Big Bang Theory Season 03 Ep. 04-09

Sheldon went bananas, screaming at the top of his lungs, "WHEATON!" He was beaten because he was so trusting and even though he was a genius, he lacked people skills.

In Leonard's car, Howard was in the back seat, they were driving to Penny's friend's apartment to pick her up, it was Bernadette Rostenkowski. Howard was excited and couldn't stop talking, "So tell me more about the future mother of my children."

Penny was annoyed already, "She's adorable, Howard. I think you'll like her."

"Great, what did you tell her about me? Did you mention my low body fat?"

"No, I thought that'd be a nice surprise for her. I told her you're an aerospace engineer, you speak five languages and I told her you have an unhealthy attachment to your mother."

They picked her up and in the backseat Howard tried to make small talk, "So Penny tells me you're working as a waitress to put yourself through grad school, that's great. What are you studying?"

"Microbiology!"

He tried to be funny, "Oh, cool, so you could study me."

She looked confused, "I don't understand."

"Microbiology is a study of tiny living things."

She was still confused, "I know, I'm studying it."

"Yeah, and I said you could study me because I'm a tiny living thing. It's a joke."

"Are you sure?"

"Do you like science fiction?"

"No!"

"Role-playing games?"

"Like in the bedroom, or like Dungeons and Dragons?"

"Well, either."

She shook her head, "No!"

Leonard and Penny were amused how badly it was going and Leonard looked to Penny, "It's going to be a long night!"

She looked to him, "Yeah, well, it's your fault."

"I had to ask, you didn't have to say yes."

It continued at the restaurant. Howard pressed on, "How about computers, do you like computers?"

"I use them, I don't like them."

"Okay, puppies, where do you stand on puppies?"

"A puppy one bit my face."

Leonard refilled Penny's wine glass, "How about that? Einstein was wrong."

Penny looked confused, "What?"

"Approaching the speed of light doesn't slow down time, approaching those two does though."

All of a sudden Howard's cell when off, "Excuse me, damn, it's my mother."

"Are you going to answer it?"

"I'm torn; she might be dying and you know, I wouldn't want to miss that. On the other hand, if I let it go to voicemail I could play it over and over." He put his cell back in his coat pocket."

Bernadette smiled, "I know how you feel, my mother makes me crazy too."

He chuckled, "Yeah, not as crazy as my mother makes me."

"Oh yeah? Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you've had a healthy lunch?"

"My mother calls me at work to see if I had a healthy bowel-movement."

Penny and Leonard stopped eating; the conversation was spoiling their meal.

Bernadette replied to that, "Okay, does she lay out your clothes for you in the morning like you're 9 years old?"

He looked to her, "You live with your mother?"

She scoffed, "No, that's the sad part."

He tried to one up her, "Rough, okay check this out. My mother made me wear rubber gloves to kindergarten so I wouldn't pick up a disease from the other children."

She smiled at him, "That's nothing, I couldn't ride a bicycle, because my mother was afraid I'd hit a bump and lose my virginity."

"Oh wow, you didn't, did you?"

She shook her head, "No, not on a bicycle, in a Camry."

Howard laughed and replied, "I lost my in a Corolla, More wine?"

"I'd love some."

"Listen, you have to come to Shabbat dinner at my house sometime."

"Why?"

"A Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that; might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for."

She giggled, "Okay, but only if you come to Sunday dinner at my house wearing a yarmulke."

He chuckled, "It's a date!" They toasted glasses and drank up.

Penny turned to Leonard, "Am I a matchmaker or what?"

The date ended with Bernadette and Howard making out in the backseat of Leonard's car. Things ended abruptly when Leonard stopped at Bernadette's apartment and Howard took her to her door. They made a date for the following week and more was to develop.

The next day being Saturday, the four nerds were on their way to the park for kite battles. It was Leonard and Sheldon, against Raj and Howard. On the way downstairs they encountered Penny coming up from the local party store. She had all the fixings for the weekly Nebraska football game. Her friends were coming later to watch at her place.

Leonard thought she was embarrassed to introduce him to her friend, but she disagreed and invited him to the game next week.

"There's another game next week?" She scoffed, "They have them every week."

He was shocked, "Did not know that." He later was in the apartment watching football trying to figure out all of the technical terms to football. Sheldon knew them all, his father made him watch football and he ended up teaching Leonard.

The next game day arrived and Leonard joined Penny and her friends. Some of the guys brought their girlfriends or wives. She tried to get him to talk to them and not her football loving guy friends, it was useless and when he found out it was only halftime, he gave up and left to join Sheldon at the park, flying kites.

Penny turned to her friends, "He doesn't know much about football, but he's really smart. Okay guys, its halftime Sammy, go lock the door and let's have some good old Nebraska halftime fun."

Penny had her hair in pigtails and she looked amazing. She was wearing a tiny, ribbed Nebraska tank top and tight jeans. She was the only blonde woman in the group. The other women were mostly brunettes or raven haired. Some were in tiny shorts, others in sweats and Nebraska garb. The eight guys were in casual wear, some in sweatshirts, others were in t-shorts or plaid shirts. It really didn't matter; clothes were coming off faster than a ninety-nine yard kickoff return.

The four women behind the kitchen island were already coming around to the guys huddled around the TV. One in a tiny black knit dress straddled one of the guys and reaching down, crossed her arms and whipped the tiny dress off. She was a petite brunette with two perfect handfuls for breasts. Leaning in, she fed them to the guy she was sitting on. His cock was sliding into her and she rode him hard.

Two of the guys got up from their folding chair and went over to the girls in the kitchen. They both knelt before the two taller girls. Skimming off their jeans, they buried their faces in their pussies.

Both girls tore off their t-shirts and turning to one another began kissing each other and playing with each other's tits.

The two guys on the sofa motioned for the other two girls to come over and standing before them, they stripped and knelt down and began giving both guys a very wet and hot blowjob.

Penny watched as the three guys left, converged on her and the long haired brunette. The brunette couldn't have been over eighteen, later Penny found out she was a freshman who was just turning nineteen. She had a loose fitted pullover with a micro-mini dark blue skirt on. Her legs went on forever and Penny was eyeing her ever since she came in. Her boyfriend was on the sofa getting his cock sucked and she didn't look happy.

Penny moved over to her and taking her hand guided her towards the open bedroom door. As she entered she turned to the three guys and whispered out, "Come-on boys, halftime is nearly half over and I don't want to miss out on the kickoff."

She turned back to the long haired brunette, she found out later her name was Piper and fisting her long, silky hair, she tightened her grip and planted a hot kiss on her lips.

Piper returned the kiss and more so, she whipped off Penny's ribbed tank-top and began feasting on her fat, swollen nipples. The three guys, all naked surrounded Penny and Piper and soon had Piper down to her tiny skirt. Penny lost her tight jeans and now naked, crawled up onto the bed. She motioned for one of the guys to climb aboard and as he settled down between her thighs, she pulled him upwards and folded his stiff, average cock between her twin mounds of flesh. He caught on immediately and began tit-fucking Penny. Arching her neck, she captured his cock as it slid upward, covering it in more spit to lubricate her tits. Penny let out a grunt and bucked around.

Piper had climbed up onto the bed and buried her head between Penny's outstretched legs. She immediately began munching on Penny's dripping snatch.

Piper let out a grunt when one of the other guys slid behind her and filled her tight, teenage cunt with his cock.

The third guy came up alongside Penny and she saw him stroking his cock. She wet her hand and did the job for him and before she knew it, he was beside her, shoving his cock down her throat. He wasn't very large either and managed to get him totally into her mouth.

Halftime began winding down and out in the living room, sounds of orgasms rained through the room, both guys and girls were cumming and there was a line to use the bathroom to clean up afterwards.

In the bedroom, Penny started cumming from Piper's expert licking; she didn't know it was her mouth until the guy fucking her tits, exploded all over her tits, neck and face. When he climbed off she nearly came again, seeing it was a female and not one of her guy pals. It was her first orgasm from a woman and she hoped for more and even longer ones in the future.

Piper was cumming loudly from the guy pounding into her from behind and when he filled her pussy, she sank her face once again in Penny's snatch and brought her to yet another, even stronger orgasm. Knowing it was from a woman made it hotter and stronger.

The last guy, who was fucking Penny's face, lost it when he saw Piper eating Penny. He pulled his cock from her swollen lips and drenched her face in his cum.

Penny lay there as one by one, they got off the bed, cleaned up and headed back to the living room. She was the last to get up, two orgasms, none from a cock disturbed her. She knew she'd have to get a hold of Leonard later and rectify that. Coming out of the bathroom, she found everyone fully clothed, screaming as Nebraska scored another touchdown. She downed a cold beer and looked around the room, no signs that a halftime orgy even took place. She flopped down on the sofa and took another swig of beer, still tasting the cum one of the guys blasted into her mouth.

The following week, Penny finally recovered from the wild orgy at her place during the last Nebraska football game, was as Leonard's place. The two of them and Sheldon were playing a board game Sheldon had invented.

Penny and Leonard were bored and as always, Sheldon wasn't picking up on this. When he told them they were playing it again with Howard and Raj this coming week-end, Leonard made up an excuse saying he was going with Penny.

Penny picked up on this and told them she was going to the airport to pick-up an old friend, who was a musician and who was staying at her place while looking for gigs in LA.

An argument ensued where Leonard wasn't happy about an old boyfriend, who she had slept with would be staying at her place. Over the next several days, they fought back and forth and after they settled all of their issues, the musician stayed in Leonard's apartment, sleeping on his couch.

The following week-end, Leonard, Howard and Raj camped out to record an upcoming meteor shower. After setting up camp, Howard went exploring and came upon a group of fifty year old female, middle school teachers. They were in a VW mini-van and dressed in tie-dyed t-shirts. They gave Howard a baggy of brownies and he took them back to Raj and Leonard.

They didn't put two and two together and ate them. They found them tasty and finished them off; unaware they were laced with marijuana. Later, before the meteor shower began, they were stoned out of their minds and got the munchies. Tearing the entire campsite apart looking for food, Howard came upon a brisket and roasted potatoes and carrots his mother packed away for them. The three of them tore into the food and ate it up with their bare hands.

As they lay there looking up into the sky, bellies final full, they pondered life and Leonard exclaimed, "I think we're missing something!" Unbeknownst to them, the meteor shower was in full bloom directly above them, still too stoned to notice.

While all of this was happening, Sheldon was basking in the solitude of an empty apartment. He was savoring being alone for the week-end. He was on the phone ordering Chinese take-out when he heard cries from Penny's apartment.

"Sheldon, help!"

He ran to her apartment and knocking three times bellowed out, "Penny, Penny, Penny!"

She yelled out through the doors, "Come in! Hurry!"

He entered the apartment and yelled out, "Penny?"

She was in the bathroom and yelled out, "I'm back here!"

He moved to the bedroom door and again knocked three times, "Penny, Penny, Penny!"

She yelled out again, "Oh, for God's sakes, I'm in the bathroom."

"Shall I come back at a better time?"

She yelled even louder, "Get in here! Hurry!

Opening the bedroom door, he moved over to the bathroom door and was about to do his patented three knock ritual, but Penny yelled out, "Don't you dare knock!"

Hurrying into the bathroom, he stopped and stared at a near naked Penny. She was on the floor of the tub, with a towel draped across her wet body. "Hello!"

"I slipped in the shower. I think I dislocated my shoulder."

He leaned over and looked to the floor of the bathtub, "Not surprising, you have no safety mat or adhesive stickers to allow for purchase on a surface with a low coefficient of static friction."

She stared up at him, "What?"

He looked her up and down, "Tubs are slippery."

"I know, I slipped."

"I have a series of whimsical duck stickers on the bottom of my tub."

She shook her head, "Whatever, will you just turn off the water and help me up?"

He helped her out and she stood there moaning, "Oh, my God, I gotta go to the emergency room."

"Assuming you're correct that your right humerus is no longer seated in the glenoid socket, I would think so."

"Okay, can you drive me?

"I don't drive!"

"Well, I can't drive!"

"Well, it seems we're reached an impasse. I could call you a cab or an ambulance."

"No, no, no, I can't wait that long. You gotta help me, please?"

Sheldon took a deep breath, "All right, let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress."

"No one's saying that, let's go." She walked past him into the bedroom. In only a towel that was dripping wet, her hair pinned up for her shower, she sat upon the bed waiting for Sheldon to come in.

He stepped in, "It does deem rather ironic that for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks, we both might die in a fiery car crash." He opened her dresser drawer, "I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. Which panties do you were on Fridays?"

"I don't need panties. I just need shorts and a shirt."

"My mother always told me, one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident."

She groaned out, "One was already in an accident."

"Doesn't mean one won't be in another, especially if I'm driving."

She bellowed out, "Clothes, Sheldon, I need clothes."

"Okay!" He reached in and pulled out a shirt and shorts, "Here!"

She looked at them, "Seriously? Those shorts with that top?"

He turned and put them back, "All right!" He pulled out two more combinations and she said no to both of them. On the fourth try he pulled out a new top and she looked at it, "Oh, that's cute!" She settled on a tiny pair of pink shorts and a blue top with tiny flowers of it, no bra or panties.

He shook his head, "We should have you checked for a concussion." He dropped them to the bed beside her and waited.

"Okay Sheldon, now you gotta help me put these on."

He was a little shy, "All right!"

"But don't look."

He stopped and stared at her, "Don't look?"

"I don't want you to see me naked."

"Oh, well, that's understandable. You may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking is well established in heroic mythology." He had his eyes closed as Penny struggled to get the top over her head. He continued, "Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa, Orpheus and Eurydice. He had his hands on her head.

She cut him off, "Great."

He's still talking, "They always look, it never ends well."

"Okay, you gotta help me get my arm into my sleeve.

With his eyes still closed he replies, "Okay!" He struggles with the top and reaches for her arm.

Penny's eyes pop open, "Is that my arm?"

He squeezed her large tit, "It sure doesn't feel like an arm."

Penny loved how his hand cradles her firm tit and if she wasn't in such pain, she may have thrown Sheldon to her bed right then and there, "Then maybe you should let it gooooo!"

All of a sudden he drops both hands and steps back, "Alrighty!"

Penny struggles with the rest of her clothes and they head out to her car for the short drive to the hospital. After the drive to the hospital, they sit and wait for their turn to be taken care of. While waiting, Sheldon annoys her with useless questions on the admitting form.

Once taken in, they shoot her full of pain-numbing medication and put the shoulder back in the socket. She put her arm in a sling and give her strong medication to ease the pain over the next several days.

Upon returning to the apartment, Sheldon helps her into her place. "Now remember, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so don't operate heavy machinery. Try not to choke on your own drool."

He turns to leave and she stops him, "Wait, you have to help me get into bed." She started to laugh and chuckle, putting her free hand to her mouth, she giggles out, "Sheldon has to get me into bed! Bet you never thought I'd say that, ha-ha-ha!"

He smiled at her, "Yes! The charm of your drug-addled candor knows no bounds."

They entered her bedroom and stopped and turned, "You know, people think you're this weird robot man, who's so annoying all the time, and you totally are. But then it's like that movie Wall-E at the end. You're so full of love and you can save the plant and get fat people out of the floaty chairs."

He starts to tuck her in, "That's a fairly labored metaphor, but I appreciate the sentiment behind it."

She stops him, "I can't go to sleep in my clothes Sheldon, you have to help me out of my clothes." She giggled again, "Oh my god, Sheldon has to get my clothes off!" She tosses off the covers and leans into him and pouts, Please Sheldon, I can't sleep like this."

He reaches out with his eyes closed and again touches her breast.

She giggles, "You better open your eyes, remember what happened last time you tried helping me with my clothes without looking."

He opened his eyes and slowly took her arm out of the sling. He slipped her good arm out of the top and sliding it around, gently slipped it off her injured shoulder and down her arm. When he reached for the sling to put her arm back in it, he grazed her tit. He licked his lips staring at her luscious tits; her nipples had stiffened from the cool air of the bedroom. He slid the arm into the sling and was about to step back when Penny grabbed his arm with her good hand and pressed it to bountiful tits and held it there. "Don't leave Sheldon, with Leonard gone and the way I'm hurting, I need cuddling and human contact."

He stared at her, "And you think I'm the one to give it to you? You're loopier then I thought you were." He tried to pull away, but she grabbed his arm again.

Penny pouted and cried out, "Please Sheldon, please, please, please, please, please!" She patted the mattress beside her, "Come on Sheldon, crawl up beside me and cuddle." He stiffened and was about to do as she asked, but she continued, "My arm and shoulder really hurt and you still haven't removed all of my clothes." She giggled again and put her hand up to her mouth, "Oh my God, can you believe I just said that... Sheldon has to get me out of my pants!"