answered, "I just had to endure a ride home with Koothrappali and all he did was drone on and on about his trivial problems...waa, waa, waa. Leonard just drives and listens to me...I miss Leonard."

"Me too," she admitted, "after I change I'm going to walk around the neighborhood and show his picture...maybe someone had seen him."

Before she could ask him to join her, Sheldon interrupted and said, "sounds like a lot of work...but if you think it's necessary. See you in the morning."

Dressing to go out and search, Penny put on her favorite black leggings and an over-sized Nebraska Cornhuskers t-shirt that was so loose-fitting it kept slipping down off her shoulder. Usually she wore it as a night-shirt, but she had worn her tight uniform all day and just wanted to feel relaxed. As she walked around her neighborhood, she showed anyone who would listen, a picture of Leonard on her phone. After Giacomo's, she stopped in the nearest Best Buy and the associate there readily recognized Leonard; but hadn't seen him in a week. Wandering further from home, Penny started to walk past a seedy looking bar with several Harleys parked at the curb. As she passed, a large unshaven biker dressed in denim and a leather vest reading "Warthogs," stumbled drunkenly out the door and nearly knocked her over. "Hey buddy, watch where you're...oh hey pretty lady," he slurred as he eyed Penny from bottom to top.

She recognized that look as being the same she often received from Howard. He wasn't much taller than Penny, but was quite stocky with thick arms and leather bracelets. She could see that he had one of those wallets that was actually attached to a chain leading from his belt. Many young women her age would have been immediately intimidated by his appearance, but coming from a small farming town in Nebraska, she had mingled with many of his type at hole-in-the-wall local bars. Figuring that he probably frequented the same bar every day, she fished her phone out of her tight leggings waistband and showed him Leonard's photo. She could almost hear the gears whirring in his head as he contemplated the picture and rubbed his beard. "Yeah, I think I have seen that dude," he slyly told her, "come on inside and show it to some of the others. I'll buy you a drink...you look like you could use one...I'm Al, by the way."

"Penny," she introduced herself, "you know, I really could go for a beer," Penny answered, suddenly realizing she had been out walking for a couple of hours and had a serious case of dry-mouth. As they stepped inside the bar, she thought her assessment of it as being sleazy was totally correct, right down to the not-so-faint stench of urine. There were five other male patrons in the bar plus the bartender and they all had the look of stereotyped rough bikers: all wearing denim or leather pants and vests or jackets with no sleeves.